• Published 27th Apr 2018
  • 2,207 Views, 19 Comments

The Lost - Immortan Joe



After a routine paratrooping sortie gone wrong over the Arizona desert. Freelance Journalist, Frank Hugh, and a company of soldiers find themselves stranded in Equestria with only their tools to survive and curious locals searching for them.

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Chapter 4: On the Run

For the love of Christ I had never ran so far and fast in my entire life since my high school track meet. I can’t even imagine how many hurdles I had leapt over legs and foliage I knew I couldn’t just run through, not only that I frickin wet myself shortly after that thing looked at me and thought. Y’know, this small bite sized human that wouldn’t even put a dent in my hunger looks rather tasty. Like seriously?! All I did is flash a frickin camera in its face and now it it wants to eat me, like...damn. Why did I have to be the freaking hero! At least those soldiers were shooting guns at it! Like real friggin’ guns, that did damage! All I did is maybe make it see a floater or two.

To make matters worse it was like I was experiencing one of those nightmares where you’re like runnin’ down a corridor? Y’know like the dream where the hallway gets longer and longer, and you’re being chased by a Barney with a knife that wants to eat you? No? Huh, maybe it's just me. But y’know you probably experienced that hallway part, c’mon we all have. Not to mention it was even worse when I had that old recurring nightmare with Tinky-Winky...

Anyhow, it just seemed like no matter how far I ran I just couldn’t get away from this God-damn hydra thing which just. Wouldn't’t. Fuck. Off! Like honestly, I’m happy I’m not that tall for a man and that I always made sure to keep up on my cardio and stretches. Because holy shit I was like a freakin’ spider monkey, like I was never good at parkour, hell I never tried it. Yet when your life's on the verge of being ingested by a multi hundred ton monster, you’d start doing some daring fucking shit to get away.

As mentioned I was sprinting, leaping and even climbing rapidly over anything that came in my way. So much so I think I broke my middle finger when trying to monkey vault over a low hanging branch. Though with that big bastard chasing me, I had no time to check or even think about the pain that was coming from the throbbing joint as it howled and bashed its way around trees and hanging vegetation.

It was at that moment I realized I couldn’t keep up with running, I had to hide, and I had to find a spot real freaking fast. Without realizing at the last second though, my foot caught on some thick mud on a hill and I screamed out loud as I felt my weight shift forward and my vision was suddenly spinning. Quickly I took notice I was falling just as my back slammed first into the ground and my sight was right side up yet quickly I found myself sliding down the slippery slope towards a raging river!

I began to unleash a wave of curse words too vulgar I can’t list them because of my mother and began to paw at anything I could get my hands on. Finding no purchase, I screamed in abject horror as I tumbled right into the roaring river! My vision went black as I plunged into the freezing river, the sound around me muffling as the screaming waves rushed around me and I was pushed with great speed downstream. My body twisted and turned as I was whipped about, thankfully not hitting any rocks, I finally found my way above surface and I broke through gasping for air.

Gulping down as much air as I could while treading water, I noticed the sound of screaming water becoming louder. Turning my head I nearly shat myself when I saw I was encroaching on a bustling waterfall. “You gotta be kidding me!” I forced out as I frantically began stroking my way diagonally to the water bank. Cursing with every stroke I felt the water tugging at my legs as I grew ever closer to the cascading edge, yet at the same time I was only meters away from my own salvation.

Panting heavily, muscles I never knew I had burned and screamed as I continued paddling. Openly sobbing as the ever growing fear of death lingered above head, yet as if by some miracle. I felt my feet touch ground, with this hope grew and I cried out in triumph as I pushed off the ground and threw myself towards the shallow end of the river and I clambered with chattering teeth towards land. I laughed joyfully as I threw myself onto my back onto the mud and threw my arms in the air before bringing them down and outwards away from me.

Then I heard the thing snort and the ground shifted slightly as its paw landed a meter beside my head. My already freezing body stiffened and my heart leapt into my throat as its shadow loomed over me. I gulped and whimpered as I glanced over and saw the head of a lion sniffing towards me, yet I then saw large, leathery wings and an insect like tail. The creature sniffed and bared its teeth and I whimpered more but remained still.

For heaven’s sake, everything was out to kill me. I was gonna die, this thing was gonna eat me. I swear to Christ if I didn’t die here I am very much likely to leave a bad review on Trip Advisor when I get home. The monster snarled once again and turned away to my relief, it sniffed the air and then moved towards the water and began to drink.

Seeing this as an opportunity to leave, I shifted slowly and carefully got to my feet. “Now, Now...” I muttered as the creature’s massive head lifted and looked to me, water dripping from its jowls as their eyes narrowed on me. I lifted two hands up and began to back away slowly. “Go back to drinking now, please,” I whimpered once more and shifted my shoulder to adjust the bag which carried my camera. Subconsciously praying that the water tight bag I bought served its freakin’ purpose.

