With Apologies to Homer (RariTwi Romance/Greek Mythology)
Thwip! Clack! Thud!
The young noblestallion stared in disbelief at the arrow lying on the floor. Turning to the Princess on her throne, he whined, "I just got unlucky, Princess. Give me another arrow and I'll prove myself to you!"
An orange mare wearing a Stetson hat spoke up from her position beside the Princess. "Y'all know the rules of this here contest," she said, her country twang at odds with the opulence of the palace interior. "You each get one arrow, and one arrow only. If you can't shoot it through all twenty rings and hit that there target at the end, yer out." Before the stallion could protest further, the mare called out, "guards! Please escort this fine stallion out."
The stallion had enough dignity to walk away without the guards having to resort to force, much to everyone's relief. As he left, the next challenger entered the throne room, a mare wearing a horribly gaudy necklace that clashed with her coat color. She eyed the twenty rings shaped in the form of six-pointed stars lined up nicely in a row with haughty arrogance.
Picking up the bow, the mare addressed the throne. "Princess," she said, regal pride dripping from her tone. "Know that, when I win this challenge and use the boon you bestow upon me to win your hoof in marriage, I shall use my title as Princess to serve the ponies of Equestria and bring about an even greater nation."
The Princess did not reply, though the mare sitting next to her let out a most unladylike snort. After a short silence, the mare nocked her arrow and sent the projectile flying through the air.
Thwip! Clack! Thud!
It didn't even make it past the tenth ring.
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this… this joke of a contest," the Princess hissed at her companion as the mare was dragged out of the throne room under protest.
"Easy there, Twi," her companion responded with that damnably steady tone of hers. "Y'know it's just an excuse to get all these here suitors out of your mane for a bit."
Twilight completely ignored the next stallion who came to try and win a boon from her, a boon that everypony knew would be used for only one thing.
"And what if one of them wins?" she asked. "What then, Applejack?"
Thwip! Clack! Thud!
Applejack grinned. "Well then, I reckon it'll be good for you to become an honest mare."
Twilight flinched. "That's not funny," she muttered.
Applejack's expression sobered. "Sorry Twi," she said. "I shouldn't've said that. Still, ain't no way anypony's gonna be able to beat this challenge. Only mare who's good enough with a bow is..."
"You can say her name," Twilight said as her friend trailed off. "It's not like she's… gone, or anything, no matter what you or anyone else says. I know she's still out there, and she'll come back to me."
"We'll see," Applejack replied.
Thwip! Clack! Thud!
"Huh, that one almost got through fifteen rings," Applejack commented as yet another potential suitor left dejectedly. "Might wanna consider trying to recruit him into the guard or something."
"Yeah, sure, whatever." Twilight glared as another stallion trotted into the room. "You know, maybe I should just have everypony who loses executed. I can do that, you know; Celestia never bothered to get rid of the law that gives a princess the power to execute somepony without a trial. I found it in the books right next to the one about the Consort's Quest." She let out a bitter laugh. "I should've just repealed both of them on the spot, before Rarity saw them."
Thwip! Clack! Thud!
Twilight threw her hooves up in the air she awaited the next challenger. "She knew I could have had the law stricken from the books in less than a week. Why'd she have to go and leave me here?"
"Y'know how Rarity is," Applejack said patiently, "That girl's got a heart for romance bigger than her darn head. A law that says that anyone who wants to marry a princess has to go on some grand quest to win her hoof in marriage first? No way she'd miss the chance live out one of her sappy romance books."
"But this isn't a story!" Twilight protested, "this is real life! She's already been gone for months. What if she got hurt and I couldn't get to her? What if she never comes back?"
Thwip! Clack! Thud!
"Now now, Twi," Applejack laid a comforting hoof on her shoulder. "Don't lose out hope yet. You've been strong this whole time, even when these fool ponies showed up trying to get you to move on and marry one of them."
"It's been so long, though," Twilight whispered. "Maybe you all were right all along. Maybe I need to accept that..." she couldn't even bring herself to finish the thought, the pain in her heart cutting off her words.
"There's just one more pony left," Applejack said. "Let's just get through this and then we can have hot chocolate with the girls."
