Sheeeeeit

Well since I’m under the age of 694, I’ll guess I have to Incoognito Mode

cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1006/1*tNNEGGuZ-uB2i7HHFvUDfQ.jpeg

seems like i got to get my good music... where is my good headphones (btw i'm mythic hex i change stuff often)

8808383
It's no use. A swat team will be kicking down your door at any moment; I suggest you not make any sudden movements.

Finally, we get to see the totally real undoctored autobiography of our murder queen in all its glory.

i have know idea why but after reading this it reminded me of this song

Oh boy here we go with the murder-fun time, you know us so well headless.

[Reads list of fetishes]

What? No acts of male homosexuality? Honestly, at this point I would have just thrown that in as well.

Grats on the feature. At least for a few minutes.

8808745
This story was featured? I'm incredulous without proof.

8808648
Maybe not the best line.

i.imgflip.com/186nas.jpg

8809229
That's just what I said the other day when I tripped and hit my head on the edge of a table. That shit hurts!

8809664
Not to worry. You shouldn't get more than 3 or 4 swat teams kicking down your door in the time it takes to read this.

8808417
YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE

media0.giphy.com/media/uocOywWJPcVXy/200.gif

Long comment warning,
Dont take any bad things I say as bad disliking your work, I love it. Also these are just my thoughts so take them as you will, I guess
That was, to say the least, an amazing story and one of the better, more beloved ones under the name "Headless Rainbow". It seemed that you put a lot of time and care into the scenes you wrote and while many say the introductions and starting off a story is the hardest part, you nailed it flawlessly in my opinion. Lets begin with "School". I felt that this section, while short, gave the introduction to the general plot in a well executed manner. It was made a bit comical, with Crimson thinking that the stallion was trying to buck her, without being over the top. It also eluded darker undertones, such as sex and rape being "normal" in Crimson's life. It made Crimsons character likeable yet at the same time not too lovable, keeping her in a way that prepared you for the next chapter.

"Home" was a great chapter as well. The excellent way that it was presented gives the reader a very informational and detailed look inside of Crimson, her mother, Dio, her father, and Rym's life as a broken family. It introduced all the characters better than many professional novel writers. It showed how gross, disgusting and disturbing home life was for Crimson. A home no person should ever grow up in. The writing given into how white heart was broken into being nothing but a cock warmer was rich with erotic detail that made me and I bet many other readers want to masturbate. The way that Gorat and his buddy seemed to not even care about Crimson's life was even more overpowering than that. The scene did what it needed to and set up the full plot very well. The only gripe I had, was the scene with Dio at the end, made him seem actually sincere with his apology, but then I personally was confused when he began acting like gorat immediately afterwords. I may have missed something said earlier though so I don't want to say that it was a large problem, just something that made me a little confused. Over all though, it was a great pert that made me horny with every facet you used to describe the torment to Crimson.

"Party"... this was an interesting one, and for all the right reasons. Every inch of this chapter was covered in detail and hot, gory action. The little talk at the beginning made Rym out to be so adorable, cute, innocent, and oh so lovable. Rym i'd say was too well done. It made me sad and heart broken to see what happened to her throughout this chapter wich is not what I expected from a headless fic... but I loved it. To fill someone with sadness and despair at seeing their beloved character raped, or abused or even slaughtered, that takes the emotions out and gets the reader enveloped into the story if they were not already. Looking back on the guilt I felt, trying to gain sexual pleasure from this, made it one of my favorite scenes in the whole story. This is how a noncon, gory, snuff filled clopfic should be written. It only made the self pleasuring even better. Everything about this chapter stood out as great in my views. I had to leave for work halfway through reading it, and all I could think of was "poor Rym" and "I want to get back to reading". Crimson also attempting to murder Rym throughout that whole instance was also I great add in. Her trying to keep her sister from living the same kind of year, she herself had already gone through, Really showed off well her ideology from the beginning of the fic, contrasted with how she was by the end. This chapter is really the one that invested me the most and gave me the most pleasure. All in all, a great Chapter.

