Ruler of Everything

by Sixes_And_Sevens

Warriors of the Deep

Tender Care shoved through the doors of Ponyville General and barely restrained her speed to below a gallop to the front desk. She slammed her hooves down as she came to a halt. She looked at the receptionist. He had bags under his eyes and a sag in his jaw. She made an attempt to smile at him, but didn’t quite succeed. “Hi! I’m looking for Button Mash? Failing that, Nurse Redheart, please.”

The receptionist nodded. “Popular destination, this evening. Not that I can blame anypony, given the circumstances. Room 347. And --” he hesitated for a moment. “I’m sorry, ma’am. Really sorry.”

Tender’s mouth drew up tight. “Don’t apologize until you have to,” she said. “He’s still alive, isn’t he?”

“To the best of my knowledge, yes, ma’am.”

Tender nodded, attempted another smile, failed again, and hurried off.

Room 347 was the East Wing of the third floor -- the coma ward. Tender barged into the hallway and stopped. She was surrounded by familiar faces. Lofty patted a sobbing Holiday on the back as the earth pony wept into a hoofkerchief. Thunderlane and Flitter had each taken one of Cloudchaser’s shoulders to cry on. Hondo Flanks stared blankly at the wall while his wife, Cookie Crumbles, leaned on his withers. Granny Smith sat in the corner. She looked older than Tender had ever seen her, like a balloon on a hot summer day.

Every Crusader was now represented, save one. For a fleeting moment, Tender envied Ditzy and the Doctor. They, at least, weren’t awake to know their daughter had met the same fate they had themselves. The moment passed, and Tender felt instantly guilty. “Any news?” she asked softly.

Cloudchaser shook her head. “Not really. It’s the same thing that got the Princesses and everybody. None of us know much besides that.”

Tender closed her eyes for a long moment, then nodded. She glanced around the room for an empty seat, then took the one next to Hondo. The vigil was begun.

---

“How long have we been walking now?” Rumble asked plaintively.

“‘Bout three minutes longer since th’ last time y’all asked,” Apple Bloom grumbled.

“Probably around half an hour,” Dinky said, consulting the Silurians' sonar map.

“Then shouldn’t we have found the entrance to the tower by now? It wasn’t that far away.”

“We’re not traveling straight toward the tower, though,” Sweetie pointed out. “There are all kinds of twists and turns in this tunnel, plus the forks in the path…”

Rumble frowned. “Can’t you use that detection spell like you did earlier? We’d get to the tower in no time.”

“You remember how out-of-control that spell actually is, right?” Sweetie asked. “I’d be dashed to pieces if I even tried. The map will get us there, don't worry.”

Rumble let out a long groan and slumped forward. “I hate this. Just, so much.”

Scootaloo patted him on the withers. “We know, big guy. Just keep it up, you’re doing great.”

Suddenly, Dinky came to a halt. Sweetie and Button crashed into her, knocking her to the ground, and then the other three crashed into them, until all six Crusaders were sprawled on the ground. No one said anything for a minute, but then Sweetie giggled. “Boy. It’s amazing we never got our cutie marks for tripping over one another, huh?”

The others all chuckled, too. Dinky pulled herself up from the ground. “Hey, Sweetie. Dim your horn a minute, I think I saw something.”

“Shouldn’t I brighten it, then?”

“Not for this.” Dinky let her horn’s light go out, and obediently, Sweetie dimmed her own horn to nigh-imperceptible levels of light. And yet, up ahead, pale light gleamed off the smooth tunnel wall.

Apple Bloom’s eyebrows rose. “D’you think that could be th’ way into th’ tower?”

Dinky scratched her chin, eyeing the fork in the road thoughtfully. “Could be,” she said.

“What else could it be?” Button asked, wary.

Dinky thought about that for a moment. “There, you have me,” she admitted. “I’m not getting any weird information in my head about this one, which, hey, let me be honest here? Kind of a mixed blessing.”

“Do you mean getting the information is the mixed blessing, or not getting the information is?” Scootaloo asked.

“Yes,” Dinky said.

They all stared at the faint light. “So…” Button said. “I guess we put this to a vote? Who’s in favor of checking out the light?”

“I am,” Rumble said. “I really really am. I want out.”

“Yeah, Ah say we check it, too.”

Dinky rubbed her cheek. “I feel like this might be a trap,” she said. “It’s just… too obvious, right?”

Sweetie twisted her forehoof on the ground. “Maaaaybe,” she said at length. “But on the other hoof, it could be designed so we overthink things and second-guess ourselves and stay away from the actual way into the tower.”