Not all of the girls, Twilight wanted to say as the final suitor entered the throne room.
From her lithe frame, Twilight deduced that she was a mare, but it was hard to tell due to the cloak she had draped over herself, with a hood that covered her head entirely. She stood angled in such a way as to prevent Twilight from seeing her face, and as she walked towards the center of the room, all Twilight could see were her dainty white hooves trotting along the polished floor.
The cloak was the most fashionable thing she'd seen tonight, despite its simplicity. Years of spending time with Rarity had taught her to recognize expert stitching, and this cloak was woven with skill only a scant few ponies possessed. Seeing it just made her heart ache at the thought that she might never see her true love ever again.
The mare didn't speak a word as she picked up the bow with her magic, her face still turned away from Twilight. Her silence was a little unnerving, and Twilight started to feel the faintest embers of anger at this mare who seemed determined to disrespect her with her complete lack of acknowledgement of her princess. Twilight had met her fair share of arrogant suitors, but none held a candle to this mare's insolence, and she was tempted to cut the contest short and have her thrown in the dungeon to teach her a lesson.
Still, she held her tongue and maintained her composure as befitting of a Princess of Equestria, even when the mare's blue magic wrapped around the diamond-shaped tip of the arrow, giving it an appearance very similar to a cutie mark she was intimately familiar with. The mare's stance was perfect as she nocked the arrow, as far as Twilight could tell from the form beneath the cloak. The mare herself lined up with the line of rings, and after a tense moment, released the arrow.
Thwip! Thunk!
Twilight stared in horror at the arrow that was now sticking out from the dead center of the target. Shock numbed her mind as she turned towards the mare, her movements stiff and mechanical. "Congratulations," she heard her own voice say from far away. "You have completed the challenge. Name your boon, and if it is within my power, it shall be granted."
For a moment, the other mare didn't speak, giving more time for the cold dread to creep down Twilight's spine. She knew what the mare was going to ask; all of the challengers had come here for one purpose and one purpose only, and the thought of having to betray her lover in order to keep her word sickened her.
Finally, the mare spoke, her head tilting towards Twilight but still shrouding her features. "I've always wanted to spend a night of torrid passion with a princess. I hope you won't mind if I use my boon to fulfill my fantasies."
Outrage surged through Twilight. "How dare you! I ought to throw you in the dungeons for your insolence..." a second later, her brain finally registered the voice of the winner as she pulled down her hood to expose her identity to the princess.
"Well, I'm not entirely opposed to such a setting for our liaison, though you'll have to give me some time to prepare it for what I have in mind."
"Rarity!" Twilight leapt from her seat, bounding down the steps of the dais three at a time until she nearly tackled Rarity to the ground. "You're back!"
"Oof." Rarity wrapped her forelegs around Twilight. "I am indeed, darling. Did you miss me?"
"You have no idea," Twilight whispered. "You were gone for so long."
"Terribly sorry about that, dear," Rarity replied, her own composure beginning to break in the embrace of her princess. "I was detained against my will in the Badlands after some awful business involving a rather violent disagreement over etiquette."
Twilight raised an eyebrow, even though she knew Rarity couldn't see it. "Etiquette?"
"Yes, quite," Rarity said. "I thought it was terribly bad manners not to return something that had been stolen, even if the theft took place over a thousand years ago. The dragon begged to differ."
"You got into a fight with a dragon?" Twilight held on even tighter to Rarity as her voice began to get a bit hysterical. "Oh my gosh! Are you okay? Did he hurt you? If he did, I'll find him and..." her voice darkened as the threat hung in the air.
"There's no need to worry," Rarity said, patting Twilight lightly on the back. "All's well that ends well, as they say." She slowly extricated herself from Twilight's embrace so that she could see her face again. "And now, I believe you have a boon to fulfill to me. I expect nothing less than your best efforts." Her voice dripped with hot honey, and her half-lidded eyes were so smokey it was a miracle that Twilight could see her irises.
Twilight stared back with a deadpan expression. "Really? You get a boon from me and that's what you ask for?"
"Well, I wasn't going to ask for your hoof in marriage." Rarity rolled her eyes. "After all, I've already completed my Consort's Quest to earn it by law."
Twilight's eyes widened. "Wait, you mean…?"
