The Sacrilege of a Badass Character
Rotatory abilities:
Ryu Hayabusa's Abilities
Book of Healing
DNA Twister
Nothing that happened yesterday would be more stupid.
Although I had just woke up on my futon inside the coffin, I felt still mentally tired. It was a good thing that yesterday, after Appleloosa incident, I took the liberty to slack off to my heart content. Mostly because I had a very annoying to moment, right after I had roasted that Trice damn motherfucker for good. It was satisfying since he was snipping me for days so I don't have any remorse. But I could say the same thing for the rest of the day.
For starters, during the party in the orchard, I had to verbally subdue a very upset, melodramatic, ultra hammy Rarity, who was slightly enraged about me getting paid for making that fractal geometry themed dress who had. Oh, by the way, she also believes that I had even corrupted the mind of Photo Finish with it... Which its technically true despite the fact that it was accidental. I have a real hard time to bear her shenanigans recently.
Second, I had Pinkie Pie constantly complaining about her performance's flaws because she doesn't get why every pony hated that despite it spelling exactly the message regarding having to share and having to care. I understand if her message was the right one that says 'You gotta share. You gotta care', but that doesn't excuse that performance. Also, Pinkie's words echoed in my mind.
"Seriously! I don't get it! That was exactly what it really matters all along!"
"Except that your way to demonstrate that was badly executed," I muttered before talking ala Joseph Joestar. "Oh my god."
I facehoofed for that, even if that happened yesterday.
And finally, I had to explain my whereabouts before my fight against Trice to not only Lilly but to the Mane Six as well. That wasn't so hard explaining telling them that I followed Trice in the cave and found the treasure, the day before the buffaloes' showdown. Which is in part a lie.
The real hard part was justifying the time that I took to go from Appleloosa to the mountain, and then backtracking back to there. I had also to convince them that I wasn't interested into the treasure at all. I didn't had even mentioned the three diamond boss dogs who were in league with Trice to begin with.
"Speaking of them..." I said, realizing with horror something missing. "Oh, shit! I forgot to keep the boss dog that I had corrupted in check. Although corrupted didn't seemed quite right on him since he's actually immaculate."
I went out of my coffin and walked toward the entrance. With the two metallic doors being opened, I looked outside to see if Lilly was there, but she wasn't, probably being convoked for, yet again, another commission. Which means that I could act freely.
No matter what, I had to check up the situation with those dogs. It annoyed me, but I don't want have any other complication after Lilly's accidental corruption and the dreadful dress. Unfortunately I didn't had the Gravity Manipulator available and I won't have to rely on Fafnir due to my fear for him to get spotted.
So I took one alternative. Use my DNA Twister to turn myself into a pony-dragon hybrid pegasus who was almost twice the size of Celestia and then activate my invisibility. What really worries me was the time I will take to get to Rambling Rock Ridge... Because I was still dazed and asleep considering that I had woke up a moment before the dawn.
"Oh, fuck that," I said, shrugging off that detail. "I have to give an eye on this mess."
Hastily, I flapped my wings to flying as high as I can, but since didn't got used to it, it was a real pain in the ass. As for my vertigo, the travels that I had made with my Gravity Manipulator had slightly mitigated that, but I could still feel that. I am not Rainbow Dash and I am sure as hell not the pony equivalent of Maverick from Top Gun.
It took me almost an half hour to actually flying, but I had finally managed to adjust my flying abilities properly. The travel took me almost an hour and fifteen minutes, but I finally managed to reached my destination, unseen. As I landed on the rocky soil, I had almost stumbled due to my fatigue. I should feel lucky that I didn't had collapsed.
"I totally prefer the gravitational method of flying to this." I thought.
In the rocky landscape in front of me, were was none one, but I could hear some weird chanting and solemn prays, as if there was a mass or something... Which I didn't liked at all since that was almost confirming some of my fears.
