• Published 15th Mar 2018
  • 869 Views, 51 Comments

Never Too Clever - Zennistrad



Clover has a lot to put up with in his life. Thankfully, there's nothing that can't be handled with a sharp wit, a silver tongue, and plenty of sarcasm.

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Turnabout Sorcery: Prelude to Investigation

It was late at night when a cacophonous noise briefly roused Clover from his sleep. Dreams of starry horizons, heroes, and monsters faded into nothing as his eyes gradually opened, taking in the sound and sight of his bedchamber, ruminating on the disturbance that had woken him.

Ah, it’s just thunder, he concluded. For a moment I thought it’d be something to worry about...

Clover drifted back to sleep, unconcerned with whatever the wild weather of the Everfree would bring.

————————

The sun had only barely been coaxed above the horizon before Clover was forced awake once more. Angry and agitated shouting echoed in the halls from beyond the bedroom, and soon enough Clover was hurriedly moving out the door to investigate.

Out in the common room, a gathering of more than a dozen deer were grouped around another door. All of them were noticeably tense, but most of all among them was Aspen — whose piercing glare and scowl could be described as nothing short of absolutely furious. Clover could only gawk as the guards huddled around another figure, and he was quickly joined by several others. Hurricane, Pansy, Puddinghead, and Smart Cookie each departed from their bedchambers and stared with similar fixation. Out of all of them, only Hurricane still bore clothing — the same general’s armor that was seemingly permanently fixed to his body.

Jeez, his Highness looks so mad he could boil over.

Just then, something in Clover’s mind snapped into place. Wait. No...

Before he even thought to do so, Clover stepped forward. “Your Highness? What’s going on he—”

“Um, Clover?”

“Not now, Cookie,” Clover chided. “Your Highness?”

“But there’s—”

“I said not now!” Clover shot back. “Your Highness, what is—”

Clover’s words stopped dead in their tracks. There, escorted by the guards, was Star Swirl, his cloak and hat both wrinkled from an apparent rough-handling by cloven hooves. A large silver clamp wrapped around his horn, glowing runes of searing white etched into its surface. He gave Clover a single, forlorn look, then turned his head toward the ground. One of the guards pushed him from behind, and he began walking forward with them, hooves dragging with every step.

“Wait, master!” said Clover. “Master, what’s going on here?”

“Stay your tongue, whelp!” Aspen barked. As their eyes met, Clover could only flinch from the force of the Prince’s gaze. “You’re in no position to be demanding answers. Were I to have my way, I would kill your master where he stands.”

What!?” Clover blurted. “Why!?”

Aspen’s hoof came stomping down onto the floor, sending a forceful yet surprisingly muted clomp through the common room. He looked Clover in the eyes, his antlers standing tall and pointed in the ambient light.

“Last night, my father was found murdered in the courtyard to the east,” Aspen seethed. “And your Grey Wanderer is the only suspect.”

“Oh,” said Clover. “Well, that makes sen— WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?”

Aspen’s eyes narrowed. “You will have plenty of time to come to terms with your shock before the trial starts today. Our courts will see to it that your master receives the death he has earned.”

“W-wait! Hold on!” Clover called out. “Your Highness, there has to be some mistake here!”

Enough,” said Aspen. “I will hear no more from you. Until the trial reaches its conclusion, I hereby order that no outsider will be allowed to leave the city. And should I have reason to believe that the Grey Wanderer was acting on behalf of your nation, the consequences will be greater than you could possibly imagine.”

Aspen stormed off without another word, the guards leading a dejected Star Swirl down the nearby stairs and into the main body of the palace. Clover could only stare as they left, his head spinning as he fought to wrap his mind around the events that he had just seen. A cursory glance around the room showed a range of similar reactions from everyone else that remained.

“So, uh,” said said Smart Cookie, “nopony’s going to comment on the holes going through my room?”

“I think we have more important things to worry about right now, soldier,” Hurricane replied. “In light of recent events, we need to reconsider our diplomatic approach.”

Diplomacy!? We’re lucky they didn’t declare war on us just now! Clover paused. He trained his eye upward, and noticed that there was indeed a hole in the ceiling, and a similar hole lower in the wall leading into Smart Cookie’s room. The edges of the holes were all burned, as though a searing projectile had shot straight through the building. Although...

