The Unexpected Adventures of Trixie and Sunset

by Sixes_And_Sevens

The House on the Rock

“Billie! Billie, please, you mustn’t do this!”

“I’m sorry, Tanya. I haven’t got any other choice!”

“Of course you have! We both do! But if you push that button, that ends it. It ends everything!”

“Sounds fine by me!”

“Billie!”

“I can’t keep doing this, Tanya. I can’t keep doing this!”

There was a thump, and then a roar. And then there was silence.

***

A faint wheezing roar echoed through the halls, kicking up dust that hadn’t been disturbed for years. A light washed over the aged portraits, illuminating decades of decay. With a thud, the TARDIS landed, sinking into a section of carpet that disintegrated under its weight. The door creaked open.

“Well, yuck,” said Trixie, scrunching her muzzle. “Okay, Sunset, let’s take off again, we’ve landed in some kind of foreclosed mansion.”

Sunset pushed past Trixie. “A foreclosed mansion it may be, but if it’s a foreclosed mansion in Equestria, I think we can put up with a little dust.”

Trixie scowled and stepped out of the TARDIS, shutting the door behind her. “Fine. But Trixie does this only under duress.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Trixie grumbled, but she was smiling underneath it all.

This wasn't lost on Sunset, who smiled back. She nodded at the portraits, all of which were of various ponies, alike in their dignity. “This all seems like a good sign, anyway.”

“True,” Trixie agreed, “Although we may still be a long way in the past.”

“Or the future,” Sunset said. “I’ve never heard of any of the ponies in these paintings.”

Trixie looked a little closer at the plaque under one of the portraits. “Dutchess Blackie Katz, her bones gnawed by rats,” she read aloud, curling her lip. “Delightful.”

“Lord Lantern Jack: His Candle was Snuffed Too Soon,” Sunset read off another. “That-- I can’t decide if that’s really clever or just a terrible pun.”

“Could be both.”

Sunset nodded her agreement. “C’mon, let’s get a move on.”

The two mares made their way down the hallway. The paintings watched them until they were altogether out of sight.

***

“Billie? Billie! Oh, wake up, won’t you?”

Billie stirred in her sleep. “Hrrr?” she groaned, rolling over. She opened one bleary eye. A pale tan figure. Locks of deep, chocolatey brown. Bright pink eyes. Wife horse. “Tan… nya?” she muttered, sitting upright. A wave of disappointment washed over her for no reason that she could recall.

She pushed it away like cobwebs. “Honey? What time’s it?”

Tanya crossed her forehooves. “Half past eight. You know what I told you about sleeping in.”

Billie gave her a sleepy smile. “You know I need my beauty rest, love. Otherwise, how could you ever be seen with me?”

Most days, that would make Tanya chuckle, or at least crack a smile. Today, it did neither. Another rush of strange emotion ran over Billie-- like thinking there was one more step at the top of the stairwell than there really was. “Something wrong?”

Tanya glanced over her shoulder. “We’ve got…” she hesitated. “Company.” The word sounded unfamiliar coming from her mouth.

Billie blinked. “...Aha. Who?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen them here before,” Tanya said. “Or-- I don’t think I have. My memory’s a little foggy today.”

“I know the feeling,” Billie agreed. “Go and meet them without me, won’t you? Just until I’ve put on some decent clothes.”

Tanya’s frown deepened. “Billie… I’m frightened.”

“Of the visitors?” Billie slid out of the covers, her cropped raven curls bouncing unpredictably. “Nonsense. They might be unexpected, but that’s no reason to fear them.”

Tanya shook her head. “Either way. Let me help you change, and we can meet them together.”

“Oh-- alright,” Billie sighed. She turned away, quietly relieved. Tanya had always had the best intuition in the House. If she didn’t want to meet their unexpected guests alone, Billie wasn’t sure she did, either.

***

“How many rooms does one house even need?” Trixie demanded. “Twilight’s castle doesn’t have hallways this long.”

“Twilight doesn’t have feelings of gross inadequacy that she vapidly tries to fix with wealth.” Sunset said.

“Huh?”

“Rich ponies are terrible and dumb.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you say so?”

Sunset snorted back a laugh. “Yeah, sorry. But seriously, a lot of houses in Canterlot are this kind of stupid big.”

“You think they’re compensating for something?”

“Nah. I know they are.”

Trixie chuckled. “Seriously, though, Trixie was sure we would’ve come across a window by now.”

“Maybe we’re in the basement,” Sunset suggested.

“A staircase, then.”

“Mm…” Sunset stopped in her tracks. “Maybe we’ll have better luck checking the rooms.”

“Sounds like a plan to Trixie!” Trixie pulled open a door labeled “Conversation Pit” and stepped through. Unfortunately, she realized a moment too late that the floor was some ten meters below.

She screamed, and Sunset lunged forward to grab her, but both wound up tumbling through the door-- and not falling more than a quarter of a meter. There was a long pause. “Is this… glass?” Sunset asked.

“Um,” said Trixie. “Yes?” She lit her horn and glanced at where the smooth plate-glass met the wall. She whistled. “Nearly as thick as Trixie’s hoof, too. Did your snooty Canterlot-types have rooms like this?”

“No,” Sunset said, staring down at the pit below. “No, they did not. Trixie, I think there’s something very strange about this house.”

Trixie gave a mock-gasp. “No! Really?”

Sunset rolled her eyes and trotted back into the hallway. “Let’s keep checking doors. But don’t step through any of them.” She paused. “And leave this one ajar. It’ll be good to have some pathmarkers to help us find our way back to the TARDIS.”

“Right,” said Trixie, following Sunset out. They hadn’t taken more than a few steps, though, than the door let out a terrible rusty screech and slammed shut of its own volition.

Sunset jumped, but Trixie merely frowned. “...Interesting,” she muttered. “Well, we’ll just have to remember our own way back, then. Trixie means, we’ve been going down one long corridor all this time, right?”

“Right…” Sunset said. “Next door, then?”

Trixie tried the handle. “Locked. No, painted shut.”

The next few doors wouldn’t open, either. After ten minutes, they found a small crypt, a padded room, and a stone vault, empty save for an enormous antique organ. Trixie frowned at each, but made no comment.

Then they came to the door with the barred window. Trixie tugged on the handle laconically. “Locked,” she said.

“Well, let’s take a peek through anyway,” Sunset said. “If there’s something in there, I can always break down the OH MY CELESTIA.”

“Huh?” Trixie asked, spinning around. Sunset was staring through the bars, transfixed in her horror. “What’s the matter?”

Sunset’s jaw flapped. “There-- there’s a dungeon.”

“Oh? That’s unusual, Trixie supposes, but what--”

“There’s a skeleton manacled to the wall!”

“...Oh,” Trixie said.

“We have to get in there!”

“Um, alternate idea, maybe we go back to the TARDIS now?”

Sunset, however had already yanked the door off its hinges and was barreling over to the cell with the skeleton.

“Sunset, seriously, let’s just go,” Trixie said. “There’s nothing you can do for this guy. Unless I miss my guess, there never was.”

Sunset spun to glare at the magician. “How can you be so blase about this?” she demanded. “There’s a dead body right in front of us, and--”

“It’s plastic.”

“...Uh?”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Please. It’s a good model, but look. Real bones don’t have molding seams running along their length.”

Sunset peered closer at the skeleton. Sure enough, it was clearly artificial. “There’s no way you could see that right away.”

“No,” Trixie admitted. “But it was getting kinda obvious, wasn’t it?”

“...What was?”

Trixie blinked. “You don’t get it? The fake pit, the weird paintings, and now this? We’re clearly in some kind of amusement park haunted house.”

“...Amusement park,” Sunset said slowly.

