Detective Pony Comics Presents (Vol. 1)

by Coyote de La Mancha

Chapter Four: The Miserable Mare

LATER THAT MORNING, AT THE STATELY BLUEBLOOD PALACE APARTMENTS…

“I trust all was resolved in a satisfactory fashion last night, suh?”

“Absolutely, Pennyworth,” the younger unicorn nodded, accepting his cereal bowl. Putting it to the side, he next took the plate of eggs and toast from Pennyworth’s hoof. Cereal was best eaten last, after it had time to change the color of the milk.

As Pennyworth continued to serve his master breakfast, the headline of the paper Blueblood had been reading was plain for him to see:

PARTY PLANNER AND ELEMENT BEARER REVEALED AS CONUNDRUM!

Princesses Give Pinkie Pie Six Months’ Community Service and Stern Talking-To

“I must say, for all the havoc she wrought, such a penalty seems rather lackluster,” the butler observed. “Even bearing in mind her past services to Equestria, one would expect such a rash of thefts to be punishable by some imprisonment, at least.”

“That’s because you’ve never gotten it from Aunt Celestia,” Blueblood growled. “I have. And for all that it’s been years, I’d never want to go through it again. I can only imagine what it must be like when there’s two of them.”

He shook his head, genuinely feeling pity for the poor pink mare. He remembered her giggling at first, between word plays on his name and the novel prospects of a jail break. But her demeanor had changed when she’d realized he had not been carrying her to a jail, but to the palace itself.

You’re one of the Elements, he had told her. A symbol of hope for ponies everywhere. You have a higher responsibility. That means you don’t get to deal with normal courts. You answer… to a higher authority.

That had been when her chatter had gotten frantic. It had started out in fun, she had insisted. She didn’t mean to hurt anypony. She’d just gotten carried away. Even as they had approached the palace rooftops, Conundrum’s – no, Pinkie Pie’s – eyes had gotten bigger and bigger as she had agonized out loud over what the princesses and her fellow Elements might say, how disappointed they would be in her.

By the time they had reached the Night Princess’ balcony, the pink mare had worked herself into a true frenzy. Aunt Luna had barely had time to give a startled What in the world? before the penitent Pinkie Pie had literally thrown herself at the monarch’s hooves in a leap worthy of a parkour master athlete. She’d sobbed and wailed, oversized tears of remorse spraying everywhere, dejectedly begging for forgiveness at the top of her voice, promising something about flying and cupcakes to never do it again. Batmane had taken his cue and silently departed into the night, leaving a concerned and rather bewildered princess to deal with Ms. Pie’s confession and rehabilitation.

“Trust me, we’re not going to have any more problems from Conundrum for a long time,” he said, allowing himself a slight smile. “Probably not ever.”

The butler bowed. “You know best, of course, suh.”

The smile faded. “Thank you, Pennyworth, but I can’t make that claim. I don’t know that anypony can. I only do what I can, with what I have. There are very few ponies who can do what I do. That gives me a responsibility, old friend. A responsibility to use my resources and abilities to help those who cannot help themselves. And should Conundrum return, should any evil arise to threaten the good people of Equestria…”

“You’ll be there, suh.”

“Yes, Pennyworth. Batmane will be there.” The unicorn stood, the very picture of nobility. “Whenever the innocent are in peril, whenever there is tyranny and crime. Whenever the good people of Equestria suffer, and their hearts cry out… for justice!” He paused, then added as an afterthought, “Unless, of course, the Mane Six are already handling it.”

Pennyworth blinked. “Ah. Well, yes, I suppose so…”

“Or the princesses,” the Shadow Sleuth mused.

“Yesssss,” the servant agreed, becoming less certain by the moment. “Yes, good point Master Blue, your aunts are quite capable, I’m sure…”

“Or the police, of course,” Batmane contemplated.

“Yes,” agreed Pennyworth, now feeling completely bewildered. “Yes, of course one should never discount… the police…”

“Or the Royal Guard, for that matter,” Blueblood acknowledged.

“True, though the Royal Guard are most effective regarding palace-related security, suh…”

“You know, as I think of it, Batmane is really more of a local phenomenon anyway,” the Caped Crusader growled. “It’s not like I travel to the far reaches of Equestria that often. I’m kind of a homebody, really.”

“Er, yes… you do seem to focus your efforts primarily upon Canterlot, suh…”

Then, with sudden energy, Blueblood exclaimed, “But there are some threats that exist only in the shadows, Pennyworth, preying on good ponies away from the light! Those who the normal arm of the law cannot reach, whose prowess eludes common capture, and yet who lie unnoticed in the shadows. Foul serpents poisoning our garden of pony delights with their criminal venom, always poised to strike the unwary. And when that happens…”

“Then you’ll be there, suh,” the butler smiled through his prim, white mustache.

“Yes, old friend. Then I’ll be there!” The Dark Knight’s eyes narrowed, looking away in stoic determination. “Batmane will always be there.”

Pennyworth contentedly stirred his master’s cereal, making the milk a nice chocolate color. “As it should be, suh.” he said.

