Dedication Through Light and Darkness – Sunset vs Twilight (Part 2)
Duelists of the Friendship Cup
Dedication Through Light and Darkness – Sunset vs Twilight (Part 2)
-Sunset Life Points: 3600-
-Twilight Life Points: 7000-
“Sunset!” Twilight called out her opponent’s name. Sunset, eyes glowing red, stared back at her with a small smirk, before extending a hand towards her field.
“Since I just Special Summoned a Harmony Guardian monster, the effects of Magnanimity and Magia activate in sequence. I place the Spell card Harmony Academy on top of my deck and then draw a card.” Magia held out a hand and projected an aura of energy around Sunset’s card, and Magnanimity added her own energy and levitated it to Sunset’s hand.
“Well, how about that? I drew Harmony Academy.” She folded her arms. “That’s all from me. Your turn, Twilight.”
“My turn?” Twilight’s eyes widened. “What’s going on? What’s wrong with your eyes?”
Rainbow looked between the two duelists on the field. “How is Twilight seeing her eyes? I thought only we can see them!”
“I’d rather not see them, thank you.” Rarity shuddered, prompting Applejack to put a hand on her shoulder.
“Nothing’s wrong with me at all, Twilight,” Sunset said coolly. “Make your move.”
Twilight turned her head. “Principal Sombra!”
With his eyes still locked on Sunset, Sombra hesitated before looking back at Twilight. “You heard her, Twilight.”
“But, you can see this, can’t you?”
Celestia followed Twilight’s gaze to Sombra. “Principal Sombra, what are they talking about?”
Sombra closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He reached over to take the microphone in front of Hope and lifted it towards him. “My apologies, Celestia, observing students. I am sure it is no secret that duelists can fall victim to dramatics in the heat of a game. While Miss Shimmer’s duel disk seems to be having some sort of malfunction that is distorting Twilight’s view, it does not seem to have interfered with her ability to play, so I would suggest this duel continue without any further undue interruptions.”
“Continue?” Twilight shrieked.
Sombra lowered the microphone and nodded.
Twilight turned forward and reached to her duel disk. “I… draw.” She picked up her card and then reached to her duel disk screen. “I activate Judgment Dragon’s effect. I pay a thousand Life Points and destroy all other cards on the field.”
-Twilight Life Points: 6000-
Judgment Dragon opened its jaws and began to summon light between them.
“I don’t think so.” Sunset lifted a hand and snapped her fingers. Infernal Ariette twirled her trident and charged forward. “Since Harmony cards on my side of the field are about to be destroyed by your card effect, the effect of Infernal Ariette activates. I can banish Ariette until the end of the turn, and your destruction effect is negated and your card destroyed.”
Ariette reached Judgment Dragon and stabbed her trident through the monster’s neck. Judgment Dragon’s body convulsed and exploded in a flash of purple light.
Twilight let out a small huff. “You were waiting for me to do that. You played the exact card you needed to counter my dragon’s effect and then let me try to use it.”
“You are smart,” Sunset snickered.
Twilight’s hand, shaking at her side, clenched into a fist. She narrowed her eyes. “You’ve never had that card before. How did you get it?”
“And how would you know what cards I have, Twilight?”
Twilight’s breath caught in her throat. She blinked rapidly. “I…”
“Twilight!” Sombra’s voice made Twilight turn her head his way. He shook his head. “If you want the chance to prove yourself against her, this is the time.”
“She—”
“Is not giving up. I would advise that you do the same.” Sombra gave her a stern look and a firm nod.
“…Very well.” Twilight closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m not out of this yet.” She opened her eyes again and held up the card in her hand. “I activate the Spell card ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’. I send three cards from the top of my deck to the Graveyard and add a Level 4 Lightsworn monster from my deck to my hand.”
As Twilight’s cards retracted into her duel disk, she saw her screen blink; she let out a breath. “I got it…” She tapped the displayed prompt and a card ejected from her deck. “I take ‘Minerva, Lightsworn Maiden’ into my hand.”
Twilight’s Graveyard light up white. “When I activated Charge of the Light Brigade, I sent Wulf, Lightsworn Beast, to the Graveyard. I can now Special Summon him, and I then Normal Summon Minerva.”
Two portals opened in front of Twilight. From the left a wolf-like warrior rose from it, the head of his club on the ground with his paws on the handle. From the right came a small, frail woman with white robes and bright red hair, an owl perched on her shoulder (800/200).
“I activate Minerva’s effect.” Twilight looked at her duel disk and swiped through a display of her cards. “When I summon her I can add a Light-attribute Dragon monster from my deck to my hand whose Level is equal or less than the number of Lightsworn monsters in my Graveyard.” Her card ejected into her fingers. “I’ll take another copy of Judgment Dragon into my hand.”
-Twilight’s deck: 8 cards-
Twilight looked between her two monsters. “Next, I tune my Level 3 Minerva with my Level 4 Wulf!” Minerva split into green rings that encircled Wulf, spinning. “I bind together my two Lightsworn, and call forth from my Extra Deck this monster!” Twilight drew her card from her duel disk and put it on the card tray, the card lighting up. “I Synchro Summon ‘Michael the Arch-Lightsworn’!”
A portal appeared in the air above Twilight. A large white dragon flew out of it, a knight in silver and gold armor on its back. The dragon landed in front of Twilight and roared, the knight thrusting his sword into the air (2600/2000).