I followed the voices throughout the rocky path. I felt very nervous upon getting closer to whatever was waiting for me, but I also felt a little awkward to walk with a body that is almost taller as Celestia. Not that Celestia will come to learn about my secrets anyway.
After some minutes, I had arrived in the place where the chorus. By the time my eyes were pointed to the scene, my brain was almost stopping working. Because its both stupid and disturbing to describe, simultaneously.
I took back what I was thinking before, because it didn't confirmed my fears. It's different. It surpasses them.
"You gotta be fucking kidding..." I thought.
I was behind C. Mine, the third boss dog that I had corrupted into a immaculate wolfine like creature. I thought he was weird when he acted like some shepherd in front of his two subordinates, back when I had caught them trying to steal Chief Thunderhooves' treasure from Trice's cave. But here, he was actually wearing a white, dark golden stripped, ceremonial tunic, like he was a high priest of some church.
Wait a minute, church? I hoped that wasn't the case, until I noticed the crowd of diamond dogs being gathered in front of him. And they weren't a few of them, oh no. They were hundreds, looking at him with solemnity and seemingly being mesmerized by him. Did my corruption bestowed a very absurd charisma to C. Mine?
Good thing I was invisible, especially since the other two boss dogs were at few inches nearby me, looking at his former companion with confusion and an little glimpse of interest, probably because they didn't want to contradict him.
In that moment, everything, including the prayers and murmurs, fell silent. The other diamond dogs were too distracted by C. Mine, which was a good thing since . Everything was immobile when C. Mine raised his arms upwards.
"What the hell?" I whispered with a slightly, deep, feminine voice.
"Knee before the carrier of the voice of Big Show," C. Mine announced with a pseudo archaic tone. "The tough god pony has descended in front of me and my companions to task us with three holy missions."
I blinked in confusion. "What missions?"
"Find a new meaning in our lives," C. Mine proclaimed. "Not messing with other ponies unless he allowed us to bring the other punch, and, more importantly, dig very deeper in the heart of our work place to dig out not only mere gems and rare diamonds, but also our way toward the holy catacomb."
"Holy what?" I murmured.
"Kneel..." C. Mine said with a vague tone in between being a solemn and a Imperative one. "Now!"
Without any retorts or response, the other diamond dogs, including his two companions, were literally bowing before him. All of that accompanied by a few of them chanting some quiet, murmuring choruses.
I couldn't believe at the whole plethora of bullshit that I heard from C. Mine. But more shocking than that was the level of very misguided faith that numerous pack of bipedal dogs had displayed, despite them being so simple minded and obsessed with diamonds. My jaw was almost falling for what I was seeing... Because that was to ridiculous to be believed.
I felt very unclean in that moment.
And this time the Corpse Remodeling procedure had nothing to do with it.
"I don't know what to feel anymore... I mean... That... Just blows my mind very hard. I passed my entire past life, and part of this one, constantly fighting dementedly psychotic cultists. I fought Plaguer, the disgustingly vilest leader of the Granite Daggers, so of course I cringed very hard upon thinking to have become the leader, if not the god, of a ACTUAL CULT!!"
"This is bad..." I murmured with a grave tone. "I don't care about my previous circumstances... I just wish I didn't had done that."
"What about the pilgrimage?" One of the diamond dogs of the crowd asked.
"Don't tell me that we have to leave this place?" Another one asked.
"No need for that, brothers," C. Mine assured. "We will dig in our usual place, but this time we will go deeper, to find the the holy catacomb. Not only that, but other than gaining the gems that had characterized our nature, we will also find a new prospective and ourselves. Follow me!"
That being said, C. Mine stepped toward the crowd of diamond dogs, who cleared their way for him. Followed by his two companions and eventually joined by the others, he walked forward, like he was leading a procession.
Is a good thing that they didn't had planned to go into Ponyville for, I don't know, maybe trying to apologize with Rarity for their idiocy or, worse than that, spilling the beans about their link with Trice. To be honest, it was actually a good reveal if that didn't go to destroy my lie and putting me into a bad light in front of the Mane Six, although I was still there.