"Friends" was the chapter that things took a turn for the story arc, and for Crimson herself. I read happily on as the chapter outlined the idea of consensual lesbian sex. In my mind, all I was thinking was "thats not how Headless does things." I was right. When peach and Lily were first introduced, I knew that it wouldn't end well for them. I felt it a little strange that the three fillies would be out having sex 100ft from Crimson's house, Knowing that her dad was a psychopath, but I didnt give that much thought. Another thing I felt was out of place, was the chloroform. For one, if Gorat saw Crimson sneak out, it would be hard to tell what she was up to, go get Chloroform, plan out what he wanted to do, and get back to steal them away, all in a matter of seconds, for it seemed like Crimson and the siblings were only outside for less than a minute before he showed up. In the story, all the explanation is, is "She wondered how long he’d been watching. Long enough to go get chloroform, she supposed." While saying this makes for a humorous line, it does come off as a little lazy, and sounds like you couldn't find a good answer for how Gorat got chloroform so fast. Beside that, the rest of the chapter was very exciting and stimulating to the reader. Altogether, it was hot and lustful. The idea of Gorat forcing Crimson to kill her best friends and rape them at the same time made me "finish" at least twice whilst reading. The interesting way Crimson killed and raped them with Lily's own hooves was awesome to read. Also the fact that this porn session was focused more on the sexual aspects of gore rape and was a little less focused on blood and guts was quite nice to read after dealing with a lot of gore in the previous chapter. This was the chapter where you can see crimson changing the most as she slowly began to turn into a Gorat character and learned that killing and raping was a bit fun.

"Method" was certainly my second favorite part of the story. While the Rym birthday scene made my emotions do the pleasuring, this whole chapter did it for you. I was Hard all the way throughout as betrayal in this manner was always something I loved. And this chapter, while not having my favorite scene, was certainly the most perfect and undeniably Greatest chapter in the whole story. The sadness and pain described in Hayscartes’ character was phenomenal. He was genuinely concerned and seemed completely innocent to any wrong doing that raping him, and killing him off, only for him to go down as a filly raper only made it so damn satisfying and pleasuring to read. I dont have much to say about this chapter, but it certainly reflects why I love Headless Rainbow. I can only imagine being the teacher that Crimson stumbled across after the chapter had finished.

"Power" was where things became a bit, repetitive. After the bridging occurred, (By my research and math, the bridging was about 13- 14 years) it was interesting to see how Crimson and the family changed over time. The new characters Circus and Aqua didnt seem too forced into the story, but they did seem slightly out of place. I blame this on not fleshing out their characteristics enough, heck, i didnt know circus was abusive and rapey towards Rym until it was blatantly stated. We as readers knew almost nothing of Circus, even after he died, making a bit less interesting to watch happen. Making him Cry "Mommy" to Rym however helped that a lot though, as it made it much more satisfying watching a random colt scream at and for his mother than if it was just a random colt screaming for help. Aqua was a freaking Psycho though. She wasnt given much character traits which made it seem for the most part weird and uncomfortable. She acts like she grew up on raping and being dicked, but as the story stated later on, she was never raped before and Seemed to be too much like a fem Gorat to have not had something like that happen to her. Again, it's hard to understand how a character is the way they are without backstory, and these ones seemed to have little. Starting off with the Potion scene, it was a of sweet revenge to see Gorat fucked over with his own style of murder and rape. The picking of the weapons was also fun, As we got to see the 13-14 year toll Crimsons childhood took on her mind, even threatening and wanting to kill and rape Rym for insubordination if she didnt pick a utensil. Gorats scene was pleasing, watching him tortured by a broken White Heart was sexy as his dick was chewed down to a hole. The idea of his balls being crushed and sack ripped was in a grotesque way, so pleasuring and also painful to read. Everything about the scene was great, and then we moved onto circus's scene and honestly, it was a bit repetitive to read. It seemed like the Gorat scene with just a few small changed such as Rym losing her kindness, dick sawing, and now drowning in mommy piss instead of choking on blood. I dont have too much more to say about that scene except... are dick shavings chewy, or soft and easy to bite through? The scene of Dio was a bit different but still felt like I was reading just a lightly edited (and hotter) version of the previous two. Aqua was a bit annoying at first, but I grew to like her by the end. Watching her grate Dio's dick was entertaining to read and when she had only half of it grated through the middle, I desperately wanted her to just snap it in half and it mad for a great point of interruption, letting one imagine what she'll do. The hammer to his jaw was one of the best parts, and prying it off, then inserting down through his throat, Man i gotta admit it sent me over my own edge. By the time the scene ended, all i wished was for some cake. Aqua seemed a little too eager for comfort to be raped, and ill just say, that while the parts explaining the penetration of Aqua were good, the explanation of Aqua fucking the cake seemed to be a bit confusing and hard to follow. Now I come to my least favorite part... The abortion scene. I know people find it sexy to take a fetus and screw the living hell out of it, Me included, But i dont know. Something about this scene made me cringe. The Innocent Soul seemed to be far too, disturbing, I guess. And this is coming from someone who likes this kind of stuff. I honestly cannot say what made it more disturbing than most other things ive seen like this but all I can say is, I felt that there was too much left to the imagination for it to be alluring, for lack of a better word. After the carnage, It was obvious that the intention was Crimson went to far, as thats what the atmosphere alluded to. I liked this concept but I feel like it was done not in "Bad" taste per say but... just not done as well as it could be. It left behind a feeling of unfinishedness. Then it ran off into a tangent about the Lunar republic that I honestly felt was too out of place at this point. For me at least, I felt it went on longer than needed and made for me putting away the story for a while and taking a break. And if i interpenetrated the entire story right, all it accomplished was an excuse for Delger in the next chapter and an excuse to get him to play along. I just felt like it was too much exposition all at once.

