• Member Since 24th Aug, 2017
  • offline last seen 53 minutes ago

Mirror Star


Comments ( 7 )

Great story and its totally what dash thinks it is :rainbowlaugh:

Hilarious ending!!! Want a sequel!!!

Hi There, just read your story and I got to say I liked it! and the smut was pretty good too, however, I did see quite a few errors and I thought that I would help out and help correct them for you! :rainbowdetermined2:

He said to himself "I could use the extra money. Also, Mrs. Dash has been really nice to me back when I was a colt. I can't say no, even if Rainbow Dash finds out and likely strikes me with lighting."

That should be Italicised to show that he is speaking to himself.

and Wind answered the door.

Wind? Probably should put a y and should be good :3

"She looks just like Rainbow Dash with that wig on but a more mature and sexy version of her. Get your mind out of the gutter, Zephyr Breeze. This is Rainbow Dash's mom and a married mare. Your better than that."

Again you should make it Italicised in order to show that he is speaking to himself.

"How much do I owe you again? Thank you so much Zephyr."

Forgot the quotation marks at the end of the first sentence and the front in the other sentence.

came over him,maybe the sight of seeing Windy

Needs a space at the comma

"Sweet Celestia, I'm feeling Mrs. Dash's breast and touching parts of her body. If this is a dream, don't wake me up.".

Needs to be Italicised

"I can't believe I'm getting my dick sucked by Rainbow Dash's mom of all ponies. If this is a dream, don't wake me up. Actually, if this were a dream then Rainbow Dash would come walking through that door right now."

Italicised

"This is reality. Even better. Would be better if Rainbow Dash would be here but I'll take a mare that looks exactly........" "Sweet Celestia"

Italicised

Everstallion

Everstallion? I think you mean Every Stallion

Uh..do I need to wear a condom?"

Forgot a quotation mark.

"I'm fucking Mrs. Dash. I really don't want to wake up if this is a dream."

Italicised

"His dick size inside of me reminds me of Bow when we were teenagers." "He even squeezes breast like Bow did back then."

Italicised

Rainbow, I'm about to cum. Do it Zephyr. Cum inside me. Make me yours!

Forgot Quotation Marks

"And Zephry. Don't pull out." With that said, Zephry didn't waste anymore

Misspelled Zephyr’s Name

Zephyr'

Accidently added a quotation mark

Sweet Celestia, that was awesome.

Forgot Quotation Marks

Windy shouted "Wait Rainbow, it's not what you think it is?"

Did you mean “Wait Rainbow! it’s not what you think”?
Now I’m not good at writing stories myself but I hope I helped you out on some of the errors in this story btw still great story! keep it up! Hope this helps. :twilightsmile:

I wonder how will rainbow dash react

There should be a sequel

This was pretty funny. Though you should really credit the artist for the cover art you're using.

Already saw the title and I'm already uninterested. That's enough FIMFiction for today.

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