This story is a sequel to My Little Balladeer
It was a few years ago that Twilight Sparkle and the Element Bearers sought for aid against a threat from beyond their world, and found it in the person of John the Balladeer. After the threat was defeated he was returned to his world, and Twilight has been searching for her human friend ever since.
Now with Princess Luna's aid she's found him in dreams. Dreams dark and terrible, and haunted by enemies both alien and frightfully familiar.
And this time she and John are alone.
MLP:FiM (c) Lauren Faust and Hasbro; John the Balladeer and associated beings (c) the estate of Manly Wade Wellman.
Chapters (22)
Well, my curiosity has officially been whetted. Now I play the waiting game...
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Thanks. It'll be a day or three right now; I want to stretch this out a bit.
An interesting beginning, and - now that I'm thinking of it - a very plausible route to bring John and the ponies back in touch; I'm eagerly awaiting what comes next!
I'm guessing each of the sorcerers who summoned Nightmare Moon are from real history? I recognize Bathory and Dee, but not the others?
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Ed Kelly was Dee's assistant in Dee's attempts at conjuring angels. Hree's his entry on Wikipedia. In real life he was a fraud who conned Dee, at least IMHO, but in this world Dee actually worked a real summoning which scared the daylights out of Kelly!
'Loewe' is the legendary version of Rabbi Judah Loew ben Bezalel, who supposedly the Golem of Prague (which is where Nightmare Moon was summoned too). I did wonder about the idea of the Nightmare Forces being something like demons or evil ghosts, and what use they could have made of the soulless and invulnerable body of the Golem, but I doubt I'll get to that story.
And as for the man with the cat-headed staff?
Thanks for commenting!
Because of his situation, it makes sense for that word to be there. Just don’t have the heroes say it, and I won’t hold it against you.
Huh. There's saving to be done on all sides, apparently.
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There is indeed, and thanks for the new comment.
I like that there's some humor to keep the story from getting too grimdark.
... argh, I know you told me once upon a time, but I wish I'd listened when you told me where I could find these books. They sound like they'd be right up my alley.
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Which books? If you mean the John the Balladeer ones then I'm afraid they went back out of print; interlibrary loan will be your best bet unless you want to spend a few hundred bucks for used copies of Who Fears The Devil?
Though if you have Kindle the last I looked you can get the collection there for about $5.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Yeah, you need to put a few laughs in with even the darkest stories. People need to breathe in relief once in a while.
That and it makes the next scare have even more impact.
I kinda have been imagining this guy speaking in Stevie Ray Vaughn's voice.
I looked up Long Lost Friend, and wonder if anyone really did brew the beer recipe mentioned in it...
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I'm not very familiar with Mr. Vaughn; and have to admit I really didn't think of any particular voice he'd be speaking in other than a soft, cultured, and creepy one.
I confused this for a few minutes with Trill Coster's sin-eating, where Evadare took her sins, and I wondered how the dream would go with Twilight accompanying John in Evadare's place.
Perhaps fortunately for all concerned, it was another of John's memories - but I don't remember whether this's from any of the stories in specific?
Oooh, I am getting some serious horror vibes now. And I love it.
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In the hopes I don't blow anything this is from the 'sorta-canon' Silver John story Sin's Doorway. John was originally alone in that one.
And wow, someone else who has read 'Trill Coster's Burden'! I can say without blowing any of the plot that eventually (not anytime soon), Evadare and Reuben Manco will get more involved in the plot, and so will some of the monsters from Southern mountain folklore.
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Thanks! I hope the payoff in a few days will be to your liking as well.
8811883 Ah yes - a quick Google tells me that's the one where the protagonist is unnamed and Wellman only said outside the story that he's John before he started carrying his guitar? I haven't read it; looking forward to what you do with the rest of the story, and also to seeing Evadare herself!
Oh my. Y'know, it's pretty damn ominous for the likes of Sombra and Tirek to be on that list like that.
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They were on the same list back in the first of these stories, so they got mentioned here too.
