• Member Since 28th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 44 minutes ago

Snowmanmelting


Names Anika! Writer, obsessive SunLight fan, MLP collector ~ I like to suffer along with my characters, hence the drama. Ha.

T
Source

It was a simple dynamic. Simple enough that it didn't require any questions, only the unspoken agreement to remain silent. It only required Twilight broken into pieces, so she could never put herself back together again.
It only required a list in a torn sheet of paper to question it all.

Trigger Warnings: Pretty subtle suggestions of eating disorders and sexual abuse, hence the non-con tag.

Original work in Spanish here.
Proofreaded by the great and patient Jay Tarrant :twilightsmile:

Version 3.0 - Fixed quite a few things here and there.
Note: I'm working on version 4.0, improving translation and mostly the first scene from the main story.
If you have any suggestions, feel free to PM me!

Based on a dream and a bunch of buried feelings. Don't shoot me.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 22 )

I have read, and reviewed, your story. You can find it here.

So. Some story. I'm going to lie down and put a pillow over my face until the coyotes find my body and pick the bones clean.

8901801
Thanks! I'm glad you... Liked it? :rainbowhuh: (I'm answering the post right now)
What do you need? A glass of water? Some tea? Actual coyotes?

8901935
Cinnamon and Vanilla tea is it, then. Calms the nausea. Or Linden, that one helps relax.

It's a really well written and very realistic story. It is so sad that this sort of thing happens much more often than needed and you did an excellent job portraying everything that happened and the emotions involved. Not too many people do such a good job writing this kind of material, much less do the material justice. Really hope it isn't because of personal experience. I am very happy that Two decided to go to the hospital. Are you planning a sequel by any chance?

9000330
Thank you so very much! I'm glad you liked my work :twilightsmile:
Unfortunately, its something that happens more often than not, and we should always talk and try to understand what the people in this type of situations are going through. I guess its one reasons this story exist :unsuresweetie:
Instead of a sequel, I decided to do Extra scenes. Each will deal with a different situation. I have two to edit at the moment, so I'll update on Wednesday. I Hope you will find it to your liking :twilightsmile:

9001150
I'm sure I will love them, you are a fabulous writer. I'm about to read your other story in a few minutes and I'm looking forward to your updates. While I'm a little sad that there won't be a full blown sequel, I'm looking forward to seeing what does happen in the extras. I really want to see what happens to Twilight's parents because I really don't think Velvet is fully innocent, though I'm hoping she didn't know anything about what was going on at all. Also, would love to see what happens with Shiny And Cadence and if they are supportive of Twilight or not. If any of that makes it into the extras or not, I'm still looking forward to them. Also hoping Twilight will be okay. :twilightsmile:

9001162
Oh, most of your questions are going to be answered then :ajsmug:
I don't think Velvet is a 100% guilty but also not a 100% innocent. 50/50, definitely the definition of 'what not to do when you are a parent'. :ajbemused:

Another excellently written part to this story that I enjoyed very much. I'm very happy to see that Shiny is going to be supportive of Twilight because she is really going to need it. I actually think Celestia is a very good choice of an adult she can trust and stay with. All in all, another great job and I can't wait to see more of it.

9011773
I'm glad you enjoyed this one too!
I couldn't have Shining turn her back on her, I mean he is... he is Shining. I don't think he would ever do so. And nice Celestia is always good Celestia, haha.
Next one will be around next Wednesday or so, I have to edit it quiiteee a bit but I'll do my best. :twilightsmile:

Once again you did a marvelous job expressing the realities of the hell that this situation can put somebody in. The chapter was an excellent addition to your story and I really do hope to see a new chapter. I'm really happy that Celestia was given custody, though Velvet needs smacked. I'm really sorry to say that, but she really does.

9054576
Thank you! You're a really such a supportive reader :rainbowkiss:

Velvet needs smacked

Totally agree with you here :facehoof: But I've known people like that, unfortunately.

9054649 Thanks, I really love your story and I'm more than happy supporting it. Sadly I've known people like it it as well and always find myself why they were the ones who was gifted with a family when there are so many people out there that would give anything for a good family to love.

