• Member Since 4th May, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Elu


A strange Russian guy writing weird pony fiction. I like writing things related to the culture of ponies. Like my work? Support me on Partreon if you can, link is on my profile page.

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A shy, introverted colt. An uncertain filly. Two teenagers experiencing one of the most complex emotions for the first time. Neither of them knew what to do with their feelings, how to express them, and how to make the first step.

But one of them had to do it sooner or later.


A lovely one-shot for Hearts and Hooves day, showing the first step of teenagers into a bigger world of deeper feelings.


The beautiful cover art was done by Skunkdinner.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 18 )

This is such an awesome and cute story :heart:

In the description

Neither of them didn't know what to do with their feelings,

Should be "Neither of them knew" or "The both of them didn't know"

Elu

8732506
Thank you!


8732557
Alright, fixed!

As it says in the description, lovely :)

Daww. Sweetness overload!

12/10 Would read again - IGN

D'aww~
I enjoyed that.
x3

Ok I just read this again and this totally needs to be continued!

Elu

8734029
Maybe. If it hits 50 upvotes or more, I might continue the story.

Oh dear god the romance is so freakin adoracute! You have got my upvote!

Unexpected, but unwelcome, and he knew what to say.

Missing a "not" before unwelcome.

I think this could have benefited from being a bit longer, perhaps stretching over a few days as Buffing Wheel works up the nerve to go talk to her. I was also hoping there would have been a bit more conversation between the two once they finally met, and that their encounter would have had a little more nuance. The final conversation playing out in the exact same way it did in the dream of a lovesick colt made this feel less like a genuine romantic moment and more like a storybook fantasy. I'm also not sure about the inclusion of Mayflower's perspective. Learning how she feels right before the reveal kind of removes all of the buildup developed over the rest of the story.

"Mayflower... I love you." Buffing Wheel said. It was quiet and yet very powerful. They were just three words and yet they held such a deep meaning,

Maybe this was powerful to the characters, but I'm not sure that transferred to me as the reader. Telling us that the words are meaningful and showing the effect they had on the characters are two very different things, and we aren't really shown anything besides generic boy meets girl. It comes across as more cheesy than heartfelt.

Dobro pozhalovat' v boks!

...Did I just-

Yeah.

So you're telling me-

Yes.

...How is this possible...?

With the power of great story telling my friend.

...

Are you honestly that surprised?

No, I'm just surprised that there is no clop...And very thankful for it.

I'm just going to ignore that.

And I'm sure the author will to!

I live with an idiot.

8732573
i see you're still alive and producing stories

Elu

8734709
Thank you for your criticism, I will use it when I make new stories. This one was my first take on one-shots, and I agree it could've been better.

Elu

8734709
To add to my previous comment, my usual romances took many, many chapters to come to the point of confession or dating. Tens of chapters of build-up, in fact. So, making it all into one chapter of 4.5k words was a very new experience for me as a writer, and I know it wasn't as good as what I've written before, but hey, it's experience, and with it, I can move further and better myself.

That was ADORABLE! And it was also undeniably a story written by you - the self doubt in here, the way it was written was definitely your style. I don't know how to describe it otherwise... but it was still a very enjoyable, short story :twilightsmile:

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