Over the Moon, Under the Weather
Celestia had prepared herself.
She had waited for this moment to come for 1000 years. Now that it was about to actually happen, it seemed almost unreal.
Once again, Celestia chided herself for her lackluster combat training – these last few centuries of peace had kept her too busy to exercise.
Not that she expected to win either way.
She knew that she did not have it in her heart to really do her sister harm – perhaps now this was even more true than it had been a thousand years ago.
No, she would engage her, keep her away from the nearby settlement – for a time.
She would be the distraction.
And when Luna – no, not Luna, not her dear sister – when the monster that had taken her body was confident in her victory, then...
Celestia felt a sharp tug on her horn.
Quickly, she closed her eyes, and concentrated on her magical senses.
There. A magical build-up, in the old castle. Just as she had suspected.
It didn't take much time to pin-point the exact spot. Right in the old throne-room. Celestia teleported.
She reached her destination before Nightmare Moon did.
Morbidly, she studied the steadily expanding ball of light, the electric arcs of blue and purple dancing on its surface...
Her horn was already lit with a spell. She would have the first strike, it seemed...
The crackle of magic grew into a cacophony. A barely defined silhouette, a shadow, became visible at the center, slowly gaining shape.
Celestia shifted into a charging stance.
The bubble burst. The dark, tall alicorn stared directly at Celestia.
Then she wordlessly collapsed to the ground.
.
.
~~~
.
.
Spike stared out the train-window, watching the landscape fly by – and trying to ignore Twilight's ramblings.
He failed.
“Come on, Twilight! Look!” He pointed out the window. “The sun's up, Princess Celestia is fine. There's no Nightmare Moon!”
“But Spike! The Princess would never cancel her appearance at the Summer Sun Celebration! She has never missed a single Summer Sun Celebration! Except...” Twilight's eyes somehow constricted even further. “Except for in 759 C.R., when Northern Yakyakistan joined forces with the centaur-mages of Kéntaura, and then they declared war, and Princess Celestia had to prevent the end of all Equestria!”
Spike found himself grasped in two purple forelegs, and violently shaken. “We could be at war, Spike! ...At war with Nightmare Moon!”
Spike glanced around, spotting a stallion clearly not reading his newspaper, a pegasus snickering behind a hoof, and a disapproving unicorn-mare shooting them a glare.
“Twilight...” He tugged on the panicking purple pony's foreleg. “Keep it down... You're making a scene!”
“Oh! Yes! Keep it quiet, keep it secret... We don't know if Nightmare Moon has infiltrated society! What if she has spies? Or screeing abilities? She could be watching us right now!”
“Twilight, how much sleep did you get last night?”
Spike was ignored.
“Did you get any sleep? At all?”
No response, just Twilight mumbling about Princess Celestia being in danger.
“...And weren't you up late the night before, too?”
Spike sighed, rolling his eyes.
“Well, you can ask her yourself when we reach Canterlot.”
At least talking to Princess Celestia would put an end to Twilight's latest bout of insanity.
.
.
~~~
.
.
Princess Celestia paced in her bedchambers.
Once again, she forced herself to look at her sister.
Her sister, who she had exiled to the moon for a thousand years.
Without food. Without water. Without companionship. Without anything.
And it showed.
Celestia averted her eyes once more. She couldn't. She just couldn't.
She felt disgusted with herself. She couldn't even bring herself to look at her sister!
Some part of her mind kept bringing up that Nightmare Moon had been a threat. That it all had been necessary to protect Equestria. That using the Elements had been the only way.
That little voice was drowned out by every beep of the heart monitor.
Celestia wiped her eyes with a foreleg.
An unfamiliar sound made the princess' ears twitch.
Celestia gasped. Luna's eyes were open. She was staring directly at her.
“Luna!” Celestia exclaimed. “Luna, I'm sor–“ Her breath caught in her throat.
The other alicorn's dry lips had parted, her mouth opened wide. Yet, the only sound audible was a faint wheeze, as if even the strength to speak was beyond her.
She didn't need to. Celestia could see it in her eyes.
Her eyes screamed silently – anguish, rage, and fear. Fear of her.
Celestia could see it all in the black alicorn's dragon-like slitted eyes.
It wasn't Luna. It was the Nightmare.
And Nightmare Moon was afraid.
.
.
~~~
.
