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On the Sliding Scale Of Idealism Vs. Cynicism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon page.)

Comments ( 67 )

Well that makes me wonder if we will be getting an alicorn crystal pony in the future? Great story and hopefully this new family will have many foals!

Georg #2 · Mar 25th, 2018 · · 1 ·

Romance is where you find it. And in the library, it's between Roister (rosta, a bawl, a riot) and Roof (where weathervanes may be found, see Technique, Weathervane).

That was not at all what I was expecting. And it was good.

Also... Not sure about the implication, but are Spike and Twilight dating?




Re: the spoiler text.

Oh @#$$ no. They were just heading to (and back from) the post office together.

"They're a little touchy," Twilight observed.

"They have the right to be," Spike decided. "You remember what it was like, the first few times it was you and me out with Mom and Dad."

This is the part I was referring to. It sounds very... suggestive of a certain type of relationship. Double dating.

Edit: Oh. I guess given some of the implied context above that section, it does make more sense. Er... Nevermind. Temporal context sometimes slips by me.


Ah. No. When I write them, regardless of whether it's my main 'verse or not, it's under the idea that Spike was formally adopted by Twilight's parents: he's legally her younger brother (and incidentally, has full Equestrian citizenship). So when the whole family goes out together, it can get some stares.

Gotcha. I admit to not having read too many of your stories. I'll probably be picking through your library in the nearish future.

Haha! Imagine how they'd react if somepony tried to ask them how they got a crystal. The best part being I bet they don't even know themselves the real truth. Barnum was knocked out and Bayleaf otherwise occupied.

A real riot. Tasteful sex comedy. :rainbowlaugh: 👌

*engages sarcasm mode*
Ohhh my, how naughtyyyyy!!! A story about secks!
If only the author had asked us first, the horrorrrrr!!!!

Seriously though, this story appeared sooner than I expected.
And the summary had me laugh already - a mixed trifector, oh dear.
Glad to see another story from you :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

"And that's how Equestria was made!"

I know you were reticent, but I'm very glad you decided to write this. It was a brutal crash of clown cars happening in that slow-motion "OMG I can't believe I'm seeing this" time-dilation way that's impossible to escape. It was also sweet and hilarious—so many great lines.

I fully support you writing more mature stories. This was a lot of fun.

Now I’m wondering if the Crystal pony gene lay dormant for the millennium it was gone.

And would hitting him with a brass lamp stand have resulted in a metallic coat?

(Canon pony genetics probably works exactly like that...)

This story was cute, especially the result. Do you think it was the vase or the mutual orgasm? Or does it take both?

Also, I liked the comments about how they're good parents, I suppose this isn't marked as part of the Continuum, but it makes a nice contrast of good parents vs. the Doctor.

Well, now we know another proper story.

That is, hitting your stallion with something from the Crystal Empire at the moment of passion produces a....

this was gold.

Can someone explain the ending implication to me? I'm afraid I don't get it.

Twilight’s parents had a bookshelf fall on them as they were having sex, around the time of her conception. As the crystal vase caused their foal to be a crystal pony, the bookshelf caused Twilight to become a librarian.

Somehow, not the strangest thing I’ve read.

So that's why Twilight's so... bookish!

You should doubt yourself and your audience less, this is very nice and is well worth the tag tax.

It took me a bit longer than it should have to realize what has actually happened eleven and a half moons later, though…

I had no clue what's going on, but that may because I'm tripping on a pretty bad feaver right now.

This is beautiful.

glad to see you went ahead with it :)

"The vase was eventually put on the nightstand, and Barnum personally placed some of their wedding flowers inside it. High-calorie ones, which would be good for replacing energy later."
Huh. Well, makes sense as a tradition (if that's what it is). :D

"I guess they didn't just talk about it"
"I guess they just didn't talk about it"?

"because some plans are best worked on under Sun. After all, the world has an easier time recoiling in horror at something it can see."

"You just got here last year, Barnum. I was born in Ponyville. There's a lot of things she knows, and this isn't one"
...Hm. That's interesting. Wonder what it means?
and a bit later: Ah. :D
...Question is, what exactly was she doing with that week?
And I'm a bit surprised that we've not, as far as I recall (and in what I've read so far of your work) encountered this before, though this is a non-Continuum story; this could just be a difference between Continuum Twilight and this story's Twilight.