“Um, Clover?” Clover’s attention was pulled away from his thoughts by a soft voice. He looked to his side and saw Pansy, who had approached him without him noticing. She was trembling slightly, her mane hiding nearly the entirety of her face. “What are we going to do? Y-you don’t really think he...”

Clover looked Pansy in the eyes. Despite the wrenching sensation that clutched at his get, he found himself smiling. “Of course not. Whatever you think of my master, he’d never put Equestria at risk like this. I’m going to get to the bottom of it all and clear his name, so don’t you worry.”

But first, I should probably make a note of this common room, Clover thought. I never had a chance to look closely before, but it looks like it’s the top of some kind of tower. Given those holes, I have a hunch it’ll be important later.

Common Room Diagram added to Court Record
A general layout of the common room, atop the tower west of the courtyard.

Burning Holes added to Court Record
A series of burnt holes in the west tower’s interior, caused by an apparent projectile of very high temperature.

“But how are you going to do that?”

“Hm?” said Clover.

“Clear Star Swirl’s name,” Pansy elaborated. “Where would you even begin with something like that?”

Clover paused momentarily. As his thoughts tumbled around in his mind, he tapped a hoof to his chin. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to visit master while he’s in custody, given the circumstances. I’ll have to find somepony... er, somedeer who can grant me permission to ask him a few questions.” Aspen definitely won’t cooperate, so that leaves Queen Gladeroot as my best bet... though I can’t say she has good reason to cooperate, either.

Hurricane set his eyes on Clover, sizing him up with a rigid frown. “I hope you understand just what you’re getting yourself into, soldier. This is a matter of life and death you’re dealing with here.”

Clover gave a smile. “Well, that’s never stopped me before, has it?”

————————

Finding the throne room proved difficult, given the multitude of literally branching paths in the palace’s architecture, and navigating wasn’t made any easier by the withering glares Clover received everywhere he went. After much time spent wandering aimlessly, he finally arrived at what was undoubtedly the entrance to the throne room, the unmistakable golden doors that grew organically from the surrounding wood.

The moment Clover approached the doors, he was immediately stared down by the pair of guards standing at either side, their stiff postures and brandished antlers making their feelings abundantly clear.

Clover paused for a moment, cautiously stepping forward. “Er... pardon me, gentlecolts. Gentlebucks? Whatever you call yourselves.” His comments were met with deepened frowns, and a snort from the guard on the right. “I know things have been... tense, to put it mildly, but I’d like to request an audience with the Queen. I want to get to the bottom of this whole, uh, regicide thing.”

The guards said nothing, yet their eyes pressing down on him said more than any words could. The stillness of the air left a stifling tension in its wake as Clover stared back.

Before any further move could be made, the twin doors gave a gentle creak. As they swung open, the guards stepped to the side, and Aspen strode out. When he set eyes on Clover, his entire body went rigid.

Though not wanting for breath, Clover inhaled sharply. Out of the frying pan, and into the fire.

“What do you want?” said Aspen.

“Hello again, Your Highness,” said Clover, briefly giving a bow. “I was just asking your guards here if I could have see the Queen for a moment.”

“And what business do you have with my mother?” Aspen retorted. “Have your kind not caused us trouble enough?”

“W-wait! Hold on a moment, Your Highness! It’s not like that!” said Clover. “I-I just wanted to get her permission to visit my master in custody, that’s all. I want to ask him a few questions about what went down last night.”

Aspen stepped forward, the differences in their height quickly becoming more apparent than ever. He loomed a full head above Clover, glaring down daggers that bored straight through his skull. “And what questions are there to ask? Your master murdered my father. We already know he is the only one that could have done it.”

In spite of the Prince’s threatening presence, Clover remained resolute. “Well, maybe,” he replied. “But it’s a bit early to conclude that for certain, isn’t it? There’s still a trial, isn’t there?”

“Only because it is required by our laws,” Aspen replied. “All the evidence points to him, and there is nary a deer alive that would think to defend him. If I were in your position, I would be more concerned with denouncing him on behalf of your nation. Or do you admit that his actions represent Equestria, and accept the consequences that would follow?”