Button sighed. “It’s just -- can we really take the risk that it isn’t the way up? We have to look, at the very least. Right?”

Scootaloo nodded. “Makes sense to me.”

Dinky screwed up her mouth into a tight, twisted bow. “Alright. I’m in. I think I’m correct in saying there are no dissenting votes?”

Everypony shook their heads.

“Then we’ll take a peek. But if anypony thinks that something seems suspicious, or off in any way, we retreat. Sound good?”

“I’m on board,” Scootaloo said. The others nodded their agreement.

Dinky licked her lips. “Alright. Let’s go.”

---

Tender Care wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting in the waiting room before the doors of the ward opened. It could have been five minutes. It could have been an hour. The evening was late, her son was in peril, and she simply no longer had the ability to comprehend any time beyond ‘much too long’.

But at last, the doors opened. Romana stepped out first. Usually, she looked as fresh and perky as a daisy. Now, she just looked wilted. Nurse Redheart, who stepped out after her, looked even worse. Tender rose from the chair and stumbled toward her marefriend on legs stiff with pins and needles. Redheart embraced her, and let the tan mare nuzzle into her withers.

Romana cleared her throat. All eyes, red and swollen and teary, fell on her. “Let me begin with the good news,” Romana said. “Everyone is currently fine, more or less. The Crusaders are slightly cooler than they ought to be, but are in no danger on that front. Twilight is still suffering from the magic drain, but we’ve got her on the IV drip. At the moment, all the patients currently appear fine, except Discord, whose heartbeat is... currently forming the bassline of all of DJ P0N-3’s top singles. We’re not sure what that means, if anything, so we’re not going to worry unless their heart either completely stops or starts beating a normal pulse.”

The hopeless stares continued. Romana stopped for a moment to gather her composure. “Now, the bad news,” she said. “Their minds are trapped in a simulated environment. Anything that happens in that environment will affect their corporeal forms. There’s only so much we can do to help them out here.”

Granny Smith tilted her head back. “Only so much?” she echoed. “Meanin’ -- meanin’ there is summat we can do?”

Romana nodded. “Things like refilling Twilight’s magic IV drip, or putting a cold compress on a feverish body. We can observe their needs and meet them as best we can.”

“Don’t worry,” Redheart said. “We’ll be working around the clock to care for them.”

“Do you --” Cookie Crumbles hesitated. “Do you know when they’ll wake up again?”

Romana let out a long, heavy sigh. “No,” she said. “There’s no way of knowing that.”

“You may as well go home,” Redheart said. “There’s nothing you can do tonight.”

“Oh, isn’t there?” Tender Care said, pushing herself upright.

Redheart blinked. “Er, no. Not really.”

“Red. I know you know the physical side of medicine inside and out. But I’m the expert on therapy.” She turned to the other parents and guardians. “Right now, our kids, our friends, our leaders, and Discord, are all trapped in a strange new world. They’re frightened. We can be there for them. Maybe not directly, but nearly. Red, can we sit in with the patients?”

Redheart blinked several times. “Visiting hours are long since over,” she said slowly. “But, I think we can make an exception, if you really think it would help…”

Both mares turned their attention to Romana. She stared back and shrugged. “Frankly, I don’t know how much you could get across. But I doubt it would do any harm. Why not?”

“Alright, then,” Redheart said. “Pile in, ladies and gentlecolts. It’s going to be a long, dark night.”

---

Sweetie Belle peered around the corner first, scanning the walls, floor, and ceiling for anything untoward. “All clear,” she whispered.

All six Crusaders crept down the corridor. The light was brighter now, though they still couldn’t see the source. Dinky and Sweetie had both extinguished the glow of their horns, as the corridors were now well-lit enough to navigate safely.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Dinky muttered.

“Why?” Button asked. “Are you getting weird thoughts again?”

“No, I just don’t like it,” Dinky replied.

“Probably just you being a pessimist, then.” Apple Bloom said. “Nothin’ unusual ‘bout that. Keep it movin’.”

Dinky scowled at that, but didn’t argue, marching onwards toward the end of the corridor.

At the corner, Rumble stuck his head around. Immediately he pulled it back, his eyes wide.

“What?” Scootaloo hissed. “What did you see?”

Dinky gestured back the way they had come, inquiringly. Rumble shook his head. “Door,” he mouthed. “Take a look.”