“I activate Michael the Arch-Lightsworn’s effect! I pay a thousand Life Points to banish one card on the field.” Twilight pointed. “I choose Harmony Guardian Magnanimity.” Michael’s sword lit up in a bright white aura and he swung it down, sending an orb of light shooting across the field. Magnanimity lit up in light and exploded as the orb hit her.
“Next, Michael attacks Harmony Guardian Magia!” Michael’s dragon opened its mouth and fired a beam of white energy. The beam lanced through Magia and she exploded.
Twilight took a breath. “I end my turn by sending three cards from the top of my deck to the Graveyard due to the effect of Michael the Arch-Lightsworn.”
Sunset’s eyes flashed red. “And during the end phase, my Harmony Guardian Infernal Ariette returns to the field.” The ground in front of Sunset cracked apart in rays of purple light, and Ariette rose up in front of her, her trident over her shoulder.
-Sunset Life Points: 3600-
-Twilight Life Points: 5000-
-Twilight’s deck: 5 cards-
“My turn again.” Sunset drew and held her hand out towards the monster beside her. “I activate the Pendulum effect of Harmony Guardian Compassio. When my other Pendulum Zone is empty, Compassio places a Harmony Guardian monster in the Graveyard or face-up in the Extra Deck in that Pendulum Zone, but its effects are negated until the next turn. I’ll bring back my Harmony Guardian Magia.” A column of purple light shone down beside Sunset, Magia floating down within it.
“I call on the power of the monsters in my Pendulum Zones. Using the Scale 3 Harmony Guardian Compassio and the Scale 5 Harmony Guardian Magia, I Pendulum Summon!” Sunset smirked and looked up at the summoning portal conjuring between her two monsters. “Come forth, my monster servants! Harmony Guardian Gracia and Harmony Guardian Infernal Juniperus, I summon you!” Streaks of yellow and blue light shot out of the portal and impacted her field, revealing her monsters standing tall.
Sunset thrust her hand out. “I overlay Gracia and Juniperus! Using my two Level 4 monsters, I construct the overlay network!”
Twilight grit her teeth. “That too?”
A black vortex appeared in front of Sunset, drawing Gracia and Juniperus into it in auras of yellow and teal light. “I unite the spirits of the guardian of kindness and the fallen guardian of inspiration, and open the dimensional gates to call on the liveliest of dark musicians!” Sunset put her hand over her deck and a card emerged from the Extra Deck in sparks of red light.
“Xyz Summon!” Sunset drew the card and swung it onto her duel disk. “Awaken, Rank 4, ‘Harmony Guardian Infernal Sonare'!”
Pale blue lightning crackled from the vortex as Sunset’s monster floated out of it, clad in bright blue and pink armor with bands of dark blue metal around her gauntlets and boots. A red gemstone gleamed on her breastplate and two orbs of blue light orbited her. She grinned and held out her hands, summoning a pair of curved daggers with streaks of pink light shooting along the bladed edges (1500/2400).
Sunset held up a card in her hand, her fingers and the card lighting up red as she spoke. “I equip Ariette with the Equip Spell ‘Harmony Necklace’. This card increases the attack power of Ariette by five hundred points.” Ariette looked down as a shield emblem with six jewels surrounding a star appeared on her neck, hanging by a chain.
“And now, Ariette, destroy her monster!”
Ariette (2300 → 2800) grinned and charged forward, sparks of energy coursing along her trident. She leapt into the air and stabbed down, the trident piercing Michael’s armor and digging into the neck of the dragon. Michael shattered in sparks of purple light, and as Ariette leapt away the dragon beneath the two did the same.
-Twilight Life Points: 4800-
“I activate Michael’s special ability!” Twilight called. “When he’s destroyed, I can shuffle any number of Lightsworn monsters in my Graveyard into my deck, and I recover three hundred Life Points for each.” Her duel disk glowed white as she tapped her screen and the cards in her Graveyard began to retract. “I take back ten Lightsworn monsters.” Twilight’s body glowed the same light as her duel disk. “That gets me back ten cards and three thousand Life Points.”
-Twilight Life Points: 7800-
“You won’t be keeping them for long!” Sunset laughed and pointed, her hair billowing in the air. “Infernal Sonare, direct attack!” Sonare grinned and charged, her daggers held out to the side. She stopped in front of Twilight and flipped into the air, bringing her daggers up in a criss-crossing, spiralling slice.
-Twilight Life Points: 6300-
-Twilight’s deck: 15 cards-
“I end my turn.”
“And I begin mine.” Twilight growled and drew. “I still have enough Lightsworn cards in my Graveyard for this! I bind together four of them with different names, and once again Special Summon Judgment Dragon to the field!” The clouds above Twilight split apart and another copy of her dragon flew onto the field, landing behind her.
Sunset sneered. “And will you try to use its effect?”
“I’m not stupid,” Twilight replied. “You’ll just use Ariette’s effect to counter it. But there are other ways to clear the field. Judgment Dragon, attack Infernal Ariette!” Judgment Dragon opened its jaws and summoned particles of light between them. “Once she’s destroyed in battle, the rest of your field is defenseless from Judgment Dragon’s ability!”
Sunset gasped in faux horror. “What an unexpected and insightful strategy! Too bad you didn’t account for Sonare’s effect. When you declare an attack, I can detach an Xyz material from Sonare to negate your attack and instantly end the battle phase.”
One of the balls of light orbiting Sonare was absorbed into the gem on its chest. Sonare held her hands over it and generated a field of blue energy. The energy expanded to encompass Sunset’s field, creating a dome of blue light. Judgment Dragon fired its attack and the stream of light energy washed over the barrier.
