• Member Since 26th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Hatfield123


I'm blind and I like ponies

T

My name is Sweetie Belle, all I ever wanted in life was to be like my big sister Rarity, make friends, and get my cutiemark. Sadly for me, none of these things will ever happen in a very, very long time.

You see, in order for me to tell you on how I came to your world, I have to tell you about one of the most fearsome wars in human history, and the secrets it hid.

I would like to give a big thanks to Stonecreek for editing this. Really nice guy.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 50 )

Well... tgis surely caught my interest.
Aside from a few errors i saw, this is very well written.

I eagerly look forward for more, sir/lady

Thank you, also, what errors? I'd like to fix them.

WW2? WW3? The Persian-Roman war? WHICH WAR!!!

8793501
Don't forget that reply button. I know you two have an off-and-on relationship at times :raritywink:

I might have found some of the one's he was talking about:

I immediotly backpedalled as far as I could, ending with my back hitting the wall behind me.

Immediately is how it's spelled. I caught it a few other times throughout the chapter, too. And I think backpedaled only has one L (maybe).

The room was now covered with a thick layer of dust, and small bits of dabree struned all around.

It's spelled debris. And... I'm not sure what the word after that is :twilightblush: Did you mean "strewed" or "strewn"?

but they looked a little diffrant from the ones before.

Spelled different.

"I'm sorry, Andrews", one of the creatures said in a simpathedic voice.

Spelled sympathetic.

"Can you move?" He asked in a ferm voice.

Spelled firm.

Big, sqwear shaped, and loud.

I think square is the word you're looking for, boss.

But hey, this was pretty good otherwise. I liked the bit of panic Sweetie fell into at times. I'll have to keep an eye on this one :twilightsmile:
Keep up the good work, man!

8793574
I believe it's world war 2.

8793938
But do you really know though... it could be the Spanish civil war, the Cold War, the Trump protestation wars of 2016, the many chinese civil wars, the mongolian-chinese war, the German-Poland-Russian war! THERE ARE TO MANY WARS!!!

8793949
No, he's right, it's ww2

Thanks, I hate being a finedic speller. Not to mention the voiceover makes everything sound the same.

It’s a good start, the spelling is a little off but the other comment already said the things that were wrong, if there were any more I was reading too fast to notice.

I will say though that it would probably be best if you replaced the sound of gunshots from a ‘pop’ to a ‘bang’ or something of that nature since gunshots are loud. Seriously, most guns can prouduce a sound louder than 160 decibels, and 140 decibels is enough to permanently damage hearing. That’s louder than a jet engine which is about 120-130 decibels.

8793949
The story did say

red background, with a white circle and a crooked black x in the middle.

Which is the nazi flag.

As well as

somekind of neckless, with two triangles that made a star shape.

Which is the Star of David

So it’s a nazi controlled building, with a Jew being killed. So while it wasn’t explicitly stated, there is enough evidence to gather that it is WW2. But I guess it may not be so obvious st first glance.

8793991
Thanks for the advice, man. I'll keep that in mind.

But, I did think your little banter was kinda funny.

8793991
I haven't actually read the story yet, too busy

Everyone has there own version of hell, mine being going back to a state of mental collapse I felt when I was younger, I was in hell everytime I saw or heard something that wasn't actually there

Huh? But... the way you... what?:applejackconfused:

Well... that just gave me nightmares.

Okay, pretty good so far, can't wait for more

Great start. Looks promising.

8793501
I am taking it upon myself to beta this, because I love alternate WWII fics (in any fandom).

Good to see sweetie belle starting to get along with the soldiers, I’m assuming we are going to get some action on there following chapters, though no rush. Well written character interactions can be enjoyable to read as well. Also if those nazis lay a single finger on sweetie belle there will be hell to pay.

A few spelling errors that I spotted:

"They're called guns," he said holding out the weapon for me to get a better look. "This is called an M1 Garend Rifle, though there are other diffrant kinds of guns, like pistols or shotguns, but they all shoot bits of metal called bullets at a rapid speed."