Dinky peered around the corner. Indeed, there was a door there -- a great slab of shined stainless steel. It stood ajar. Beyond it lay a well-lit corridor, lined with more shined metal panels. Dinky looked around. No one appeared to be there, nor could she see any obvious traps. She pulled her head back. Rumble looked at her expectantly.

“I dunno,” Dinky said. “I mean, yeah. It is a door. But that didn’t look like the inside of that old crumbling tower we saw, did it? And I don’t think we’re in the right place for it, either…”

“That doesn’t matter, though,” Rumble said. “We can’t go based on what appears to be true. We’re in a dream, right? We saw already that location and distance are malleable. Why not interior decorating, too?”

Apple Bloom took her turn peering around the corner. “Ah’ll say this for it, looks a lot nicer in there than it does out here. Could be a sign of civilization.”

“That's true, but which civilization?” Button asked. “It could easily be more Silurians.”

“Or anythin’ else, eeyup,” Apple Bloom acknowledged with a bob of her head.

“No risk, no reward,” Scootaloo said. “I say we go for it, we can always fight our way out if we need to.”

“I mean, ‘always’ is a very strong term to use,” Rumble said.

“Hey, guys? I really think we should go in,” Sweetie Belle said.

“Oh?” Button looked at Sweetie Belle. She was staring down the hallway, her expression frozen. He followed her gaze. A tall, dark creature that looked like a mutant minotaur stared back. “Yep, okay, I’m with you.”

The minotaur-thing advanced toward them. “RUN!” Rumble screamed, and all four took off toward the door. Behind them, they heard an enraged mooing noise and heavy hoof-fall. Dinky slammed the door shut as they all passed through.

“Keep going! I dunno how long that’s going to hold it!”

The party wound around corners and forks in the road at speed. Eventually Button shouted, “Stop! Stop. Can’t keep. Going.”

The others all slowed to a halt as the brown stallion slumped against a wall, panting. “You think. We. Lost him?” Dinky asked, struggling to regain her own breath.

“Must’ve,” Apple Bloom said. “Keep yer ears open, though, an’ yer eyes peeled. He’s probably still searchin’ for us. Dinks? What’s th’ map say?”

Dinky levitated the sonar map in front of her. Then she frowned. “That can’t be right,” she said. “It says there should be a pair of branching corridors around here.”

All six looked up and down the hallway. It was a straight shot from one end to the other, with no forks or turns. “Didja smack it or somethin’ when you were runnin’?” Apple Bloom suggested.

“Maybe -- it’s just -- gotten off -- center,” Button suggested. “Lemme -- take a -- look -- at it.”

Dinky silently passed it over, and Button gratefully sagged over it, inspecting the screen and casing.

“So,” said Scootaloo. “I’m guessing this isn’t where we want to be.”

“Gee, ya think?” Rumble said.

“Hey,” Sweetie said firmly. “No fighting. We all agreed to come and check this place out.”

Rumble took a deep breath in and nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. Just a little, y’know. Stressed.”

“Alright,” Button said. “I think I’ve nearly fixed it.”

Dinky glanced over. “Why, what did you do?”

“Turned it off and turned it on again. Should be coming back online… now.”

There was a cheerful little boodle-oop! as the map flashed back into life. Button beamed at the screen as an image swam into view. Just as quickly, though, his face fell. “I don’t get it,” he muttered, tapping the screen. “It’s still got those side-halls running through it. And --” he squinted. “Little dots?”

Apple Bloom muscled in. “Movin’ dots,” she noted.

The sound of echoing hooves could just be heard coming ever closer to the group.

“Time to run again,” Rumble said, rising.

“How did it find us so quickly?” Scootaloo asked.

At the end of the hallway, they could all now see a horribly familiar figure marching toward them. Then another. Then another.

“Three!” Sweetie squealed as they all raced for the end of the hall. “There are three of them!”

Dinky skidded to a halt. “Oh no,” she muttered. “No, I thought there was a turn here. The map says there’s a turn here!”

But as they could all see, they had run into a dead end.

The creatures' horns began to glow menacingly with orange and yellow light as they advanced on the six trapped ponies.

---

The coronation of Prince Blueblood had gone off without a hitch, which was just bloody typical. The one time Blueblood had wanted an event protested in the streets, or interrupted by alien marauders, or otherwise delayed, it was over and done with in under an hour and a half. The turnout had been slim, of course. It had been a rushed affair, and most of Canterlot was sound asleep, blissfully unaware that the balance of power hadn’t so much shifted as it had collapsed in upon itself.