Final chapter, "Betrayal". For the most part, I enjoyed this chapter. The intro was good at informing the reader of what Aphrodite’s Touch was. Though it also seemed when the story required it, more and more "symptoms" popped up. When they made it clear that everyone in Crimson's family were meant to die, the mother seemed the most in character (other than Aqua since I dont know her well). Rym on the other hand seemed completely different from "party" and still, very far from who she was in "power". To me, she seemed to out of character. Yes, being raped, beaten, abused, and nearly killed, from age 7-20 or 21 will break a person, but compared to the mother who was tortured for far longer, she seemed worse off than ever. Maybe the fetus was what snapped her but... I dont know. Getting to the murders, the way White Heart's death was presented was done well. It was very enticing and the way she just gave up and wanted to die, only made it hotter. Rym was also very good at making her death a sexy one. The way her rape was described was glorious. Dying suffocating with dicks in your body and a filly's cunny juices making it impossible to breath was a great way for her to go. Aqua saved her character at the end, wanting to be snuffed and spit roasted by one dick was enough to push me over the edge. The way her final words left were hushed and never finished only added to that finish. Delger's death was the same, the way betrayal was acted upon once more made it all the more lustful. And the end as Crimson's words turn to nothing as she is tortured as she dies, was marvelous and really well done.

Well, all in all, the story was very well done, There were a few parts that I thought were "Meh", but it was a great story, none the less. Take this to heart, your writing is awesome. I had some discouraging feedback but trust me, your writing will never match up to most people's on this sight. I cannot wait to read whats next, and hope this has been useful. I really loved it. Sorry for this long review but Id give it a solid 9.5/10

8811477
In 'Friends', There was enough time for Gorat to do that, but I don't think I did a good job at making clear that that much time passed between them starting their fun in the woods and Gorat interrupting them.
The addition of Circus and Aqua to the family was a bit of a late addition. They were originally just going to be two characters Crimson ran out to 'get help' from in 'Method'. But I realized that they'd be the only characters that didn't get any real screen time, and I wanted to give them something more, so I popped them into the family. I probably bit off a bit more than I could chew there.
I like the things you pointed out though, and could have made a few improvements from them; maybe I can bug you to proofread the longer story I'm making in the same Ashlands timeline.

One complaint. Your avatar was very distracting because of how much I'd like to pin down Gabby.