Twilight frowned and looked away. “Fine then. I discard four cards from the top of my deck for Judgment Dragon’s effect, and end my turn.”
“Good.” Sunset drew with a smirk. “I think it’s time to end this.” She reached to her hand and held out a card. “I activate the Spell card Harmony Jewel. I return a Harmony Guardian monster on the field to the Extra Deck and draw a card. I’ll get rid of the Harmony Guardian Magia in my Pendulum Zone.” Magia broke apart into pieces as Sunset drew.
“Next, to replace Magia, I activate ‘Harmony Guardian Infernal Bellis’ in the Pendulum Zone.” The column of light that appeared next to Sunset was a deep green this time. Rising inside it was a warrior in dark green armor with red details curling along the edges of her armor. A scythe with a glowing blue-green blade was strapped to her back.
“I call on the power of the monsters in my Pendulum Zones. Using the Scale 3 Harmony Guardian Compassion and the Scale 9 Harmony Guardian Infernal Bellis, I Pendulum Summon!” Sunset looked up at the summoning portal above her. “I summon Harmony Guardian Risus from the hand, and Harmony Guardian Magia and Harmony Guardian Infernal Juniperus from the Extra Deck!”
Her five monsters in a row in front of her, Sunset spread her arms, her eyes crackling red. “And now, Twilight, would you like to have a guess as to what Bellis lets me do?” As Twilight opened her mouth, Sunset cut her off. “You know what, let’s just cut to the chase and show you! I activate Harmony Guardian Infernal Bellis’ special ability! Using it and Harmony Guardian Infernal Juniperus, I conduct a Fusion Summon!”
A purple portal behind Sunset began to spin as her two monsters leapt into it. “I combine the spirits of the fallen guardian of nature and the fallen guardian of inspiration, and open the dimensional gates to call on the greatest of dark musicians!” Sunset drew her card from her duel disk and held it up.
“Fusion Summon! Awaken, Level 8, ‘Harmony Guardian Infernal Adagium’!”
Orange rays of light shone from cracks in the ground in front of Sunset, and the dirt exploded out as her newest monster leapt into the air. A suit of deep purple armor covered the warrior woman’s torso, spikes on the shoulders, boots, and gauntlets. A red gemstone glowed in the warrior’s breastplate. Long orange hair blew in the air behind it, streaming from a horned helmet. The warrior reached to her waist and swung out a massive mace, spikes emerging from it and crackling with energy (2100/1200).
Twilight frowned. “I presume at this point, Adagium has some effect that will destroy my Judgment Dragon?”
Sunset sneered. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? No, it doesn’t.” She swept a hand towards her middle monster and jabbed her finger next to Twilight. “Harmony Guardian Infernal Ariette, attack Judgment Dragon!”
Ariette coiled her legs and charged, holding up her trident. Judgment Dragon looked down at her and lifted a paw to stomp on her; the warrior’s armor crumpled as its wearer dispersed into purple light.
-Sunset Life Points: 3500-
“What did you do that for?” Twilight asked.
“Watch and you might learn something.” Sunset held her hand up. The image of Ariette’s trident appeared floating in the air, glowing purple. “When Harmony Guardian Infernal Ariette is destroyed as a monster, I can place her in my empty Pendulum zone.” The ghostly image of Ariette appeared behind her weapon and took hold of it, solidifying in a flash of light.
Sunset leaned forward. “And now that she’s in the Pendulum zone, her Pendulum effect is active. For every Harmony Guardian I control, including the ones in the Pendulum zones, my Harmony Guardians gain two hundred attack points. With Compassio and Ariette in the Pendulum Zones, and four Harmony Guardian monsters in play on my field, they all get a twelve hundred point bonus.”
Ariette held out its trident. Tendrils of purple energy shot out from it, striking the backs of Gracia, Magia, Sonare, and Adagium; a fifth wrapped around the ankle of Compassio.
Twilight grimaced. “A minute ago, you were lecturing me on how a real duelist doesn’t treat her cards like that.”
“What can I say? Considering it’s gonna be the move that shuts you up, I’d say it’s an acceptable cost!” Sunset gave a cruel laugh, the light in her eyes pulsing. “Harmony Guardian Infernal Adagium, attack and destroy Judgment Dragon!”
Adagium (2100 → 3300) ran forward and leapt into the air. Her mace glowed with orange energy, sparks flying between the spikes. She descended and slammed the head into the skull of Judgment Dragon. The dragon convulsed and exploded in rays of orange light.
Sunset chuckled as Adagium lowered beside her. “When Adagium destroys a monster in battle, her effect activates. The defense points of your destroyed monster are dealt to you as damage!” Adagium smirked and held out her mace, shooting a beam of orange light across the field.
The blast hit Twilight and she cried out and stumbled back, clutching a hand to her chest. “W-what?”
-Twilight Life Points: 3400-
“Well, looks like there’s no monsters left in play on your side of the field,” Sunset called. “I’d say this is the beginning of the end, but that was already true three turns ago.”
Twilight raised her head, wincing. “Sunset, w-wait…”
“No thanks. Harmony Guardian Infernal Sonare, direct attack!”
Sonare (1500 → 2700) jumped in the air, daggers raised. She flung them forward, the blades glowing bright blue. They shot through Twilight and she gasped and fell to a knee.
-Twilight Life Points: 700-
“One more attack and this is over.” Sunset chuckled. “And I have the perfect card to finish you.” She thrust her hand forward. “Harmony Guardian Magia, attack Twilight Sparkle directly!”