The lion creature began to snarl as I moved, causing me to stop in place as it shifted its body to face me. Its growling turning into a deep hiss, a sound which was soon halted by a light, yet loud whistle broke the through the tree line. A noise which made both the lion and me turn our gazes to the tree line along the bank. Followed by a flock of multicolored birds which flew out in every direction, a small, yellow horse like creature with wings and a pink mane stepped out into the scene.

“What the actual...fuck,” I muttered softly, now feeling as if I had seen everything the universe had to offer. That is if I was in my own universe at this point. Yet as I had thought that, I ate my own freaking words as the actual horse thing began to speak.

At least.

I thought it was speaking. I couldn’t understand its light and semi squeaky voice as it projected noise towards the lion creature, which softened its demeanor and turned to face the small creature. Which I then flinched as the small horse thing looked to me with a slightly perplexed expression, which changed quickly as it smiled and began to speak towards me. Again, I thought it was speaking. For all I knew it was like a dog or cat begging for attention or food, or maybe it was requesting for me to mate I dunno.

Like the lion, I raised my two hands and shook my head in an effort of thinking that this thing was intelligent. Maybe it understood bipedal body language? Maybe not...or most likely. I had not a friggin’ clue.

“I uh...no speak your language!” I said loud a slowly to the alien creature, because remember kids: foreigners are stupid, so you have to speak slow and super condescending to get them to understand you. I gestured to my neck, specifically vocal cords. “I don’t know what you’re saying!” I spoke to the thing as if it was a child, or could even catch a glimpse of what I was saying.

Yet when it tilted its head confused and muttered something, I got the hint that everything I was saying was flying over her head at mach 20. The lion creature looked to me and snarled softly under its breath and flinched, even shrieked a little like a wuss and stepped back. The horse thing barked sharply at the lion monster and it as well jerked back.

At that mark, I turned and bolted into the tree line as fast as I could. Though my limbs and muscles were screaming for a break, I did not heed their pleas as I continued moving with great vigor away from that thing. Which I could hear calling in the distance behind me, and possibly giving chase. A chase I would indeed give it as I continued running for my life.

Then I felt something hit me. Fast and hard, I I swore I felt my back crack in three places. Yet surprisingly, it was like that good kinda a crack, y’know when you go to a chiropractor and they just give ya that one good push? Yeah it was that kinda feeling. It was y’know...amazing.

Until I hit the tree however. Pain flooded my system in multiple areas along my right side and groaned heavily as I slumped down, thankfully regaining consciousness as my vision swam over and over.

“What the...fuck?” I asked for the umpteenth time that day, and I was answered by a brash, squeaky voice of something I just assumed was gibberish. Then I heard another sound, a familiar squeaky tone that was rather hush sounding, yet stern. I shook my head and closed my eyes before reopening them and seeing a yellow winged horse arguing with a blue one that had rainbow hair.

That was weird.

Yet I thought they were arguing, their voices sounded harsh. But who knows, maybe they’re like the Germans, or Russians. Those people always sounded pissed off. I rubbed my eyes and looked over the two creatures which seemed, or were, bickering with each other. The blue one stood on its hind legs and held up its hooves while maybe gesturing height, or possibly challenging the other to a duel? Before falling down and pointing a single hoof at me, the yellow one side and rolled its creepily large eyes before glancing at me. It then started to step towards me, to which I whined and quickly kicked back with my legs and pushed myself away.

“Be gone! Git! Git I say!” I barked at them and waved my hands frantically like a fool. “Shoo! Go!” The two horse things cocked their heads, and then to my mounting confusion, they began laughing gleefully.

And at that very moment, I realized with utter horror.

I had truly...fucked up.

Comments ( 14 )

A new Immortan Joe story, cool :pinkiehappy:

So they either are somehow oblivious, or just don't care that what they've juat met is terrified of them? And of course dumbass RD goes and attacks a thing that runs away from them.

I am... reluctant to read this, but considering it's apparent popularity, I might just. My biggest question before I actually read it though: does the author actually have military experience to draw from, or am I going to have to deal with "best guess" like so many others?

8891482
I'll be honest I have no personal experince, hence why the MC is a civilian journalist. Though I have, and do, try to study up on military practices, terms, etc.

I won't defend myself in saying I fully know what I'm writing. So please do correct me or simply point out if anything is incorrect.

8891640
Mmmm... Okay, I'll give it a shot later when I'm off work.

Needs to be longer Chapters if it's going to survive. We have enough Humans in Equestria stories, and most of them are much better and longer to read than this so far. better sattle up, and not plan to sleep for a long time.

Bretty Gud. Little short on the word count for my tastes, but still. :rainbowdetermined2:

Its goooood, we need more of the gooood :pinkiecrazy:
Poor dude, wait till Twilight gets here and prances around you like a filly at hearts warming :derpytongue2:

So far ita great keep up the good work😘

update the story pls!!!!

This fic is probably dead. :fluttercry:

Upvote for what could have been. This one had potential.

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