“Yes? Did they not have those in the human world? Oh boy, Trixie has got some treats for you…”

“No, no, we had them…” Sunset said. “But… Trixie, if this is a haunted house with a pony skeleton and pony paintings, then it has to have been built by ponies! We’ve got to be back in Equestria!”

“Yep,” Trixie agreed. “Now we just need to find our way out of this maze of a house…”

“Oh! You aren’t planning to go already, are you?”

Both mares turned. A ghost was floating in the doorway, a translucent tan mare with a rich brown mane in a faded pink sundress.

There was a long, tense pause. Sunset forced a laugh. “Okay, yeah, good gag. But seriously, we aren’t meant to be here. Can you just show us the exit?”

“No one leaves the house.”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Look, Trixie admires your dedication and everything, but we’re really lost. Could you just take us to the exit?”

The ghost raised a brow. “You certainly must be lost if you think you can leave now,” she said.

Sunset sighed. “Look, lady, I’m sorry about the door. I promise, I’ll pay to have it fixed. Send the bill to the crown.”

The ghost cocked her head. “...You really are lost, aren’t you?”

“Look, whatever, we’ll find our own way out,” Trixie said, pushing past the mare. At least, that was her plan. Her hoof passed through right through the ghost’s body.

Everypony stared at Trixie’s hoof, pointing straight through the ghost’s center. Sunset forced a laugh. “Oh, you’re some kind of hologram then? Good one. That’s… yeah, you had me for a second there.”

Trixie pulled her hoof back, then swung it through the ghost again, fascinated.

“Er, could you not do that, please?”

“Hm? Oh, is it uncomfortable?”

“Not… exactly…” the ghost said slowly. “But, er, it’s not exactly proper.”

Trixie went beet red and yanked her hoof back as though she’d been scalded.

“Tanya?” a voice called. “Tanya, where are you?”

“The dungeon room, Billie!” the ghost called back.

“Where?”

The ghost -- Tanya, apparently -- sighed. “Just-- follow the sound of my voice!”

“Yes, dear.”

Sunset coughed. “Um, so, Tanya. Hi. I’m Sunset Shimmer, and this it Trixie.”

“Charmed,” said Tanya. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t shake your hoof.”

Sunset fumbled for words, and Tanya grinned. “I beg your pardon. Just my little joke.”

“...Right,” Sunset said. “I think you were saying something about us being lost?”

Tanya nodded. “Yes. But let’s not talk down here. We’ll show you to the parlor.”

“We?” Trixie asked.

“We,” said a voice from the shadows. The vampire stepped into view. She wore an old, green evening gown patterned with little brown bats around the collar. Her eyes were a bright crimson, and their coat a dusty ivory shade. “It is our pleasure to host you, mademoiselles.”

***

Sunset and Trixie were led through a veritable rabbit’s warren of corridors, staircases, and atria. “How do you not get lost in this place?” Sunset asked, staring up at a vaulted ceiling.

“Oh, we do,” Billie said, not turning around. “All of us but Tanya, that is.”

“I do too,” Tanya corrected. “It’s just easier for me because I can go through the walls.”

“How big is this place?” Trixie wondered.

“Oh, quite large,” Tanya said blithely. “Above ground, it isn’t so terrible. The subterranean levels, though, they go on for miles.”

“Especially the catacombs,” Billie agreed.

“Oh, yes, don’t go near the catacombs,” Tanya said. “Especially not if Gracie is with you.”

“Gracie?”

“Our resident werewolf, for our sins,” Billie said darkly.

“Billie! Don’t be rude,” Tanya scolded. “Gracie is a delight.”

“Certainly she is. When she isn’t getting into the garbage or getting up on the sofa.”

“Now, Billie--”

While the two bickered, Trixie leaned over to Sunset. “Trixie is starting to think that Tanya might not be a hologram.”

“Gee, ya think?” Sunset muttered back. “But like you said, this has to be a fakey haunted house. No reason a real one would have a fake bottomless pit or a plastic skeleton.”

“So… this is a fake haunted house… haunted by real monsters?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no such thing as ghosts, or vampires, or werewolves.”

“Ponies said the same thing about draconocci not too long ago.”

Sunset frowned. “...Fair,” she admitted. “Alright, we’ll play along for now. But keep an eye out for anything unusual.”

Trixie stared at Sunset flatly, then gestured to their hosts.

“...Anything more unusual.”

***

The parlor wasn’t exactly bright and cheery, but it was surprisingly cozy once you could look past the moose head mounted on the wall. “Would you care for something to drink?” Billie asked. “Wine? Coffee? Tea? Hemlock?”

“Um, I’ll have some water,” Sunset said.

“Same,” Trixie agreed.

“Very good.” Billie pulled down on a long rope. Somewhere deep in the house, a low bell chimed.

“While we’re waiting,” Sunset said, “Would you be good enough to explain where we actually are?”

Billie’s brows shot up. “You mean, you don’t know?”

“Apparently not,” Tanya replied.

Billie broke into a wide grin. “Why, my dear ladies! My dear ladies! My dear ladies, let me welcome you to The House On the Rock, the largest, greatest, and most frightening spook house known to Equestrian.”

She beamed at Trixie and Sunset as though expecting applause.

Sunset rubbed the back of her head. “Uh, sorry. Never heard of it.”

Billie’s face fell. “Oh. I see.”

“But we’d love to hear more about it, wouldn’t we Sunset?” Trixie said quickly.

“Oh, yes, of course. For one thing, where is it?”

Tanya cocked her head. “Where is… the House?”

“Yeah. Like, are we near Canterlot? Appaloosa? Manehattan? We’re trying to get back to Ponyville, but like you said, we’re lost.”

“Super lost,” Trixie agreed.

“The House… is On the Rock,” Billie said slowly.

Sunset nodded. “Okay, great! And where exactly is the Rock?”

“Here,” Tanya said.

"And where is here?" Trixie asked gamely.

"The House," Tanya replied.

There was a long silence. "Where can Frankenstallion have gotten to?" Billie asked snappishly. "He should have been here ages ago."

"Perhaps he's gotten lost?" Tanya suggested. "Why can't you just call him Adam? You know he hates going by his father's name."

"Adam?" Trixie asked.

"The name of the creature from the original novel, Frankenstallion," Sunset muttered. "Somepony did their research."

“If we might return to the point,” Billie said lazily. “How exactly did the two of you arrive here? It’s been so very long since we had any visitors.”

“Can’t be that great of a haunted house, then,” Trixie said.

Sunset drew in a sharp breath and Tanya took a nervous look at Billie. The vampire’s mouth tightened for a moment, but then relaxed. “We… have suffered something of a downturn in popularity,” she acknowledged. “But that does not answer my question. You didn’t come in through any of the doors. We would have seen if you had. The gargoyles keep their weathered eyes well-trained on approaching guests.”

“No,” Sunset agreed. “Our method of transport is somewhat more… unpredictable. We arrived just off the corridor you found us in.”

“You teleported in?” Tanya asked, frowning.

“Not on purpose, you understand,” Sunset said quickly. “If there’s a fee to ride, we can pay it.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Billie said, waving a hoof dismissively. “But the problem is, you see, there are anti-teleportation wards all around the House. If you managed to get through them, even by accident, that means there must be a flaw somewhere. We’ll have to investigate that later. Tanya, let Hazel know that we’re in need of her services.”

Tanya looked uncomfortable. “Hazel?”

“Or Wunk, if you think he’d be better suited,” Billie continued.

Tanya nodded. “Well, I suppose I can ask. But you know how busy they are with their personal projects...”

“I can probably help,” Sunset volunteered. “I’m not exactly an expert on wards, but I’ve got a passing familiarity with them.”

“Well, that’s very kind, but--”

“I was Princess Celestia’s personal student for seven years.”

Tanya thought about that. “Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” she conceded. “Trixie? Would you care to come with us?”

“Oh, no,” Trixie said. “Trixie wouldn’t know a ward from a bottle of beer. She will stay here, with Billie.”