Magia floated up into the air and held up her staff. A large orb of purple energy began to pulse and spark along the tip.
Twilight lifted her head and looked up at the monster. “Sunset…”
Glowing red eyes staring unflinching, Sunset turned her hand over and snapped her fingers.
Magia twirled its staff and snapped it down, firing the magical orb at Twilight. The orb hit the ground in front of her and exploded in rays of light. Twilight screamed as she was sent flying backwards from the blast. She hit the grass heavily and rolled, her cards flying from her duel disk and scattering behind her.
Sunset’s hair fluttering in the air fell to her shoulders, and the red light in her eyes faded.
“I win.”
-Twilight Life Points: 0-
Sunset blinked and gasped. She slumped forward, stumbling to stay upright, and put a hand to her head. The holograms of her monsters faded before her.
On the sidelines, Hope covered the microphone and cleared her throat, then took her hand back. “The winner of the final duel of the day is Canterlot High’s Sunset Shimmer!”
Sunset blinked as the CHS crowd began to cheer. She looked up to see Twilight on her stomach, not moving. “Twilight?”
“The final three rounds of the tournament will begin at 10 am tomorrow. Registered duelists are requested to be here by that time.”
As Sunset watched the motionless body of her opponent, five girls clustered around her and obscured her view.
“That was awesome!” Rainbow put an arm around Sunset and shook her, grinning widely. “You kicked butt.”
“Not the words I’d use…” Rarity said quietly.
Sunset looked at her. “What do you mean?”
“You were scary!” Pinkie cried. “The red eyes and the sneering and the ‘grr-arg’ stuff.”
“I…” Sunset held her head and closed her eyes. “I remember I wanted to try and tap into my magic again… I drew a card, and…” She looked down at her duel disk and the three new cards there. “Fusion, Synchro, and Xyz?”
“Yup.” Applejack nodded. “Was something alright.”
Sunset picked up her three cards and read them. Her eyes widened. “These cards…” Infernal…
She pushed her way through the group and looked across the field. The other Crystal Prep duelists were standing around Twilight, and Shining Armor was kneeling beside her with a hand on her back.
Sunset’s hand shook, her cards slipping from her fingers and floating to the grass.
I did this…
“Sunset?” Fluttershy’s voice cut through her thoughts. “Are you okay?”
Sunset turned and ran across the field towards the school.
“Easy, Twily.” Shining Armor put her arm around his shoulder. “Come on, let’s go.” Twilight whimpered as he stood, bringing her to her feet with him.
“I…” Twilight blinked and reached up to her head to remove her glasses. The eyewear was bent, and one of the lenses had cracked. “That hurt.”
“Stop being a drama queen,” Sugarcoat muttered. “It’s just the feedback system in the duel disks. They put out—”
“I know how duel disks work!” Twilight gasped. She shook her head. “That was different. That hurt.”
“You’ve said before you don’t duel.” Sunny Flare shrugged. “Perhaps you’re just not used to it.”
“No… this…” Twilight winced. “And those eyes… I’ve never seen anything like that.”
“Yeah, she’s got pretty eyes. Nice legs, too.” The others glared at Indigo Zap. “What?”
“You didn’t see it?” Twilight looked between them. “Her eyes were glowing! Bright red!” The others looked at her blankly. Twilight’s jaw dropped. “None of you saw it!?”
“Girls.” The crowd turned as Hope approached them. “If you’d like a ride back to Crystal Prep, the limousine will provide one. Otherwise you are all free to go home.”
“Vice-principal Hope!” Twilight stepped forward, taking her arm from Shining Armor. “I need to speak to Principal Sombra, please.”
Hope shook her head. “Principal Sombra had to depart to take care of administrative duties. I’ll be taking the seven of you back to the school. He’ll be here tomorrow if you need him.”
“B-but…”
“Twily, let it go.” Shining Armor put a hand on her shoulder. “Come on, you’ve had a big day.”
Twilight closed her eyes and nodded. She heard the group begin to walk forward and let her feet follow them, stumbling slightly. She looked down at her broken glasses and carefully put them back on, the cracked lenses crooked in front of her eye.
Sunset coughed and let the cold water run down her face and drip into the sink. She cupped her hands under the faucet and splashed herself again. She sucked in a breath.
Sunset shut off the faucet and reached up to the paper towel dispenser on the wall, grabbing a sheet and holding it to her face. She wiped herself off and turned to lean against the sink, staring down at her boots.
My magic… She gripped the edge of the sink tightly. I should have known what it would do… why did I do it?
You did it because you wanted to win. You wanted to keep your school’s hope alive.
I didn’t want to hurt anyone!
Then you should have played better, then you wouldn’t have needed your magic at all.
I did the best I could!
And it wasn’t enough. You weren’t enough.
Sunset closed her eyes. “Twilight could have done it. She could have used her magic safely. She could have won without hurting the other Twilight.”
But Twilight isn’t here. You are.
And I’m not enough.
Then become better.
How?
Sunset’s brain didn’t have an answer for that.
After a long period of silence, she stood up and walked out of the bathroom. She shoved her hands in her pockets and began to walk down the hall, watching the tiles pass under her feet.
I guess an apology wouldn’t help much. ‘Hey, sorry I used my forbidden magic on you to cheat and win the duel. Didn’t mean to hurt you though’. She frowned. Something doesn’t add up, though. How does Twilight know about my cards? And what’s her deal with me? She seems to hate me. What’s going on?
“Sunset Shimmer.”
Sunset raised her head.
And stopped.