Of course, the ones that were awake tended to be around for their own reasons. Blueblood had been running Night Court for all of twenty minutes, and his tongue was beginning to bleed from all the times he’d had to bite it. “I’m afraid, Lord Snootybottom, that the Crown’s budget will not stretch to purchasing you a yacht for your backyard pool,” he said.

Lord Snootybottom shrugged. “It needn’t be a new yacht. I’d accept one secondhoof.”

Blueblood stared at him. “Well. That changes things, I suppose.”

Lord Snootybottom’s moustache curled up in delight. “Does it?”

“Technically, yes. I’m still not buying you a yacht, though.”

Lord Snootybottom scowled. “I’m a citizen! I have the rights to buy whatever I please!”

Blueblood thought about that for a moment. “Yes,” he said slowly. “You’re perfectly within your rights to buy yourself a yacht. But I don’t see --”

“What do I pay my taxes for if not to get things from the government, hm?”

Blueblood blinked. “Lord Snootybottom. You haven’t paid your taxes in over three decades.”

The noblestallion waved a hoof dismissively. “I was using the public ‘I’! Taxes are paid to buy things for the populace, yes? Well, I’m a member of the populace, and I want a backyard yacht!”

Blueblood glanced sidelong at his assistant for the evening, Raven. She merely shrugged. “Lord Snootybottom,” Blueblood said carefully. “If I buy you a yacht, then everypony will want a yacht.”

The noblestallion shrugged. “So buy them all yachts.”

“‘Everypony’ includes the commoners, Lord Snootybottom.”

For the first time, his Lordship looked unsure of himself. “But… commoners can’t have yachts. How will they know we’re better than them if we all have yachts?”

“They won’t.”

Snootybottom went pale and began to shake uncontrollably. “But… but… they’re commoners!”

“Mm.”

“I withdraw my petition!” Snootybottom turned and fled from the courtroom. Echoing after him, one could hear him howling, “The horror! The horror!”

Blueblood leaned over to Raven. “How in the world do my aunts do this for a full court session?” he hissed.

She made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat. “A combination of years of experience and a pot of tea every hour.”

Blueblood furrowed his brow. “Tea?” he echoed.

“Tea. With milk, honey, and half a bottle of whiskey poured in.”

“Ah. Do you think…”

“Unfortunately, you lack an alicorn’s metabolism.”

“Shame.”

Raven pursed her lips. “A shot per pot?”

“Better than nothing.” Blueblood sighed. “I hate this. I owe so much to the Doctor. I want to be responsible for bringing his attacker to justice, not engaging in a battle of wits with a bunch of unarmed combatants.”

Raven glared at him. “Your highness. You are the last bastion between this nation and total anarchy. You’re saving the nation this way, too. It might not be as personally satisfying, but you are instrumental in ensuring the stability of Equestria, and the world as we know it.”

“Mm, yes. Terrifying, isn’t it.” He straightened up. “Well, get the kitchen staff to put the kettle on. I’m going to need it.”

Raven nodded and hurried off. Blueblood consulted his list. “Next petitioner for the Crown… Mr. Grump.”

An orange-coated stallion with a disastrous mane stood up. Blueblood blinked. Was that an alicorn? No. It was an earth pony with a paper cone taped to his head and poorly-constructed cardboard wings strapped to his back. “I wanna build a wall on the border to Griffonstone,” said Grump. “To keep the birds out.”

Blueblood wondered if it was at all possible to guzzle an entire pot of tea in one go.

---

In the Sepulchre of Rassilon, the Doctor trudged back into the light. “No good,” he said without preamble. “No escape hatches, no secret tunnels, no hidden doors. We’re stuck.”

“Oh,” said Shining Armor. “Well. Can’t say I’m all that surprised, but it’s still a shame.”

The Doctor slumped on the steps. “There’s always a way out,” he said, half to himself. “Always. I just have to be clever enough to find it.”

Everypony else exchanged glances. “Er,” said Discord. “Far be it from me to actually solve a problem…”

“I just feel so, so useless,” the Doctor sighed. “Thick, thick Doctor.”

Celestia coughed into a hoof. “Old friend,” she began, “I feel that we might have found something that you’ve overlooked.”

“Probably so,” the Doctor said glumly. “I’m an idiot. A twit. A dummy. And thick. That’s what I am. Dummy thick.”

Silence fell. Sunset rubbed her muzzle with a hoof, trying desperately to figure out a way to balance the obvious joke with a note of comfort.

“Doctor,” Ditzy said kindly. “You’re as skinny as a rake. I get to be the dummy thicc one in our relationship, alright?”