What!? No!” Clover exclaimed. “It’s just, uh... I just want more information, that’s all! Don’t you think it’s, uh, er...” Clover’s thoughts reached for the right response, and yet still the words slipped beyond his grasp. As he mentally floundered, however, there was one detail that stood out like a sore thumb. “Wait, he doesn’t have a defense attorney?”

“No,” Aspen said plainly. “And I do not anticipate that he will. Never in a hundred ages would a citizen of Thicket think to defend the murderer of their king.”

Moisture began to coalesce on the edge of Clover’s brow. Already, he could feel it dripping down his forehead. Oof. That’s not good. Wait...

Then, there was an idea. It was a crazy idea, one that Clover could end in disaster, and yet...

“No citizen of Thicket would defend Star Swirl, huh?”

Aspen raised an eyebrow. “No, of course not. Just what are you implying?”

“Well, just throwing it out there, but what if whoever defended him wasn’t from Thicket?” Clover’s lips turned upward, and he suddenly felt a swell of self-satisfaction. “What if I were to serve as his defense attorney?”

Another pregnant pause hung through the air. Aspen showed no reaction, save for a blank stare. “You must be joking,” he finally said.

“Not at all,” said Clover. “They don’t call me Clover the Clever for nothing. I’ll bet my horn that I can puzzle out this fiasco and figure out what really happened.”

For another several seconds, Aspen could only stare back in response. His eye twitched slightly, alongside the corners of his mouth.

Uh-oh. Did I strike a nerve?

A loud noise echoed through the hallway, and Clover reflexively jumped backward as the volume blasted across his ears. When he recovered from the sudden jolt to his senses, he almost immediately felt another shock from what he saw.

Just before him, Aspen was laughing. It was a bitter and humorless laugh, yet still more joyful than anything else he’d seen of the Prince since that morning. He turned towards Clover once more, his eyes still hardened and fierce, yet there was a subtle lightness behind them that wasn’t there before.

“You certainly are an interesting one, I will grant you that,” said Aspen. “Very well, then. I accept your terms. You will serve as the Grey Wanderer’s attorney.”

Clover blinked rapidly. Wait, really? I thought for sure it’d take more to convince—

“And if your client is found guilty, I will take your horn.”

The muscles in Clover’s jaw went loose, and he suddenly found it difficult to keep his mouth shut. “What!?

“That is what you proposed, is it not?” said Aspen. “Either you bet your horn, or your master will go to trial without a lawyer.”

“I... I...” Clover felt his words die out just before they could escape. He took a deep breath, clearing the fog from his mind. “...Alright, fine. I’ll do it.” It’s not like I strictly NEED my horn, but... yeesh. That’s just harsh!

“As I thought,” said Aspen. He reached beneath his necklace with his front hoof, and pulled out a small golden disk. With a quick toss, he flipped it over towards Clover, who deftly caught it in his telekinetic grasp. “This is your attorney’s badge. It will grant you the authority to visit your client in custody, investigate crime scenes, interview witnesses, and collect evidence as you see fit. I wish you luck on your upcoming trial. The way things look right now, you will sorely need it.”

With a final nod to the two guards, Aspen strode past Clover, his mouth curled into a bitter shape that was halfway between a frown and a smirk. As he disappeared into the halls, Clover was left to stare at the glittering badge that hovered before him, enveloped in his own blue-green aura.

This badge lets me do HOW many things? Just what kind of crazy legal system do these deer have? With a sigh and a flash of his horn, he stored the badge away in a small dimensional pocket. I guess I shouldn’t be complaining, but still.

Attorney’s Badge added to Court Record
A golden badge depicting a set of scales growing from a tree. Inscribed on it is the Attorney’s Creed of Thicket: ”Facere Possum Quod Volo”

First things first, I should ask these guards where to find the old coot... Then I should probably learn the first thing about how to actually practice law. A sharp pain began to throb at the edge of Clover’s temples. Tambelon’s Bells, just what have I gotten myself into?

Author's Note:

This chapter was meant to be longer, but the actual investigation scenes would be lengthy enough that I felt they warranted their own split chapter, just to make sure I didn’t overwhelm myself with the writing.

In either case, this is where the actual plot of Turnabout Sorcery kicks off, and it’s something I’m very excited to be working on for this. :twilightsmile: