Sincerely, Starlight

by Nines

Letter 18 - Starlight to Luna

Dear Princess Luna,

Now it's my turn to apologize for this late reply. I'd love to meet for tea soon, but for the time being, I think I may be a little busy. Since it might be some time yet before we meet face to face, I may as well tell you what's been going on with me. I'd hate to leave you in suspense.

Your last letter gave me a lot to think about. I spent more than a week at my old village, AKA Our Town, AKA "that place that could really use with a proper name." I was wrestling with myself-- frustrated with this indecision I'm not used to, constantly feeling like I was on the verge of doing something, but arrested by this awareness that pain is almost inevitable no matter what path I choose. Relationships of any nature are always about taking a chance. Not just for the possibility that you might hurt them, but that they might hurt you.

I struggle with change. Change makes me feel out of control. There was a reason my dad tried to preserve Sires Hollow for me. I fought to control every aspect of ponies lives at Our Town, hoping to stave off change, to make everything "equal" so that nopony gets left behind. Now I was on this new path, and Sunburst was up ahead with his hoof out to me, and I felt frozen. "What if I can't keep up?" I wondered. "What if I stop feeling things entirely?"

But while I was at Our Town, spending time with my friends there, I realized something. Time is on our side. Party Favor, Feather Bangs, Night Glider, Sugar Belle... I hurt these ponies. A lot. But with time, they found it in themselves to forgive me. Weren't you the one who told me to let time wash over me? That time could be cleansing? I couldn't help but remember Dr. Hooves and his belief that time is non-linear. All those bad futures I saw...

Then Twilight Sparkle sent me a letter that moved me to finally return to the castle.

"Tolerating these dates if your heart wasn't interested just doesn't sound like you."

Those were her words verbatim. I balked at this. Princess, I don't know if you've noticed, but I can be a bit stubborn. It's why I dithered in Our Town after your last letter. Sound advice can take time to sink in when I'm really determined to keep my eyes shut.

They got pried open when I got home and found a letter from Sunburst asking me to visit him at the Crystal Empire... that evening. The trains had already stopped running. Luna, I didn't even pause to think about it. Only seconds after I finished reading Sunburt's letter, I closed my eyes and teleported straight to his home. (Long distance teleportation has always been one of my strengths.) The sun had just sunk under the horizon, making me a few minutes late to when he'd asked me to be there.

He answered the door, and my heart hurt to see him. His hair was somehow messier than it usually was, and his eyes looked sunken in like he hadn't been sleeping. He smiled, but it wasn't his big open-hearted smile. It was nervous. He led me inside and we sat at his table. He poured us both some tea, but neither of us touched our cups. It reminded me of when we had first been reunited, and that felt like a big step backward. I didn't like being in that uncertainty. We both had things to say, and we were holding them back.

After we fumbled through some polite conversation, Sunburst cleared his throat and got up. "I got you something," he said. His voice cracked a little. He went into his bedroom and came back with a little box. When I opened it, I found a necklace inside, and on the silver chain, there was a small pendant watch with a full hunter-case. When I opened the cover, I saw that a quote had been engraved inside it. It said, "Any future with you, is an adventure worth having."

I put the watch back into the box with hooves that shook. My whole body felt hot. I could hear Sunburst stammering next to me that if I didn't like the watch, I didn't have to take it. That he'd understand if-- Only I didn't let him finish.

Luna, I kissed him, full on the mouth. Sorry if my writing is getting shaky, but I just had to mention that, even though it makes me flustered. Not because I want to the be the kind of mare who kisses and tells, but because I want you to know that I chose to do it. That I'm aware I chose to do it. Not out of impulse. Not because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't.

I did it because I genuinely wanted to. I did it because I realized, like a ton of bricks falling on my thick head, that time moves no matter what, even from a non-linear perspective, and it's who we choose to spend that time with that can make the difference.

It's true. Sunburst can hurt me and I can hurt him. But offsetting that is a mutual desire to make the other happy. Maybe his feelings are deeper than mine. That doesn't make my feelings for him any less true or real. They could grow. They already have. Because I've found somepony who has never measured me by my past or (possible) futures! Somepony who understands my interests and accepts my faults.

With Sunburst time kind of just washes away. So, Princess Luna, I'll have to take a raincheck on the tea. I'm afraid I'm taking a trip with my new coltfriend and won't be back for a little while.

I'll send postcards from the Fillypines!

Ever Grateful,
Starlight Glimmer

Comments

[Ri2]

Brava, Starlight. Brava.

[RoyalBardofCanterlot]

Well that put a big ol' smile on my face.