.
Spike paced back and forth at the balcony, wringing his tail nervously.
Twilight had left about an hour ago, and then, that had been fine by him. She had rambled on about her silly “Nightmare Moon”-theories all day long, and Spike had welcomed the chance to read his comics in peace.
That was then, this was now.
Spike glanced down at the streets. Many ponies were still staring up at the moon, and murmuring – in confusion, mostly. He couldn't help but glance up himself, again, as he had done every other minute in the last half hour. If only Twilight would come back already!
There had been nothing unusual about the moon rise itself. It had been a little late, maybe, but Spike hadn't given it any thought at the time.
Twilight had run off to read some thousand year-old books. She'd insisted, that Celestia not receiving her was only more proof Nightmare Moon had returned, and was using a scheme “as devious as it was subtle”.
Spike had groaned. Against his better judgment, against previous experience, he had tried to talk Twilight out of it, take a breath and relax. Or even just read a different book, one that wouldn't mention legends of ancient vengeful goddesses.
But of course, Twilight had remained stubborn, and insisted on chasing down the literal Mare in the Moon.
Just half an hour ago, Spike had simply rolled his eyes at the thought.
Now, he wasn't so sure anymore.
Once again, Spike looked up at the moon. The empty, unfamiliar sight sent chills down the little baby-dragon's spines.
The Mare in the Moon – it had disappeared.
.
.
~~~
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.
The next day, a small newspaper reached the kiosks roughly around sunrise. The kiosk-owners would spare it a glance, then sort it in at the very bottom, or at the edge to the fiction section.
That newspaper contained an article on page 7 that carried the following title:
“Nightmare Moon returns: Are your foals on her menu? 25 tips to make your foals taste bad (by L. Heartstrings)”
.
.
~~~
.
.
Princess Celestia's patience was at its end.
“What have you done to her?” Celestia barked, her fragile calm finally breaking.
The Nightmare flinched, just briefly. Then, she once again donned that infuriating smirk, though it didn't quite reach the eyes.
“Kept... alive,” Nightmare Moon croaked. “Kept... her... alive...”
Celestia reeled away from the bed, as if physically struck.
No. That couldn't possibly be true!
Celestia's mind was swimming in a haze, as a thousand years of pain and guilt were turned on their head, and then turned over again and again.
Nightmare Moon must've read her face, because she let lose a gurgle that could almost have been a laugh.
“Dead... host...” Nightmare Moon paused, to take a wheezing breath. “Usele–“ She was cut off by a series of heavy coughs, and without thinking, Celestia lunged forward to –
Celestia froze.
To do what?
To hold her hoof?
To tell her everything would be alright, to wrap her wings around her in a embrace, like she had done whenever her little sister was hurt?
To offer a glass of water?
To help the Nightmare?
No, she was acting foalish. That was still Luna's body, and her sister was still in there somewhere, even if the Nightmare was in control. She needed to heal Luna.
That meant giving Nightmare Moon that glass of water.
“I'm here for you, little sister,” Celestia whispered into Nightmare Moon's ear. Tears were flowing freely down Celestia's cheeks.
“Am... not...” The Nightmare rasped haltingly. Then she passed out.
.
.
~~~
.
.
Barely anypony had seen Celestia in days. Word was that nopony was to see the princess – she had canceled all court-hearings, and even a meeting with the Zebrican ambassador!
The ones who had seen Celestia claimed that she seemed... out of sorts, if such a thing was imaginable. And one staff-member had claimed that Celestia's mane had been pink, whatever one was supposed to make of that.
Even Twilight herself had been politely but firmly rebuked, time and time again. She'd stopped sending letters after the thought had occurred dragon-mail might have been compromised. Could that happen? Who knew what Nightmare Moon was capable of? She was an alicorn!
Twilight could not risk giving away sensitive information to the enemy!
Was she getting paranoid? Should she have gotten more than two hours of sleep in the last couple days? No, she didn't have time for things like sleep. She needed to save Equestria! She could sleep again when she'd saved Princess Celestia (and the world) from Nightmare Moon.
Besides, Nightmare Moon might be spying on her dreams. She could do that, or so some of the books said.
And so she hadn't sent a message telling her mentor that she was going back to Ponyville, to retrieve the Elements of Harmony – which, according to several helpful reference-guides in the Canterlot archives, were located in the nearby ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters.