"I didn't even know the Empire was allowing Equestrians to adopt!"
My. :D

"Sometime it's a debt which doesn't"
"Sometimes it's a debt which doesn't"?

""Mom and Dad. Can you believe that? Them of all ponies?"

"For what?""
Is this going...?
Oh, okay. So just Twilight being conceived under a bookcase.
I thought there was going to be a second twist that Spike was just as adopted as the crystal foal. :D

There's a lot of good stuff there! Also one of the few stories I've actually downvoted on here (though a lot of people, as I recall, didn't have problems with that one), but Estee's work is worth a look.

"You should doubt yourself and your audience less, this is very nice and is well worth the tag tax."

Well, your first M-rated story topped the feature box. Once again your dastardly plan to make yourself hated and reviled has backfired :derpytongue2:

Lovely detail with the wedding flowers.

And when that dam still didn't move,

Heh. Wordplay.

"'Twilight,'" his spouse quoted, with her voice just a little faster and higher in pitch, "'could you please help me with a huge blowjob?'"


"The library was closed for a week."

I have the sense that was far from the only time something like that happened between Pinkie and Twilight.

...like a new sexual position which looked completely intriguing on the page and, unknown to them, would actually require all participants to be double-jointed or, if at all possible, bipedal.

Hmm. Creative if anatomically unversed minotaurs, ponies with more imagination than sense, or Lyra under a pen name? ("They call this one 'the Benchwarmer...'")

...proudly pulling our carriage along...

I know pushing is an issue with ponies, but if pulling a shopping cart is an issue, the idea of dragging your kids along sight unseen...
It's Ponyville. The odds of there being anyone who might try something are infinitesimal. But I can't help but think of what could happen.

And possibly the ball gag. Sun bless Golden Harvest.

:applejackconfused: Huh. Well then. Given Bayleaf, I can't help but imagine that the request to borrow the gag is going to happen in broad daylight. Possibly at Golden's stand in the market. "Could I get four Danvers and a set of blinders?"

Well. Either these two have some interesting family history or this is a fascinating case of genetic engineering by way of percussive maintenance. In any case, this was a great deal of fun. Thank you for it.

This joke arose in chat last night, post-publication. It has no natural place in this story, or possibly anywhere else. It may be a short story all to itself, albeit one which doesn't exactly reach the minimum word count. So I'm just going to place it here behind the spoiler tag.

If you look, it's your own fault.

The World's Worst Alicorn Creation Conspiracy

"So we have no choice. We'll kidnap Princess Luna and at the crucial moment, you hit me over the head with her."


Haha! Imagine how they'd react if somepony tried to ask them how they got a crystal.

Oh, somepony is probably going to ask... However, they won't have to deal with the adoption question too much while they're within Ponyville: Twilight just never got to see Bayleaf while the latter was pregnant and largely resides outside the gossip circuit. (There are more of those ponies, but they'll eventually run out.) Go out of town, however...

It's safe to assume the doctors gave each other some very confused looks during the delivery -- and some questions about family trees and/or faithfulness may never have been fully voiced. But when it comes to the ponies who believe in the superstitions and know Bayleaf gave birth to this foal? There Will Be Questions.

And possibly attempts to recreate the whole experience.



"And that's how Equestria was made got laid!"

Fixed that for you.


And would hitting him with a brass lamp stand have resulted in a metallic coat?

(Canon pony genetics probably works exactly like that...)

There will now be a brief pause while Joyous carefully avoids her parents for a week.




Given Bayleaf, I can't help but imagine that the request to borrow the gag is going to happen in broad daylight. Possibly at Golden's stand in the market. "Could I get four Danvers and a set of blinders?"

If Bayleaf is anything, she's the girl in an anime harem who both intrigues and repels those around her by talking about sex a little more openly than anyone's fully comfortable with -- only adult, newly married, and still talking about sex a little more openly than anypony's comfortable with.

On the plus side, if she decides she really likes you, then it's not going to take very long to find out.

genetic engineering by way of percussive maintenance.

This is begging for a trope entry, but I'm not sure where...