And I have the idea that the Letters of Cold Fire (the book's 'real' name) may be kinda-sapient, or at least able to adapt itself to the person currently reading it so it can better tempt them.
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Well, it did need to be killed/put to rest in order to stop it. Would make sense for it to be an intelligent artifact of evil.
I dunno why, but that just broke me. I had to stop and snicker at that.
Of course, then everything turned sideways and Twilight tried being the Princess of Friendship at Pure Evil with predictable results. Oh Twilight.
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I've got this crazy idea on how one could try to kill that book with something far short of the Elements of Harmony-namely, a runescape shade burning ritual.
I dunno. a Focused Nightmare Moon against the Shonokin may be more than they can handle...
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Twi is a good-hearted and trusting mare, but she has a tendency to get blindsided by truly and utterly malevolent beings.
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It may be a few days before this continues, but wait and see what happens with NMM and the Shonokin.
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Thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately I have no idea what that ritual is.
Here comes the start of my belated commentary:
This is one of the best establishing sentences I've ever read; and one of the best quick descriptions of Canterlot. You not only describe the city in terms of its colors and materials, but also as a place in which things actually happen (usurpers attack, causing damage which is now mostly repaired) rather than a timeless travelogue; hence making it feel more like a real place.
I like this both as description of emotional affect by character and xenofiction. Her haste and concern are clear, and she is in part expressing them and having them understood by the guards in ways different from how it would be were the characters Humans rather than Ponies.
Likewise, the (literal) spear-carrier Guards characters are well-done -- you show something of their personalities in their brief appearances, and make the reader feel that Twilight Sparkle is moving through a real world which exists in its own right rather than merely being a backdrop for her adventures. This is especially important considering how much of this adventure will take place in an actual dream-world, albiet one based directly on John's real adventures.
Likewise, the difference in the reactions between the Guards in the outer parts of the palace and the servants who routinely deal with Celestia and Luna is well-conceived. Obviously, they would be less-awed by the sight of an Alicorn Minor.
That's a good point: if Saddle Arabia is an Arabian (and probably pagan-Arabian) analogue culture, then they would revere the Moon, and hence their art would be appropriate decor for Luna's office.
I love the way you have Luna slowly materialize out of starry darkness. That is perfect for the Moon Princess -- especially given her love of eerie melodrama.
I like the contrast between the young, impatient Twilight Sparkle and the ancient, immortal Luna, who is only in a hurry when she really wants to be.
This is a good concept of resonant parallel worlds, including the idea that some worlds may be real in themselves and yet fictional in the opinion of other worlds. This justifies whatever crossovers one desires to write. Heinlein used the notion well in Number of the Beast; I wish he had lived long enough to make more extensive employment of it.
Good use of the Fausticorn!
This allows a mechanismfor such crossovers, and also partly explains why a real other world might figure in the fiction of another real other world. Its dream-imprint would spark the imaginations of artists, poets and writers.
Though I explicitly use the demonic-possession theory of how Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon, it makes less difference than one might think, because I also assume that Luna in jealousy and hatred invited the Night Shadow into herself in order to gain power over Celestia. This is why my Luna also feels extreme guilt and shame for the sins she committed as Nightmare Moon.
Vanilla canon supports the idea that Luna actually did something seriously wrong of her own free will, else why would she feel the need to atone for her prior actions -- as she very obviously does, in the Season One Premiere and in "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep." Luna isn't stupid: if she had merely been manipulated like a puppet by some wholly external force, she would have felt bad that she had been used in this fashion to harm other Ponies, but she wouldn't so deeply blame herself.
Indeed, in my stories even when Luna is actively possessed by the Night Shadow, it is only able to retain full control of her when it allows her to give vent to her darker desires. When Luna actively resists the Night Shadow, their common body freezes indecisively, which is my explanation for why Twilight and her friends were able to defeat her. A notion which I originally got from Pinkie's comment in My Little Balladeer -- Luna actually didn't want to kill them, and was fighting the impulse, whether it came from her own dark side or from a Night Shadow, to do so.
