Strange Fingers
The conversation at today’s lunch table was...odd to say the least. For the most part, it wasn’t exactly out of the norm, well, the base of the subject wasn’t: boys.
What wasn’t the norm, was why they were having the conversation. It had been a spontaneous thing, and now most of the seven teenagers who sat at that lunch table were really, really starting to regret letting the person who started the conversation to keep going.
“I’m just saying dude,” Rainbow said, popping a french fry into her mouth. “Princess Twilight and Flash? She won’t know where to start,”
“You’re lacking faith in her abilities, darling,” Rarity responded, putting her compact mirror away. “Every girl is born with the power to seduce and bed a man.”
“Speak for yourself,” Twilight Sparkle responded, adjusting her glasses and trying to hide her blush. She knew they were talking about her dimensional counterpart, but it was still awkward and embarrassing nonetheless.
“She was,” Applejack said before she popped a grape into her mouth, “just ask her three dates to last years Fall Formal.”
“Don’t be jealous, darling,” Rarity turned her head to face Applejack, “I’m sure if you dressed more feminine you could have gotten a real date to the dance, instead of going with your cousin. What was his name? Braid-burn?”
“One, his name was Braeburn,” she held up two fingers as she spoke, “and two, he wasn’t my date. He just needed a lift is all.”
“What’s the big deal about bringing a date to a dance anyway?” Sunset asked, “all you do is dance and drink punch while staring into their eyes and pretending to be in love. It’s much more fun to go with friends.”
“I’m pretty sure that pretending part only applies to you,” Pinkie said as she reach for one of Rainbow Dash’s fries, “I mean you were using Flash to become more popula—Ow!”
She drew back her hand after Rainbow smacked it, “that wasn’t very nice!” She rubbed the back of her hand, “it really hurt!”
“You should have thought about that before you tried to steal a fry.” She picked up a french fry and threw it into her mouth.
“But Dashie,” Pinkie leaned forward until her face was an inch away from her friend’s, “sharing is caring.”
“I am sharing, Pinkie. I’m sharing my fries with my mouth.” She grabbed a handful of fries and stuffed them into her mouth, “mmmm!” She moaned as she chomped down. Bits of fried potato flew onto the table from her mouth.
“Ewww!” Rarity shouted as a bit flew into her food. She shoved the lunch tray away, “Dash, please chew with your mouth closed! We’re not animals!”
“Ahem,” Sunset cleared her throat.
Rarity paused. Her pure, white cheeks lit up, almost turning the same shade as Pinkie’s skin. She smiled awkwardly, “erm, no offense, darling.”
“I think Flash and Princess Twilight would make an adorable couple,” Fluttershy said. Her voice was so soft spoken that she almost wasn’t heard over Rainbow’s chewing, “um, if that’s ok with everyone else.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but like, does she know how to, you know,” she made a jerking motion with her hand.
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity exclaimed, appalled.
“What? You’re the one who was just sitting here talking about how every girl was born to please!” Rainbow said in her defense. “Which, by the way, is kind of messed up.”
“I have to agree with Rainbow,” Applejack intervened, “that is kinda messed up.”
“I never said that!” Rarity’s voice rose as she stared at them, “I just said every woman is born with the ability to bed any man she wants! I never said it was her duty!”
“Hehe!” Pinkie giggled. “Duty!”
“You should have been more pacific.” Rainbow said, folding her arms.
“Specific. And that is why you have a C- in Mr. Cranky’s English class,” Sunset retorted, snorting.
“As long as it’s not an F, I don’t care.” Rainbow shrugged.
“Um, what does this mean?” Twilight asked as she repeated the action Rainbow had done earlier.
“Oh come on!” Rainbow shouted as she threw her arms into the air, “how old are you?!”
“I’m a nerdy shut in, so it doesn't matter how old I am,” Twilight grumbled.
“Even Fluttershy knows what that means, and she’s the tamest one out of all of us!” Rainbow jammed her finger in the direction of Fluttershy.
All eyes turned to their meek friend. Her eyes grew wide and her pupils shrunk to the size of pins. She slowly slid down her chair until she was sitting under the table with her knees pressed against her chest.
“Not again,” Applejack sighed, biting into her apple.
“The only one who’s probably even less knowledgeable about this stuff is Sunset.” Rainbow sat back down into her seat. She picked up a fry, “I mean, she did come from a land of ponies.”