.
.
~~~
.
.
Finding the ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters had been surprisingly easy. She'd expected Nightmare Moon to have set up traps, or some sort of magical golem as its guardian. The worst she'd encountered had been a broken bridge, and after some rather embarrassing sleep-deprived attempts to find another way across, she'd eventually remembered that she could simply teleport herself.
For hours, she'd tried as hard as she could, trying to create a spark using different types of magic at varying strengths and frequencies – but the sixth Element hadn't shown up. In the end, Twilight Sparkle had been forced to carry five heavy stones through a forest full of predators that came out at night. During nightfall.
In the end, she really couldn't say if it had been some doing of Nightmare Moon's, or simply bad luck that had led her into the middle of a pack of timber-wolves.
Or what had come after that.
The head of a chicken, the body of a snake.
She'd had enough time to recall the entry from “Handy Hooves' Guide To Equestrian Wildlife”.
A rough 5 – 15% chance the victim would remain conscious, varying depending on maturity of the specimen.
Not that she'd been able to do anything else.
It was dark. Dark, and cold. And she was alone. Very, very alone.
Twilight Sparkle really, really felt like crying, but the tears would not come.
After all, stone-statues could not cry.
-/-
In the absence of sight, Twilight's hearing had become much more focused.
Wind rustling through the leaves. An owl hooting in the distance. Another owl answering its call.
A rustle in the bushes – and the squeak of some unfortunate animal that may just have become someone else's dinner.
A few moments of silence.
More rustling in the bushes. The tiny scratching sound of a small animal scuttling past her. Then another. Birds flying away chirping in distress.
Something disturbing the wildlife.
Trees creaking, groaning. A prolonged cracking-sound, of a tree falling.
The heavy stomps of something large, coming closer. Closer, until it shook the ground.
Twilight braced herself. It was already dark – but closing imaginary eyelids helped.
She only had the hope that whatever was coming her way would not see her, would not care about a pony-statue, would not step on and crush her, would just pass her by.
And then something bumped into her. There was a yelp, and a thud, as the “something” tripped over Twilight's stone-form.
“Uh... girls? I think I found her.”
“What in tarnation? How'd she become a statue?”
“Oh... my...”
“We found you! Tag! Now you're it! Hihihi!”
There was a roar, and the earth shook.
“As much as I hate to interrupt – but I think that dastardly star-bear found us.”
-/-
That last roar was close – far too close.
“Urgh... You could lose some of those stony pounds, sister.”
“Rainbow! You're not gonna make it if you carry her!”
Twilight's heart sunk like a rock.
The mare – Applejack, she remembered now – was right. Assuming a weight equal to that of a rock with a volume similar to that of her own body, the pegasus would have little chance of escape. The only logical course of action would be to leave Twilight behind.
She could only hope the Ursa wouldn't be interested in a pony-statue – that it wouldn't simply smash her out of rage. That it wouldn't smell the trace of pony on her stone-hide. Maybe it would just go past her. Maybe she'd have luck –
“No way, AJ! I'm never leaving a friend behind!”
Twilight boggled.
“What?” was all she could think.
What reason did these five strangers have to help her, on the risk of their own lives?!
“No, Rainbow, Ah meant y'all should let me help ya carry her!”
Despite its scientific impossibility, Twilight felt a sense of warmth flow through her petrified-pony heart.
-/-
One narrow escape from death by giant star-bear, and another encounter with a cockatrice later that ended quite differently than the first, six ponies stumbled out of the woods, battered, bruised, but with a laugh on their lips and a smile on their faces.
“I still can't believe how you just... out-stared a cockatrice, Fluttershy! That was so awesome!” Rainbow Dash gushed.
The shy pegasus blushed, hiding under her mane when everypony turned to look at her. “Oh... I... uhm... oh my...”
“How did...” Twilight shook her leg in an attempt to get rid of the cramps. “How did you even know I'd gone into the forest?”
“Well, darling...” Rarity began, but halted, glancing at something behind Twilight. “I suppose there is someone else who'd be better suited to explain.”
Twilight turned, just in time for Spike to throw himself at her and squeeze the air from her lungs with a fierce hug.
.
.
~~~
.
.
Doctor Hornfield finished his examination, and Celestia tensed.
“Can you help her?”