MEANWHILE, IN THE SEEMINGLY ORDINARY CLOTHING SHOP OF PONYVILLE’S LEADING FASHIONISTA…

Rarity sighed as she turned the page of her favorite newspaper, shaking her head with sympathy. “Poor Pinkie Pie,” she said. “It does sober one, to think that even she could fall so low. Honestly,” she sighed. “Using dessert mix as a disguise. How utterly gauche.”

She reached down and placed another morsel from her plate into Opal’s bowl. After a brief pause, the feline condescended to devour.

“And for all that I love her dearly, it must be recognized that she brought this upon herself,” she continued. Rarity bequeathed the absent mare a condescending smile and continued, “Still, I must confess: the idea of being so chastised by the princesses themselves is a terrifying prospect. It’s almost enough to prompt one to go straight.”

The white cat looked up from its meal to glare at her, hissing.

“Now, now, Opal my dear. I did say almost.” Daintily dabbing the remnants of her meal with a soft napkin, the elegant mare rose from her breakfast table. “Sweetie Belle is back in town tomorrow, so the window of ideal activity has nearly closed. But I did feel it only ladylike to let Pinkie try for the pink panther first. She’d already staked out the museum, after all. Still, in the end, I knew her efforts were doomed. After all, parties and pranks are her idiom unexcelled. But when it comes to priceless jewels, one might say she was out of her… element.”

Pressing a secret switch under her vanity, Rarity observed the section of the wall slowly revolve. It revealed a black leather outfit, perfectly tailored to enhance her figure while avoiding any uncouth embellishments. Beside it hung gilded belt and claws, a stylized mask with feline ear sheaths, and several whips. She considered the ensemble before her carefully, then regretfully shook her head.

“No, no, this just won’t do. Leather is so last season, after all.” She sighed, closing the secret wardrobe again. “I suppose the gem exhibit will just have to wait. Such things must be done properly, after all.” She glanced over at her work room with some irritation. “And I’m backed up with clients as it is, plus having to work around Sweetie Belle.

“Still, I’m sure I’ll think of something. Not to mention that my dear sister has been spending so much time with her cutie-mark seeking friends of late. Their regular sleep-overs should give me plenty of opportunities for my latest tenue de crime. Something regal, I should think, befitting a queen of the night.”

She stroked the white longhair that was rubbing itself against her legs, smiling again. “And for all that pink has never been my colour, it remains that diamonds are a lady’s best friend.” Her eyes narrowed. “And so it’s only fitting that the pink panther diamond should belong… to Feline Fatale!”

The sinister villainess laughed, joined by the yowls of her feline familiar. For now, the morning sun’s rays gave warmth and light to all of Equestria. But night would fall soon enough…

WHAT’S THIS?

IS THE GORGEOUS GARB-DESIGNING GAL OF THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA ALSO MORE THAN SHE PRETENDED??

IS THE PRESTIGIOUS PINK PANTHER PREDESTINED TO BE PERFECTLY PURLOINED, DESPITE THE PERILS PREVIOUSLY PROTAGONIZED BY BATMANE???

WILL THE STRANGE IRONY THAT EXISTS BETWEEN THE MASK-WEARING PONIES OF PONYVILLE AND CANTERLOT UNFOLD EXACTLY AS MIGHT BE EXPECTED????

AND WHAT ABOUT… NAOMI?????

FIND OUT NEXT VOLUME, BAT BELIEVERS!

SAME BAT-TIME!!

SAME BAT-CHANNEL!!!

Author's Note:

Continued in Detective Pony Comics Presents (Vol.2)!

Comments

[Coyote de La Mancha]

8977818
I am so glad you enjoyed.

My initial idea of two volumes, as you can see, has also altered itself. I think I'm looking at one volume per bad guy now (Conundrum was one, Feline Fatale will be two, Madame Frost will be three, and so on).

Oh, well. Plans are lovely things, and it's always fun to wave at them as they go by.

Hope you enjoyed the ending, such as it was. More is on its way.

[Geminii]

Oh, sugar me sideways. The metaphors! The alliteration! The justice-themed descriptions! The... other... descriptions! The... wait, is that an Emperor's New Groove reference?

[Coyote de La Mancha]

Oh, there are references all over the place. I would love to read different readers’ thoughts on the various salutes to be found in DPCP here and there.

So very glad you enjoyed reading it. I am composing the second installment even now, slowed down slightly by other projects and RL events.

[Pithos]

There are no words to describe how amazing this is. XD

[FanOfMostEverything]

Huh. And I thought Pinkie was just playing along to give Blueblood some sense of purpose. Ah well, this clearly isn't a story made for deep analysis. It's here for fun! And it most certainly was. Thank you for it.

And yes, what about Naomi?

[StubobNumbers]

I strenuously object to the premise that bats are cooler than Foxes. Foxes are the coolest...except for Skunks.

[StubobNumbers]

Rarity in the Catpony get-up? I...uh....

brain.exe has stopped working.

[Coyote de La Mancha]

10296529
Well, of course skunks are coolest. That goes without saying.