But still, having become their god really leaves me a horrible taste in my mouth, with god being the keyword considering that Celestia, Luna and Cadence, who won't appear yet until the events of Season 2, counts as ones. I felt mentally tired... Again.
"I think I would go home as fast as possible," I said, still baffled for what I had witnessed. "I need a drink."
Without any delay, I flapped my wings and forcefully flew my way back home. The travel was as tiring as the one I took to get there but I didn't cared at all. It took me more than one hour and a half, mostly because of not being used to fly like any pegasi, dragon or alicorn will do.
By the time I had arrived nearby my mound, it was almost noon and Lilly was already nearby the door, looking for me. That sight made me a little nervous, but that wasn't a problem since I was invisible. I landed nearby the back of the building and took my precautions. I turned off my invisibility and turned myself to my real form.
I slowly headed to the entrance and approached Lilly, who didn't had noticed me yet.
"Yo dawg," I greeted her very calmly.
Lilly screeched, startled upon hearing me, which was pretty strange considering that she was usually cold or zealous. She slowly turned toward me, looking surprised. A reaction that immediately turned into annoyance, as if I had accidentally ridiculed her.
"Are you trying to prank me this much?" Lilly muttered. "Where the heck were you anyway?"
"I had just took a very tiring stroll," I lied with a tired tone, not expecting her to believe. "I didn't had anything to do, so I wandered for the woods for about one hour. Without getting far from the mound, of course."
"You gotta be... Are you really that bored?" Lilly said with muted incredulity, a second before groaning. "I don't know if you are plotting something or are just... this weird."
"Take your pick," I suggested.
"Don't dare me, Violet," Lilly retorted and let out a deep sigh. "By the way, Princess Celestia will arrive in Ponyville for a brunch. I don't think you were invited but even so... I suggest you to not show your face here because... You know..."
"My own involvement in Appleloosa Incident and Twilight's group reaction, including Rarity's rapid fire disdain toward me?" I asked.
"Something like that," Lilly replied bluntly as she turned around. "Now if you excuse me, I have a report to do."
Lilly flapped her wings and flew away from my sight. Not impressed, went inside my mound and drank an entire bottle of water. I was very thirsty at the moment. I then went outside and took a stroll in the woods, headed toward Ponyville.
I just took my time to relax from what I had witnessed. Seriously, having accidentally founded a cult where C. Mine was a cult leader who designed me as their god wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world. Especially since I was a Iron Ghost who was hunting down other ones who were crazy cultist, vilest psychopaths or even straight up criminals.
Hopefully, the diamonds dogs weren't interested to come into Ponyville, but still...
"Well... Let's just do something relaxing," I said, shrugging my arms. "I just hope that I don't have to fight this time."
I wasn't so optimistic. It was a very nice day, but considering what happened in the past days since I was reborn in Equestria, I couldn't predict when the next enemy will appear or even when it will attack me. And my own knowledge about the episodes of MLP show wasn't enough. However, since everything looked fine, I planned something more light hearted.
Trolling that damn bird. Yes, I know very well that I was talking about Philomena, being none other than Celestia's Phoenix, but hey. He was trolling Fluttershy when she was loosing her feathers while looking sick. I know that Celestia will call her out for pulling a prank on her, eventually. But there was aesop to the Mane Six regarding the type of the bird that I want to deliver.
After an huge amount of minutes, I had arrived nearby the entrance of Ponyville. My intention wasn't to enter inside Sugarcube Corner but rather watch what was happening from the windows, but only for a few moments. And after that, I will make a stroll in the town without being recognized.
"Well, let's do some styled preparation," I said, before grinning. "And a living cosplay."
I used the DNA Twister to turn myself into a black maned white pony, almost resembling the pony form of Bruno Bucciarati.
"I am disappointed that Giorno Giovanna's connection with Dio Brando wasn't explored properly." I murmured with a very dreadful voice that I was expecting, startling me a little bit. "Wow... That was freaky."