But she could already see it in the stallion's expression.
“I'm afraid I have nothing to offer, your highness.” He shook his head. “Nothing you haven't provided for her already.”
“This is far beyond anything I've ever seen... Any... normal pony with her symptoms should have been long dead many, many times over.”
Celestia flinched. A stab right in her heart. 'You'd make an extraordinary assassin, doctor,' she thought.
“Your highness, may I... may I inquire who she is...?” The stallion trailed off, noticing the black alicorn's gaze snap firmly to him. Her fangs bared, sending the elderly unicorn taking several steps back.
“Forgotten...” Nightmare Moon breathed. “...How?” She paused, eyes going unfocussed for a second.
Her eyes snapped wide open, locking onto Celestia. “You...!”
“They... forgot...” The alicorn seethed. Shakily, she raised an accusing hoof at the princess.
“You... made...” A heavy series of coughs cut her off. For a moment, Nightmare Moon just breathed heavily, eyes going in and out of focus, struggling to stay conscious. “You... ma... made... for...get... own... sis...ter...”
“BECAUSE THEY ONLY REMEMBERED THE MONSTER!” Celestia roared. “YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ME A CHOICE!”
“THEY TOLD THEIR FOALS STORIES OF THE DARK PRINCESS THAT WOULD EAT THEIR SOULS IF THEY STAYED OUT AT NIGHT!“
“THEY CREATED AN ENTIRE HOLYDAY DEDICATED TO CELEBRATE THE BANISHMENT OF A MONSTER! I SAW THE PUPPETS THEY MADE TO BURN IN THE BON-FIRES! THE PUPPETS WITH YOUR CUTIEMARK!”
“I TRIED, AND TRIED, AND TRIED TO STOP IT, BUT WHENEVER I STOPPED IT IN ONE TOWN, THERE WAS ALWAYS ANOTHER THAT DIDN'T, THEY JUST KEPT INVENTING NEW TRADITIONS AND TOLD NEW AND EVERMORE TWISTED TALES!”
“I HAD TO MAKE THEM FORGET YOU!”
Celestia stood, legs trembling, breathing heavily. Shakily, she wiped a hoof across her eyes to clear her vision.
Only then, she realized the Nightmare had passed out again – and Doctor Hornfield had fled. She would have to do damage control on that, she really didn't want to deal with the royal rumor-mill at the moment.
Celestia slumped on the floor.
“What was I supposed to do?” Celestia whispered quietly. “What was I supposed to do?”
.
.
~~~
.
.
Twilight and the five mares stepped into Celestia's bedchambers. She glanced up one more time at the tiara, the Element of Magic – her Element.
The others looked in awe at Celestia's bedchambers, but Twilight had seen it all before. Instead, her gaze immediately locked onto the nightmare-black alicorn.
The Nightmare had woken, but there would be no chance it could do anything to stop them now. The light of the Elements pulsing around their bodies. Twilight Sparkle felt the energy flowing through them, the warmth of her new-found friendship given form, surging, building up to its release.
The Nightmare spoke, what surely would be its final words.
“No... No... Don't...” Nightmare Moon rasped hoarsely. “No... Not... again... Can't... Not like... this... No...” In an effort to lift herself, her hooves weakly struggled to find purchase on the bedsheets, but failed.
“No... Don't... No... please... no...” Nightmare Moon slumped in her bed.
Twilight Sparkle hesitated.
The magic faded.
And then there was a blur of yellow and pink.
“Fluttershy?!” Rainbow cried out in disbelief. “What are you doing?!”
“Oh, you poor, poor thing...” Fluttershy gently stroked a hoof through the unconscious alicorn's mane.
Fluttershy.
Fluttershy, the meek pegasus who startled at her own shadow.
Fluttershy was petting Nightmare Moon's mane.
Rainbow Dash immediately rushed over to grab her, but Fluttershy seemed more than determined to stay by the Nightmare's side.
“Did you forget the horrible nightmares she sent us?” Rainbow exclaimed, momentarily forgetting the nightmare incarnate was merely dormant. “That dream where you lost all your animals?”
“O-of course I didn't f-forget...” Fluttershy shuddered visibly.
Rainbow Dash flinched, guilt flashing over her face to have done so much as to remind the timid animal-caretaker of the horrors she'd seen that night.