One hand holding open a door to a classroom, the other gesturing her inside it, Sombra smiled at her.
“I believe you and I should have a talk.”
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Yeah, it's pretty obvious that Sombra knows about magic, and is trying to use it to gain power for himself.
Why is Twilight showing concern right now when she has acted mechanically throughout this entire story. She'd be more likely to think this some sort of trick.
Wow...just wow
.
Guess the girls are either morons or are perfectly ok with Sunset going evil just to win. Remind me again, who am I supposed to root for again?
I guess the point of this story is to get us to hate it and stop asking for a sequel. Mission accomplished
Why do I have the feeling that Sombra is planing something sinister?
Well, you're not reading these, but I'm me. Can't countenance the idea of not commenting on a fresh update
In any case, this is getting quite interesting indeed. Both sides have some serious thinking to do, and it's clear that Sombra's already begun. Looking forward to more, even if you're not looking to see that I am.
9421500
Maybe because Sombra is usually is portrayed or used as an antagonist/villain we are biased and since this story involve some dark magic it makes him more suspicious to us.
9421493
Or Sunset's dark magic made them forget what happened during the duel when it ended, as it did in the first story.
9421493
because up until this point, she's never come across something that couldn't be explained with cold, hard logic: she's basically a reflection of what her pony counterpart COULD have become if she never went to Ponyville; HOWEVER, in this very moment, in her first exposure to magic, every fiber in her being is telling her that something is wrong here, and at the same time CAN'T come up with a good explanation as for whatever is going wrong BECAUSE magic doesn't typically follow any logical path; in short, in spite of whatever negative feelings you might have with Sunset using magic for this duel, I'd say she's accomplished something positive by doing so: sometime during the duel, before we got to this point, she expressed a desire for this world's Twilight to act a little more, for lack of a better term, human: well, mission accomplished, wouldn't you say?
OR they COULD be concerned because a) they've seen the damage using magic in a duel recklessly can do, and/or b) the fact that Sunset "went evil", as you put it, after so long is rather concerning in and of itself, if I do say so myself...
This is the point where I'm getting off as I feel this story is unsalvageable. We never really got to see Sunset play with this deck before so we really had no idea what she was capable of or how much the cards had changed. So seeing her go evil like this feels very hollow.
As for this Twilight, the story has failed to give a reason why we should care about her. She has been a one note robot from beginning till this point. We have no idea what she likes, dislikes, or anything that makes this version tick. There has been plenty of time to get to know her that was squandered. So if the author doesn't care about her, why should I or any other reader care about her when she loses and is left all alone?
But what clenches it for me is the reactions of the rest of the girls. They're not horrified that Sunset went back to her old ways because it allowed them to stay in the game. There's no 'we didn't want to win like this' or 'how could you'. They're fine with it. This tells me that they, along with the author, believe that winning is all that matters. So if you need to embrace every dark corner of your soul to win, to cheat and hurt other people to do so then it's fine. That they'll be willing to cheat as well as long as it produces victory in their favor. I am not ok with this! Ever if in a later chapter they change their tune it'll be too late.
9421530
No, they clearly remember since Fluttershy mentioned she looked scary.
9421534
Wouldn't it make more sense then to try and rationalize what she was seeing first. Remember all the times Kaiba saw magic and dismissed it as an illusion. I'm sure it would be possible for someone to tamper with the duel disks to do that. Hell, I would have excepted her showing fear if she got slashed and still felt the blood after the duel was over. It just felt like the author flipped a switch on her personality, activating her emotions for the first time.
Also the girls failed to show concern. They seemed to be mostly happy that Sunset won. Fluttershy seemed to be the exception until she said what's wrong like she forgot what happened and what that could mean.
9421493
And the ending of your comment sir... is why the writer will no longer read what we have to say. You don't have to be so rude when written a comment with critizium... if you wrote it that way, just to hurt the writers feels... well.
Mission Accomplished
9421520
I’m with you.
I think everyone else is just reading to fare in to things.
9421643
This is the first time I have ever felt the desire to be rude to an author. I am one myself on this site after all so I know how hard it can be. Also, I doubt one person could elect such a response. People have been gripping about the direction of this story for a while now and have been met with silence.
What I wrote was a gut response to what I just read because that's what it feels like. I have seen stories where the whole point was to shut up people pestering them for a sequel. You may take that however you wish
9421643
9421534
9421530
Look I can understand why you people can still like this story. But please try to understand why others are getting frustrated with it, angry, or just down right leaving it.
I feel like Darthvalgaav has a point. That the students of CHS will resort to cheating in order to win because playing fairly won't work. It's that feeling that is making me at least so angry that I took it off my bookshelf and am just tracking it till it's over.
9421676
Decided to read comments anyway just because I saw several from the same person and figured a conversation was happening.
Well, since you want a response, you can have it.
Yes, this story has problems, and in hindsight it had problems going into things I was not prepared to handle - the decision to focus on an ensemble cast meant less screentime for Sunset and Twilight and less room to develop them, the choice to skip Rainbow Rocks meant I had to juggle Sunset's characterization in two separate films at two very different points in her redemption arc, and the choice to delay the Sunset vs Twilight duel, where things really kick off, meant the first half of the story dragged.
Readers have pointed out problems with Twilight's characterization, which is partly intentional and partly poor writing. I did intend for her to be a more antagonistic character, to be Sunset's Yugioh rival, but I made her come off as too arrogant and anti-social. I wanted to represent her as someone who views Duel Monsters in abstract statistics and doesn't see it as a game to be played for fun. The existence of Sunset's cards, something everything her professional knowledge tells her cannot exist, is almost a personal insult to her because she cannot explain them despite extensive efforts to do so. I was particularly using the early show Twilight for inspiration - look at episodes like "Bridle Gossip", "Lesson Zero", "It's About Time", and especially "Feeling Pinkie Keen" to see where my Twilight is grounded in canon.