Good references to John Dee and Ned Kelly, the bloody Countess Bathory, Rabbi Lowe of Prague (and his Golem), and Solomon Kane. Who, though, is the "deluded king?"
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First of all, thanks for commenting here! I'm always glad to read what you have to say.
I like the contrast between the young, impatient Twilight Sparkle and the ancient, immortal Luna, who is only in a hurry when she really wants to be.
I figure Alicorn Twilight will be like that too in another few centuries.
This is a good concept of resonant parallel worlds, including the idea that some worlds may be real in themselves and yet fictional in the opinion of other worlds. This justifies whatever crossovers one desires to write. Heinlein used the notion well in Number of the Beast; I wish he had lived long enough to make more extensive employment of it.
Hmm, I read part of NotB years ago but I missed or forgot that part. I was mostly just working off of the many fiction and nonfiction books (with the latter being the really weird ones) on parallel worlds.
This allows a mechanism for such crossovers, and also partly explains why a real other world might figure in the fiction of another real other world. Its dream-imprint would spark the imaginations of artists, poets and writers.
Again, mostly going off of several books I've read that had/suggested that the Dream realm can brush up against most if not all words that have beings that can dream in them. I imagine this version of Luna has met other-dimensional beings before in Dream, though so many of them were dangerous and as such best kept far away from Equestria.
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Though I explicitly use the demonic-possession theory of how Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon, it makes less difference than one might think, because I also assume that Luna in jealousy and hatred invited the Night Shadow into herself in order to gain power over Celestia. This is why my Luna also feels extreme guilt and shame for the sins she committed as Nightmare Moon.
Vanilla canon supports the idea that Luna actually did something seriously wrong of her own free will, else why would she feel the need to atone for her prior actions -- as she very obviously does, in the Season One Premiere and in "Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep." Luna isn't stupid: if she had merely been manipulated like a puppet by some wholly external force, she would have felt bad that she had been used in this fashion to harm other Ponies, but she wouldn't so deeply blame herself.
I agree, and sorry if I failed to get that across. Luna feels deeply ashamed of giving in to her envy and need for attention the way she did; whatever it was that turned her into Nightmare Moon, it only did so because she accepted what it offered. Se feels even more ashamed and grateful she was beaten when she thinks that if she did what seemed so logical at the time and create Eternal Night she would have killed all life on Equestria. Thus part of her reason for creating the Tantibus in the show: everypony else may have forgiven her, but she can't.
At the same time she wants to regard the Nightmare as something she could just cut away, and she's been pushing a lot of her anger and hubris 'into' the Tantibus. I think she's had more than one dream where she destroys the Nightmare and some where it consumed her entirely.
Indeed, in my stories even when Luna is actively possessed by the Night Shadow, it is only able to retain full control of her when it allows her to give vent to her darker desires. When Luna actively resists the Night Shadow, their common body freezes indecisively, which is my explanation for why Twilight and her friends were able to defeat her. A notion which I originally got from Pinkie's comment in My Little Balladeer -- Luna actually didn't want to kill them, and was fighting the impulse, whether it came from her own dark side or from a Night Shadow, to do so.
Yes, and thanks for letting me know I influenced your own work every slightly. Luna was fighting from inside; even when consumed by her own darkness her conscience wouldn't let her just destroy everyone who defied her.
Good references to John Dee and Ned Kelly, the bloody Countess Bathory, Rabbi Lowe of Prague (and his Golem), and Solomon Kane. Who, though, is the "deluded king?"
The latter would be Emperor Rudolf of the Holy Roman Empire, the supposed 'divine king' of the 16th century Rosicrucians. At least according to Frances Yates. In background he tried commanding the Nightmare on the grounds that he was the Emperor and she owed him submission. Nightmare Moon was not amused. He lived, but for a long time he wished he hadn't. Not that the Nightmare hurt him physically. She just played around in his dreams and mind to teach him some manners.