“Of course I didn't forget.” Fluttershy repeated, this time more firmly. “But those were just bad dreams, Rainbow.”
Fluttershy broke eye-contact to monitor the dark alicorn's breathing.
“Nightmare Moon is really, really sick,” Fluttershy spoke quietly. “And that's not a dream.”
There was a quiet groan.
Everypony froze at the sound. The Nightmare had awoken. She was looking at Fluttershy.
“You're not so scary,” Fluttershy shook her head. “You're weak –”
Nightmare Moon's face contorted into a scowl. “More... nightmares... for... you,” she spoke in a growl that sounded threatening, even through her halting speech.
“You're weak, and frightened,” Fluttershy continued, as if nothing had happened at all. “So you lashed out at us...”
“This isn't right...” Twilight paced back and forth nervously. “Princess Celestia told us to use the Elements on Nightmare Moon...”
“Dunno...” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “She seems pretty beat to me.”
“Somethin' ain't right here. Ah think we gotta have a talk with th' princess.”
Twilight turned to leave, when suddenly –
“Hey, Queen Moony.” A subdued Pinkie Pie had joined Fluttershy at the Nightmare's bedside. “Why did you want to make the night go on forever?”
Twilight opened her mouth to explain the legend – but something about seeing the otherwise chipper and bouncy pony so quiet and reserved made her pause.
“H... hate...”
Twilight's ears folded back. But Pinkie Pie merely tilted her head inquisitively.
“They... hated...” Nightmare Moon spoke in a sickly, scratchy voice. “...Me.”
Pinkie's ears wilted. “I don't hate you.”
If the room had already been quiet before, now it was dead-silent. Everypony was staring at Pinkie Pie – including Nightmare Moon.
Then the silence was broken by a sound. It was a strange, almost in-equine garbled noise that sounded too low-pitched, sounded wrong. Nightmare Moon shook in her bed. All the while, Pinkie kept standing in place, a small smile on her face.
It took Twilight a few seconds to realize Nightmare Moon was laughing.
Twilight shared a glance with her friends.
“We definitely need to talk with Princess Celestia.”
.
.
~~~
.
.
Time passed. Arguments were made.
Tempers flared. Two big sisters butted heads over their younger siblings.
A conclusion was reached.
And so, Twilight and her friends found themselves in the Nightmare's presence once more.
Getting the Elements to activate was easier this time.
-/-
“Rainbow Dash, who didn't abandon a friend, even at risk to her own life, represents the spirit of... Loyalty!”
“Pinkie Pie, who overcame her nightmare and showed all of us there was nothing to be afraid of – in more ways than one – represents the spirit of... Laughter!”
“Rarity, who gave herself up to the Royal Guards to buy us time, and who sacrificed her chance with the Canterlot Elite represents the spirit of... Generosity!”
“Fluttershy, who showed compassion, even after what Nightmare Moon did to her, represents the spirit of... Kindness!”
“Applejack, who stood up to Princess Celestia and told her the truth, represents the spirit of... Honesty!”
“The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all are my... friends.” Twilight exchanged warm glances with the five mares she could not believe she had only met a few days ago. “...But we do not seek to destroy the Nightmare. We want to give her a chance, both her and Luna, to seek out friendship.”
Twilight spoke the words. Then there was a rainbow.
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.
~~~
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.
“Why?” Luna-Moon asked, their voice weak, though not for reasons that had anything to do with their newly regained physical strength.
Celestia's hug only tightened. At first, Luna-Moon went stiff in Celestia's embrace, caught off guard and completely at a loss how to react, their face fraught with conflicting emotions.
But eventually, cautiously, they accepted the hug.
“Because everypony deserves a chance,” Celestia whispered, her own voice heavy with emotion. “I... I just needed somepony to remind me of that.”
Luna smiled. And, for the first time in a long time, Nightmare Moon smiled alongside her.
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Go check out Sandstorm94's officially endorsed "unofficial sequel", Redemption of a Nightmare! 
This story was originally a writing prompt I posted myself, which inspired Eruantalon's story “The Nightmare Crumples”, which in turn motivated me to take on my own prompt. 
This is sort-of an experiment. I want to see how people will receive this – I'm not 100% happy with this story myself. 
I know there are pieces missing – believe me, I tried to fill them in; I tried for 2,5+ years – and I am still left with the sense there is so much wasted potential here, especially in examining the character-dynamic between Celestia and a sickly Nightmare Moon. 