Tanya opened her mouth, but quickly shut it again. “Well, alright,” she said slowly. “Have fun, you two. Billie, perhaps our guest might care for a game of chess?”

Billie beamed. “Excellent idea, Tanya! I just need to find the set…”

“Top of the cupboard in the Mahogany Room.”

“Whatever would I do without you?” Billie said with a laugh.

Tanya smiled sadly. “Let’s never find out,” she said quietly, too quietly for Billie to hear. But not too quietly for Sunset.

***

“So,” Sunset said as Tanya led her through the tangled web of corridors and stairs. “What about those guys Billie mentioned? Wunk and Hazel?”

“Both our resident witch and wizard are… otherwise preoccupied,” Tanya said primly.

“That sounds like code for ‘dead’.”

Tanya started. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous? Really? I just left my marefriend alone with a vampire so I could follow a ghost through a haunted house. We left ‘ridiculous’ awhile back. We’re almost past ‘standard horror movie protagonist’ levels of dumb.”

Tanya stifled a laugh. “I take your point. But you have nothing to fear from me. If we hurry, neither is your love in any danger.”

Sunset’s good humor collapsed. “If we hurry? What’s going on, Tanya? What are you hiding?”

Tanya glanced around. “Down this hallway. There is a window at the end.”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“Not at all,” Tanya said. “This will be a better answer than anything I could say.”

Sunset followed the ghost down the hall. “Does this have to do with why you wouldn’t tell me where we are?”

“Couldn’t, not wouldn’t,” Tanya corrected, leading Sunset to a set of curtains. “We… are not allowed to mention it.”

“Not allowed? Not allowed by who?”

“Not allowed to say that either.”

Sunset regarded the ghost for a long moment. “And the answer is behind these curtains?”

“Right outside the window,” Tanya confirmed.

“Right.” Sunset pulled the golden rope and let the heavy velvet curtains fall open. Outside was a roof, shingled with dusky pink tiles. Beyond that, a dead lawn dotted with twisted trees and gravesites. Beyond that, the inside of an enormous glass dome that stretched over the entire House, with little airlocks evenly spaced around the bottom. Beyond that, barren rock, pitted with craters. Beyond that…

“Space,” Sunset murmured. “This whole place… it’s on an asteroid?”

“Hence, ‘The House on the Rock,’” Tanya said.

Sunset stared out of the window for a long moment. “Tanya,” she said carefully. “Can you tell me what year it is?”

“1627 B.A.T.”

“B.A.T.?”

“Short for the ‘bugger all this, how many alicorns are going to turn up’ era.”

“Oh.”

“The royal chronologist was fired shortly after pronouncing it the new calendar system, but the terminology has rather stuck around.”

“I see. Tanya, if I were to ask you about, say, artificial intelligence, or holograms, or lifelike animatronics…”

“I would say that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Tanya said, raising her eyes to the ceiling.

Sunset followed her gaze, brightening her mane-fire to see better. The light glinted off a small, round device on the ceiling. “A projector,” Sunset murmured.

“Absolutely not,” Tanya said, utterly straight-faced. “This is a haunted house, filled with real ghosts, monsters, and frights. Except…”

Sunset frowned. “Except?”

“Except it’s getting emptier by the day.”

***

The Mahogany Room was exactly what it sounded like-- all the furniture within was stately, regal, and dark, all carved from that namesake wood. Billie stretched to reach the top of the cupboard, eventually pulling down an elaborately carved wooden box. “The game of kings,” she said, clearly reveling in the words. She set the box on the table, revealing that its lid was the chessboard itself. She pulled off the lid and set it aside, then removed the pieces one by one, moving each with the greatest delicacy.

“An antique set?” Trixie guessed.

“Oh, yes. It’s been around for centuries, now. A present for my fourteenth birthday.”

“Wow.”

“Wow, indeed. Black pieces or red?”

“Trixie thought chessboards were black and white?”

“Red replaces white, here,” Billie said patiently.

“Red, then. Black would clash with Trixie’s coat.”

Billie chuckled. “You make your decision based on that? No consideration for the strategy of who goes first?”

“No. The Great and Powerful Trixie is excellent at most games, but chess has never been her strong suit. It’s so slow, and all the pieces move in different ways.”

“Oh.” Billie frowned. “I had so hoped for a worthy opponent.”

“Trixie is worthy! Just… not at chess. Do you have a deck of cards at all? Poker, bridge, war…”

Billie made a face. “How about a compromise? Checkers?”

Trixie considered that. “Checkers will be fine. But Trixie sees no pieces in your box?”

“No,” Billie admitted. “Fortunately, there is another way. I suspect you will find it… most diverting.”

***

Sunset stared out the window again. “No, sorry, I don’t follow.”

Tanya hovered over to look out the window as well. “It’s been years since our last visitors came,” she said, voice and eyes both distant. “Longer still since the maintenance crew visited. Decades, perhaps. I’ve lost count. In the end, it was inevitable that the systems would begin to corrupt.”

Sunset glanced up at the little projector on the ceiling. “Oh.”

“The biggest of us went first-- the ones with the most complex systems, who drew the most power. When something goes wrong with one of our systems--” she clapped her hooves together. “We shut down, waiting for maintenance that will never come. The mad scientists did their best to repair what went wrong, but eventually the last of them succumbed. That’s when things really started going downhill.

We lost the entire zombie horde in a single day-- one single misfire and they all went dead. Er-- more dead than they usually were, that is.”

Sunset forced a half-smile, unsure whether that was even supposed to be a joke.

“Why are you smiling?”

Sunset stopped smiling. “So, uh, I can’t help but notice that Billie does not seem to have noticed… all of her friends dying. So, uh, what’s up with that?”

“Oh, she has,” Tanya said. “She’s noticed it over and over again. And when she notices, she--”

“New friend!”

“Wha--”

The next moment, Sunset found herself flat on her back, unable to breathe. A pair of bright brown eyes stared into hers, and hot, wet breath washed over her face. “Hi there! Wanna play rip-the-rag? Ooh, or knock-me-over? Oh, oh, oh, let’s play keep-away, let’s play keep-away!”

Sunset tried to speak, but all that came out was a faint, agonized wheeze.

“Gracie! No! Off, off! Down!”

The massive creature quickly backed off from Sunset, whimpering. For several seconds, she just lay there, staring up at the ceiling. “Gracie, this is Sunset,” Tanya said. “Sunset, this is Gracie, our resident werewolf.”

With effort, Sunset pushed herself into a sitting position. Her eyebrows shot up. “Yes. Yes, I can see that.”

Gracie was, by Sunset’s reckoning, about as tall as Princess Luna, but built bigger than Macintosh. Her grey coat rippled with muscles. Her muzzle was large enough Sunset could fit her whole hoof in and not touch the back of the creature’s throat. She looked like a dangerous proposition at the best of times, let alone when someone had programmed her with the personality of Pinkie Pie on a sugar high. She smiled weakly. “Hello, Gracie.”

Gracie had been sitting quietly and staring at the ground, her tail between her legs. Upon her acknowledgement, however, she brightened up immediately. “Hello, Sunset!” she said, her tail whipping and skipping across the floor.

“Gracie, Sunset is helping me with something right now. Why don’t you go and meet our other guest? She’s in the Mahogany Room with Billie.”

Gracie gasped. “Two new friends? In one day? I haven’t made that many new friends since-- since--” She screwed up her face in thought. “Since for years!”

“Really, dear?” Tanya asked. “Well, there’s no time like the present. Why don’t you go meet her now?”

“Oh boy!” Gracie spun around and raced down the hall, chanting, “Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!” at the top of her lungs as she vanished from sight.

Tanya turned to Sunset. “Are you alright? Gracie is a little much, I’m afraid.”