I also got the idea of all those people other than Kane being at Rudolf's court from a historical fantasy book I read years ago; I very much doubt some of them ever were there in real life. Bathory probably never visited Prague; and she might have been a little creepy even for Nightmare Moon. Hell, I think monsters like Chrysalis or Sombra would have found her revolting.
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I also hope you will have something to say about the chapter where Twilight and Luna see John's Korea, as well as her introduction to the Red Lands here. According to what my editor has told me, it's something from the real world. Whatever that may mean with dreams, anyway. it's something seen in dreams and nightmares by a LOT of veterans who saw battle.
I like the glimpses of Mane Six dreams, especially
and, aside from the Mane Six
It says a lot about Tirek that this is his fond hope! When I first read it, I thought it was someone else's fear.
The notion of such a map, and what it would contain, is fascinating.
The classic "silver cord" for astral travel.
This has occurred to me as well. Luna would have to be fairly professional about her attitude toward erotic dreams, or she would spend all her time embarrassing others and being embarrassed in return. I had her say something of the sort to Rarity in Post-Traumatic.
Likewise, all other sorts of vivid and extreme dreams. For instance, it would be very hard for a surrealist artist to impress her, unless he was something very special.
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It says a lot about Tirek that this is his fond hope! When I first read it, I thought it was someone else's fear.
Given what we saw of him in the show, that feels like what he'd want. I imagine the dreams of the other villains would be equally grim.
And yeah, I can see the possibilities in Luna's dream map. I suppose that simply keeping up with the dreams of Equestria's ponies keeps her very busy, else she would have done even more exploring. She's also careful; she knows there are dangerous beings out there in the dream realm (she was one herself for centuries) and she does not want to lead any of them back to Equestria's corner of Dream.
Or she has made up her mind on her fantasy of being swept off her hooves by a handsome prince, and is finally starting to see Spike as that prince.
This has occurred to me as well. Luna would have to be fairly professional about her attitude toward erotic dreams, or she would spend all her time embarrassing others and being embarrassed in return. I had her say something of the sort to Rarity in Post-Traumatic.
Likewise, all other sorts of vivid and extreme dreams. For instance, it would be very hard for a surrealist artist to impress her, unless he was something very special.
I strongly suspect Luna's pretty blase by now about what she sees in dreams. I imagine she found some horrid fantasies of revenge by, say, the CMC and other foals against Diamond Tiara until her redemption. And they'd be far from the worst. Twilight and other ponies might be shocked at what some of their friends have done in dreams without even being aware of it. I.e., 'bad men do what good men only dream of'. I imagine Luna has insight into pony and other sapient minds beyond that of almost any mundane psychiatrist.
And concerning erotic dreams, heh, yeah. If Luna were lustier she could have experienced some intense things in dreams she's seen.
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By the way, what do you think of something another friend of mine told me, that Sunset Shimmer can count herself lucky the world mirror didn't send her to a world like Silver John's? I myself doubt she would have done at all well (o maybe done too well) as an apprentice to someone like Rowley Thorne or any of the evil sorcerers from Wellman's stories.
I like this concept, of all severe wars being similar enough that their dream-projections are a class.
I was recently reading that the Tolkien Estate is coming out with J. R. R. Tolkien's Gondolin, which he actually first conceived and started writing around the time of the Battle of the Somme (1916) -- obviously, not when he was actually engaged, but during rest periods and his convalescence after being wounded. And what I find interesting about this is that the Fall of Gondolin as related in the Silmarillion includes some absolutely nightmarish battle-sequences, almost certainly inspired by Tolkien's military experience.
So Tolkien's dreams of Middle-Earth in part grew from his nightmares of the Great War.
Twilight Sparkle is no stranger to epic-scale violence, particularly after her battle with Tirek. But she is a stranger to really large-scale and protracted epic-scale violence, such as is offered both by real mass battles and even more so by their dream-echoes (which can be even worse than the reality, since they aren't as limited by logistics or morale).