This is an excellent story. The topics it delves into and the background for the Twilights is harrowing stuff, but they're all handled well in a grounded way, and the imagery and techniques you use make it exceedingly immersive. Sparkle's fixation on her bed of thorns, her obsessive counting, her coping mechanisms and mounting stress as the story goes on, her relationship with Twilight and Sunset and Shining and her parents ... all of these make for a visceral and emotionally-compelling read.

There's a few grammar hiccups throughout - maybe due to the translation from the original Spanish. But overall, it's still excellent, and more than earned a fave.

9055830
Thank you so much for your comment, it means a lot to me and makes me want to continue writing :heart:
One of my fears was not finding a balance between the events and everything would end up in just "drama" :applejackunsure: I'm glad you don't find it like that. I know there are things that may seem like too much, but I tried to be as realistic as possible.

As for the grammar mistakes, if you remember some or a particular case that felt odd to you, feel free to PM me! I did a huge rewriting on this one but of course, there could still be mistakes :twilightsheepish:

Getting through this was difficult, but good God this was an amazing read. You delivered blow after blow of discomfort, conflict and disgust and ended it, almost impossibly, on a note that things could be better. You get in the mind of both Sparkle and the reader to create a story that isn’t easy to forget.

The opening confrontation shows a real breadth of writing ability – it establishes such a hostile dynamic with that immediate change in tone from mentioning Night Light. You say so much with just the minutia of each character’s behaviour.

Like Sparkle’s little quirks in defending herself. To the point where you describe how she’s wiping her glasses to feign control, even though she’s rapidly losing control of the much more dire conversation that’s about to happen.

You use body language to such brilliant effect in So Many Words Never Said. It’s often difficult to convey what's lurking behind it, but here everything is said through body language, and so much tension hangs over what few words are spoken.

…if she continued to play with fire both would end up in ashes, and at the same time […] begging her to do so.

That is beautiful.

Okay, that cut back to Sparkle, in her room, is horrible and sickening and I mean that as praise. Everything that Twilight just broke down over, and you kick us right back there in the very next scene. I typed this paragraph up just so I didn’t have to go back to reading it, you do that good a job of putting the reader right at the start of that horrible, horrible thing.

It’s testament to your exceptional storytelling that you barely even describe that anything’s wrong, but we know, we know what those tiny little inconsistencies mean. You let context and the reader’s imagination fill in the blanks and it paints a terrifying picture. I want to say “You did an amazing job in making me feel disgusted”.

…Sparkle wasn't fragile, transparent, or much less stupid.

The repetition of Sparkle’s introspective thoughts is fantastic as well. They call to mind points earlier in the story, uncomfortable but not horrifying, only now they drag down with so, so much weight.

And now I’ve suddenly realised why Sparkle prefers her second name. That’s… harrowing. Again, a tiny but genius bit of foreshadowing, one of so many red flags gone ignored.

So Many Words Never Said is a triumph of that old adage “show, don’t tell”. Rarely do you flat-out say what’s happening. Instead, you show each character's behaviour, and leave the reader to infer what’s happening, why they’re focusing on some tiny details or deliberately not focusing on others. You perfectly walk that tightrope of giving the reader enough to let their imagination fill in the rest, to the point where you describing a squeaking door hinge is able to send chills up my spine.

And that gradual, gradual realisation, that acceptance, that fire that starts to burn when Sparkle realises that it doesn’t have to be this way is beautiful. You keep Sparkle’s personality consistent: She’s hesitant and calculating. She still dissociates, for days at a time, but now you can tell that she’s focusing on what matters, on the plan. She’s still dead to the world half the time, but now it’s a mask to keep up the façade until she can act.

That payoff, that final talk with Sunset and Twilight, is done so well. For a story so swamped in helplessness, that one spark at the end makes all the difference.

Absolutely exceptional. Thank you for writing this.

These little extras were a great little addition to the already fantastic original chapter. Not quite direct continuations, but two interesting snippets that a) delve into some different dynamics between the characters and b) serve as a harsh reminder that trauma like this doesn’t just stop because someone seeks help and safety.

You prove this painfully when bringing up the first of Sparkle’s little safety mechanisms as Shining is approaching her door. You use introspection here to great effect: She’s still going through the same motions because the mere thought of what has happened before is enough to reason and justify her way to counting those fifteen steps.