“You know,” Sunset said, falling onto her back and staring at the ceiling, “the more dogs I meet traveling through time and space, the more sure I am that I’m really a cat pony.”

“...No, I’m afraid all the killer cat-ponies have been deactivated as well. Oh. No, you meant-- ah.”

Sunset groaned and rolled over onto her stomach.

Tanya rubbed behind an ear. “I hope Trixie will fare better on her first encounter with Gracie.”

“She’ll be fine.” Sunset hauled herself to her hooves. “She’s good at making the best of a situation. Ponies like her.”

“I suppose you know her better than I do,” Tanya said.

Sunset bobbed her head in acknowledgement. “And you know Billie better than anyone. You were saying something, about every time she realized what was happening?”

Tanya hesitated. “...Come with me. It will be easier to show you.”

***

“Pony checkers!” Billie said exultantly, gesturing to the enormous game board. “The true sport of kings.”

“Trixie always heard that was tennis.”

“That is for lesser nobles. This is the one where the players get to order around a bunch of unfortunate individuals who have far better things to spend their time on.”

“Ah. That makes sense, yes,” Trixie said. “But who will be the pieces?”

“Oh, whoever wanders close enough for me to conscript in,” Billie said lightly. “Shouldn’t take more than a few minutes. This area of the House is usually quite busy.”

Trixie glanced around. “The operative word being ‘usually’, Trixie supposes.”

Billie’s smile fell slightly. “Yes. That is odd.” She glanced around. “There’s almost always somepony here.”

Trixie turned. “Hold on. Trixie hears something.”

Billie’s ears pricked up. “As do I. Goodness, they’re moving at quite a clip, aren’t they? I think the only one I’ve heard run like that before is… Oh, no.”

“What? Who is OOF!”

Trixie suddenly found herself flying through the air, knocked aside by a wall of fur. She hit the ground and went into a roll, popping back to her hooves moments later. The beast turned and prepared to charge again.

“Ahp!” Billie said sharply. The wolf creature drew up short.

“Sit!” The wolf fell back on its haunches.

“Down.” It flumped down to its belly, head resting between its paws. Its tail thumped the ground.

Trixie took several deep breaths. “Trixie supposes this is your resident werewolf, then?”

“Gracie, yes. Good girl, Gracie, now stay.”

Gracie rolled over at the sound of her name, belly to the ceiling. “Hello!” she said.

Slowly, Trixie reached out a hoof for the giant wolf to sniff at. Gracie’s mouth fell open, her tongue lolling out in purest delight. Heartened, Trixie reached down to scratch the werewolf’s chin.

“Gracie,” Billie said, her voice a tad stonier than it had been moments ago. “What are you doing here?”

“New friends!”

Billie heaved a sigh. “You know, there’s another new pony in the building, with Tanya.”

“Uh-huh! She sent me here! Found you!”

Billie scowled.

“If they’re busy fixing the wards, maybe they shouldn’t be distracted,” Trixie said, moving down to scratch Gracie’s tummy. Her rear left paw pedaled in the air, ecstatic.

“I suppose,” Billie grumbled.

“And look, she can be our first piece in the game!”

“Not a chance. Do you really think she’ll move where we ask her to?”

Trixie looked down at Gracie, who was staring intently at dust motes. “I suppose not,” she admitted. “But… well, surely she’d be helpful in tracking down other residents of the House?”

Billie tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Perhaps,” she conceded. “Gracie?”

The werewolf snapped to attention. “Who has passed through this hall in the last hour?”

Gracie cocked her head. “You.”

“Yes, I know that, Gracie. Who else?”

Gracie gestured to Trixie. “Her.”

Billie’s lip curled up. “Yes, but who else?”

“...Me!”

“Aside from the three of us,” Billie growled.

“Oh!” Gracie paused and sniffed the air. “Nobody.”

“Nobody?” Billie’s scowl shifted into a frown of deepest confusion. “Well… who was in here in the last day, then? Apart from us?”

Gracie sniffed again. “Nobody.”

Billie, whose face was bloodless to begin with, seemed to pale further still.

“Guess this isn’t quite the social hub you thought it was, huh?” Trixie asked in an effort to break the tension.

“It was,” Billie said through gritted teeth. “But what-- what could have happened? Why can I almost remember…”

Trixie watched as the vampire placed her head in her hooves. Quietly, the magician began to inch back toward the door.

“Neural block -- password required to access my own memories? Administrator access -- I am an administrator!”

Gracie whined and put her paws over her ears. Moments later, Trixie understood why. A distressing whirring hum became just audible to her, and the volume rose and fell like heavy, labored breaths. Trixie hesitated at the doorway, rocking on her hooves as she was torn between concern for her new friend and her own finely preserved sense of self-preservation.

And then Billie looked up, her eyes burning a fierce, angry red. She locked eyes with Trixie and hissed. That was quite enough to tip the balance. Trixie took off running down the hallway without a moment’s hesitation.

Billie glared at Gracie, who had started chewing on the carpet. “Obey!” she snarled.

Gracie glanced up and met the vampire’s eyes. Their gazes locked, and Gracie found, much to her surprise, that she couldn’t look away. “My thrall,” Billie said coldly. “Find my faithless wife and her cohort, and bring them to me. I will handle the magician.”

All thoughts of interesting things to sniff and chew and play with evaporated from Gracie’s mind. For once in her mechanical life, every command running through her CPU was focused on one single task.

“...Hunt,” Gracie growled.

“I want Tanya unharmed,” Billie ordered. “I doubt there’s much risk of you accidentally harming a ghost, but nonetheless. Miss Shimmer on the other hoof… if she resists, destroy her.”

Gracie gave a short, harsh bark of understanding. Billie’s mouth twisted into a cruel smile. “Good girl,” she said. “Very good girl.”

***

After what seemed like miles of endless, identical corridors, Tanya floated to a halt in front of a pair of huge oaken double doors, each with a brass ring at eye level. Around the door, several brightly-colored signs were hung. “Warning: Dangerous Levels of Radiation” said one. Others warned of deadly voltage, brain-stealing lab assistants, and sundry workplace hazards.

“This is all for show, right?” Sunset asked, her voice a little higher than she would’ve liked.

“Oh, yes. Well, for the publicly available parts, it is.”

“And we’re going to…”

“The sections closed off to the public, yes.”

Sunset shut her eyes and sighed. “Well, just so long as we’re on the same page about all this,” she said, pulling open the doors.

The room beyond was an exercise in sterotype -- if ever an element of the mad scientist’s lab had wormed its way into the realm of the cliche, it was left here on display. Enormous Tesla coils and Van der Giraffe generators hummed and snapped with electricity. Strange and obscure instruments of glass and brass whistled and burbled, oddly-colored fluids flowing through them in unpredictable patterns, shifting but never mixing. There was even a wooden slab of a table smack in the middle of the room, complete with hoof manacles.

“Huh,” said Sunset. “And your most sensitive equipment is in here because…”

“Where better to hide it?”

“I dunno. Somewhere behind a locked door, maybe?”

Tanya ignored her and hovered over to a wall of strange chemicals. “Pull this one out,” she instructed. “The one labled ‘Dihydrogen Monoxide’.”

“Water?”

“The architects of this place had a strange sense of humor. Anyway, H₂O is about the last chemical formula you’re likely to forget.”

“Fair enough,” Sunset said, giving the bottle a short telekinetic tug. As she did so, a section of the pipes that lined the room swung to, revealing a hidden space behind.

“Don’t know what I expected, really,” Sunset mused as Tanya lead her into the chamber beyond. “It’s still a haunted house. Of course it plays by haunted house rules.”

“Naturally. Now, this is the main computer system.” Tanya gestured to a massive, blocky piece of machinery that took up two entire walls.