Her lunch with the Shadowbolts was a chance to have her be friendly and for me to explain this philosophy; I failed in this. I had plans for a conversation when she meets the Rainbooms, where they talk about how she used to duel for fun but once she got interested in the career prospects it could allow her she took it more seriously, and she now sees dueling as a job rather than a hobby. I couldn't find a way to organically take the scene in a direction to work this conversation into things and I regret that decision.
My silence has been one of choice, because I subscribe to the belief of "Death of the author" - my stories should stand or fall on their own merits, and especially when a story is in-progress, I do not want to explain things to commenters in the comments or in author's notes, because I do not want my words to influence how they enjoy the story. If readers do not see the canon grounding of my Twilight, that is my failing as an author and I should be able to address that problem by writing her better, not by directly telling readers how I'm characterizing her.
That said, I have tried to address reader criticisms through the writing. I paid close attention to Twilight's dialogue in the duel to try and make her less arrogant and stiff; I had Sunset and Sombra discuss the fairness of the tournament; I put more emphasis on character voicing in the Pinkie vs Lemon duel.
Not only have my attempts to fix these problems seemingly gone unnoticed, but criticism has just continued to pile up. Readers, not just you, have directly insulted my abilities as a writer, questioned my enthusiasm for writing, negatively compared it to other stories I've done in entirely different genres, and repeatedly expressed disgust with this story. I cannot tell you how disheartening it is to update, excited about a new chapter I liked writing, and then see a flood of comments spitting on it. I have never seen such hatred about any story I have even written, and I've written fanfiction for over ten years.
I do not want to directly insult others, especially not my commenters who take the time to read each chapter and post comments, but if I am being blunt - the volume of negative comments on this story has driven me to the brink of taking it down more than once, and isolating myself from comments like that was the only way I could see to keeping myself interested in the fic. But, I saw several alerts from you, decided to bite the bullet and read, and here we are.
You want me to not be silent on reader criticisms? Here:
* "Am I still enthused about this story?" - Hell yes, I am very excited to write the duels and cannot wait to begin work on the finale. It's only when people trash talk me and the story that I feel like not writing anymore.
* "This story isn't as good as the first" - Nope, it isn't, I readily admit this. But I'm trying to make it fun for what it is, which is an ensemble piece where people can see cool duels.
* "This is unfair, Crystal Prep uses advanced cards / Sunset is using magic" - this is an intentional conflict. Neither side is right and neither side is wrong. I cannot go into detail on how this theme will evolve because it will spoil future plot developments, some of which are just a chapter away, but it is a theme that will be part of the rest of the fic.
* "Twilight is too robotic and cold" - As I said above, I know, I've done a poor job selling my interpretation of the character. I'm paying close attention to her scenes to try and redeem her in the eyes of the readership, but obviously it's too late for some. Doesn't mean I will be slacking off on her characterization in the future, though.
* "Why didn't we see Sunset duel to establish her deck sooner?" - I did have plans for her to duel Fluttershy, in a parallel to the first fic. But that would have just been padding before the tournament begins, and as people were already familiar with Twilight's Harmony Spirits from the first fic, and Sunset's Harmony Guardians are very similar in mechanics, I decided not to do this. Obviously that was an error in judgment.
* "This fic is so predictable, Crystal Prep wins the first duels and now CHS will make a comeback" - Welcome to Yugioh! Pretty much every duel and tournament is "oh the hero is pushed to the brink of defeat and yay comeback win!" I don't remember seeing people say the first fic was predictable and boring because Twilight won every single duel, because of course she would - did anyone ever seriously question that the tournament wouldn't come down to Twilight vs Sunset in the finals? This criticism legitimately confuses me.
* "Why are the girls okay with Sunset using magic?" - They aren't. Only Rainbow is enthused about it - Pinkie was scared, Rarity was scared, AJ was neutral, and Fluttershy is concerned with how it affected Sunset. Their reactions to this development will continue to be explored in later chapters.
So, I cannot speak for you or other readers, but here is what I am going to - I am going to continue to write this story to the best of my abilities, I will enjoy writing duels between characters and archetypes I like. I will continue to develop the plot threads of the fairness of the tournament, Sunset's magic, her dynamic with the Humane Five, Twilight's obsession with Pendulum Monsters, and Sombra's secret plans. And I will end the story with a finale that resolves the plot and character ideas in what I hope will be a satisfactory manner.
Please please tell me at least Rarity and Rainbow can win there duels.
9421759
Let me start with an apology then. Reading this story, especially the last several chapters has been taxing on me emotionally since I do live these characters. Seeing you write at the bottom that you would no longer be reading these comments came to look like you had stopped caring, resulting in me writing some of my comments. For writing it, I am sorry but that was just how this story is starting to feel.
As a fellow writer I do get what you are dealing with as you described above. Sometimes things dont work out the way we want to. However you are under no obligation to post a chapter at a certain time. One of the reasons Blizzard became a success was that they wouldn't release a new product until they were ready and made sure it had that final polish. Then they dropped that concept and people are dropping their products like flies.
I myself have been stuck at points when I write my own stories. So I get help, ask for advice, and so forth. If something isnt working I either restart the chapter from scratch or walk away from it until I feel a fresh flow of ideas. Sometimes even a bit of fluff can be helpful.
