- Member Since 17th Apr, 2017
- offline last seen March 12th
Erik_The_Shitposter
Hide your memes because I'm going to commit steally steally
Erik_The_Shitposter
Joined 17th Apr, 2017 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Chemtest · 17k words · 348 92 · 5.8k views
- Valeomega · 43k words · 202 53 · 7.6k views
- NexusFrost · 3.3k words · 205 5 · 5.7k views
- Moonking · 34k words · 347 56 · 8.1k views
- The Cowardly Christian · 3.5k words · 124 15 · 5.5k views
- ThatWritingDragon · 14k words · 525 40 · 9.6k views
- rikithemonk · 17k words · 322 51 · 6.3k views
- Kanna · 7.9k words · 111 20 · 2.2k views
Featured In6
Human in Equestria16,970 stories ·16,816 members
Looking for Editors3,384 stories ·5,414 members
- Human to filly/colt214 stories ·883 members
A Wolf Among Series6 stories ·76 members
Reverse Gender Role Equestria (RGRE)287 stories ·2,128 members
Pony Transformation General1,875 stories ·1,070 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.218 seconds
Total duration
759 users online
926,491 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
What is this a crossover of?
I am liking this story so far and I can't wait to read more of it.
1) This feels like a crossover
2) you need to edit a bit more but not enough to get an editor
3) I need moar
5) having ‘moar’ in your comments tends to tell you that it’s good enough to continue
6) you didn’t notice that I skipped 4
8763345
I was going to add a crossover tag later on
8764415
Well can you tell me what it’s a crossover of
8764451
Bioshock series, going to add Songbird and a Big Daddy
Well I hope that you're 'fuck it' continues
Needs editing but other than that it’s great
I have high hopes for u
I hope this story continues and keeps up with the explosive love!
Is it bad to say I want moar? No? Okay. MOAR! Wait, it is bad if I shout it? Ok sorry. Moar! Still too loud? Now your just being pedantic my not real friend. And you my author, keep up that good work.
Damn man this is good keep up the good work my dude
I NEED MORE!!!!
8824448
We want MOAR! If you want to that is...
8824448
I'm still working on it
writing in Applejack's accent is pretty difficult you know
Great story man can't wait to see the next chapter
More please
sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i-w600/keep-calm-and-get-violent-3.jpg
Well then, this gets more interesting as i go further
This is good keep up the good work
You need to learn about the different tenses of words. For example: "said"and "stared" are past tense, "say," "saying," "stare" and "staring" are present tense, and future is "going to say."
And you also miss a lot of punctuation and plurals.
"She broke the hug and stare deeply into my eye "
*"She broke the hug and stareD deeply into my eyeS."
8849403
sure thing bud, I'll try to remember it next time.
Sure, your "killing machine" broke down from some soap... He's not behaving like a killing machine at all he's behaving like a stupid child, an adult would not have just bent over and took that ridiculous punishment. A injured colt swears and runs away and their first instinct is physical abuse? What gives applejack the right to even still be there after what she did, it should be the hospital staff only as they are the only ones qualified to do anything and she should be in jail.
8850453
I see, thanks for your input.
I'll try to focus on Doctor Horse or Redheart next chapter with all the talking.
As for the main character...I'm not too sure what to do about his behavior, just let me see what I can do about it.
Pretty good so far.keep up the good work
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha well he dun fucked
well now, the loss of so much metal is going to be inconvenient.
ahhahahahaha
This is good
I'm glad I read this
For some reason I was thinking of the theme song of one punch all I see is a hoof raised in the air as the doctor is screaming Because of that ending
Ha ha ha!
Can't remember how this ended up in my "read it later" folder, but I'm glad it did. If not for your Author's Notes, I genuinely want to find out what will happen next... and how he will restock his metal supply. I look forward to seeing the next chapter.
8894252
1. I agree.
2. Nice profile avatar.
3. ONE PUUUUNCH!
8898549
Thanks
Interesting idea, thats for sure.
Ill be keeping an eye on this. Its got great potential.
You might want to fix the fact that it said "Big Mac get the JIZZ of it" XD i know you meant jist, but i cant take this seriously man
When is the next chapter?
Woah there Big Mac. Calm down, injured foals are nothing to get so excited about.
Is this a foreign language story translated into english or are you bad at singular / plurals.
Regardless, ask around for a proof reader, there are plenty of people here willing to help if you ask.
The Monk
8917485
Yeah I might need a proof reader or editor sometimes in the future, or now.
I don't know much people that are willingly edit my story, I only know one guy but he is already signed up on my other story.
At the meantime I'll try my best to correct it in my free time.
thanks for pointing that out for me.
8917550
There are a lot of groups here on FIM. Many of these groups have a forums tab on their page. Several Forums have a "Looking for Proofreader / or Editor" section. I suggest hitting the "Human in Equestria" group. It may or may not have that subforum, but it is a good place to start.
Who knows, you may make another friend. Friendship is magic, after all.
The Monk
I'd recommend an editor, there were a lot of vague sentences and grammar issues. Eg. "Me, as a shield, shredding the bastards with a pair of minigun on each of my hand."
this is a sentence you probably wouldn't want to submit for a paper. The word "me" should never be used as the subject of a sentence unless you want to sound like a caveman. If you remove the "as a shield" the sentence becomes "me shredding the bastards" I imagine you would want something like, "I, acting as a shield, shredded the bastards."
For the same sentence, did you intend to make it sound like he was shooting four miniguns? As epic as that sounds, I don't think that was your intention. Instead of a "pair of miniguns on each hand" try either, "a mini gun on each hand" or "a pair of miniguns on my hands"
Your premise is good, if a bit awkwardly presented, if you don't have access to a good editor I'd recommend reading your sentences out loud to see if it sounds right. While there are many grammar mistakes that speaking out loud won't fix, some of the most egregious of your errors should be easy to pick out. Keep writing and improving! If you keep at it you can only stand to get better.
Another example of a good sentence to read outloud. Immediately the sentence sounds wrong because your verbs "makes" and "allowing" don't agree on tense. Another quick thing, "makes" should be "make" as bones is a plural. You do this correctly with your next sentence (what should be a new sentence) with break and shatter.
If you want to make the sentence clearer I would use "and" instead of "but." "but" implies something that is different or contradictory to the previous statement. The way you worded it makes it sound like applejack is actually much weaker. Using "and" makes the statements work off of each other. If you like the stronger statements but can make try rewording the sentence to something like "but applejack kicks even harder." also, always write as if readers have no idea what you're referencing to. I have never played the game that mask is inspired by. Describe the mask instead of stating it. In other far more intoned words, SHOW, DONT TELL. There's not a creative writing class you can take that won't tell you to do that.
{edit}
Sorry for clogging up your comment section.
8920162
Nah, no prob m8
I'm trying to find an editor for this story
Thanks for the tip, btw
Not really, if anything it descalated
This is quite the natural reaction.
and that's when I die of laughter right there
8825049
Love your profile pic.
Also, how RGRE is this exactly? XD I see many interesting things in the future.