GREAT concluding line for the chapter.
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Thanks for yet more comments! I always appreciate what you have to say.
I like this concept, of all severe wars being similar enough that their dream-projections are a class.
My editor told me about this, how apparently there is a commonality to the dreams many war veterans have: a desert of red sand and rust, filled with shattered vehicles and corpses.
I was recently reading that the Tolkien Estate is coming out with J. R. R. Tolkien's Gondolin, which he actually first conceived and started writing around the time of the Battle of the Somme (1916) -- obviously, not when he was actually engaged, but during rest periods and his convalescence after being wounded. And what I find interesting about this is that the Fall of Gondolin as related in the Silmarillion includes some absolutely nightmarish battle-sequences, almost certainly inspired by Tolkien's military experience.
So Tolkien's dreams of Middle-Earth in part grew from his nightmares of the Great War.
Yes; I remember a book some years ago that was part Tolkien biography and part description of the Battle of the Somme; we Americans tend to think of WW2 and Vietnam as being the 'worst ever', but the descriptions of what men saw in the Somme in 1916 (or Korea in 1950) are every bit as nightmarish. The Somme might have been worse if only because it was all so new then, the mechanization of war, and even more terrifying.
Twilight Sparkle is no stranger to epic-scale violence, particularly after her battle with Tirek. But she is a stranger to really large-scale and protracted epic-scale violence, such as is offered both by real mass battles and even more so by their dream-echoes (which can be even worse than the reality, since they aren't as limited by logistics or morale).
The sort of mass death Twi is about to see is probably beyond the imagining of any creature from Equestria, with the possible exceptions of the Princesses and Discord, and maybe some elder dragons like Torch who can remember when Erebor-scale city sackings were still possible for a dragon. And even the fighting that seems to have happened when the Princesses defeated Sombra, while terrible enough then and even more so to ponies who are fortunate enough to live in a prolonged peace, wasn't on this scale.
It being a dream will make it more nightmarish, but at the same time there will be a layer of unreality that will help protect her sanity.
GREAT concluding line for the chapter.
Thanks, I'm glad that line impressed you. I got it partly from one uncle of mine who handled a landing ship on Omaha Beach on D-Day. He always said that the man who said war was hell must not have known any worse cuss words that that.
Chapter 2
This was a really awesome, epic and horrific dream-version of Chosin Reservoir. From what I've read, the real battle was every bit as nightmarish as well, in its own way. (And of course, even a really good written description, such as you've published here, can only convey a hint of the real horrors of such an event).
One of the dreadful things about war, in reality, is that it is mostly fought by extremely young men. Generally speaking, 17-22, with mid-twenties fairly old for frontline infantry and thirties worthy of being nicknamed "Grandpa" or something like that. Most men who die in battle haven't completed their first quarter-century of life.
It's sobering, in the MLP context, to be reminded that many of the Marines fighting at Chosin would have been no older than Flash Sentry. Some, even younger.
And to take the obvious examples when Twilight actually fought alongside her brother, the Changeling attack on Canterlot was mainly meant to take captives and on the Pony side physically expel invaders rather than kill (though some Changelings and Ponies doubtless did die in the fighting); and King Sombra never got to the point of being able to directly battle the Crystal City's defenders. Neither event was anywhere near as bloody.
Also I like how you have Twlilight's verbal hesitation indicate how her morale is being shaken by what she is seeing. Given that Twilight is characteristically courageous and cool in the face of danger, this speaks volumes about the horror of the situation.
Luna, of course, is a veteran both of war and of nightmares, so she is far less unnerved by it all.
This is perfect commentary on her part: it highlights her military professionalism and her fundamental equinity, at one and the same time.
For Twilight, of course, Flash Sentry is one of her main sentimental connections to humanity -- especially to male humanity.
Twilight being unable to clearly remember the rather dramatic ahd horrible things she saw in the scene emphasizes that she is in a dreamworld.