The same when Sparkle invalidates what she’s gone through. Even though Shining’s downplaying her assault massively (arguably to not break down himself), Sparkle still tries to reason her way out of what happened to her because it’s so painful to admit. Again, you get inside Sparkle’s head so brilliantly here – very few words are spoken, but so much is said through introspection, almost as a way of distracting herself from what she eventually has to come to terms with.

And then after that hopeful note the first extra ended on, you go and stomp all over my heart again with the second. Bloody hell you don’t pull your punches here. The change in perspective’s a refreshing one, albeit subtle: The little behavioural tics are still there, just with a few more years of experience behind them.

But wow you don’t hold back on the angst. Again, your writing says a hell of a lot through behaviour and thought processes alone, and making that comparison to those eight months ago says again that scars like these don’t heal immediately, or arguably ever. I’ve gotta say I was surprised that Sparkle didn’t realise that Twilight had gone through the same trauma – it always struck me that Twilight was so empathetic towards her counterpart precisely because she could understand. But, outside looking in and all that.

Finally, Sparkle deflating at the end felt… whatever the good version of “anti-climactic” is. Relieving, perhaps. She’s finally letting those defences down, finally realising that through everything, as messed up as things have been, at the very least she’s not alone.

Another excellent couple of reads, really - great job.

"Hey! Don’t speak ill of Filomena." The redhead scolded her, waving her spoon in the direction of the victimizer. Who blinked until the caffeine woke her up enough to understand what she was talking about.

If she named the couch after the bird, it has to be spelled, Philomena.

This is such a fantastic story. Unfortunately, it's a rare one. Legions of stories will treat sexual abuse like rape and incest as fetishes. Very few will recognize them for the horrors they are. This is one of those stories that stands out for doing everything and more right. Unfortunately, I have no doubt that because there are so many maladjusted perverts on the site is part of the reason few people picked up on this. Your skill as a writer comes from being able to weave tense, somber atmospheres that carry through a whole story. You have an incredibly realistic insight into the issues you write about. Most of all, you know how subtlety works. The title proves to be a very clever one. The reader isn't hand-held or told outright about many things, but nothing is in the realm of "too subtle" that could make this fanfic accessible to a more limited readership.

This story was described to me as, "The best story I never want to read again."

I think I have to echo this sentiment.

First, let's talk about the writing. The prose itself.

If you didn't include the notes in the description that state that this story was originally written in Spanish, implying that English is not your first language, I wouldn't have guessed. Out of over 32,000 words, I think I spotted maybe two or three errors—and they weren't significant, immersion-breaking ones. You clearly put a lot of work into this, both in the writing and the editing, and it shows.

Length aside, this couldn't have been an easy story to write by any means. This kind of content is far too often (especially on this website) either trivialized, fetishized (ugh), or treated in such a hamfisted way that it's insulting to actual survivors. (Note that I'm not in that category, but I have several friends who unfortunately went through something similar to what happened here.) You don't do that in this story. At all. Every subject was handled with the weight it deserves. From my understanding, both of survivors of childhood sexual abuse and eating disorders, you portrayed these difficult subjects with unflinching, unapologetic honesty and raw emotion.

And speaking of emotion...

Wow. The way you wove us through Sparkle's (and Twilight's) journey had me hooked right from the beginning. Starting with vague hints, alluding to Twilight's dissociation (losing track of time), eating disorder (the fixation on mints and emptiness first, before the bulimic impulses), and Sparkle's rage/grief/reactions to the abuse, eventually leading to such blunt and vivid scenes, like Night Light asking about the shower. Going from the outright denial to the slow, painful revelations to the reader, both of the day-to-day and the hints towards how long Twilight has been suffering. The fixation on denial—of the situation, of Twilight's basic needs, of love and support from Velvet. The focus on control... and the lack thereof.

Splitting her personality into "Twilight" and "Sparkle," was a great way to parallel both the difference between the literal counterpart characters and her changing thoughts/perspective/reaction. Really added to the raw complexity of those emotions, which just... I usually use a word like "oozed" or "poured" to describe this, but those words aren't weighty enough. In comparison to many other things I've read before, I was just flooded by everything here. Just completely immersed in Twilight/Sparkle's head, from start to finish, and all that entailed.