I guess sometimes the muse just goes on strike. 
I suppose if anypony else wants to take up the slack, be my guest. This was originally a writing prompt, after all. 
PS: Thanks to FanOfMostEverything for coming up with the punny chapter title "Over the Moon, Under the Weather" while brainstorming a story-title. 
PPS: With all said above, if you want to see more „cute“ from me, but... well, written better than the above story, I can recommend taking a peek at „Pinkieviduality“, starring a happy-go-lucky Pinkie-clone at a traveling circus.
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Good literature makes you think, not just laugh or cry. And this... This was one of those pieces that did just that.
8774467
Awww, thanks!
8774484
You're welcome. I felt every character's pain, and their worries. Also, I wondered what might have happened if The Nightmare was the only think keeping Luna alive all of those thousand years, and why Celestia might have made ponies forget in canon proper.
There wasn't enough ice cream therapy !
media1.tenor.com/images/c325bbd7f5e51c7d084096ba749201eb/tenor.gif?itemid=7411117
8774715
That... wasn't how I meant that.
8774578
Darn, you're right!
I have tears in my eyes. They're good tears.
Such a sweet reimagining. I loved that ending.
That's because it all takes place after the Elements do their stuff. Neither Luna nor Moon trust Celestia. For her piece of mind, she has to fix that. And explain to the Mane Six what really happened. And come up with a reasonable explanation for the public. And a way for history to not repeat itself.
Trying to do that character dynamic while Nightmare was bedridden and passing out after only moments awake is impossible.
8774467 8774812 8774824
8774578
Wow, I didn't expect this short story to have that much of an impact.
As I stated in the author's notes, I wrote practically 93% of this story nearly 3 years ago, but could never figure out how to fill the gaps. I did, however, manage to smooth them over a little, and then introduced those little "-/-" bits to imply mini-timeskips. How did those work out, by the way?
Still, I've always felt like there were still entire scenes missing, parts that needed to be fleshed out more, or opportunities I couldn't figure out how to take.
Like... what did Applejack say to Celestia, after Celestia told her she just wants her little sister back? That'd hit pretty close to home for Applejack.
Or... the ending should be a little longer, it's always felt too short to me, but I never had any good ideas how to flesh it out. (Maybe Celestia and "Luna Moon" eating icecream - which I imagine wouldn't have been around a milenium prior - while discussing the future, or something like that?)
Anyways, I am happy to hear people like it this much.
i am impressed this is a vary good story.
8774578 Dr. Flufflehouse will fix that!
This is a beautiful tale, and I do feel for you....it does feel incomplete and bits missing.
But thats something that I don't think that could have been fixed. This week would have been incredibly emotional for all involved and unless it became a massive story, I think it would have always had to cut some of the emotional scenes.
And as tkepner said, the story isn't over there. Fluttershy and Pinkie are almost certainly going to stay in Canterlot for a little while to try and mend the friendship between the 3 Alicorns, and a case can be made for the others staying for a while as well. And Twilight has learned her mentor is not only failible, but ALSO one of her biggest failings, so Twilight's now got to deal with that as well as learn about friendship at the same time.
And who knows how well Luna and Nightmare will get along. They likely have a massive case of Stockholm Syndrome, but its also possible, although unlikely, that they hate each other.
Lol two and a half years for one chapter, huh? It's better than some authors on the site.
8774979
Don't worry iv been sitting on many story ideas for years and what few times i put pen to paper i struggle to wrap all my ideas in a cohesive manor.
Mm, I feel like Nightmare Moon was a little out of character, but overall was a really nice read -- got a couple of cringes, so I know it's at least good
I like yours better than Eruantalon's.
This story deserves the feature slot it got.
Fairly nice. A bit hard to follow at times, and I wish there was some bit of physical description on "Luna-Moon" to help me understand their current situation.
What parts of Nightmare show through post rainbow blast? Is she full-sized or diminished? Does Luna have any motor control right now?
The ending feels incomplete because I as a reader am not sure where this story is leaving off. There are a lot of loose ends and A.U.-ness that are started but they don't really feel resolved or even at a "take a break" point like if this was written to be episodic.
The time skips work in this as a framing device, but where the work ends feels too much like I've been cut off for me to feel satisfied in this as a standalone work.