Calmly but almost nervous, I headed toward the bakery, being unnoticed by the other ponies. I felt a little weirder having this form, because I had the impression to commit a real blasphemy that would had pissed off the real Bruno Bucciarati from the heavens. Or maybe that was just my impression.
As I arrived nearby the building, I spotted Fluttershy trying to enter, only for her to be blocked by the two pegasi Royal Guards nearby the door raising their wings. I noticed something was missing: The blade sound that their wings does.
But who fucking cares.
"Halt!" One of the pegasi Royal Guards said.
"Who goes there?" The other one said.
"Somepony who is not The Thing From Another World?" I commented quietly.
"No one. Never mind. I'll go home," Fluttershy said meekly before turning around and being about to walk away.
"Ohi, wait just a minute." I called her, getting her attention.
"Y-yes?" Fluttershy replied intimidated.
I wouldn't even blame her reaction. Bruno Bucciarati's voice was supposed to have a bit of authority and gangsta aura to begin with. Hearing his voice coming from my mouth still gives me some chills, counting that I had modulated my own basing on his japanese voice actor.
Putting aside the superfluous details, I turned to the guards.
"Normally, that wouldn't be my business," I said calmly. "But according to the unicorn named Twilight Sparkle, wasn't this pegasus supposed to be on the list?"
"What?" One of the guards said, confused.
"We never heard any of these," The second one said. "Where did you-"
"He's right, sirs" Twilight's voice said from the window of the Sugarcube Corner. "She's on the list."
"Well... If you says so," The first guard said calmly as he and his colleague let Fluttershy enter inside but then blinked in confusion and turned toward me. "Wait a minute, how the heck did you know about that anyway?"
"Exactly." Twilight added, looking confused. "Only I was organizing the whole party for Celestia and knows who was in the list. Where did you had learned that?"
"I have my sources," I replied calmly. "Look, I would had joined that party but I have to go. I have my own business to attend."
"But wait," Twilight insisted, but at that point I had already walked away, leaving both her, Fluttershy and the guards in their own confusion.
Once I was out of their range, I turned myself invisible and returned back to the Sugarcube Corner, this time watching the party from a window.
In about fourteen minutes, the buffet and the party were here, as well as the guests. Everything was going as it should be. Applejack had a difficulty to remember the table manners, being unable to eat something, Rainbow Dash was just bored because she can't irritate the Royal Guards, Rarity was outright freaking out about not getting her really regal dress dirty and Pinkie Pie just doing her shenanigans. Twilight and Fluttershy were the only sane one in that moment.
Also, there was Celestia trolling the shop owners. And nearby her, there was my target Philomena. She looked indeed very sick but she can't fool me. She was the troll because of what was going to happen, and if Trollestia's myth was still alive, I think she learned from her. And I think Philomena was using her phoenix status to troll Death from the whole time.
Anyway, the conversation was more or less like in the episode.
"Ah, Philomena, my pet," Celestia said to Philomena. "You're awake. Do say hello to our gracious hosts."
As a response, Philomena hacked and coughed. I won't even comment about it. Also, I heard that were are so many moronic jokes regarding her appearances which I won't even mention at all whatsoever.
"Oh... My," Fluttershy said quietly with a worried tone.
"She is quite the sight, isn't she?" Celestia asked with a tranquil tone.
"Lady, I don't want to use rude tones but could you at least specify them that she was actually, I don't know, a FUCKING PHOENIX!? I'm not expecting her to raise the dead correctly during her rebirth in Final Fantasy style, nor suspecting you that you were actually trolling the Mane Six as well, but c'mon! At least you should inform Fluttershy about it."
But then I had the usual revelation.
"Oh, yeah. Fluttershy wouldn't had asked her what's wrong with her because or she didn't had thought yet," I paused. "Or there won't be an aesop." I facehoofed for the stupidity of the thing. "Damn you, justification."
