• Member Since 8th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen 16 hours ago

Comeonideodic


I write TwiDash stories. <3

T
Source

It has been said in the past that a handful of Pegasus lost there ability to fly after a mysterious disease infected the joints in their wings, effectively making them stuck in place and unable to move. There hasn't been a recorded case of this disease since Celestia came to power. Little has been documented and most ponies have even completely forgotten or dismissed its existence all together due to its extreme rarity.

Soon Rainbow will painfully discover just how real it is.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

Looking forward to this :twilightsmile:

Quite a few grammatical and spelling mistakes, but the idea is enough to catch my interest.

8810276
Yeah, i dont have anybody proofreading the story or any if my stories for that matter, but ill try to find the mistakes. School/work makes it hard for me to go through and correct things after ive finished a chapter. Plus trying to correct your own work, you miss a lot of things that others would catch. :twilightsheepish: Glad you can somewhat look past my errors and enjoy anyways!

8810483
I don't have proofreaders or editors either. More people will read if you make a serious effort to edit rather than excuses.

8810738
Gotcha, i shall try to fit some time into editing! Thanks for your input!

8810123
Im glad. Got some good critisism from some people so ill try to make the future chapters better!

How do I know this story won't die after only one chapter?

8813651
I will finish it. Some chapters may be later than others, but ill always try to find some time to write even if it's just a couple paragraphs.

Recently ive been having high anxiety, but it is the weekend so ill try my best to write something in the next couple days. I hope you choose to stay around!

Did I miss something here? This story came up when I tried to find recently updated stories, but it hasn't been updated yet! Did this story get updated or not?

8849611
yeeah I accidently clicked publish when I went to click edit.. :twilightsheepish: I'd say I'm about halfway done this chapter so it wont be long before I publish it for real. This chapter I'm working on has a lot of the storyline in it so its gunna be a longer one. + I want to make it good!

So way back when, I wrote an entire story that revolved around Twilight creating an epic adventure based on every color in the rainbow, in order to confess her love for Rainbow. So naturally, seeing somebody have what seemed like a similar idea on paper, although slightly different, made me sort of interested.

What I can say first off is that the idea is sound. A depressed Rainbow to the point of becoming a hermit in her own house is interesting, and Twilight attempting to drag her out of it is equally interesting, much less how this all ties to an eventual romance between them. You also seem to have a good grasp on Twilight as a character, her freaking out over the messiness of Rainbow's house seems like something she'd be hardwired to not be able to ignore, regardless of the situation at hand.

However, the grammar and some of the sentence structure is clunky, and could use a good read through by somebody who specialized in proofreading (it's not one of my strong suits, and I don't want to do a meh job for you :twilightsheepish: ). I think some of what you wrote, in particular the scene where Twilight and Rainbow both end up crying was rushed, and could be helped by lessening some of the drama and letting the scene breathe more. Speaking of breathing, you could also work to break up a lot of those larger paragraphs, as it starts to feel akin to a wall of text at times.

So its a good start and has plenty of potential. I'd focus on the editing and maybe getting another author to bounce ideas off of and to do some proofreading. :twilightsmile:

9154496
I am planning on it! I am truly sorry to those who want this story to continue, but ive been working on another 1 shot story to refresh my memory of sorts after a haitus of writing. Work is also on the radar for me its been taking up a lot of my time. 💙💜

You need to write another chapter! I love stories like this for some reason...

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