This both follows the logic of dreamworlds and sets a key limitation on Twilight's actions in this and later parts of the story, rationally-explaining why she can't just Alicorn-Magic her way out of the perils she will later face. This is important when writing fantasy with a powerful mage protagonist.
And we meet the real Bad Guys -- not the dream-images of the long-gone Red Chinese soldiers, but the creatures who are manipulating John's dreams. Very creepy description, and they seem even more wrong when they open their mouths -- the opposite of what usually happens when someone brings in Humanoid Abominations.
I look at Luna's memory of having been Nightmare Moon as a persistent internal flaw which a sufficiently informed and vicious foe can exploit. It's a (psychic) Wound Which Will Not Heal, like Frodo's injury from the Morgul-blade and his missing finger, and can really only in the Shadow Wars Storyverse be cured if she discarnates and rejoins Gravity, the Concept of which she is an Avatar. I hint at this in Twelfth Equestriad Interview, where she still shudders at this memory, and her consortship with Twilight Sparkle is obviously one of the things that keeps her sane despite this horror.
Here, it's being used against her in your story.
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Thanks. I'm glad you like my attempt at describing the Battle of Chosin; my father was a source for some of this, mostly from conversations he had with fellow ex-military who were there. They told him they saw Quad-.50's get overrun by Chinese wave assaults, among other horrors.
I also wanted to make it obvious that Luna would not react as badly as Twilight -- she's seen much more ferocious violence than her. Thank you for letting me know that I accomplished that. Also, Luna respected Twilight's warnings about how dangerous the warlocks from John's world could be (and she remembers Thorn almost setting Discord free), but I think that on some level she thought Twi was exaggerating. She knows better now, to her regret. It scared her that even a group of them could do that to her in someone's dream. Luna was outfought, briefly, on her own ground. That will rattle anyone.
And yes we've met the real villains here. Poor Twi's problems have just begun.
Good xenofictional description, and something I usually forget. Creatures with thicker body hair than Humans tend to have ampler subcutaneous muscles to allow them to raise or lower their coats (we have them too, of course, to a lesser degree -- which is why we can experienced a similar sensation). But the Ponies would be able to use these muscles to shoo away insects -- I've seen my cats do this -- and you are here emphasizing that Twilight is reacting to the dream-invaders as if they were vermin; experiencing a visceral revulsion to their evil.
(this really belonged in my previous comment, but I just noticed it).
I like how quickly and decisively Celestia responds when she fears Luna and Twilight are in trouble.
Upping the stakes, because it demonstrates that Twilight can be psychosomatically harmed by the dream-foe. Just how badly is not obvious, but at the least enough to draw blood, which has terrifying implications from the POV of Celestia and Luna.
Celestia affects a softer mien than Luna, but when push comes to shove, and a loved one is in peril, Celestia can be every bit as uncompromisingly-realistic as her sister. She would do Twilight Sparkle no favors by becoming being less than coldly rational at a moment like this.
Heh, that puts her relative mercy toward Thorn in a more utilitarian light. And Thorn was a necromancer -- merely destroying his body might not have been enough to keep Equestria safe from his spirit. After all, the threat from him had included the Sunny Town ghosts, so he clearly understood how to manipulate the world of the undead.
An excellent in-story reason to include the rest of the Mane Six, making perfect sense in the setting.
It makes perfect sense that the Equestrians would have such specialists. Too bad some weren't ready at the start of the Movie. Ah well, Derpy flinging herself to take a spell for Twilight Sparkle had to do.
Incidentally, I was really happy when I realized that was what had happened, because it fits my fanon that by that time Derpy Hooves is a trained Night Watch Courier and a member of Luna's Loyal Band. Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass indeed!
I will state here for the first but probably not the last time that the Shonokin insistence that everything that isn't Shonokin is a "beast," despite the obvious evidence of high intelligence and magical powers to the contrary, constitutes a serious cultural weakness. It leads them to underestimate their foe.
