• Member Since 27th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Jay David


Just a guy from Britain who loves MLP.

Sequels1

E

This story is a sequel to Guy Talk


“Okay, this was a bad idea. This was a really, really bad idea! Why did I let Gallus talk me into this? Okay, Sandbar, pull yourself together. She’s right there. Just...just go over and talk to her. Who knows? Maybe things will go well? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it won’t!”

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 45 )

#GetSandbarAGirlfiend

Matchmaker, matchmaker
Make me a match...

Oh my God, that was just...ggrrrrr. If this story was an inanimate object I'd just wanna snuggle with it. So damn cute :twilightsmile:

Keep up the good work my good man :pinkiehappy:

Foxhelm #4 · April 7th · · 1 ·

Silver and Gallus belong together, Smolder should hold off for Spike, IMHO.
But good on Sandbar

Dan
Dan #5 · April 7th · · ·

8848062
Byakhee, Byakhee
Fly me through space...

Honestly, this is the best ship between the six. Would've been my first choice, too.

Spike and Smoulder

8848076

8848520
that way feels like the set up of a triangle - Spike, Ember and Smolder.

Then again, it feels like a twisted web if you're one of the people that believes in the Ember/Thorax ship as well. Spike, Smolder, Ember and Thorax = super drama. (And let's not even get started on Rarity the so-called 'Fashionista Drama Queen'. The drama meter would blow up. lol)

*reads the comments so far* poor Yona... no one ships with her. ...a crazy idea involves friendly-but-oh-so-oblivious Button Mash and Sweetie Bell drama. lol

Aye, ship this!

I can ship it.

the earth pony colt and the changeling filly? yeah, id ship it...not smolder and gallus though, put those two together alone for too long and u wont have to wonder if its mating or murder...it would just be the latter...

8848644
I don't think that Ember has any romantic feelings for Thorax, nor does Spike have similar feelings for Thorax.

8848062
Find me a find,
Catch me a catch.

... OMC, I just got a mental image of Silverstream as Yente. I nearly spat out my oatmeal.

This was adorable as hell. :raritystarry:

Ah, you see, I ship Sandbar with Gallus. But putting that aside, it was still cute

SandCellus
I'm going with that for the ship name.

Ahoy, Mate! Is this ship ready to sail?

Aye aye, Captain!

Then let us set out and join the armada already afloat in DragonGeek's fair waters! Cast off the anchor and let us be off!

Well, I ship it.

Did I ever tell you of a possible shipping before?

"Oh, I was...erm...just...going...thatway?"

Everybody in trouble ever.

Claim your male!

Oh how I wish someone would.

"Say, Smolder? How do you feel about Gallu-OMPH!"

She was kept from saying anything further by a claw to her lips from that same dragon.

"Yeah...I thinkonematch-up is enough for today, don't you, Silver?

Oh yeah, she's definitely into him.

Sandbar X Ocellus is good ship. Hope we see more of it in the future.

Yona x Smolder and Gallus x SilverStream would be fun as well.

8848644
considering the whole 'power'-theme the dragons has, I doubt Ember got much feelings for Spike other than friendship/little brother.

Considering she is like x2 his size

I ship Spike/Smolder to the max. :moustache:

YES SANDCELLUS FTW!!!! I love this so much!!

You write the students very well. They’re all wonderfully in character!

Nice read!! Very cute!

Yak is adorable! Yona need love too!

Aww, that was cute. You should keep writing stories with these kids. It's actually getting a bit more excited about the season.

"Sandy...you really need to work on your excuses. Even Professor Applejack can lie better than that!"

Ouch, that's a very low standard. :rainbowlaugh: :ajsleepy:

Somewhere, out in the Crystal Empire, Cadance is aware of this...and smiling.

Cute story, I like it.

Just don't forget one very important thing. Changelings are emotivores , they not only eat emotions, but can feel the emotions of those around them. So if your looking at some ponys ass, the changeling near by can feel that spike of lust. Or if your trying to scam someone, the changeling near by can feel the malice or nervousness you exude. This is an important part of any changeling character.

The Monk

Regidar #31 · April 14th · · 10 ·

Why don't you use punctuation correctly
it makes you look like a fucking idiot who couldn't care less
for example, i cannot think of a single short description of yours that utilizes a period at the end of its final sentence
this, sadly, is a trend that continues throughout your work in general

you are so lazy it's offensive. you push out work like a fucking automaton, and somehow people are just content to flock to it like swarms of flies to a fat shit laying on the sidewalk despite the fact that it's all cookie cutter bland trite dreck that isn't stimulating, engaging, or worthwhile in any way shape or form

you are an insult to people who give a fuck about their work.