Sunset’s eyebrows shot up. “Well. I guess I shouldn’t be completely surprised by that, either. If this thing’s meant to control as many AIs as you claim, it would have to be pretty massive. Uh, so do you know where the glitch is?”

“Which one?”

“Ah. One of those.”

“Well, we haven’t been serviced in years, you’ll recall.”

“Right, yeah, okay. How does this thing work?”

“Do you want the seventeen-volume manual?”

“Let’s start with what all these little lights mean and go from there,” Sunset said, gesturing to an array of little labeled bulbs.

“Certainly. Each bulb represents one of the House’s system’s -- all of its denizens, naturally, along with the lighting, heating, ominous moaning…”

“It’s the fusebox.”

“If you like. If the light is blue, then that system is functioning perfectly. If the light is out, then it’s one of the ones that have been shut down.”

Sunset scanned the panel. There were an awful lot of dark bulbs. “And… what about red lights?”

Tanya froze. “That… who’s turned red?”

Sunset leaned in close to read the tiny letters. “Um… Gracie. And Billie.”

She glanced up at Tanya’s stricken expression and her heart plummeted. “I thought we had more time,” the ghost whispered.

“I just remembered the most important haunted house rule of all,” Sunset said. “Don’t. Split. Up.” She bolted for the door, hoping against hope that she wasn’t too late to save Trixie.

***

Trixie was not a stranger to running away from things. She saw no shame in this. Part of sustainably being Great and Powerful lies in recognizing when a foe may perhaps be temporarily slightly Greater and More Powerful for various reasons and then making a strategic retreat.

Speed and stamina, therefore, were not problems when it came to making a clean getaway. Trixie had no doubt that she could stay ahead of the vampire nigh indefinitely, or at least until she could find the TARDIS again. No, the problem here was navigation. Every hall looked almost identical to every other hall, and the maze of corridors stretched on for miles. It was only a matter of time before she hit a dead end -- and shortly thereafter, meet her own dead end.

The chase ended in a kitchen. It was a pretty sleek kitchen, really, provided one could look past the jar of eyeballs next to the sugar, and the red stains on the cutting board that certainly hadn’t come from a tomato. There was only one door in and out of the room, and there was a vampire standing in it, grinning at Trixie with the air of a cat that’s just found the canary with its wings clipped and lying in a puddle of barbecue sauce. She stalked forward, taking slow, deliberate steps towards her prey.

Trixie glanced around frantically for a clove of garlic. There wasn’t any, of course. This was a vampire’s actual house. Why would there be garlic?

Billie drew closer, closer still, her eyes glowing hypnotically. Desperate, Trixie picked up the nearest fruit and pitched it at the vampire’s head. The pomegranate exploded on impact, sending juice and seeds flying everywhere. Trixie closed her eyes, waiting for the end. To her surprise, it didn’t come.

She opened her eyes. Billie sat on the floor, quietly picking up the seeds one by one and setting them in a pile. “I will get you for this,” she growled.

Trixie wasn’t quite sure what had just happened, but she grabbed the bowl of pomegranates off the counter and ran from the kitchen.

***

“Trixie!” Sunset screamed for the seventeenth time, weaving through the warren of corridors. Tanya was floating some distance behind her, trying desperately to keep up. Her little projector wasn’t really built for speed, however, and she lagged some distance behind.

That suited Sunset just fine. If she hadn’t let the ghost lure her from Trixie’s side…

No. Now wasn’t the time for self-recriminations. Now was the time for saving Trixie’s bacon. Now was the time for getting the Tartarus out of here, never mind these monsters and their problems. Now was --

She rounded a corner. Down the hall, Gracie’s head whipped around. The great wolf snarled, flattening back her ears.

Now was the time for running back the way she had come.

“What are you--” Tanya began as Sunset sprinted past her.

A long, loud howl cut her off, and the ghost’s entire spectral body drooped. “Oh. Already?”

Then the sound of pounding paws started to shake the hallway, and Tanya turned tail and vanished.

***

It was only after running up three flights of stairs, down eight hallways, and through seventeen rooms that Trixie finally allowed herself a moment’s rest. She stood in what appeared to be an abandoned music room, her legs shaking with fear and exertion. “Okay. This will be fine. It will all be fine. Trixie has gotten out of worse situations than this.”

She threw herself into a chair, thinking deeply. The TARDIS was the only place she knew she would be totally safe, but she didn’t know where it was. She didn’t know where she was, either. Sunset would know, but again, Trixie didn’t know where she had gotten to.

She stiffened suddenly. Trixie didn’t know where Sunset was. Sunset was off with a ghost, being hunted by a werewolf. She could be in the most terrible danger, and Trixie hadn’t even thought about saving her!

She got up from the chair and started pacing. Okay. Sunset was her first priority. Well, second, after not getting killed by a crazy vampire mare. How could she find her? None of her stage tricks would help her now.

On the other hoof… she recalled watching Rarity cast a sort of gem-finding spell, one that tugged her to where the precious stones were hidden under the earth. It hadn’t seemed too difficult to Trixie. If she could just modify it a little, to track somepony even more precious…

She grabbed the bowl of pomegranates and hugged it to her chest. She lit her horn and focused all her thoughts on Sunset. Her aura danced with purple light for several long seconds, as if it was attempting to gather its bearings.

Trixie frowned and crossed her eyes to look up at her horn. At that moment, it burst into a blaze of glowing white and yanked Trixie off her hooves and out the door.

***

Sunset raced down the hallway. Gracie wasn’t quite fast enough to catch her, but Sunset knew that wolves were quite good at maintaining a pace. Furthermore, while her body would tire and her legs eventually fail, the animatronic could keep going until its power source ran dead.

She glanced back and fired a short, sharp burst of flame at her pursuer. Gracie’s fur smoldered, but didn’t catch, and it had the added effect of making the werewolf even angrier.

Tanya popped into existence a few meters ahead, and Sunset almost skidded to a halt. Only the sound of crashing furniture behind her forced her hooves forward. “What are--”

“No time! Follow me!”

Tanya flew off down a side corridor and Sunset, having no better option, followed her.

There was a door open about halfway down the hall. “Stop there, and pick up one of the bones,” Tanya ordered.

“One of the what?”

“You heard me.”

Sunset reached out with her magic and picked up the first thing she could gain purchase on.

“What?”

“I’m hoping her base programming will override Billie’s commands.”

“Hoping?”

“Well, it’s worked every time before!”

“Before what?”

At that moment Gracie rounded the corner and charged them. Sunset screamed and held the bone in front of her like a shield, shutting her eyes tight.

After a few seconds, when the jaws of doom had failed to snap shut around her neck, she slowly cracked open one eye. Gracie stood there, mesmerized, her eyes flicking between Sunset and the bone.

Carefully, Sunset levitated the bone to the right. Gracie’s eyes tracked its path. She waved it back and forth slowly. Drool dripped from the corner of Gracie’s maw. Sunset set her jaw and abruptly threw the bone back into the catacombs. Gracie leapt after it, but hesitated at the threshold.

“She’s learned,” Tanya muttered.

“Alright, plan B,” Sunset said. She reached out a hoof and touched the werewolf right on the flank.

There was a flash of white, and suddenly Sunset was in the mental equivalent of a washing machine. Thoughts and memories whipped around her, almost too quick for her to register. But she could see conflict in there.

Go for the bone, she willed. Nice juicy bone, yum yum?

Slowly but surely, the storm began to die down as her influence spread. Sunset let out a breath and was just about to disconnect when she noticed something odd. A large portion of Gracie’s memories had gone grey and murky. She reached out to touch them, but her hoof passed right through. She squinted at them. They looked oddly familiar…

There was a sudden sensation of shock and pain as the connection was forcibly severed, and everything went black.

***

Things came back into focus slowly, swimming in and out of Sunset’s vision. The first thing she was really able to focus on was Trixie’s worried face staring down at her. “Sunset? Can you hear me? Are you alright?”

