• Published 25th Jul 2012
  • 20,307 Views, 1,872 Comments

The Secret Life of Rarity - BronyWriter


Rarity has a deep dark secret that she cannot control but must hide from the world.

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The threequel hath arrived!

What it says on the tin.

Broken Blossom

Comments ( 501 )

Story was super-fantabulous.

I'll get to the third one when I can.

2073003
I don't remember typing that :rainbowhuh:
also Fuck you and don't tell me how to act.

2077114 hey now. Let's not do that.

2077142
I'm sorry... :fluttercry:
I love you man. :moustache:

2078989 Not as disturbing as they used to be. I toned down a decent amount of the gore but there is still enough for the gore hounds if that's your thing but there is a great story and good characters if that's what you like too.

2079337 I hope you like it and aren't turned off by the gore which I assure you is not the driving force behind the story. Psycho Rarity and her relationships to the other characters is.

2065586
I do see your point, the comments I brought up before threw me off because
I was afraid this story wasn't going to turn out what I thought it was going to be.

Im still hesitant to continue with this story, but I do at least see that I was looking at it the wrong way and could
enjoy it.

Hm.. I dunno, all those chapters, and their lengths! Good god. Its like, huge wall of text, kind of scary ._.

2079552 Depends on how far you get/got in and your tolerance for gore. I did a huge edit/revising of the whole story this past week and toned down a lot of the gore, particularly in the Gilda and Intro to psychology chapters. Once you this Chapter 9 there are far fewer chapters with murder scenes.

2079680 Fanfiction.net, yes.

2079686 oh, i didnt think you did already. thnx

2082503 She felt an obscene amount of regret for the events of Chapter 19.

2082623 Yep. I embedded the video a few comments up.

Wow I think I may have stirred up some commotion in the comments :twilightoops:

this is literally one of the best stories i've read on here
one of my favorites of my favorites, yo
and yet somehow i forgot to fav it when i read it
what the hell parasprite
what the hell

2097856 Given that you gave it rave reviews when I finished it (not to mention some great constructive criticism) I was admittedly surprised when I saw that you had faved it now. I hope you like the sequels just as much (if you haven't read them already that is)

2101182
lol yes that is me... except for the glasses... and maybe if u added a little more chubbiness.
...
Wait 13? When the fuck did I type this?! What the fuck was I talking about?! Why cant I fucking stop the SWAG!? :pinkiegasp:
WHY CANT I CALM THE FUCK! DOWN!!!? :flutterrage:

2101581 ... *slowly backs away*

2108211 True, and I know this story won't appeal to everybody. There are people who can appreciate the story but don't want to follow Rarity down that rabbit hole.

To be honest, I edited a lot out of the kill scenes. Check the fanfiction.net version for a more gore laden (and reduced quality) version.

Interesting you should bring up A Fun Day as an alternative considering that One Fine Day was meant to be satirical. That's the one where the Mane Six graphically murder Scootaloo, right? If so, yeah, I think that the author was making fun of those kinds of stories just considering how over the top it is.

All that to say, thank you for your support of this story and I'm really glad you liked it!

2127170 I hope you are not disappointed with what I've cooked up.

2139071 Oh it gets better. I never sacrifice good characters for gore, but it gets more intense. I hope that doesn't bother you.

2140855 In the best possible way right? R...right?

I dunno, why did you lose all sleep last night because of this?

2145160 One of my favorite songs. :pinkiehappy:

Wait why dose it say that it was deleted.. But it's still there... And why was it deleted? Is confused!

Oh and btw...very nice story can't wait to read the next one.:rainbowdetermined2:

I just read this... and the sequel... and the second sequel...

This goes in my personal storage of exceptional (and exceptionally dark) fiction.

Also, moar.

2191920 "at least for humans'. Exactly. These are ponies with magic. I know it's a bit contrived but until you can prove that magical talking cartoon ponies can't biologically remember memories as vivid as that from a few weeks old I have some leeway on that.

In terms of figuring it out, I may not have elaborated enough, but she knows how to get into Rarity's basement because she's heard Rarity do it. That's the only reason she asked about it because Rarity goes down there and is secretive about it. Remember, Sweetie Belle practically lives with Rarity so the odds that she wouldn't have heard Rarity playing a piano are next to zero.