The party continued until a pegasus Royal Guard whispered in Celestia's ears, which means that she had to go.
"I'm sorry, everypony," Celestia said apologetically. "I'm afraid I have to cut the party short. The mayor has requested an audience with me. Royal duty calls. Thank you for a wonderful time. It's been a joy getting to know you all better."
"Fortunately Philomena will never meet the grim reaper," I murmured calmly and then sighed, being a little moronic for what I said. "Ok, that was stupid, even for black humor standards."
At that point, the ponies in the party were about to leave. I kept my eyes locked on Fluttershy, who, almost in the same manner as Solid Snake, managed to take Philomena unseen.
As for the rest of the Mane Six, Rainbow Dash leaved politely, Applejack didn't managed to eat anything and yet she managed to get some food to take home a few seconds later, Pinkie was just making a very disastrous escape, and Rarity walked backwards while desperately trying to keep her dress from being tarnished.
"Rarity, if you are so afraid to ruin your dress, then make... A dress... Stain proof power armor or something!" I thought with annoyance.
Hopefully Twilight were the only sane one, just talking with Spike about no disaster having happened yet.
"Yeah, wait until you get into Fluttershy's house." I whispered.
Invisible as I am, because of ninja stuff, I tracked down Fluttershy and followed her, making. I hate stalking her but that she was technically getting herself in hot waters with an authority. Besides, I wouldn't consider myself a stealth master.
In a couple of minutes, I had arrived at her cottage as Fluttershy was oblivious of my presence. I went to the window at the left side of the house and observed the yellow pegasus entered inside, carrying the 'poor' Philomena on her back.
As expected, Fluttershy tried to treat Philomena with every means possible. The problem was that the bird didn't need that since she was actually trolling. Although Philomena was actually going in the phase of her death before her rebirth, which was natural. I would had conceded that if she wasn't pulling a prank on her.
"Sometimes I wonder why I am even wasting my time going after little problems," I whispered to myself.
Obviously, Fluttershy's method didn't work. And I start to think that Philomena was enjoying build up the moment before her prank was revealed.
At some point, Fluttershy was about to sing I know what. Since I am not fond of that song, I promptly put on both the Freezing Gauntlet and the Berserker Claw, wore the earbuds of my iPhone and put on Smoke Weed Everyday by Snoop Dog.
The very bizarre best part? Even my stuff was turned invisible for some reason. I won't even complain. It's videogame logic after all. And no, I am not talking about that damn Yomi.
"Geez, I hope that Twilight would come very soon," I complained quietly. "I want to put on my charade as fast as possible.
I looked to the woods and waited for her arrival. I had then turned off the iPhone, since Fluttershy stopped singing, and putted that and my gauntlets back in the bag.
Sure enough, Twilight had arrived after five minutes, less of than I had expected. She looked very happy, humming some cherry tune. She, like Fluttershy, didn't had realized I was there as well.
Anyway, Twilight first knocked at the door and waited for Fluttershy to open it. The purple unicorn waited for a moment but then decided to open it on her own since she was eager to tell her about the impression that Celestia had on Fluttershy.
"Hi, Fluttershy!" Twilight greeted her as she went inside. "I just wanted to drop by and say thank you so very much for making such a good impression on the princess today..."
Twilight interrupted her sentence and gasped upon seeing the 'sick' Philomena laying on the table. I was the only one who know she was 'dying' to make a surprise to the two mares. I wouldn't even tell them that since I want them find that out through my hints.
I turned off my invisibility and exploiting the fact that Twilight or Fluttershy didn't had the courtesy to close the door first, I watched the scene from behind the entrance. Twilight rushed toward the bird, shocked to see the bird being there.
"What is Celestia's pet doing here?!" Twilight asked concerned.
"I couldn't leave the poor thing there," Fluttershy replied as she approached Twilight. "She needed my help."
"Oh no." Twilight said, freaking out. "Nononononononono! This is bad."