Of course, both the Nazis and the Communists -- the two great enemies of freedom in the 20th century, were inclined to underestimate their foes for not being ubermenschen or Marxists, respectively. And they were scarcely the first to engage in this sort of self-flattering delusion. So it's not at all unrealistic. And I'm pretty sure you got this from the original source, too.
The Cobra-La people from the 1980's G.I. Joe animated movie had a rather similar attitude (to the point of badly underestimating both the Joes and the fully-human members of Cobra, only really respecting Serpentor because he had been engineered to be one of them). Of course, both the Shonokin and the Cobra-La people were ultimately derived from Robert E. Howard's Serpent Men, so this isn't surprising.
And it's John to the rescue! Yay!
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Thanks for the latest response. I'm glad someone took notice of the way Twilight reacted to the Shonokin; I like the ponies, they're very much 'people' but they're still not 100% human. They won't react or even feel the same way about these things as we would.
I will state here for the first but probably not the last time that the Shonokin insistence that everything that isn't Shonokin is a "beast," despite the obvious evidence of high intelligence and magical powers to the contrary, constitutes a serious cultural weakness. It leads them to underestimate their foe.
Of course, both the Nazis and the Communists -- the two great enemies of freedom in the 20th century, were inclined to underestimate their foes for not being ubermenschen or Marxists, respectively. And they were scarcely the first to engage in this sort of self-flattering delusion. So it's not at all unrealistic. And I'm pretty sure you got this from the original source, too.
The Cobra-La people from the 1980's G.I. Joe animated movie had a rather similar attitude (to the point of badly underestimating both the Joes and the fully-human members of Cobra, only really respecting Serpentor because he had been engineered to be one of them). Of course, both the Shonokin and the Cobra-La people were ultimately derived from Robert E. Howard's Serpent Men, so this isn't surprising.
That's pretty much it in the original stories. The Shonokin regarded everything other than themselves as being a useful animal, at best, though it's hinted that they are a sort of human themselves (think as different as a Neanderthal might be from a Cro-Magnon). Certainly any of the sapients from Equestria would be utterly beyond the pale to them, annoying beasts fit only to be culled. They will be getting a nasty surprise when they meet more Equestrians.
And wow, someone else who remembers the GI Joe movie. There are times I wondered if I imagined it; it seemed like nobody had heard of it! Thanks for that.
Chapter 3:
Our Hero has stepped upon the stage! Yay!
We switch to John's 1P POV.
Smooth, natural exposition of John's backstory as it relates to his joining the Army and fighting in the actual Korean War; then seguing to his recent past and how he's begun to be troubled by recurring nightmares of the Battle of Chosin, to the point of it affecting his health and sanity. (Seriously, in Call of Cthulhu I'd handle this sort of thing having him save vs. SAN and lose 1 pt on a failed roll, with a critical failure also costing him a HP, no normal healing from the HP loss on a night he has such a nightmare -- this would eventually drive him mad or kill him or both -- it would be a slow and torturous way to die; exactly the sort of thing the Shonokin would enjoy inflicting on a foe).
John tells Evadare, and also his friend Reuben Manco, and -- being people with the sort of experiences they've had who have known John a while -- they believe him and start working on the problem of how to rid him of these dreams.
Sadly, I think we all know the identity of the "conjured angel."
Yep. Death, or madness followed by death. Slow and torturous.
Nightmare Moon.
So Reuben hypnotizes John and sends him to sleep to confront his enemies in dreams.
... and we've caught up to the point at which we left Twilight Sparkle.
This chapter was well-done especially in terms of its major issue, which was pacing. There's a temptation to write what mostly has to be a flashback section too long, which is how I wound up expanding my "Tragickal History of Sunney Towne," which was originally meant to be just a chapter or two, into a whole sub-book of what's shaping up to be a long novel. Here, you've condensed the points of John's career most salient to the story and written the bridge of what's been going on with John in his world in the mean-time, without writing a whole book about it.