I will say I enjoyed the Shadowbolts when they were talking to Twilight which makes them more likeable. All I can say is not having every conversation with her sounding like cold, emotionless talk would have helped. Like she was only like that with the game. But I already did a massive comment like that before so I'll just stop at this.
All I can say again is that I am sorry for thinking like that and not get giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are trying. I still have issues with the set up and the girls reactions still feel (for the most part) too positive for this win.
9421795
That is honestly all I ask for. That, and (again, not just to you), "if you don't like this story, don't be a dick about it."
9421809
I will try to do so however emotions can get the best of us and there is the accidental dickishness that can occur. Still I do stand by most of my comments because that's how it feels.
I do hope when the next chapter comes out it will be when you are completely satisfied with it and it has that final polish to it
9421759
Having read what you've said, I feel I must apologise. While I kept my criticisms mild-mannered, they still went a bit overboard. I especially regret comparing this to Twilight Falls, Sunset Dawns that one time. Despite how much I love that story, it was in poor taste, DrakeyC. My sincerest apologies. Heck, I probably wouldn't have voiced some of the things I'd felt at all, if others weren't doing the same. Which also reflects badly on me, so I'm sorry for that too. So, if anything I said hurt you even a little... well, I regret it.
I can't believe it didn't occur to me before that you remaining silent on the fuss going on in the comments was due to the stance of Death of the Author. It's one I admire; it can be all too easy to want to explain things the audience is actively wondering about, but you keep it in until the story's all wrapped up, so as to not influence one's reading experience. Props for that.
And for what it's worth, I really appreciated the character voicing in the Pinkie Vs. Lemon Zest duel. It was fun and well-done, and so was the duel. For what amounted to a joke duel, as far as the result and the skill/deck difference, it did take a well-chosen comedic tone to the proceedings. And the other improvements you tried to make, I didn't notice them. Last chapter, I was actually starting to feel a little different about Twilight, and even more so now. I feel we're going to get to understand her, even if, by your own admission, she hasn't being sold very well.
Have I been a little nervous during the last few chapters? I won't lie, yes. BUT - when taking the story as a whole so far, I am enjoying it. Quite so. I've checked out a fair share of Yu-Gi-Oh fics around Fimfiction, and this is only the second I've bothered sticking with past two chapters, after DotAC. Yeah, the rest are that bad. Heck, up until and including Fluttershy's duel, I would have said this story's quality was largely only a smidge behind DotAC's.
A variety of the others criticisms people, myself included, have felt, went a bit overboard. I still can't really gel with Pendulum Summons; even though I do know how they work, reading stuff involving them just gives me a headache. But, that's my problem, not yours. And seeing Sunset duel earlier wouldn't have done a whole lot about that. I had a feeling we'd find out about the magic thing in future chapters too.
And there are many developments I'm excited for. Sombra, especially. You've clearly enjoyed writing him, and I've enjoyed reading him. The duels themselves have been very fun, outside of the Twilight/Sunset one, for personal reasons. Applejack/Sugarcoat less so due to difficulties we've discussed before, but the others? All great. Pinkie/Lemon Zest, I already mentioned. Twilight/Starlight, very good at establishing Twilight's approach, and her duelling mentality stripping Starlight down in just a few turns. Sombra/Celestia was very good for showing just how powerful the skill/card pool difference was, and being gripping in its own right. Fluttershy/Lemon Zest is easily my favourite, though. A true back-and-forth one, every move kept me gripped, it truly showed Fluttershy's growth in character and deck, and so on. From very nearly the start, I saw that this was an ensemble piece with a variety of duels, and on that note, I'd call it mostly a success. Of six duels, only one was a failure to me. One middling, and four satisfying or above. I'll take it!
Finally, you mention your confusion about people complaining about duel outcome predicability. I too was a little guilty of that, and thinking back on Yu-Gi-Oh again, your approach has more merit then I thought. It's Yu-Gi-Oh, of course the outcome is predictable. That's part of the charm, and while there are still issues with how this has gone in that direction, they've been discussed before, so I won't bring them up now.
In fact, having such an uphill climb as this (3 required consecutive wins) can be a source of potential. Unlike many, I don't only care about the duel result, I care about how it comes about, both in terms of cards and character, and so forth. This situation actually reminds me of Joey's in Duelist Kingdom, where he, a relative newcomer, had to win 3 duels in a row, duels he had all his star chips staked on. In particular, his duel against Bonz. Sure, duels back then get a lot of flak for not conforming to the real-life game (that hadn't been invented at the time they were written, at least in the manga...). But if you look past that, it's good at generating a sense of real dread and pressure during the lengthy back half where Joey had to defend for five rounds, without his friends around either, and after his trusted Time Wizard failed him (the only time of seven seen uses that it did). While the specifics of that situation are irrelevant, I think, in the upcoming duels where Rarity and Rainbow (and Flash too) face their opponents, being able to generate a similar sense of dread and pressure could really help, especially when any of them are backed into a corner.
Obviously how you tackle those duels is your choice. But given your approach, I think bearing that in mind would be worth considering.
Anyway, to sum up. I was a bit hard even through my mannerliness, and that was only so because I cared quite a lot about this story, and (most of) the characters within, and truly wanted to get the best enjoyment out of it. The genre clichés barely bothered me, and still don't, that's part of the appeal with a story like this. And there's much going forward I'm looking forward to. The Rainbow and Rarity and Flash duels, all of them. Whatever Sombra is up to. And I'm intrigued again regarding both Twilight and Sunset, and willing to be patient again with them. I'm sure all will pay off when the story is done, so I continue to await the next chapter eagerly (and since it's probably a break chapter, there's especially good potential).