I'd like to see this continued if only so those niggling little loose ends can be wrapped up, so I don't feel soured about the way it ended.
I think this should have been a full story. This concept has so much more potential.
Nevertheless, it was a fantastic oneshot, though I felt some scenes were a little rushed. You left us having to fill in the gaps with some of whats transpired in a couple of the breaks.
glad you posted this story it was rather enjoyable.
8774979
The entire thing should be considerably longer. It's good as it is, but it has the potential to be so much more...
This is a nice stand alone story... right up until the last break. It could have ended right there on a high note and left the outcome up to the reader's imagination.
Instead we got this Luna-Moon stuff that just causes confusion and raises a bunch of questions.
It just BEGS for an epilogue to resolve this.
Either you meant to say "scrying," as in the practice of using magic to remotely observe distant events, or...
78.media.tumblr.com/586d52dbeb19fca09e57825c17f50e31/tumblr_p25ebx1Vwh1sqcjo4o1_500.gif
I hate to be 'that guy', but...
donned*
All in all, a pretty good read. I think you're right, could do with a bit of fleshing out and there's a lot of potential that's just not being utilized... but, sometimes the muse just doesn't quite make it. We've all been there, bud.
- Headwind
So.. Are there two Alicorns .. Luna and Nightmare Moon ?
Or An Alicorn body with two heads (Luna head and Nightmare Moon head )?
Or... Trixie Luna-Moon ?
Good concept and was interesting to read, as well as a nice tug on the heartstrings. But like some said could have been longer, though I also feel that you maybe used the enter key too much. Dunno just a lot of one short one lines, when I think you could have let a couple of the lines group together into paragraphs.
Not big groups obviously but still paragraphs are a thing in books for a reason, they look nicer than lots of blank lines between single sentences.
BUT that just my personal preference in the end, so frankly meh. Wasn't a deal breaker or anything, as I'd still would suggest to others to read check this out.
Hot damn good fic. You managed to make me shed a tear, It's been years since a fiction caused me to weep good job.
An interesting idea indeed.
This is a very nice, sweet story! It really reminds me of this other [story] I enjoyed a while back; similar vibes but both a little unique from each other.
I'm sorry, but this reads more like an outline than a complete story. I breezed through it too quickly to really enjoy it, though you clearly have a grasp of good writing I think there could and should be more. It becomes so fast-paced it just skips over things that are actually important, like:
What does that even mean? Who is she? Why is Nightmare not gone?
Also, what? o.O
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/353/279/e31.jpg
8776986
I second this.
The "story" hits all the bullet points, but just the bullet points. A "full version" of the story would work wonders.
I'm not sure the lesson of 'everyone deserves a chance' applies to 'world-ending gods', regardless of how woobie they are because of relatable, emotion-triggering reasons. Eternal Night because they hated her sounds like taking revenge on the whole world (likely killing everything on it) for her own misconceptions. It's nice that it worked out in a way that everyone could be happy, and it was a good - but disjointed - read, but the lesson doesn't really apply in this specific case.
What a nice, sweet story. I liked it.
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8776986
I tought exactly the same thing.
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Icecream, yes!
The funny thing is, the it didn't even register as the Flufflepuff reference it so blatantly was.
)
I mean, that's the very scene I got the cover image from. I even had to edit out the icecream from the picture.
(And yes, I did ask for permission whether or not I may edit out the icecream from the picture.
8775981
I am glad to hear the timeskips worked out. Those are exactly the sort of skips that have me usually tearing my hair out, trying to fill in the connecting pieces in what ends up taking weeks, even months - it's usually, what keeps a chapter or story from completion, the "last few missing single-sentence / single-paragraph transitions". I do so envy people who can just do that in an evening.
Here, I eventually figured I would leave the skips as they are and see how people react. I must say, I am quite positively surprised.
So far, I've gotten the suggestion of including "icecream therapy" in an extended ending.
...Actually, as silly a suggestion that is, I do imagine icecream did not exist a millenium prior, and as such would probably be quite interesting to "Luna-Moon".
8776343
Ah! Fixed. Didn't know that was wrong, I'm actually not a native English speaker. (le big twist!)
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That was not what I meant with that!