Well, if Bayleaf's tendencies are -- inherited, there's a chance it's both.

Informative and funny the whole way through!

Barnum's talent! Nice!

... Did I miss the kid's name?

Bayleaf being able to lift the bed with her and Barnum on it... She seems somewhat strong...

And they need guides on Crystal Pony Surges? Or at least magic. Hmm.

And that planned sibling...

Whoops. Right, not a Triptych story... :ajsleepy:

Woah, if anyone from the Great Work knew of their plans... That would be something...

How high is Bayleaf on the Celestia Meter?

Very good comedy. I wish it was part of the continuum.

And then, by mutual agreement, all attempts at sex ended for the night, because some plans are best worked on under Sun. After all, the world has an easier time recoiling in horror at something it cansee.

This entire story was hilarious Estee, but this was when I lost it :rainbowlaugh:


genetic engineering by way of percussive maintenance

I hope you do realise what this means for Flurry's conception, right? Which of her aunts was visiting that day? :trollestia:

Clearly the parents were in a position where Cadance managed to concuss Shining. (Insert line about obvious, inevitable kinkiness of Princess of Love here.)

Or, you know, they didn't need to give those double helices the Fonzie treatment* given the mother's quasi-retroviral mutations.

*There's a mental image. The pony Fonz working at a fertility clinic.
"Doctor, we were hoping for a pegasus."
*Whack* "Eyyyy."


I wonder if 'Blunt Instrument of Foal Conception' would be a new addition to Luna's list of titles. As Alicorn of the Night I imagine she is into some very kinky stuff.


"And that's how Equestria was made got laid!"

I can't believe I missed that opportunity. :facehoof:

The only problem is, since one of them is an earth pony, that one knows about this super-secret-magic she will have to murder her husband over if he finds out, or let him die if it comes down to saving him or be murdered by Applejack if she doesn't.

Because fuck that detail of your setting.

I love so much about your writing, I was loving this story and this detail reminded me of its existence and ruined everything. It's a pervasive and agonizing thought in my reading of your story. That and the Crusaders, but this moreso and more relevant.


Okay. Now, slowly: on your screen, for the long description of this story, the words 'Part of the Triptych Continuum' appear where?

Luna: Sister, I’ve been getting the strangest wedding invitations lately...

Celestia: Thank Faust I’m not getting them anymore.

Ah, true enough. Well then, I suppose I can look at this with fresh eyes.

Oh, neat. It's that episode from How I Met Your Mother, but ponies. And the classic gag where everything's so silly that it stops mattering partway through.

I especially like how this got in the fucking feature box.

How'd you pull that off?

for some reason a chapter of "the Black Gryphon" by Mercedes Lackey came to mind: for Gryphons to have children AT ALL, the female has to stuff herself with food beforehand, the male has to meditate or use magic to reduce his body temperature, THEN they have to do a fancy flying display, culminating in mid-air sex!
only a REALLY well-executed flight will produce twins.


I especially like how this got in the fucking feature box.

How'd you pull that off?

I killed a few people.

Maybe a few hundred.

Truthfully, at this point, I've lost track.

Oh, and as your comment officially (re)establishes that regardless of the story, you only have one thing to say... then with anything which might be posted in the future, I can save you some time by just pretending you said it again. Sayonara.

8818718 Darned headboards.

"Shiny? Wake up. Shiiiiny. Look, I didn't bonk you on the head that hard. I may have gotten a little bit carried away with the feather whip and the restraints, but... Shiny? Your pupils aren't the same size any more. Say something, hun!"

"Uhh... Once more?"

8818985 Ex post facto editing is magic.

Murder always gets into the feature box. Look, I don't make the rules.

Estee, are you implying that A BOOK is actually Twilight's father?!

Several books, really. How scandalous. :raritydespair:

I have questions about bat-ponies, but I'm not sure I want answers.

I also suspect that Discord became, well, Discord the day his parents decided that the story of his conception would make a delightful tale. They even prepared an index to properly navigate the seven-volume edition.

Delightful story, by the way. It's almost a shame you need the mature tag, as I've read far worse with less warnings.

:twilightoops: well, that was a thing

My enthusiasm deflated slightly when I read the chapter title, but I still enjoyed this.

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