In terms of her figuring it out, remember that she had the memory with the blood as a starting point that something was off with Rarity. Then Rarity said that acting on violent feelings is a dark road that's hard to get away from and when Sweetie Belle asks how she knows, Rarity obviously lies. Even the most dense person would be able to figure out that something's up at that point. Combine that with the fact that Rarity's clearly false explanation that she got in a fight with her parent's information that Rarity's only bullies ever were violently killed she starts asking questions. Once more when she combines that with the blood memory she suspects that Rarity might have really hurt or killed somebody and when she asks Rarity about it and Rarity can't lie, she knows Rarity killed somebody. On top of that, she wonders why Rarity is so secretive about her basement and when questioned, Rarity tries to hide it from her. Given that Rarity has just admitted to killing somepony, she questions whether or not she's a serial killer especially given that Rarity just told her 'you'd never recover'.

If you feel I need to elaborate on that then I'd love advice on it. But I did think it out and make the progression as logical as I could.

Haven't read it... yet.

But the description brings to mind Dexter. Suppose I'll see just how wrong I am.

"Chapter one: First Blood."

2192368 Most readers have compared this to Dexter but not to the point where they think I'm ripping off the show.

2192398

Good, then I'm in for something good.

2192489 if you have a gore tolerance. if not feel free to skip those parts.

2192493 Thank you for the warning.

But I read Mrs. Cheerilee's Garden, so I'm good. :pinkiehappy:

2192500 Oh good because I don't go that far.

2192505

Which is fine by me. CG was a little over the top. Cupcakes ain't got nothin on it. :pinkiecrazy:

2192515 That is something I can agree with. I never flinched for Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory, this story though, it was well written and the Dexter-ish feel I got from it was awesome. But I couldn't look at Cheerilee the same way after reading CG, it was just....:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

2202512 Exactly! I flinched at the end, when the last one kicks it. It was... perfectly brutal, honestly. And yeah thank God Cheer's not like that n show.






Yet. :pinkiecrazy:

22025122202596 Cheerilee's Garden I liked and it was sufficiently disturbing, but Scarlet Harvest was mediocre at best and both stories suffer from the fact that its Cheerilee is essentially an OC with Cheerilee's looks and name whereas with Cupcakes (and dare I say here) you can still recognize Pinkie Pie and my Rarity as Pinkie Pie and Rarity which adds to the horror when they do these things. With CG I didn't get that because it wasn't the Cheerilee of the show doing it.

That's my two cents anyways.

2202791 Eh, I could possibly see Cheer going that path if she was teaching them for like, a decade, maybe, but the two, three years? (Assuming!) Nah. Though, the author there did TRY to connect Cheer and:pinkiecrazy:!Cheerilee, so points there. Scarlet Harvest, I can't comment on yet.

2204848 The predators get them. That's the point. Nothing will attract a predator like the smell of blood in the air and Zecora would know to stay far away from that.

2202791 Well I suppose you're right Cheerilee was kinda way OOC, but then that didn't make her acts any less disturbing xD