I was picturing the Mane6 sneaking into the castle, but Celestia not receiving any visitors at all --- and Rarity generously "giving herself up" as a distraction to buy the others time to reach Celestia, resulting in her getting arrested with all the most prestigious ponies of the Canterlot Elite as witnesses to her "social suicide".
Just couldn't find the muse on making this into a fully-fletched scene, so I just left it as an off-hoof reference to something "larger".
Of course, now that I'm thinking of it again for the first time in like 2+ years, some thoughts do come to mind.
Although, then I'd probably have this awkward one mini-scene of the Mane 6 sneaking around the castle, and after the very next scene-break they're already in Celestia's bed chambers facing the Nightmare, already having talked with Celestia... Yeaaah.... That also would have been awkward pacing. :-/
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I know!
I completely agree with you, it's, why I didn't publish what was pretty much 93% of the current story for 2 years and nine months, occasionally coming back to it in an attempt to "improve it", but the muse just wouldn't strike. 
Eventually I simply "rounded off" the edges of the story and decided to hit "publish", otherwise it would probably have just stayed on my harddrive.
...Like the other seven-ish stories I am still working on besides the two I have already have published chapters to show for.
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I knooooooooow, right?
8776569
Well, I was thinking of something along the lines of 1½ alicorns in a single body, with some blur between where one's mind begins and the other's ends.
Or were you thinking of something more like this?
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[image link]
Just be glad it isn't this:
[WARNING: MEMETIC HAZARD. YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO UNSEE.]
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[image link, complete with short-story]
(And why yes, I am the artist!
)
8777407
Ah, missed that by 6 minutes.
Read this (or just scroll down one comment below this one.)
8776569
In spanish, Luna means Moon.
So Luna-Moon is Moon Moon.
Moon Moon is now pony royalty. I'm okay with that.
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Sometimes it's better to put something incomplete out than to sit on it and have nothing out.
The story is good just not... full.
I always like when people use the false assumption that something controlled Luna, when in reality it was all Luna. 😈
Man, I feel like you could have really made this into a longer story... I respect your choice, of course, of keeping it really simple but it does feel like you missed a good chance to create something great.
This story seems more to me like a sweet dream come true than a nightmare!
Neat.
This was a really interesting premise, but I did feel like bits were missing in the execution. A lot of the scenes felt truncated or summarised. Time skips between scenes are a perfectly good framing device, but you want the story within each scene to be full detail. For example the unstoning, which was brushed away in only a paragraph. Having Twilight caught in stone, trapped and afraid, then rescued by the others, could have been such a deep emotional hook, but instead it evaporated so quickly.
There were some very nice ideas here, like the way the six mares became their elements, under different circumstance but still the same core characters. The star of that is Fluttershy, of course, taking pity even on a monster. It is very difficult to show a conflict when one of the characters can barely act at all. Even so, you have a good internal conflict for Celestia here: torn between her sister and the monster, between fear and pity and longing. Like the rest of the story that needs expansion.
I think the big solution to your problem here is show, don't tell. For example, take these lines:
Instead of simply relating this, try writing an actual scene in which it happens, where these circumstances are made clear by characters' words and actions. A conversation between an angry Prince Blueblood, an insistent Raven Inkwell, and the philosophical but concerned Zebrican ambassador, a conversation which Twilight happens to overhear while she's trying to get in.
The first paragraph is good - it's personal and physical. The second is a broad summary. It would be much more effective if you tell us something about the room that's so impressive, and how the girls react to it. Show us Pinkie Pie bouncing around, Rainbow admiring the chandelier, Fluttershy loving a thick soft rug. And tell us all of that from Twilight's point of view.
A story is more effective when it feels like we're experiencing it, rather than just being told about it. Try to put every event into a scene and write it from a character's point of view, with everything they see and hear. There's a limit to the amount of physical detail to include, of course, but that level is dictated by the character and the pace of the story.
WHO INVITED FUKKIN MOON MOON
Do you mean "scrying" ? IDKY spell checker doesn't like that word, It's in the dictionary.
You probably mean "HOLIDAY"?
This really needs more added to it in my opinion
Congrats on getting top spot in the feature box!
Great idea, and I did enjoy it. Any complaints I might have are already well-covered by other comments. Hopefully it's popularity means someone will take up your challenge to expand on it. Maybe even cause a bunch of spin-offs like happened with "Blink" or "Would It Matter If I Was?"