8865067

This is your idea of friendship and magic?

8865067
Here we have a good example of the difference between constructive criticism and hate mail. Constructive criticism is polite about pointing out the flaws. Hate mail isn't.

8865067
Harsh, but not inaccurate. :pinkiehappy:

8866909

I blame insult-comedy reviewers like the Nostalgia Critic, myself. Regidar probably thought he was being absolutely hilarious.

8865067

for example, i cannot think of a single short description of yours that utilizes a period at the end of its final sentence

Which is usually also the first sentence. In other words, the only one. On a side note, I wonder if lack of punctuation in this comment is intentional.

But alas, time to see what is it in this story that caused such a reaction. Well, having experienced some of Jay's previous stories, I knew what I was getting into, but nevertheless, I read it all and now I understand where those 2k+ followers come from.

It's kinda like searching for loopholes in a computer programs to exploit them, except the program are the readers. Generally, people like stuff they already know, right? Thus, we have here a story so old that the cavemen probably thought it was cliche: a shy guy who just can't ask the girl out. It's just about this and nothing more, no personal spin on it from the author (why bother if the formula works perfectly) and the only quirks coming from the characters used. Which are all new characters because hype and because once a popular new character appears, everyone on fimfic wants to write a fic about them and everyone on derpibooru draws them fu– umm, draws the first fanart of them. I know, I'm guilty of both of those, shipping Maud Pie with Vinyl Scratch right after Maud's debut, because popular new character and popular character people know. It worked. Sue me.

Anyway, we have here a bland, generic, and utterly forgettable story which only attracting trait being its cuteness because there's no denying that Ocellus is cute and cuteness, just like sex, sells on fimfic faster than weed in my high school (and here I'm guilty again because a generic cute fic I threw together in an hour is still my most popular one and my standards had to suck it up).

Of course, people who can see through this (and perceive themselves as having somewhat higher standards) are mad about because it's popular (and they often forget that most of fimfic's audience consists of Anons with 0 stories and up to 10 followers who don't give a fiddler's fart about their opinions. Hell, we have the same situation with movies or pretty much anything).

So yeah. It's cliche, bland, and generic. Let's add the author's infamous writing output, bordering on mass production (I've seen comparisons to a certain other prolific author being made on forums; well, the difference is that the other guy doesn't have 2k followers but on the other hand his fics are definitely less forgettable in the same way a nuke falling on your head is not forgettable) and the fact that stories are usually about 1k words long, not taking a lot of time to read, and we realise it's not quite a story, but rather something between a sociological experiment and a hamburger. And not even a very tasty one, with lack of prereaders resulting in a lot of technical issues, like a pretty awkward construction of paragraphs – which I pointed out about a hundred fics ago and since I've seen a lot of people pointing this out, but I doubt anyone's listening because hey, the formula works so why bother.

8867421
Yeah, I agree. There is a crucial difference between these two situations that makes the difference between hilarious and hurtful: the Nostalgia Critic has no idea if his comments will ever reach the creators. Here, the creators are informed of comments on their story, so it's safe to assume they will see it. Heck, I'd go so far as to say the creators sometimes pay more attention to the comments on their story than anyone else.

8868737
I wish weed was the biggest problem at my old high school. They have kids overdosing on fentanyl in the bathrooms at least a couple times a month. In my day, about all we did was put vodka into our Mountain Dew bottles we were allowed to have in shop class.

Nice story. Personally though, I ship Sandbar with Silverstream and maybe Gallus with Smoulder.

"We...um...we should probably get going."

I kind of waited for Gallus and Silverstream to take their friends out of there as if they couldn't moove anymore (brain exe stopped working) or something like that.

I get the feeling Gallus doesn't want to do it himself for some reason and is making Sandbar act first on any possible feelings he could have or already has. I just suddenly got the feeling as if Gallus wanted to see the reaction of their friends at first or something like that.


8868737
I admit I'm not sure if I understood everything right, but I think I can agree with it.

8867421
I can honestly imagine him typing up that comment, tripping over himself with non-stop laughing at the "witty comedy" he's putting out.

Sandbar opened his mouth to respond, only to be halted by Silverstream, who placed her claw to his lips.

Ouch. Stupid hippogriff. You gone cut his lips off.

Can't Changelings sense emotion? Wouldn't she KNOW exactly how he feels? :rainbowhuh:

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