The length of this story only serves to enhance its telling. None of these words felt wasted; nothing dragged. Every word had its place. It took time for the reader to see, feel, and understand... just like it did Twilight. A lesser author would've wrapped up everything in that first scene, Saturday-morning-special style. But no. That scene, and that paper, served as what they often are in situations like this... the catalyst. Not the solution... but maybe something that spurs towards it.

As awful as it is to say, I'm glad you went the prolonged, tumultuous route. Why? Because it's often the real one. True to life, victims/survivors are trapped in these cycles—bound both by the circumstances (especially financial) and the dynamic/justification that has been forged—and it takes time for them to break free.

So much of Twilight sees this as "payment" for a "debt"; for so long, as horrible as it is, this has been her normal. Acknowledging the wrongness of it is one half of an almost unsolvable equation, in her mind; doing something about it might as well be beyond mathematics. Both the actual abuse, and the things she does to forget/conceal/minimize it, are deeply engrained in her life. The little details of her counting steps to the door, focusing on the passage of time, the repeated imagery of burning/ashes/fire and the thorns... all of it unravels and unwinds as more time goes on and Sparkle finds herself looking at the paper over and over again.

I loved all the details about that paper. The attention to detail in the narrative not only makes for good reading, but shows what Twilight's really focused on. Over time, that shifts from things like the folding and the handwriting to what's actually written there.

The use of time and gradual realization here is so harrowing to read... but so real. It often takes an outside perspective to lift the veil, and outside intervention to even begin considering an escape. The fact that Pony Twi suffered the same abuse, and thus wonders if Human Twi does, makes her reaching out an even greater act of compassion and courage than it already is.

And speaking of courage...

Sparkle finding the strength to go to the hospital is one of the most powerful things I've ever read. What a line to end a story on. The extras were great additions to this fic, (and I'll get to them in a moment) don't get me wrong, but that last line... "Perfect" seems trivial here. I don't know what word to describe it, but just know that it reverberated in my soul, reading that. Down to my bones, I felt its power. There is nothing more powerful in this world than someone reclaiming their life.

For the extras...

Seeing Shining minimize what Night Light did, and Twilight do so in turn, was painful... but unfortunately true to life. So was seeing Twilight (now primarily Twilight, Sparkle slipping out less, but still present) still doing things like counting steps to the door and listening for footsteps. Less talented authors would have had Twilight be all sunshine and rainbows now that she's out of that house. Nope, that's way beneath someone of your caliber.

The other one... I was not expecting that. The undercurrent of Sparkle resenting Twilight (primarily due to her station) was present in the original story, but having Sparkle outright accuse Twilight of making up/exaggerating her abuse was... The only right words flying through my head are expletives. Such an explosive premise that could have easily gone wrong, handled with such care and precision in your hands, ending in such a beautiful, well-earned moment.

Just as this story was worth reading every word, you've earned every word (and more) that I've written here. Just wow. Wow, wow, wow.

What a magnificent story that I will never read again.

This story, along with a certain film I watched years ago, is up there on the list of things that are brilliantly made, but hurt my heart so much that I only want to experience them once. It's an important thing to have read, don't get me wrong. Anyone who is old enough to read and understand this (and not be triggered by it), should do so, IMO. It's only through understanding that others can be helped and supported out of the fire and thorns.

Amongst a sea of good fic I've read, this story stands out as something that I know I'll never forget, long after I've logged out of this site for the last time and banished all thoughts of cartoon ponies from my mind. It transcends the source material and the medium, honestly. You should be proud.

Thanks for writing this.

Couple things.

1. The drawing of Twilight on the cover reminds me of Yuri from DDLC.

2. Does Twilight have some form of DID, and that's why she refers to herself in different ways? Because who have this disorder tend to process their trauma by creating alters and disassociating from themselves in order to cope with the pain that said trauma caused them. Since Twilight seems to have repeated childhood trauma she could, in theory meet the diagnostic criteria.

That's all.

Have a nice day!

Narrator's voice is what sells it. Obsessive, slightly flowery, sometimes overdramatic, blind spots so large they're often barely sapient.

Fanfic's a weird place to earn the Dark and Drama tags this hard but in what other format would it get read? Maybe if read-once stories like this were more common the world would be different. Then again, if it was there'd be no need.

10/10, blursed story.

Login or register to comment