From somewhere inside her cloak, Rarity produced an old, dusty tome. "I hope you appreciate just how hard it was to retrieve this. The dragon was quite attached to it."
"The only copy of Star Swirl's On the Origins of Magic." A purple hoof stroked the cover reverently. "Do you have any idea how many different fields of study this will impact? History, thaumaturgy, history of thaumaturgy, philosophy, metaphysics..."
Her ramblings were stopped by a dainty white hoof pressed against her muzzle. "I think I have an inkling of much this means to you, dear. So, do you declare my Quest to be complete?"
"I do," Twilight said before frowning. "You know, you didn't have to do this. You had me worried sick for months!"
"I know, and I truly am sorry." For the first time since the reveal of her identity, Rarity's smiled faded. "I was expecting this to be a fun romp through some foreign cities, a few weeks seeking out inspiration for my Spring fashion line before I came back triumphant with a gift for you. But then that ghastly affair with the Diamond Dogs happened, and I stumbled upon that hive of rogue changelings, and before I knew it things had gotten quite out of hoof. Can you forgive me?"
"Of course," Twilight said without hesitation.
"Wonderful!" Rarity's smirk returned, a twitch of the lips that made Twilight's heart soar to behold. "So, will you grant me my boon?" A hoof cupped Twilight's chin before sliding down her barrel.
Before Twilight could respond, a polite cough brought her attention back to the throne. "Begging your pardon," Applejack said, a wide grin splitting her cheeks. "But I reckon I oughta make myself scarce while you two lovebirds catch up."
Twilight's eyes narrowed. "You knew about this, didn't you? That's why you wanted me to host that contest."
A shrug. "I told you Rarity liked her big, dramatic moments."
Twilight looked between her smirking marefriend – no, fiancée now – and her equally smirking friend and let a small smile grace her own lips. "Alright, fine, I guess I can forgive you two for making me worry a little longer." She pointed a hoof a Rarity. "But I'm definitely going to get you back for that when I fulfill your boon."
"I await your pleasure, Your Highness," Rarity said with a small bow, her voice sending shivers down Twilight's spine.
"And that's my cue to skedaddle. I'll let the girls know not to expect y'all until tomorrow." A pause. "Or maybe after the weekend."
"Thanks AJ," Twilight called out as the mare took her leave before turning her attention back to Rarity.
"So, about that boon..."
"Wow, you're really fixated on that, aren't you, Rarity?"
"I've been through some very lonely nights with only thoughts of what I would do with you when I returned to keep me company. So if you'll excuse me, I would very much like to begin ravishing you."
Twilight let out an exaggerated sigh. "I suppose a princess must always do her duty."
"Equestria thanks you for your sacrifice." Rarity leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "So, your room or mine?"
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That was cute. And slightly hot near the end. Now I want to see a full homage to the Illiad and the Oddyssey in pony form, though.
How do you pronounce the title?
8733091
This guide to Quenya pronunciation has some good audio files on how the language should be pronounced. http://tolklang.quettar.org/pronlo/pronguide.html
TL:DR, "par-mah qwen-ta-ron sin-teh oon-d'oh-meh-o"
8732946
Well, we've already got Sirens...
Will this sate your thirst?
derpicdn.net/img/2017/11/29/1596975/large.jpeg
8733287
Huh, I got most of it right on my first try. Cool.
8733289
That will do for now.
I’m already imagining how all of Ulysses trials could work in pony.
8733304
The transliteration to English is relatively straightforward, so it's not that hard to figure out pronunciation from writing. One advantage that comes from being a conlang, I suppose; you get to dictate how it gets transcribed to other alphabets and can actually make it make sense.
Also, I'm not entirely convinced that all of Odysseus's trials don't exist somewhere out there in Equestria. Scylla doesn't seem that much different from your garden-variety Hydra, we've got Sirens running around doing Siren things, and transformation magic is rife in Equestria, so turning someone into a sheep shouldn't be hard.
One day, Rainbow Dash is going to get swept up in a storm, and have the most epic adventure home.
8733683
That's basically Admiral Biscuit's Lost At Sea, except with an OC.
I am loving this already. Liked just for this, can't wait to see what else you've got.