Different

"Only during sertin events like dances or plays, or if you were one of those snobbish nobles in Canterlot, no, not really." The five nodded at my answer and I continued to speak. I told them about Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, and the little club we had made to find ways to get our cutiemarks.

Certain

"Yeah, but it's not supposed to be that color though," I said. Looking back down at the cloth I used my magic to unfold it, revealing a single bisket in the middle of the cloth. I shrugged, levitated the bisket, and began to eat.

Biscuit

Those are the ones I spotted, though there may be more I missed l. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one but I didn’t get a notification when you posted this chapter. The only reason I know you posted is because you wrote a blog post on it and I saw that. Do you know anything about that or not? Also I guess it’s worth me checking all my other stories in tracking to see if they have the same problem and I just don’t know about it.

8819403
Hm, I honestly don't know. Then again, I might've accedently hit something and the voiceover didn't tell me what it was.

Also, you might actually be surprised during the next upcoming chapters.

Okay, quick question. How tall do you think Sweetie Belle is?

I guess around 3ft 2inch

But I could be wrong.

Sweetie in a fire fight. This ain’t gonna be good. Also it just occurred to me that these soldiers have yet to tell their superiors about sweetie, and I’m wondering what will happen when they find out. I mean a battlefield is no place for a child to be. So I think it’s fairly likely that they’ll take her away, but what then? Guess I’ll have to wait to find out.

8830644
I think around 2.5ft. I think the average adult pony is about 3.5ft tall, twilight is about 4ft, Luna about 5, and celestia 5.5-6. But it’s all opinion, I don’t think there was ever any actual cannon heights given to the characters.

No, there wasn't. Also, I just guessed what everyone else was saying about their height, so I just went with it.

I fixed up ch2, you should check it out.

I like the Sherlock touch. Look forward to seeing more.

Damn, Eisenhower is going to be in for a bit of a shock when he sees the girl he was talking to is actually a unicorn from another dimension. Also, a lowly captain talking straight to the man himself, must be some super important mission they’re on.:twilightoops:

Also it’s:
Lie
Liar
Lying

I swear sometimes it seems like most languages have rules they must follow, while English has suggestions they could use instead. Guess that’s what happens when you’re country (or at least mine (England)) is invaded by the Romans, Danes, Norwegians, and Normans. Language gets kind of messed up.

I'm not kidding I spelt it that way the first time, and I was told it was wrong. Man, sometimes I hate America. The hole deal with spelling sucks, and I wish I was born somewhere else.

Working on the spelling (and other stuff) now.

8854244
You would still run into the same problem as each language's word has different meanings, its what happens when man regardless of country or state, run out of words on what to call things and will often recycle words.

Getting more and more interesting

8884469
Any idea why there's a downvote on my comment?....:applejackconfused:

Oops! Oh man I didn't mean to do that. Sorry, I thought I hit the reply button.

The voiceover doesn't say the whole down vote or up vote button. So it kinda sucks.

8884561
Hey, did you PM me by any chance?

8885528
Uuh..... i don't recall doing so....

Hmm, weird, I'm somehow getting comments sent to my Email for some reason.

I'll just ignore them unless it's an actual PM. Also, did you get my reply'?

8854075
Well, as compensation nobody has to memorize the gender of every damn noun.

8854244
8883949
Every language has its difficulties, but there are definitely languages that don't have the sort-of-phonetic-but-not-really thing English has going on. For instance, from what I know about Japanese (I don't speak it) you either use straight syllable representation (so phonetic spelling should be 100% accurate as far as I know) or you have to use symbols with arbitrary connections to sounds (so it's hard to memorize but at least you won't be "fooled" by thinking you can spell it phonetically).

When a character isn't talking but thinking,you should have your text italicized like this.

Thanks for the advice, but I fell it is easier with's. Not to mention that I can't find the damn thing.

wait im confused the first half she was in a dream. the second half shes not? but rarity is there is she back in ponyville?
im confused

No, I needed to put a bit more focus on the dreams so I made an entire chapter on one.

Good thing rarity looked when sweetie was asleep, and not awake or she wouldn’t see her. But sweetie still isn’t any closer to getting home though, at least it doesn’t look like it. Let’s see where this goes.

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