Whether or not you're still abstaining from comments, DrakeyC, I hope nothing I said affected you negatively, and if I did, I'm sorry. Keep at it!
Oh, also; have you considered putting up the characters' decklist on a blog post, updating them as the story progresses? Either here, or on the Yu-Gi-Oh Wiki like you did with DotAC. It's not as necessary, given we swap between the characters duelling a fair bit (in fact, Twilight is the only one seen duelling more then once properly so far), but again, it's worth considering.
9422141
Thank you for your apology. I'm not sure on comments. I'm glad people are responding well to my venting, and it felt good to get that off my chest, but at the same time I don't want people to feel they need to not criticize the story now for fear of hurting my feelings. But I think getting this stuff in the air has been good for me and for readers (though I ponder if perhaps I should respond to other critical readers who have given up on the story, to let them know of this post).
As for deck lists, I'm planning it for the end of the story, but I may do it on a slow day when I have time and just wanna do it. But it will definitely be done.
I feel like something a lot of people are forgetting about this story is the fact that this is a Sunset who didn't go through Rainbow Rocks. She never had any kind of resolution that told her "You're good now. You have value as a person." And then Sci-Twi, wearing the face and voice of the person who told Sunset that she could be better and be happy comes along and says "You're nothing but a cheater. You're worthless." (Sure, Sunset is using not real cards, but she didn't have to be so cruel about it.) To Sunset, that's basically Princess Twilight telling her that, after all her work, she isn't good enough, and she never will be. Wouldn't that break you emotionally?
Now I want to see what the designs of the Harmony cards are.
Wow that was an intense duel. I didn't think Sunset Satan would come out to play. At least she won. Uh-oh Sombra wants to talk to Sunset.
9421759
So, I was a bit confused going into this. The choice to jump a movie and dive right in was a curious one, and I can't readily ascertain why.
But reading both again, and up to this point, actually makes that overall decision a better one, at least for This Sunset. This Sunset comes across as unsure, lost and generally feels powerless to help others. (I hesitate to call them friends; if anything, its more like they treat her as an asset to the team, if nothing more.) As such, with one really to act as her rock, it made sense why she would (temporarily) revert back to her old ways, especially when facing someone who has the exact same face as the one who tipped her off to change but acting differently. Had Rainbow Rocks happened, this conflict wouldn't be as prominent.
That, and I really like how you made the sirens as Fallen Guardians of Harmony, and her old cards sneaking sneaking back into the current deck.
I hope to see more!
Ok, the Siren monsters were honestly damn cool. I do wonder what happened post Rainbow Rocks to them in this universe. It raises a LOT of questions.
This Sombra is a slightly nicer Maximilian Pegasus.
9421759
I think it is a great story and i will follow the methode which i use with almost every fic and i may would advice to anyone who may agree, before i would make any judgement about the story i will wait until the final chapter is done! Only after everything is settled will i decide that it was a good fanfic or not! Until that i will keep reading the chapters and may give a few comment so the author would see that his/her work is not ignored, in fact liked by me. I am not even sure if i could make a good Yugioh fanfic, because watching to how the cards are positioned and how the moves come out with the cards in controll, especially since i am not well informed in many archetypes.
Good luck dear author and never give up!
9422162
Was criticism really that overwhelming?
9437502
At this magnitude, yes.
9437543
What was the most "bad" thing about it.
9437936
Posting a chapter I was really excited about and enjoyed writing, and then commenters vocalized hatred of it and some declared they would stop reading over it.
9439912
If I'm honest I somewhat... well not cringe but "eeeeh" at the cheese of the dialogue in this fic. There's gotta be a reason for it but in this one the reason is not apparent always. Sure as some say this fic is not as good as the 1st but then again I loathed the fact that for whatever reason xyz and other stuff weren't allowed. But if I'm honest you explained it so well in the 2nd fic and made it a plot point and now it doesn't bother me anymore. Hell I like it. Also if I'm honest Sci-Twi appears... cold. Like too cold.
9440149
I know in the Sci-Twi point. I did some revisions on her earlier parts to tone her down.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/844041/friendship-cup-revisions
9440201
I see. Then it's ok. Rest easy my friend.
I'm sorry for the hassle and stress you've been getting Drakey I really am. I do wish you the best of luck and I'm glad people do enjoy this fic.... that being said I don't feel like I can be one of those people. Mostly due to how much of a a**pull this recent duel was, yeah I know YuGiOh has those regularly but this was just..... painful for me to read, and just in general how this story's been going... this is only a personal preference to me and I'm sorry. I feel like I let you down because of this but I figured you'd rather me be honest then just gritting my teeth and lying about enjoying it.
9421759
Oh that's why there's no Duellists of the Rainbow Rocks, I've looked for a story based on that movie a few times now.
If it helps speaking personally after the last two chapters I'm curious where your going with the role reversal between Twilight and Sunset especially since the use of Sombra means you've been planning it from the start.
Hello Sonata!
And Adagio makes three. So this is where the Sirens went.
wow, THAT was intense; also:
Sonata, eh? I'm guessing this means Adagio is a Fusion monster...
let's see: in Latin, Bellis loosely translates as "Daisy", so I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume this is Gloriosa from when she turned into Gaia Everfree; ...neat! 😊
huh, what do you know? I was right! 😄