“Hey, I’m just as knowledgeable as Fluttershy,” Sunset interjected. “I know everything about stuff you need to do to a guy’s finger.”
“Wait, wait, Flash is into finger stuff?” Rainbow asked. “Is there even such a thing as finger stuff?”
“Don’t you all know about the things to do to a finger? Like, sucking on it, and stroking on it, until the white stuff comes out?” Sunset asked, looking around.
There was a moment of silence before Rainbow busted out laughing, doubling over and banging her hand on the table.
The girls around her stared at Sunset incredulously. Even Fluttershy poked her head up to stare at her.
Sunset puffed out her cheeks. “What? Isn’t what he has down there another finger?”
“Well, it does get point—”
Applejack quickly reach over and grabbed a handful of Rainbow’s fries. She stuffed them in Pinkie’s mouth, cutting her off.
“Hey!” Rainbow yelled, “those were my fries!”
“Trust me; your brain will thank me for saving it a couple of IQ points.”
“All silliness aside, I think Sunset should see the Sex Ed teacher for a talk,” Twilight placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder as she spoke.
“CHS doesn’t have a Sex Ed teacher,” Rainbow grumbled. She looked down at the pile of fries that now had a large hole in the middle thanks to Applejack.
“What?!” Twilight gasped, “you don’t? Well, then did you have one in middle school?”
“Nope,” Applejack crossed her arms, “some parents thought it was too inappropriate to be teachin’ their kids about the birds and the bees, so now CHS and CMS can’t teach it.”
“Parents like a certain country grandmother,” Rarity muttered as she fixed her eyeshadow with her compact mirror.
“Granny don’t want us having kids early,” Applejack responded, rolling her eyes.
“Must be why she sent you to the dance with your cousin,” Rarity mumbled, putting on her makeup.
“Again, he just needed a ride. I was the only one that was able to drive him.”
“Why didn’t Big Mac give you guys a ride?” Rainbow asked.
“He only had enough room for one person in his pick up, and he was already taking someone.”
“Oh! Oh! Oh!” Pinkie rushed over to her, “who was it? Was it a friend?”
“W-Well, I guess you could call them a friend.”
“Was it another one of your cousins?” Rarity smirked.
Applejack glared at her. “No,” she said between gritted teeth, “it was a date.”
“That doesn’t answer my—”
“Dang it, Rarity!” Applejack slammed her hands on the table. She jumped up from her seat, causing it to fall over. “No one in my family dates our relatives! That is just a southern stereotype and you know it!”
“A southern stereotype that almost always turns out to be true,” Rarity retorted, turning to her and shutting her compact mirror.
“Rarity, I’m going to beat you senseless if you make one more jab at my family!” Applejack shouted, rolling up her sleeves.
“What even prompted this conversation? Does anyone even remember?” Sunset asked, blinking.
“Rainbow was talking about if Princess Twilight could please Flash.” Rarity answered for her.
“Yeah, but you called dicks fingers!” Dash said, pointing to her friend. “Don't change the subject! Have you ever seen one before?"
Sunset shrugged. “Kind of. Well maybe. I think. Does seeing one online count?”
“Duh!” Pinkie responded. “Of course it does!”
Sunset nodded. “Then yeah, I've seen one. Plus I know what to do with one so it doesn't matter if I called it a finger.”
“Yes it does!” Rainbow shouted. “What would you say to a guy if you were going down on him? That you wanted to see his finger? That'd probably make him lose his boner in ten seconds flat! What do you call boobs? Butts?”
“Well, where I come from your boobs are closer to your butt so...”
“I'm sorry, what?”
“Have you guys never seen a horse?” Sunset asked incredulously.
“Yeah but like, I've never looked at a horse and went ‘hmmm I wonder if it has boobs’ that’s weird!” Dash told her.
“Um,” Fluttershy said, “If I may interject, maybe we should be more sympathetic to Sunset's point of view since you know, she is a pony.”
“Look I'm going to solve this right now,” Sunset said, pulling out her journal. “Dear Princess Twilight,”
“Why do you always say what you're writing out loud?” Pinkie wondered before she was shushed by the other girls.
“The girls and I have a question for you. Well two. First, what do you call those things that human guys have, and second, would you know what to do with one?” Sunset finished her letter and put the book down. “And now, we wait.”
Not a moment later, the journal buzzed.
Aren't they called fingers? Also, I would know what to do with one because I read a book on it once. It was in your world. Your books on human biology are really graphic.