“You do possess a most excellent plot, fair Ditzy,” Luna noted.

“Thank you, it’s all down to the muffins and regular exercise. But Doctor, I really think you should consider --”

“I just feel like the answer is staring me in the face!” the Doctor groaned, glaring at the double doors at the front of the room.

Silence reigned. With a sigh and a roll of her eyes, Mac took one of the door handles in her teeth and pulled. Slowly, the great portal swung open. The Doctor stared at it for a long moment. “Ah,” he said.

Applejack made a beeline for the door. “C’mon. If we’re goin’, let’s go.”

“Oh, I’m so stupid!” the Doctor howled.

Ditzy put a wing over his back. “Only sometimes, hon. And we all love you anyway.”

She led the miserable Doctor out into the hallway. Discord watched them go, his brow furrowed. “I don’t like this,” they muttered to Celestia. “The Doctor’s a lot of things -- irritating, egotistical, phenomenally lucky -- but this is new.”

“Not a change for the better,” Celestia agreed grimly. “I have to wonder how much of it falls to the influence that the Valeyard has gained over them, and how much is… well. Just the Doctor.”

“Oh, that’s no question,” Discord said, narrowing their eyes. “After all. They’re one and the same, aren’t they.”

Celestia nodded. “Be on your guard. You know how unpredictable the Doctor is even at the best of times.”

Discord hesitated, tapping their fingers together. “Y’know, I hate to even suggest it to you, Sunbutt, but, well… you remember that little trick I did with the little tap on the noggin?”

“Absolutely not. You can’t interfere with anypony’s mental state!”

“You say that as though their mind hasn’t been quite thoroughly boggled already,” Discord said darkly. “Fine. I’ll keep it for my last resort. And before you get all high and mighty, Luna already told me about your Plan B.”

Celestia had opened her mouth to object, but shut it with a snap. She was silent for a long moment. “Your plan could never work long-term.”

“Yours could only work in the longest of terms,” Discord said coolly.

“...Very well,” Celestia said. “You may try your way first. But only as the penultimate resort.”

“Deal,” Discord said, extending their lion’s paw. Celestia shook it firmly.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

“Do you mean getting the information is the mixed blessing, or not getting the information is?” Scootaloo asked.
“Yes,” Dinky said.

Yeah, she's one of the Doctor's alright.

Blueblood getting through to Lord Snootybottom was both amazing and the exact tension release the story needed.

“Tea. With milk, honey, and half a bottle of whiskey poured in.”

That explains so much.

That’s what I am. Dummy thick.

I'm trying to escape from these Daleks, but...

As for Discording the Doctor... Well, I'm somewhat concerned, based on my past experience with pony Tumblr blogs, but we already basically have Discorded Hooves in the form of the Valeyard, don't we? Still, I don't see that ending well. Hopefully it won't come to that point... but you just put Chekov's Mind Whammy on the mantlepiece. We'll see what happens from here.

[Shilic]

Warriors of the Deep, a story that, from my recollection... is just The Silurians again, except this time in an underwater base during a Cold War. (Come to think of it, most Silurian stories are just The Silurians. And now I want a Silurian story where they've integrated with humans and have a conflict around that. It worked for the Zygons...)

You know, I'm beginning to think you might have some kind of bias towards Nimons. I should watch The Horns of Nimon again...

I would have made a dummy thicc joke, but not only did FoME already do it, you did too.

To be fair, this is hardly the first time the Doctor has forgotten to check if the door wasn't locked. Hell, one time he forgot three times on the same door!

[Coyote de La Mancha]

An orange-coated stallion with a disastrous mane stood up. Blueblood blinked. Was that an alicorn? No. It was an earth pony with a paper cone taped to his head and poorly-constructed cardboard wings strapped to his back. “I wanna build a wall on the border to Griffonstone,” said Grump. “To keep the birds out.”

Blueblood wondered if it was at all possible to guzzle an entire pot of tea in one go.

Poor Blue. My heart truly goes out to him.

The dummy thicc joke is hereby appreciated and honoured.

Ditzy put a wing over his back. “Only sometimes, hon. And we all love you anyway.”

Ah, now that’s friendship and true love, both.

And now, the bargain betwixt Celestia and Discord... Yeah. That’s not encouraging.

[Sixes_And_Sevens]

10630240

Poor Blue. My heart truly goes out to him.

It's weird because I love him, but he's also so much fun to torment.

Ah, now that’s friendship and true love, both.

Best of both worlds!