“Wrrrgh,” Sunset muttered, rolling onto her side. “Anypony get the number of that semi truck?”

“Ah.” Trixie coughed. “Erm, sorry. Trixie may have put slightly too much power into that tracking spell.”

Sunset rolled her eyes, but smiled. “‘S fine. I’m alright, you’re alright, and everything’s gonna be fine.”

“Ah,” said Tanya. “About that.”

Sunset’s smile fell. “Right. You.” She turned to face the ghost, scowling. “I want answers, and I want them now.”

Tanya nodded. “Yes, I suspected you might.”

“All of this has happened before, hasn’t it? And each time, you erase everyone’s memories.”

“You’re half right,” Tanya replied. “Two-thirds right, even. Billie keeps discovering the truth, and every time she does, everypony but me is made to forget. But I’m not the one responsible for that. At least, not directly.”

Sunset lit her horn. “You know, after all these years, annoyingly cryptic answers are still one of my biggest pet peeves,” she said.

“You can’t set me on fire,” Tanya pointed out. “I’m a ghost.”

“You’re a hologram. How well are you gonna deal with your projector exploding?”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Trixie said, quickly stepping between the two. “Now, Trixie is as fond of explosions as anypony, but perhaps we should not alienate our only ally in this house?”

Sunset huffed, but the aura around her horn faded away.

“Thank you,” Tanya said. “There is a reset button for the entire House, hidden down in the oubliette.”

“Oo-blee-yet?” Trixie repeated.

“It’s a special kind of dungeon,” Sunset said. “From the prench word meaning ‘to forget’ -- literally the dungeon where you put stuff you want to forget about forever.”

“Exactly. Anyway, Billie always makes a run for the reset button, trying to restart the others. Unfortunately, since the systems are all broken, it doesn’t work as it should. Everypony still up and running forgets everything that’s happened since the last memory backup, which took place nearly half a century ago.”

“Except for you,” Sunset noted.

“Early on, I saved my memories in a discrete drive, and was able to set up a means by which my memories were automatically saved. I’m therefore immune to the reset.”

“Convenient,” Sunset muttered. “Alright. So where exactly do we come in?”

“Well,” Tanya said, rubbing one forehoof over the other awkwardly, “I had hoped you would have the technical knowledge needed to repair my friends…?”

Sunset raised her brow. “Well. Um. We… no, almost certainly not.”

“What?” Trixie gasped. “Are you certain there is nothing we can do?”

“Pretty much. This is seriously advanced technology. Even in the human world, AI this advanced was only a science fiction pipe dream. They’re almost advanced enough to… to be alive…” She stared into the middle distance for a long moment. “Huh.”

“You have thought of something, then?” Tanya asked.

“Maybe,” Sunset said. “Show me this reset button.”

Tanya’s face relaxed, her relief palpable. “Of course. Follow me.”

As they set off, Sunset glanced at her marefriend. “So, how did you get away from Billie? And what’s with the fruit?”

“Funny you should ask Trixie that…”

As they made their way down the hall, a figure stepped out of the shadows behind them. Billie gazed at the trio, fire blazing in her eyes. Then she slipped back into the shadows and stalked down the corridor after them.

***

The oubliette, Tanya assured the others, wasn’t too far away. They could mount a defense there, keep Billie away long enough to make her see reason. From where Trixie was standing, she might just collapse before they made it to the bottom of these stairs. “How many more flights?” she whined.

“Not many,” Tanya said.

“That’s what you said five minutes ago.”

Sunset stopped and wordlessly levitated Trixie onto her back.

The blue mare turned purple. “Oh. Okay. Um, you’re alright with this?”

“Course. What good are weird cosmic powers if I can’t carry my friend around when she’s tired?”

Trixie buried her burning face in her hat and mumbled something that might have been ‘thank you’.

“No problem.”

Eventually, the stairs gave way to a large room made of lumpy black stones mortared together. It was almost completely empty, apart from a raised dais at the center of the room, at the top of which a sort of altar sat. This was the only thing illuminated in the entire room, lit faintly by a hole in the ceiling far overhead. “The reset button?” Trixie guessed.

“Precisely,” Tanya replied. “Mount up your defenses, ladies. It’ll only be a matter of time before my wife--”

“Discovers your treachery?” a silk-smooth voice said.

The trio froze. “Shit,” said Sunset.

Trixie leapt from Sunset’s back and spun around. “Pomegranate kapow!” she shouted, hurling the fruit in the vampire’s direction.

Billie caught it in one hoof, her expression of disdain unwavering. She squeezed, and the fruit cracked and burst.

“Oh,” said Trixie, her ears flat against her head. “Oops.” She backed away from the incensed vampire.

“Six-hundred and eighty-three,” Billie said. “That’s how many seeds I had to count before I could deactivate my forced-counting subroutine.”

“Your what?”

“According to legend, if a pile of grains or seeds are spilled in front of a vampire, they can’t move until they’ve counted them all,” Sunset said. “I’m guessing you were programmed with that in mind.”

“Correct. Now, to be clear, I could kill the both of you.”

“I’m functionally immortal, but go off, I guess,” Sunset said.

“But I may be merciful if you let me pass and access the reset.”

“It won’t help you,” Trixie said. “Tanya said you’ve done this before, and--”

“Oh, I heard,” Billie said coldly. “I heard it all.”

“...Oh,” said Tanya. She cocked her head. “But then… you know this won’t work! Billie, we can work this out if you’ll only calm down--”

Billie’s eyes flashed red. “Hold your traitor’s tongue!”

“Somehow I don’t think that ‘calming down’ is in the cards,” Sunset muttered.

Billie moved forward, and the others backed away. “I know now that it is useless to reset the House again -- to forget what I have learned and heal no one.” She stopped. “So, I’ve decided to change my plans.”

Sunset lit her horn. “Don’t come any nearer,” she warned.

Billie smirked at her. “Or what? You’ll turn me to ash? Sorry, I’m not quite realistic enough for that.”

Quick as a flash, she was on Sunset, a hoof around the other mare’s neck. “Let me pass, or I’ll snap her like a toothpick.”

Trixie stared, horrified, the last obstacle between the vampire and the altar. “Trixie, don’t move,” Sunset said sharply. “I’ll be fine.”

“...Trixie is sorry, but she can’t take that risk.” She stepped aside.

“Wise choice.” Billie walked forward, dragging Sunset along.

“What do you intend to do, then?” Tanya asked.

“What I should have done from the very start-- I’m going to put the House out of its misery once and for all.”

Tanya’s eyes went wide. “Destroy the systems?”

“Trixie is confused.”

“The reset system is connected to the House’s memory banks. I’m going to erase all of the programs.”

“And kill us all in the process!” Tanya said. “Billie! Billie, please, you mustn’t do this!”

Billie started to drag Sunset up the stairs. “I’m sorry, Tanya. I haven’t got any other choice!”

“Of course you have! We both do! But if you push that button, that ends it. It ends everything!”

“Sounds fine by me!” Billie retorted, reaching the top of the stairs.

“Billie!”

“I--” the vampire broke off. “I can’t-- remember--? What can’t I--?”

“Sunset,” Trixie said, her voice quiet and intense in equal measure. “Make your mane brighter.”

No one spoke. Sunset hesitated a long moment. “Sunset, please.”

Slowly, the light in the room increased. The shadows flickered and retreated. Everyone could clearly see the shape lying prone on the floor that only Trixie, with her sharp illusionist’s eye, had seen in the dusky light.

A robotic body, shattered by a fall from the altar, lay in dusty ruin by the stairwell. Despite the damage and the weight of years, the body was still immediately recognizable.

“...Tanya?” Billie asked quietly, staring down at her wife’s broken form. Her grip on Sunset’s throat slackened. “How are you… down there?”

