The Magical Land of Public School
*CRACK-BOOM*
Principal Celestia looked up from her desktop computer in annoyance as echoes of thunder rolled across Canterlot High School. Cheery springtime sunshine had given way to a surprise storm, and if Celestia didn't finish her busywork soon she'd likely be caught in the coming downpour on her walk home from the bus stop. She frowned and refocused her eyes at the unfinished email in her browser.
TO: s.shimmer@chs.edu
CC: portalcommittee@chs.edu, vp.luna@chs.eduSunset,
I'm glad to hear the matter was resolved without further incident and I appreciate you and your friends' willingness to vouch for Miss Blush. I still must refer the matter to the detention coordinator as she knowingly violated several school policies relating to the use of magical artifacts, however rest assured that we will take her remorse and your forgiveness of her actions into account before making any decisions. Much like another reformed troublemaker I'm reminded of, I think she's learned her lesson and we won't have to worry about her mind-controlling her fellow students again.
Yours truly,
Principal Celestia
Celestia sent the email with the click of a mouse and briefly scrolled through her inbox. Seeing nothing else of note, she powered down the machine, flipped off the lights for the night, and left her office for the darkened hallways of CHS. Her heels echoed throughout the nearly empty building as she walked towards the front entrance. Few souls remained in the building his late in the afternoon, only the most dedicated of club students and troublesome of detention students along with a smattering of school staff.
As she turned the corner for the school's entrance hall, Celestia stiffened. She felt a chill down her spine, the fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up and her forearms broke out in goosebumps. She glanced behind her, seeing nothing but lockers and shadows. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling she wasn't alone, the nagging fear that someone... no, something was watching her. She quickened her pace towards the exit.
*CRACK-BOOM*
The flash of distant lightning illuminated a cloaked figure skulking in the shadows near the exit. Celestia yelped, then stamped her foot in anger as she recognized the silent observer.
"What the Faust, Luna!? You startled me!!"
The shadow that resembled her sister stood silently in its darkened alcove.
"Lulu?"
Still nothing.
Not one to be easily intimidated, Celestia stepped towards the silent figure. "Lulu? Stop trying to mess with me! Remember, I know where you're ticklish!"
"Wait!" The shadow finally moved, raising a hand from beneath its cloak. "Fear not, kind ruler of this land. I am Luna, but not the sister you know and love. You see, I come from a faraway magical place, a kingdom that is very different from your own and yet alike in so many ways. I am Princess Luna, diarch of Equestria, Shepherd of the Moon and SOVERIGN RULER OF THE NIGHT!" The Princess threw her hood back and stood proud against another thunderclap, the lightning illuminating her royal poise. The portal had transformed her royal vestments and travelling cloak into attire more appropriate for the ruler of a suburban high school: business-casual covered by a waterproof poncho.
"Right, you're that Luna." Celestia stuck a pinkie in her ear in a futile attempt to clear the incessant ringing. "I'd welcome you to Canterlot High, your Majesty, but I'm afraid you can't be in here without a pass. It's against school policy."
Luna abandoned her dramatic pose to raise an eyebrow at her sister-from-another-dimension. "School policy?"
"Yes," Celestia nodded. "The laws that govern students, teachers, and all others within these lands... ahem, this building. All extra-dimensional travelers must have a hall pass to remain on school grounds unsupervised."
"But why!? Twilight Sparkle never spoke of this!"
"Oh, you know the other Twilight? She wouldn't have heard of this, it's a recent thing. We've had a few... incidents... and it was the only way to placate the insurance company." Celestia grimaced at the memory of her recent meeting with the district's claims adjuster. "You'll need to register with the office, it'll be open Monday morning."
"Closed for the weekend!? Curse this endless bureaucracy!! I am on a quest of dire importance, and cannot afford to dally a single minute more!" Luna balled her fists and stomped her foot as yet another bolt of lightning flashed in the windows. Thunder rolled across CHS campus a second later.
"Princess, please settle down!" Celestia tried to calm the flustered diarch. "I am sorry, but I can't blatantly ignore school policy like that. I may be ruler of this kingd--er, high school, but what is a ruler if she abandons her own rules whenever she feels?"
Princess Luna considered this a moment, then crossed her arms in a huff. "Typical Celie. Some things never change..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing!" The Princess nearly shouted, her voice raising an octave. "You merely misheard Us, is all!"
Celestia rubbed her brow. This was not what she needed right now. "Look, maybe I can help you out, if you work with me. You are a Princess, I suppose."
"That I am." Luna puffed out her chest proudly. "Princess of the Night."
Celestia rolled her eyes. "Right... I can write you a temporary exchange student pass. The building stays open over the weekend from eight to six for clubs and team practices, you'll be free to come and go as you please. My sister's running the show, there are students staying late for various reasons, and Miss Cheerilee, Nurse Redheart, and I think Coach Will and Coach Torch are also around if you need them."
"I see," Princess Luna nodded as she put on her 'I completely understand what you are saying and am in no way simply agreeing with you to get you to go away' face. She was well-practiced in the use of such a facial expression, utilizing it nearly every time she spoke with her sister's royal advisers.
Celestia crossed her arms and eyed her sister's royal doppleganger with suspicion. She'd seen that look before. "Mind if I ask what this quest of yours is about?"
The Princess nodded solemnly. "Legends tell of a realm that lies beyond these walls. A place of great power, possibly greater than any other in this world or my own."
"The faculty parking lot?"
Luna's eyes widened in surprise. "You know of this place!?"
