This story is a sequel to Queen Chrysalis, Relationship Counselor
Queen Chrysalis’ business is blossoming, but is something else as well? Join the queen as she furthers her role as a relationship advisor, while also dealing with new emotions within herself that will test her mental limit.
NOTE: This is not a sequel, but is a continuation of my editor ‘s fanfic that he gave me his blessings to soldier on with (link above so you can catch up, reading that is required to understand the set up for this). Whereas he wrote the original before Season 6, I’m updating it to current canon by introducing Sunburst and Thorax as mentions.
Chapters (7)
Good start. This flows well as a continuation of the first story looking forward to more of this,
Not bad, not bad, I'll keep reading. Could use some refining, like maybe split Chryssie naming the other queen and calling her her oldest friend into two so it doesn't come off so expository. Like, Chryssie could start with naming her, she could answer, and then, after the explanation of what happened and whether she can help, Chryssie could answer 'anything for my oldest friend' and voila, more natural dialogue progression.
Another thing, I think Pinkie and Dash wouldn't be ones to use Your Majesty so much, I imagine Pinkie would keep using nicknames and stuff.
But, all in all, I like it.
'“"You're right! I' - doubled quotation mark.
8755080
Fixed the double quotation and took your suggestion about splitting that bit about Chrysalis calling her friend by name and made it less expositionary. Also, you raise a valid point about Rainbow and Pinkie, but I was just sticking to script with that decision...
In the original story, which is linked in the summary, EVERY pony calls Chrysalis “Your Majesty”, so that is a theme that I will continue here
As the author of the original I have to say I'm happy where Sandstorm is taking my creation and look forward to seeing what happens next.
I like that the story is continuing in the same style as the previous. My only issue is with the title of the story which is non-sensical.
Maybe "Queen Chrysalis, Relationship Counselor Extraordinaire" or "Queen Chrysalis, Relationship Doctor" or some such?
8757006
yeah... you got a point, changing it to doctor
Somehow I can't get into that story. Things go so fast and without any problem that they could not even be there. Its even hard to tell characters appart because there is no time to make them different with how fast its going and how each event looks same
8761037
Sorry you didn’t like it, but I burned out my brain and had to recover for two days due to writing all 6200 words in just 32 hours. This chapter length is very close to my maximum (6700 words), and although I am improving with my skills, this really tested my abilities to produce a decent chapter without imploding.
I quoted this passage for a very particular reason. Here, you have Chrysalis enjoying a cupcake, and her reflecting on something she likes, dislikes, and more. In effect, you explore Chrysalis' thoughts.
This is what I look for in a story. Half of everything I've enjoyed has been the exploration of a character's personality, often with fast witty dialogue. But, Sand, and I hate to say it, but one reason I've had a hard time getting into your stories is a combination of this and a lack of setup.
To me, it seems like you're so eager to jump into the story that you don't build up the infrastructure to get there. I know here this is based on Penalt's story, but even considering that it feels as if you are flinging yourself forward to get to the real story. Part of this is due to taste: I like stories that take their time in setting up a scenario and once all the pieces are in place they execute it. But this is an opinion-there's nothing wrong with faster paced stories, which yours seem to strive for.
Yet, they still feel off to me. It's partly due to a lack of context, but it often feels like the characters are being pulled by a plot, rather than the plot pulled by characters.
This chapter is relatively well written. Dialogue sounds okay, but you have about a dozen characters and attempted resolutions/conflicts brought up in the span of one chapter. I feel like if you'd focus in depth on only a couple, you'd draw a much greater impact, story wise.
I'll certainly track this, but I can't say I'm fully invested in this story as of yet.
Not sassy. Overly nice.... You sure Chrysalis hasn't been replaced with another changeling?
:( Not for me. Can't get into it. Can't imagine her sounding so nice... It's a howl different personality
8778827
Sorry this is not for you, just keeping Chryssy with the same personality that the original story had her with.
I kinda wish Twilight didn't become a changeling Also YAY UPDATE!!!!!
9099692
That is going to be a major factor later, I got something brewing for that plotline
9099704
I understand but I still don't like it.