“Ha! See?!” Sunset gloated as the bell ending lunch rang.
“Unbelievable.” Rainbow Dash said, putting her head in her hands.
Sunset patted her back. “It's okay Dash, I'm pretty knowledgeable about this kind of stuff.”
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I'd love to see more of these conversations between the girls!
This was so cringy that I'm going to need to read every Sunlight Ship story to wash it off my head. I just can't imagine Princess Twilight doing sex stuff with Flash. It's just... wrong in so many ways.
By otherwise, good story! I'll definitely give it a follow!
That... was..... hilarious. Just the right amount of awkward, but balanced out by comedy. Hope you can keep that up.
this fic got very uncomfortable when you implied flash oraly raped sunset and these are high school girls talking about sex like they are frat boys
Well, with this story has opened my mind. Finger it is.
I mean...it does kinda look like a big finger from certain angles. XP XD
Funny. Dirty, but funny. I should not find this as amusing as I do. Well done. Hope your mom gets better.
Oh my God, everything from Applejack getting insulted about her family & being stereotyped for being from the south to Sunset's knowledge on human's "fingers" is too much!
Kudos to you. I don't think this should have amused me as much as it did.
a) If parents taught their children properly about sex, the Government wouldn't have to spent millions on sex ed in schools.
b) One of the main purposes of sex ed is to prevent earlier, unwanted pregnacies by teaching kids about the use of contraceptive methods.
You are right about one thing: Sunset's instincts about sex are going to be completely different when it comes to foreplay and positions. So, if she ever gets serious with a guy in the human world, she's going to have to do a lot of research and try to keep a lot of conscious focus during the deed or stuff will start getting a bit embarrassing.
Ah, memories. I think I'll like this.
Edit: yes, I did. Also, good luck with your mom dude, hope she gets better soon.
Could one of the topics the Humane 7 discuss be lesbianism please?
8789395
Sure why not?
8789298
Thanks man
8789413
Are the girls also gonna talk about politics?
8789432
Oof. Idk bout that
how about how sunset can afford things like an apartment and food and other things
8789454
It could just be like student council or student president. Not Donald Trump.
8789154
Imagine Sunset, ready to mate, suddenly presenting herself with her butt up in the air and kinda wiggling it like she had a tail attached. Kinda sexy, until she suddenly says, “Hurry up and stick your finger in me!!!!”
Talk about bringing the sexy time to a grinding halt.
If Sunset and a Princess Twilight don't know what dicks are, doesn't that imply ponies don't reproduce through sex?
8789810
Nah. It just means they don't know what human sex is. Remenber, horse dicks and human dicks dont look the same. ....And i cant believe i said that.
In a broad sense, I can sum this chapter's main point as such
I regret nothing.
Help I'm dying of laughter
zoo wee mama!! thats some spicee stories u got going on there!!
8790345
Maggie i love you
8790351
<3 ily more
... MLP Ponies are not animals. They’re barely even Ponies in the traditional sense. They’re more like aliens really. So that joke doesn’t really work.
8789967
Yes, but I’m pretty sure they’d know that it’s a penis at a glance. I mean, we humans do with horses.
Unless you regularly call horse junk legs or something.
8789967
Yes, but it also suggests that neither of two scientists at the most prestideous school known had never picked up a book on biology. They're still all mammals. Especially since you conflated ponies to animals earlier in the story, rather than imply that perhaps ponies are sufficently alien that that is not how they reproduce.
(Hell, I can't believe that Twilight (pick one) couldn't give a three hour lecture on the functional differences of reproductive organs between mammals, reptile and insects or something.)
I was expecting for you to have had Sunset make a crack about how "well, they must be fingers, because they aren't big enough to be dicks, har har," which would have worked (the old ones are fine if the execution is good), but as it stands that just sort of fell flat for me, sorry; it just did not stand up to a second's contemplation.
Oh, I'm so sorry about your mom. I hope she beats it.
Is the implication in this story that male ponies don't have penises? I mean you never see them but I just assumed that was just cartoon animal logic?
8791824
thanks man,
8792038
the joke is that Sunset cant recognize a human penis cause its so different from a horse one
8792219
That's really dumb. I'm sorry but a joke can only be as funny as how far I can stretch my suspension of disbelief. Like this a problem a small child of a really sheltered human would have not an alien. She might be a pony but she's also a mammal It's just basic sexual education really.
Getting "Coffee In Equestria" vibes from this story.