hmmm, I definantly want to see where this is going...
please, take my watch and upvote!

9711527
Interesting, my own story doesn’t pop up for me when searching it up in the search bar or when I add it to a group. I’m going to assume this is a bug and you accessed it through new stories?

Informative: I fear no beast nor man, but that thing it scares me.

9711544
Yep
i.imgur.com/9Yo9QNO.png

High-Five to the brave souls that sort by new

9711550
I’m afraid my limited cognitive abilities do not understand this reference, could you possibly rephrase that again?

9711557
Response: It is a reference to the Old Terra game Team Fortress 2.
Informative: It is also about the picture you chose.

9711557

9711562
Ah yes, thank you for elaborating.

9711527
Me to, but I will wait for other chapters to give a vote, until now I see it well and I like it

Dude, don't give us a massive info dump about the character at the start/description. SHOW us pieces of his life as the story progresses.

The info dump in the description has to go, put that on a gdoc for reference later so you don’t forget it, but that’s good information that can be trickled in throughout the fic by the main character. A character evolves as we learn more about him or her. Coming in with detailed information about someone you’ve never met will ruin any opportunity to learn who they are through their actions.

Great potential and am enjoying it so far. Could use a little less pov changes tho

9711650
Point taken. Thank you for the criticism, I originally planned for it to short but looked at what it turned out. Seeing as I am still going to show bits and pieces of his memories as the story plays out, you don’t have to worry much if you do plan on reading as the story progresses.

9711866
Point taken. Thank you for pointing this out as well. As for the trickling info, I will still do that regardless with or without the info dump, which has already been removed minutes before I have posted this comment.

9711931
Perhaps

9712117
I would recommend that in the fight scenes do not change the point of view because, although it does not look bad with the changes in the pov, it would be more fluid to have a single pov, at least that is my opinion

9712131
Point taken. You won’t have to worry about a POV change mid-fight next chapter.

More please

9711562
Inquisitive: A magos would be jealous of what can be learned from such a creature.

9712893
Exclamation: That was Ender you ignorant MEATBAG!

Perspective hopping is kinda jarring. Provided you have trouble to write mind of Tia anyway ( compared to main character) using her perspective also feels unnatural. It's better to leave one or two perspectives: everything third person (preferable for continuity and better narrative), everything first person of MC (preferable for actually writing his way of thinking), or third person narrative as intermedia and first person of MC. Two first persons, rapidly switching with third, is too much.

Vote up for a curious idea for story.

9712896
*removes her faceplate* No meat. Just self-repairing polymers. Very lifelike.

(Hence the line in user profile. Oh, and just the idea for retort to a cyborg:)

Way ahead of you, canned brains.

9712915
Exclamation: TECH HERESY!

We hope this story is successful and doesn't follow the same fate as the others

9713044
Hope so too

9712906
I’ll keep that in mind, thanks for the criticism.

My testicles growing uncomfortably along with my penis growing to a massive size, especially at the base.

Unexpected details meaning NSFW content in later chapters.
Either way a good story, looking forward to new chapters

9716257
Just look at the maturity rating and warnings. Most chapters will be NSFW (Gore, sex, narcotics, and etc), with the exceptions being some slice of life esque chapters.

I've been reading this story twice now butt the only thing on my mind is that the main character is going to go through the typical changing in to a werewolf during a full moon or changing at will turn sunlight at wall if he is going to change that will help him with putting (I think I spelled that right) fear in he's enemies

9716595
Not exactly. Without spoiling too much, I’m going to say that he isn’t a werewolf, seeing as he hasn’t looked at a full moon and turned, can’t naturally shapeshift, or hasn’t yet been placed under a curse.

That's okay because I'm really look forward to reading more of it

Not bad, but try not to have so many pov changes. You can work a lot of that into the main narrative without the change.

Also, if you're going to have a first person story that shifts perspective, don't shift from first to first like you did with Celestia. That gets confusing trying to remember who 'I' is. It's better to go from first to third.

3/3 stories CANNED I wonder if this one will make it, probably not lol

9750523
Alright?

Okay I like this please update this soon.

9752300
Working on that

9752521
Thx!

Et mortuus est rex resurget!’

10364647
A rough translation of the words “The Dead King Rises” in Latin