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With Dee and NMM: I do keep thinking I should write up the story of her little trip to 16th century Europe, though that would be more of a Bob Howard story/fanwork than a Wellman one. If only because I want to know how Nighty handled meeting people like Rabbi Loew and Countess Erszebet Bathory -- to say nothing of Kane himself.
And thanks for the kind words on my pacing of the flashback. Getting honest praise like this from someone who's written much, much more (and far better) than I have makes me feel like I have improved in my writing. Hopefully you continue to think so when my editor and I finally get this thing up and running again! The story's done, it's the editing that's the problem now.
Chapter 4:
Twilight being regressed to a Unicorn due to John's control over the dream and having never seen her as an Alicorn ... Clever and logical development, a drawback of being even in a friend's dream-realm if he's not aware of all your capabilities.
The "carnivore scat" of course is human. Possibly due to torn intestines, as well as the other possible way.
In a way, this is just a dream-accelerated version of the way that frontline infantry really tend to feel after a while in combat, even a fairly short time by the standards of civilian life. Though it's probably hitting her faster because this is John's nightmare, and she's absorbing his feelings about it.
I like the idea of there being perytons in the MLP world -- all the more so because they were in the old AD&D Monster Manual as well. Both G1 and G4 MLP have been strongly influenced by D&D, in addition to Classical and Medieval mythology.
The Shonokin tendency to use despised human minions as cannon fodder would of course work well for a horror story or scenario, since it would provide "mooks" for the initial encounters and to avoid leaving too much evidence of High Weirdness for the authorities to discover -- an outer layer for the protagonists to have to penetrate to get at the Big Bad. I bet Wellman used it that that way in his story as well.
I like the hysterical refusal to admit to the deaths of their own kind, because it works well with their sin of Pride. It also makes them more emotionaly real and yet psychologically a bit unhuman. I'm sure from the way you referenced it that this too was part of Wellman's original story.
I love this declaration. It is totally badass and made of awesome. And also completely true.
A shame the Shonokin blindness to the possibility of having equals among mortal beings keep them from really understanding it.
The airstrike is the perfect climax to the scene.
And then they're in the next nightmare ...
Perfect Spike-dream.
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The Shonokin tendency to use despised human minions as cannon fodder would of course work well for a horror story or scenario, since it would provide "mooks" for the initial encounters and to avoid leaving too much evidence of High Weirdness for the authorities to discover -- an outer layer for the protagonists to have to penetrate to get at the Big Bad. I bet Wellman used it that that way in his story as well.
Yes. Wellman mentioned it in some stories and showed it in at least one full-length novel, After Dark, which is where John met the Shonokin.
I like the hysterical refusal to admit to the deaths of their own kind, because it works well with their sin of Pride. It also makes them more emotionaly real and yet psychologically a bit unhuman. I'm sure from the way you referenced it that this too was part of Wellman's original story.
Yes again. The Shonokin have a overwhelming fear of death -- the deaths of their own people, that is, they have no problem with killing others. In Wellman's stories they refused to even admit that they could die, and would simply flee from the bodies of their own people and leave them to rot.
The airstrike happened in the original battle; it happened sooner here probably because the Shonokin hoped it would kill John and Twilight.
And thanks for the comment!
El-Ka-Bong! Well at least all the heroes are together. Now comes the counter attack. I'm very much enjoying this one. But yeah, the Shonokin really underestimated the princes of the night.
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Yeah, their disregard and contempt for everything and one that isn't them gets them in a lot of trouble in the original stories as well. You think they'd learn after a while to be a bit less contemptuous of their enemies.
And thanks for the comment.
Oh, this is fun. What was John supposed to think? He may well not be familiar with the Luna/Nightmare Moon split. but then Nightmare Moon was False Advertising. you can't really moon someone in a society that normally does not wear clothing, anyway.
equestria girls is more of a copy cat world than its own real one.
when john went to equestria their world had to copy him in a believable manner.
Since they lacked magic it had to be a book of fantasy.