I for my part, love to see a good changeling twilight in the story, so im excited to see how it will progress in the future
Umm what the hell did I just read? This was a romantic dramedy why is it suddenly a action, adventure, random piece with dialogue out of a soap opera? Crysalis describes Celestia beating her into a miscarriage then some odd number paragraphs later everyone on all sides of this supposed fight is chiding her for killing a Changling that was threatening her like it's Captain America swearing.
I'm not gonna go super into detail cause I just finished reading it and my reaction is a bit over the top exasperated confusion right now but I learned a new term trying to define this weird shift. Luna's, the rival queens, and Celestia's sudden subplots come off as a Diabolus ex Machina and the Hivemother comes off as a Deus ex Machina to solve half the Diabolus ex Machina that suddenly became a thing.
~Yours confusedly a confused reader
Edit* really don't take this badly, you do you if it's how you wanted it, Just feel like I'm suffering whiplash from how it went from emotionally satisfying redemption arc settling down to Change: Queen of the Hive action fighting and backstories.
9099957
Next two chapters are going to be about the aftermath of this, then things will get back to relative normalcy. Way down the line, Queen Twilight will be important when shit hits the fan between Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon
Changeling Twilight is definitely my biggest issue so far.
Not her attempting to cast the spell, that makes sense for her.
But that it actually worked on her
Interesting. It felt very rushed though. If nothing else Twilight went through all of what she described over the course of half a day at best, and is showing up to an air show despite how horrible they described process. Really this feels like something that should have built over a much longer period of time, and the Hivemother is literally the Deus in deus ex machina.
Looking forward to next update
Ayo.... Is this story dead? It’s good, but...
9663115
I am working on the next chapter now actually
9663235
Yay!
Given Celestia’s intense hatred and lack of control in her chaos form I kind of question her willingness to go to Chrysalis for counsel in the first place.
Oh Gee Celestia. Luna comes home and seems out of sorts after finding a lover. One of the same sex. Maybe, just MAYBE, back OVER 1000 Years ago the commoners looked down upon such things and likely did terrible things to ponies who were in such relationships? It wasn't that Chrysalis did anything, it was that ponies likely were even more judgmental and closed minded than they are in modern Equestria. I mean, look at fucking Ponyville: The entire town becomes a Ghost Town whenever Zeocora, A Zebra, showed up because she was different.
This was a long chapter.
9669458
Yeah, she was taking her overprotectiveness way too far
9669765
Just 147 words longer than the last chapter
9669891
And they were both really long.
9669893
Is that a complaint or?....
9669899
Complaint..... I mean it takes so long to read and you forget what happened in previous chapters unless it is updated frequently. I suggest you use shorter chapters that are easier to follow instead of these huge chapters.
9669904
How would shorter chapters change the flow? It would take longer for things to be plotted out
9670036
Because when you don't update for a while its easier for someone to remember what happened earlier if they read a small chapter whereas a big one makes it more confusing
9670038
Thats why you reread... Just like an actual book... Yet, nobody complains about Diaries of a Madman being rarely updated (with chapters longer than this)
9670042
I see your point but not all of use are that patient or have the time to do so.
9670045
Thats what happens when you work 52 hours a week and have 7 open stories that have to be rotated (aka my writing schedule)
9670047
Fair point.
Interesting to see how things are progressing. I admit I don’t know the streamer mentioned though.
10140417
It is a reference to GrayStillPlays on Youtube, check him out if you want a good laugh
10140582
Well that's one way to imply that they never got over their villainous tendencies. Sadism ahoy!
.....Hi Gray. How's your SIM'S? Still Dying? Good.
Uuu boy here comes the angst train, all abored!
Meh, oracles. Can’t say I trust them much, have seen too many that just come across as making shit up about the future in order to further their own agendas, and “Harmony” here leaves much the same aftertaste.
Mostly, though, I spotted a typo that positively jumped out at me:
May want to fix that, and all the best for 2023.
11466479
Wow, one actually slipped past my eye, thank you
Uh-oh this can't be good.
So... love is like Soylent Green for changelings. It tastes different from person to person....
11473710
Pretty much
Pero Celestia hizo lo mismos y la castigaron.
11498326
Indeed so, but considering how long she had to spend in exile and away from Luna, that was punishment in itself
Not today Satan! (Laughs maniacally)