2202596 Yes, yet for all we know, Pinkamena and Psycho Cheerilee could still be on the loose :pinkiecrazy:

2207763 Well I'm glad you liked it even if you were wildly disturbed by it.
In reply to your notes...

1. That's one of the questions that Rarity has for herself in the end if you recall: was she born with her desire to kill or did accidentally killing Dug and revealing the rush she got from having the power when previously they had power over her create that desire? I'm certainly never answering that.
2. Well before she met the rest of the Mane Six she knew that it was just something that she does but if you remember the end of Chapter 5 she believes that now that she has friends that her kills serve a higher purpose than merely for fun for her. Now she's protecting them (something she is forced to acknowledge is bull later). Also keep in mind that she only taught Sweetie Belle her craft because she was worried that Sweetie Belle would go out and do it on her own, something she tried to do already and Rarity hated it. Remember that she kept hoping that Sweetie Belle would lose ehr nerve and not do anything.
3. Sweetie Belle is an interesting character in this as she naively believes that angry feelings towards bullies equals the ability to kill. On the other, er, hoof, she can't mentally process the fact that her big sister is a serial killer (she's freaking eight) so she justifies it to herself and keeps on with her goal to be like her big sister. When you combine that with her misbelief that anger equals the ability to kill then she thinks she can be a serial killer too. It's very likely that she would have felt terrible even if her stabbing Scarlet Tomato wasn't fatal.
4. The whole 'she wipes out the den of DD with no real training other than a lot of practice was the sillier thing I was talking about. Otherwise it was just as emotionally heavy as the rest of the story.
5. Once again it goes back to the fact that she can't mentally handle the knowledge that one of her best friends is a serial killer so she tries to fix it rather than let her die, something she considered doing anyway. I think if Rarity had said that she does it for fun (or admitted that she almost killed Applejack and Twilight herself) she would have let Celestia execute her but she felt sorry for Rarity when she discovered why she killed. Yes it was still the wrong choice and more than just her pays for it in the end.
6. Alright I changed it to "Oh I most certainly agree darling. Shall we start with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?" Is that better?
7. It's less that she's going to kill and more she's going to do something foolish while doing it just to get the power fix like be less careful about it or break her 'no foals' rule because they would be easy targets. Remember that if she could kill Snips, Snails, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon she totally would.
With the mom telling her kid to close her eyes so she doesn't see her mother being murdered and she doesn't know when Rarity is coming up to kill her... yeah, that's easily the most emotionally brutal thing I've ever written (until I write TD vs Cheerilee's Garden... which I won't).
8. yep. Winnie the Pooh. I'm surprised nobody has caught that yet.
9. I don't see Krissy returning in my stories ever. I don't see the point.
10. If you remember, Rarity almost always has an unwinding action after a kill whether it be a nap or a bath. So yes, she really has a disconnect with her victims. She sees them as less than ponies so she doesn't feel bad when she kills them with the exception of the mother and her fill and Hayseed. There was remorse there because with Hayseed, she knew him and thus couldn't disconnect herself form the fact that he was a pony with all the emotions that come with that. Same with the mother and her kid.
11. Yes and your feelings are largely the point. If there is one pony who totally deserved what she got it was Rarity. But I've analyzed her emotions and motivations so thoroughly that you can't help but feel a little sad when she dies, particularly because it tears apart innocent ponies. Making it so close to canon also helps because you are more emotionally involved with the characters because you recognize them as the characters from the show. As much as Cheerilee's Garden is a guilty pleasure of mine, the Cheerilee from that story is an OC with Cheerilee's looks and name and most certainly not the Cheerilee from the show. The Rarity here is recognizable as the Rarity from the show and that adds to both the horror and tragedy.

Overall, I'm really glad that you liked it as much as you did, or at least thought it was a quality piece that was worth your full attention. It created real extreme emotions from you and thus I think I did my job.

2223160 Of course she should have but would Celestia really do that to her after already having to go through executing an Element?

2228291 1. Hmm, I'll work on that. However, I feel I have some wiggle room with Rarity just because she had to refine the accent that she has. Do you remember how her parents talked? She grew up hearing that accent but obviously felt that she needed a more refined speech so she started talking like we know her to talk and started using bigger words. That's my headcanon anyway. I'd be highly shocked if how Rarity talks was her original accent just based on how her parents speak.

2. Same with that. I'll work on it. Thanks!

3. Uh... that would be boring. She would only have to have been looking for a few seconds to see how much of a jerk Gilda was. Not to mention that if she did turn away, she would have been drawn back when Gilda roared. I'm not sure what you wanted really.

4. Remember, we only get a few of her targets. Yes she kills ponies that Ponyville knows, but they're few and far between. She also travels around a lot to other places to do deliveries and there's no reason that she couldn't do a quick kill or two in those cities where nobody knows who she is, particularly in the larger cities. She also mentions that she's big on ponies that are only in Ponyville for a few days at most. Nobody has any reason to trace them back to Rarity.

Also keep in mind that nobody in Equestria has committed murder in hundreds of years so it's hardly the first thing that they think of. Plus, who's to say that inquiries into disappearances never happened and that Rarity wasn't interrogated on that? They didn't think she killed them because they don't believe an Element would be a murderer, but there is a good chance that she was questioned about 'you were one of the last ponies to see him/her alive do you know anything about this' and if she's a good enough liar to hide being a serial killer (unless directly confronted by somebody she knows who suspects it anyway) then she'd be good enough to hide being the last one to see them and again, they'd have no reason to suspect serial killer.

2245665 Ah, thank you very much! I hope the occasional typo doesn't distract from the story.

2248474 I'm glad you liked it! I hope you like what I have going forward. It's... quite something.

2249013 What do you mean? There's the obviousness OOC of Rarity being a serial killer and I have wiggle room for how they would react to something so horrifying, but what are you referring to? Also, what plot holes?

2249021 I told you the chapter was a bit ridiculous.

2249783 What can I say? She's a serial killer.

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