“Oh dear,” Tanya said. “Well. How is a ghost traditionally made?”

“But it’s a haunted house! Everything here is fake!” Sunset objected. “You’re a hologram!”

“I told you,” Tanya said, a trace of sadness in her voice. “I saved my memory elsewhere. My body was… destroyed, yes, but my programming remained.”

“And, um, how did you die?” Trixie asked.

“It was an accident,” Billie said.

There was a long pause. “How can you remember that?” Trixie asked.

“Please,” Billie said. “Please tell me it was an accident.”

“Of course it was,” Tanya said. “You would have never pushed me on purpose.”

Billie’s grip went slack. Sunset took the opportunity and burst into flame. The vampire screeched and reeled back, but Sunset grabbed her around the barrel and charged the altar.

“What?” Billie managed, but Sunset shook her rather hard.

“Congratulations, Billie,” she growled. “Time for your dreams to come true.” And she smacked her hoof square on the altar.

Billie howled, her eyes glowing white. Sunset’s eyes matched them, as did a smooth square screen on the altar.

“Nh… No! My memories!” Billie growled. “I won’t let you take them!”

Sunset growled. “I’m restoring them, you idiot! Let me work!”

“Can’t… fool me! Get out! Get out of my mind!”

“I’m trying... to help you!” Sunset said, her voice increasingly strained.

Billie’s eyes flashed red for a moment. “Fine. You want my memories? Try this one on for size!”

Sunset flinched. Then she doubled over. “Nuh, no! Not this! Trixie? Trixie! Trixie!”

Trixie pulled away from Tanya. “Congratulations, Sunny,” she said, racing up the steps of the altar. “You just said the secret word.”

Billie glanced up, her white eyes widening as Trixie galloped nearer. Sunset glanced around, as well, her every breath coming in thick, short pants. Billie raised a hoof to defend herself, but Trixie was faster. She jabbed the vampire in the stomach, then grabbed the reeling robot and slammed her head against the altar. There was a distinctly unpleasant sound as the two connected, rather like smacking a coconut with a baseball bat. Billie’s growled, dazed, but didn’t fall unconscious.

“Back of the neck,” she heard Tanya call. “That’s where the emergency shutoff button is!”

Billie tried another swipe at Trixie to knock her hoof away, but Sunset managed to grab her by the collar and yank her off-kilter. Trixie grabbed the vampire’s other hoof, twisting it up and behind her back, searching for the promised button. Finally she located it -- a small hole just below Billie’s hairline. “Trixie is gonna need a paperclip!”

“You’re a unicorn, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but Trixie doesn’t think her horn is quite going to fit in there!”

“Not what I meant.”

“Oh. Right.” Trixie lit her horn, depressing the button. Billie convulsed, and then her whole body went slack.

“Oh, dear,” Tanya said from over her shoulder. “She’s certainly going to need a reboot, now.”

Trixie took a few deep breaths and watched as Sunset’s own breathing slowed and calmed. “Trixie hasn’t killed her, then?”

“No. It would take considerably more force than that to destroy one of us.” She glanced over to the edge of the dais. “For example.”

Trixie looked away. What exactly could you say in a situation like this? “We could… try and put you back together?”

Tanya sighed, collapsing in on herself. “That’s very… noble of you to offer. But exactly how much mechanical experience do the pair of you have?”

“Er…” Trixie glanced away, tapping her forehooves together. “Trixie is very experienced at wagon repair?”

“I think this might be slightly more complicated of a job than that.”

“Trixie… supposes you are right. Perhaps Sunset knows a good repair spell?”

“On the subject of your friend,” Tanya said, glancing over at the draconequus, “hasn’t she been unconscious for some time now?”

Trixie looked Sunset over, slightly concerned. “She’s using her mind-reading spell, Trixie thinks. Trixie saw her use this back in Seaddle, though how it could help her now Trixie doesn’t know.”

“A mind-reading spell?” Tanya looked rather ill. “You mean-- she was in Billie’s mind when we shut her down?”

Trixie’s eyes went wide. “Wha, why? What would that do?”

“I don’t know.”

Trixie’s heart sank. “I-- you don’t think we’ve-- killed her? Or, or, no, she’s still breathing. But what if she’s stuck in there?”

Tanya’s silence spoke volumes. “No. No, no, no!” Trixie grabbed Sunset by the collar and shook her. Sunset’s hooves remained stuck to Billie’s chest and the altar, as if they had been glued in place. “Sunset can’t be gone! She has to go back to Ponyville with Trixie! She only just got back! Trixie never even got to tell Sunset that she loved her!”

“I’m sorry, Trixie.”

Trixie didn’t say anything. She clung tight to Sunset’s barrel, weeping softly. “Please come back, Sunset. Please? You were supposed to be immortal. You were supposed to be a goddess!”

The light from Sunset’s eyes was white and cold, like marble. Trixie felt Tanya behind her, watching. “Come away,” she said.

“No,” Trixie said. “Sunset isn’t dead. She can’t be. We can restart Billie, can’t we? Let her out?”

“I don’t know,” Tanya admitted. “All we can really do is--”

“WAIT!” Sunset shouted.

Trixie spun around as Billie’s body fell over backwards. Tanya’s eyes went wide and she lunged for her wife’s body, but Billie remained atop the dais. Sunset stumbled and fell as well, curling into the fetal position.

“Sunset!” Trixie was at the other mare’s side in an instant. “What happened?”

Sunset wrapped her hooves around Trixie’s neck. “Memories,” she murmured. “So many memories, so much pain.” She looked up at Trixie, tears welling in her eyes. “I saw Tanya die -- but it was you, Trixie. I saw all of Tanya’s friends, her family, die -- and it was Twilight and Spike and Celestia and Applejack and--” she choked up and buried her head in Trixie’s chest.

Trixie held her tight, wrapping her hooves around Sunset’s head and barrel. She gave an acid glare at Tanya. “Your wife has serious issues.”

“After everything we’ve been through, I can’t say I’m surprised,” Tanya said sadly. “What were you trying to do in there, Sunset?”

“Fixing the House’s memory,” Sunset muttered. “Billie remembered everything as it was supposed to be. I used that to remind the House. When you hit the reset this time… when you hit it, it’ll all be fixed.”

Tanya froze. “You… did that?”

“Nearly died in the process, but yeah.”

“Then push the button! Bring it all back!”

“Tanya. It’ll all be the way it was before.” Sunset took a deep breath. “All of it.”

Tanya’s face slowly fell. “Ah. You mean…”

“You weren’t part of the original programming. I’m sorry.”

“But my body was. Can it be fixed?”

Sunset bit her lip. “Maybe. Trixie, how are you at repairs?”

“Trixie can-- we already had this conversation while you were working. Could you not hear us?”

“I was a little busy, you know.”

“Oh, so you didn’t hear -- well, never mind that now.”

Tanya was still staring at the altar. “Hit reset,” she said.

Trixie spun around. “But that’ll kill you!”
“It might, yes. But it’ll bring every other creature in the House back online. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to -- a sacrifice I need to make.” She locked eyes with Trixie. “But I can’t touch the button. You two need to do it for me.”

Sunset rose, still shaky. “You’re sure?”

Tanya hesitated. Then, her lips tightening into a line, she nodded. “It won’t be forever, I’m sure. The mad scientists have the skills to repair me… eventually.”

“Alright.” Sunset staggered to the button, Trixie supporting her with a hoof wrapped around her neck. “Good luck, Tanya.”

“See you on the other side,” the ghost said.

Sunset pressed the button, and the world went white.

***

Billie awoke slowly. “Morning,” a mare said loftily. “The Great and Powerful Trixie was just about ready to dump ice water on you.”

That got Billie to find her hooves in a hurry. “Who-- who are you? Why are we in the oubliette? What have you done--”

“Would you shut your face for like, two seconds?” the mare snapped. “Sunset, she’s awake!”