I just had to shoot myself in the sack as punishment for getting excited about this

8811596
It hurts pretty bad

8811597
I'm not an expert on how massive trauma to one's sack feels, but I'm pretty sure that'd hurt more than 'pretty bad'.

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Simply foul. You never disappoint.

Which one of your stories is Crimson from?

8817442
This one.
And another as of yet unreleased one.

More disturbing than 120 days of Blueblood.

8826508
Yet still probably not my most disturbing work.

I love these type of stories, and based on the description, I can't wait to read it (I haven't yet).

Before I do though, I just wanted to ask... who's the artist of the cover photo? There's no source link, nothing in the description, and I can't find anything when I search the image in google.

8832663
Fimfiction doesn't allow us to link to explicit images, but the full lewd image can be found by going to derpibooru and searching for oc:crimson prose. It seems derpibooru is in April Fool's mode right now, but searches still seem to be okay

I don't know why but all the White Heart scene felt hot to me, maybe because of your wrighting style or her colour scheme. The killing part is kinda turn off for me, but still good wrighting!!

She's gonna be in my story called "A cold night in Equestria" small spoiler alert she's pretty much gonna be a guest for dinner with my OC

8941471
I'd appreciate being able to maybe read it before it's published then. It's not necessary, but I might have input on how she'd act in certain situations

those under 694 years of age

694 years

694

69

nice.

8943021
Amazing! My subconscious must have chosen the right numbers for me.

8943258
extra nice

All I wanted to do was fap to some snuff I didn't want to fucking cry

9126493
Sorry I may have accidentally dropped some plot into this snuff fic.

fucking hell i cant believe i actually enjoyed this story. i always wondered how crazy someone must be to write stuff like this.

but who am i to complain when i enjoy reading it right ^^

9498024
Well there's a sequel to this coming out soonish (I hope). Since this happens in the Ashlands timeline, it's going to be a bit of a Fallout crossover. Also a Danganronpa 3 crossover for reasons.

9498075
hm interesting, it did notice the mention of balefire weaponry in this one and the other bits witch make up the universe.

there a story about how this version of equestria came to be ? ^^

9498251
This world came to be when Starlight prevented the Rainboom. My OC was stopped from killing Hayscartes in the 'canon' timeline because of Twilight walking in on the whole thing and running to get help. They arrested her family and sent her to a mental institution. But in this timeline, when Twilight never attended the school, she wasn't there to walk in on them and Crimson succeeded. One of many differences caused that eventually resulted in the dead timeline that Twilight, Spike, and Starlight went to in the episode Cutie Re-mark.

I put a lot of thought into this world, maybe too much.

“Anyway, they family is at the pool

the

her airship’s location to reacquired Crimson

reacquire

her a favor then killing her,

than

down whether or she wanted;

she wanted or not

pted ad��PS*

think this should be removed.

This.....CAN WE GET MORE!? I WILL PERSONALLY BE YOUR EDITOR IF WE CAN HAVE MORE LIKE THIS!

9889070
Fallout Happy Horses is the sequel to this.

8817506
Are you talking about Danganronpa: Fallout Happy Horses?

9937271
Yes, I linked to it. It's only roughly related by having Crimson as a character, but it does occur after these events.

I'm going to hell.

10231095
What did you do? Did you boop a pony without consent?

10231665
Yeah

10231722
You disgust me

I have no intention of reading this story due to the content, but holy hell reading the tags was a trip.

You created a fantastic story here with a lot of interesting characters. I really like festive psychos like Aqua and usually, that would probably have been my favorite. But Crimson Prose ends up at the top here for me. She is fascinating. And I've fed my eyes and mind on that picture of her holding a stuffed Scootaloo before this plenty enough to have a biased desire to want to know her. Definitely need to read Fallout Happy Horses soon, after catching up with Spikey Wikey Too.

Gorat's death was a particularly beautiful violence. I don't expect my revenge fetish to be satisfied in your stories but it was in this instance. In the end, I feel Crimson became her own person despite her childhood rather than because of it. I think the cutie mark shows that who she became was more who she is than a product of her father's pressure and manipulation. I could be wrong though.