"I do," Celestia answered, silently wishing the otherworldly royal was here for anything else. Just when she thought it was all over, the damned faculty lot seemed to be causing trouble all over again. "I once journeyed to the lot whenever I pleased, but that... that was a long time ago."
"Excellent!" The Princess exclaimed, excited to find a possible adventuring companion. "Will you travel with me, and reclaim the glory you once knew?"
"I'm afraid I can't go back," Celestia slowly shook her head. "There is nothing for me there now..."
* * * * *
"Yeesh," Wrench Turner muttered as he examined the passenger-side door panel of the Prius. The entire front right quarter of the compact hybrid had been gouged, dented, and crumpled beyond recognition. The passenger window had shattered into a million tiny cubes of safety glass, and the wheel sat at an odd angle, axle broken and tire shredded so thoroughly that even the run-flat features had been unable to save it. "Whad'ya say did this? Some sorta mammary explosion?"
"Memory Stone explosion," Celestia clarified as she pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.
"Right," the mechanic poked at the warped aluminum. "Lucky you've got full coverage, cause this is not an easy fix. I'll run the numbers for ya, but to be honest she's probably totaled."
Celestia sighed. She had hoped, beyond all reason, that her faithful vehicle would pull through and once again ride with her up and down the streets of Canterlot, but Wrench was only telling her what she already knew deep down. Her car was finished.
"I'll fax everything over to Draconequus Mutual with yer policy number, they should have something new for you by next week."
"Thanks, Wrench," Celestia couldn't quite hide her disappointment. "If you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call."
* * * * *
"So you see, as much as I wish I could help you in your quest, I must walk a different path." Celestia finished her tragic tale. "Specifically, to the bus stop. If I miss this one the next isn't for another hour."
"I... I understand," Princess Luna bowed her head in respect to Celestia's loss. "This 'Prius' has given their life to protect Harmony within your world. The nobles of House Toyota should be honored to have such bravery and selflessness amongst their bloodline."
"Thank you, Princess." Celesta replied solemnly. It was a nice sentiment, if slightly nonsensical.
Luna once again drew herself up, steeling herself for the trials ahead. "Know that Prius will not have died in vain. I swear to you that I shall find the Faculty Parking Lot, and retrieve the power within so that it may never threaten Canterlot High again!"
*CRACK-BOOM* Lightning and thunder punctuated the Princess’s point once again. Celestia raised a curious eyebrow before responding to Luna.
"I wish you luck in your quest, your Majesty." Celestia said. As an administrator, she really should be discouraging this kind of behavior on school grounds, but the other world's Luna made everything seem so... epic. What kind of educator was she to stifle such creativity? Besides, she had a bus to catch. "But be warned! Once I leave these grounds, Canterlot High falls under the rule of my sister, Vice Principal Luna. When it comes to matters of school policy, she is... less forgiving than I." She pointed to the note clutched in the Princess's left hand. "That hall pass gives you student privileges only, it will not gain you entry to the faculty lot. Nor will it protect you from her wrath."
"I understand." A serious nod from the strange Princess. So different from her sister, yet in other ways so alike. They certainly shared a single-minded sense of purpose, as well as a fixation with that tiresome strip of asphalt and paint.
"There is nothing I can say to convince you to give up this crusade? There have been others, you know. Not one has succeeded."
"I'm afraid not, noble educator." Luna shook her head. "I have given my word as Princess."
"I see. Good luck, then."
"Thank you, Celestia. I will not forget your kindness!" The other Luna faded back into the shadows. Celestia stood alone in the hallway for a moment before continuing out the school and onto the city bus stop down the block. She pulled out her phone as the winds from the approaching storm whipped around her. Her finger hovered over Vice Principal Luna's name on the text app's contact list for a moment before she shook her head and returned the device to her bag. Shouldn't have laughed when I asked you to carpool this week, Sister.
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It speaks volumes of how much Canterlot High has adapted after the movies when magic is considered a factor in both school policies and insurance policies.
This.... Yes. Please. More?
this silliness shall be epic! please continue
8750321
They’ve added some clauses after the first few magical laser shows, but to be honest CHS’s policy has been pretty robust ever since Pinkie Pie’s freshman year.
8750346
8750354
I’ll do my best!
This was beautiful! I just got through watching the first 6 choose your own ending shorts and was feeling kinda disappointed. This picked me right up! I do hope for more.
Sunset: "Twilight?"
"Yes Sunset?"
"... Hm. Naw. I think she can figure it out on her own."
"Thank you. I learned from the best.
"Plus Luna owes me for nearly making me go deaf on Nightmare Night a few years ago."
Sunset: "Think we should tell Princess Luna the truth about the Faculty Lot?"
Sunset: "Devious."
The description alone deserves praise.
jpg.seasonskosher.com/content/images/thumbs/0097918_i-cant-believe-its-not-butter-i-cant-belive-margarine-soft-bowl-15-oz.jpeg
That is all.
8750988
You know what they say, sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from butter. Er, magic. Something like that.
This story was inevitable, but I’m glad to see it so soon.
Top tier. I'm looking forward to more!
That’s some top-tier insurance, perhaps I ought to switch from Neigh-tionwide.
8751897
Draconequus Mutual: When chaos strikes, will you be covered?
This was a great read. Can't wait for more!
This looks hilarious. Definitely keeping my eye on it.
This is nothing like what I expected. I am okay with this.
8751927 I would not be surprised to learn that Discord writes insurance policies.
8751927
You're definitely thinking what I'm thinking.
Discord causing accidents so they join his insurance company, right?
That's my waifu, all right. Never change, dear.