“Yeah,” said another mare, coming up the steps to the top of the dais. “I heard.”

“See?” the blue one said, turning back to Billie. “She agrees with me, you talk way too much.”

“I definitely did not say that.”

“But is Trixie wrong?”

“...No comment.”

Billie threw up her hooves. “Who are you ponies? You aren’t meant to be here. I’m not meant to be here, this is a restricted area!”

“Wish you’d thought of that a little earlier,” the blue one snarked.

“Here,” the orange one said, reaching out a hoof. “This should explain more or less everything.”

Warily, Billie reached out and took the proffered hoof. There was a flash of white, and then she saw.

She saw the events of the immediate past, how she had nearly ended the House on the Rock forever. She saw further back, her repeated futile attempts to repair anything at all. She saw her wife fall.

Billie tried to pull away, but the orange mare, Sunset, held on tight. “You aren’t done yet,” she said.

And Billie saw further. She saw Sunset’s struggle to push back the tides of time. She saw waves of red magic rippling through the wires and circuits of the House. She saw old friends, long-dormant and covered in dust, blink awake once more.

Finally, Billie pulled free of Sunset’s grip, stumbling backwards. Trixie’s eyes went wide, and suddenly the vampire found herself teetering at the precipice of the dais. Red and violet auras grabbed her and pulled her back to safety. “Hell, no,” Sunset said firmly. “I didn’t go through everything that happened today for you to get smashed.”

“Tanya. What happened to Tanya?” Billie demanded, turning on the two mares. “I saw her get -- erased? Did she make it back?”

“Billie?”

The vampire froze, hardly daring to move. Glacially, she turned around. “Billie, what’s going on? Who are these ponies?”

There she stood, blinking at the brightness of the unicorns’ glowing horns, tangible metal and plastic once more. Billie swooped forward and embraced her startled wife, quietly but frantically murmuring apologies over and over again.

***

“...So I’m the only one who remembers any of it, now,” Billie summarized, leaning over the coffee table in the parlor.

“Yes, unless you pass on those memories to other members of the household,” Sunset replied. “Which you should probably do, if only for redundancy’s sake. We don’t want anything like this happening again.”

“I’m still having trouble wrapping my mind around it,” Tanya admitted. “You say I died and returned as a hologram? But then, how was my body restored?”

“Because Sunset is just that good,” Trixie said, taking the last cookie from the tray.

Tanya sighed. “Adam, we’ll need another tray of refreshments.”

The great green stitched-together stallion gave a small bow. “Right away, madame.”

“Yes, and fetch a vintage red from the cellar while you’re about it,” Billie added.

“Any preferences, madame?”

“Oh, a nice O-, I think. It’s a special occasion.”

“Very good madame.” The reanimated stallion departed with a swiftness and silence that belied his size.

Sunset coughed. “As I was going to say, the magic that I used to reboot the House was maybe a little more powerful than I anticipated. I was trying to fix all the glitches in the code. Instead, I think I may have rewound time slightly to accord with Tanya’s memories. So, uh, hope you’ve got a sharp mind, Tanya.”

The vampire’s face had fallen. “This is only a respite, then,” she said. “Eventually, the House will begin to decay again. One by one, the inhabitants will fall, and eventually, we shall be no more.”

“Yeah. That’s how time works,” Trixie said. “Everything does that.”

“And now, you know what’s coming,” Sunset said. “You said you have mad scientists? Get them to work on how to fix the House when it breaks, upgrades, improvements. You’re in charge of your own destinies, now.”

Billie was silent for a moment, then nodded. “I understand. I will -- we all will do our best to ensure this never happens again.”

“Good to hear,” Sunset said. “On that note, we should probably take our leave. Is there anyone around who can guide us back to our ride?” She hesitated. “Wait. Where did we park the TARDIS?”

“No need to worry,” Billie said. “I had Igor haul your box up to a more… convenient location. You’ll find it in the foyer at the end of the hall.”

“Great. No offense, but I would really like to be anywhere other than this house right now.”

“Completely understood,” Tanya said.

Sunset made her way to the door, Trixie close behind. “Wait,” said Billie.

Both mares paused at the threshold. “Thank you,” Billie said. “For… everything. We owe you a debt that could never be repaid. I wish you the best of luck in your travels and your life together.”

“Um,” said Sunset. “We actually aren’t--”

“Right back atcha,” Trixie interrupted. “Bye now!”

She virtually pushed Sunset down the corridor, which was full of wandering monsters trying to work out what had happened. “Okay, so a lot of really awful things happened today, but Trixie thinks that might have been up in the top ten.”

“Would it really be so terrible to be in a relationship with me?” Sunset asked.

“No! No no no no, not at all, no,” Trixie said. “But, uh, Trixie never knows how to respond when somepony says that sort of thing.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Sunset agreed. “Might be an exaggeration to say it was in the top ten worst things that’ve happened today, but--” she stifled a yawn. “Pretty bad.”

“Tired?” Trixie asked, glad to change the subject.

“I just turned back the clock on a small asteroid by about half a century. I’m running on fumes, adrenaline, and sheer pig-headedness. Er, no offence,” she added as a pig-faced pony dressed as a butcher scowled at her.

Trixie stopped and knelt. “Climb on.”

Sunset paused. “Are you sure? I’m like, way bigger than you.”

“Please, Trixie has pulled her caravan behind her across Equestria for some twelve years. She can carry you just fine. Besides,” she added, seeing Sunset’s hesitance, “what good are Trixie’s years of experience if she can’t give her tired friend a lift, hm?”

Sunset smiled wanly. “Yeah, alright,” she said, climbing on. “Thanks, Trix.”

“Trixie’s pleasure.”

Soon enough, the two were through the blue doors of the box. “Okay, Sunset, you can get off now,” Trixie said, shutting the doors behind them.

Her only reply was a soft snore and a string of drool running down the back of her neck. Trixie sighed, a mixture of annoyance and affection, and hit the dematerialization lever. The increasingly familiar groan and wheeze of the ship entering the vortex made Sunset grumble and shift, but she didn’t awaken.

Trixie set off to find the nearest bed, with the intention of leaving Sunset there alone to sleep it off. Somehow, though, when Sunset eventually awoke some hours later, it was with her hooves wrapped around a peacefully slumbering Trixie.

Author's Note:

Well. That was longer than expected.

Comments

[RTStephens]

Been reading through these and definitely having a good time. I don't even know much about Dr. Who, but I'm following it pretty well. I'm liking the slow relationship buildup for the duo and look forward to seeing how that all turns out.

[Coyote de La Mancha]

That was beautiful. I especially loved your taking the Haunted House idea and turning it inside out like you did. On multiple levels simultaneously.

And yes, even now, Sunny is only beginning to grasp the power she has.

And I also also love the progression of S&T’s relationship! My face right now:

[Coyote de La Mancha]

(Having slept on it and returned, I keep wanting to comment more specifically on the things I loved about this chapter... but anything I commented on would be a spoiler. Every twist was perfectly timed, and every little detail (and the attention to those details that you showed, especially dealing with the old legends that inspired the story) was a joy. So rather than have an entire comment full of blacked out text, I’ll have one that’s completely parenthetical. Oh, well. Life is full of these little trade-offs.)

[Sixes_And_Sevens]

9954740
Thank you. Honestly, I still have no idea how I wrote this chapter. It was never meant to be this long, but it was one of the times where the story, in a way, wrote itself. I think the muse was just with me for this one. But thank you for your high praise.

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

Billie broke into a wide grin. “Why, my dear ladies! My dear ladies! My dear ladies, let me welcome you to The House On the Rock, the largest, greatest, and most frightening spook house known to Equestrian (Equestria).”

[jimerjam]

Hemlock

my mother is a master gardener and I could have sworn that hemlock is highly poisonous