Silently, I went inside and stopped nearby the door, blessing the fact that Twilight and Fluttershy didn't had the courtesy to close the door first.
"How could I just walk away and not do anything?" Fluttershy asked.
"But... but... she doesn't belong to you!" Twilight retorted.
"Which means that it's outright kidnapping." I cut in, getting their attention.
As their turned their heads toward me, they were shocked upon noticing me, not expecting my arrival at all. Granted that they couldn't recognize me since I was in the pony form of Bruno Bucciarati.
"Y-You were the stallion who was with Fluttershy before the brunch." Twilight said surprised.
"You were following me?" Fluttershy said, slightly upset.
"Allow me to explain to three things," I replied politely. "One, I know it's rude enter into your house without your permission but I can say the same with you taking that bird from Celestia. Two, there are few reasons if your methods doesn't work. And three, I apologize to not had introduced myself earlier. I was in a hurry. I am Bueno Bucolico, bird erudite."
Twilight blinked weirded out upon hearing that. I think that's a weird name. Her reaction was justified because I had improvised that to not stain in any measure the good name of a badass character.
"You saw me taking the bird with me." Fluttershy said sternly. "Is there a reason to spy on me?"
"Let's just say I am some pony who had the bad habit to act as an improvised detective." I replied calmly.
"A very annoying habit if you permit me." Twilight stated.
Nonchalantly, I closed the door and returned my eyes back on the two mares, who putted Philomena inside a wooden chest being put on Fluttershy's back. I remained calm as I expected from the character that I was ripping off, but doing so was also almost tiring.
"Putting aside my own intrusion," I said calmly to Fluttershy. "I know your good reasons and motivations, but this still counts as kidnapping. You didn't had asked Celestia about her pet's conditions or if you could had just took care of that. But more importantly, you didn't had even asked what type of animal was, aren't you?"
"What?" Twilight looked confused.
"Now that you mentioned it, I didn't had considered that," Fluttershy admitted. "But why should had bothered to ask the obvious? It's a poor, little, featherless bird."
"No." I retorted with a straight face before contorting my expression into a sarcastic one ala Nicolas Cage as I spoke. "There are actually multiple variety of birds considering that nature bothered herself to create an gajillion bird types. The same can be said for the dogs, cats, snakes, plants, corals and others. Vultures and Eagles for example. So what bird is that one?"
Fluttershy flinched, seemingly startled by my face, while Twilight was twitching nervously as he looked at me like I was some fanatic. That made me realize that I had exaggerated with that and that maybe some JoJo fan will kill me for this, if it's in Equestria as well, of course. I instantly calmed down and sighed.
"I'm sorry for that," I said almost apologetically. "I had almost lost myself in that moment. It's just... I don't pretend that every pony knows the entire history of all birds in the existence, but seriously. You took this bird without any knowledge about it, because it looked like a normal one to you."
"I guess I have to return her to the Princess," Fluttershy said, feeling a little guilty.
"As soon as possible," Twilight added.
"Good to know," I said as I turned toward the door and stepped toward it for a few inches. "But first, I need Twilight to open the door."
"You can do that on your own," Twilight pointed out. "Why I had to do that?"
"I have my own reasons," I replied. "Just do it without any haste.
Twilight groaned quietly. "You are a very weird one."
Reluctantly, Twilight approached the door and glowed her horn to open it with her telekinesis. As the door was opened, Twilight and Fluttershy flinched in shock as we were met by two pegasi Royal Guards sternly waiting outside. Having meet guard ponies so often, courtesy of Lilly, I managed to maintain my calm and look at them without any hesitation.
I can't say the same thing for Twilight and Fluttershy, who were looking nervously at them. Twilight herself was almost to the point of loosing her cool. That was expected.
Still, are the two the same ones that I saw nearby the Sugarcube Corner or are other ones. Seriously, they looked so similar that I was almost thinking that they are or clones or cyborg coming from the future to make continuity more confused than Pinkie's logic.
"I knew it," I said nonchalantly. "I had the weird feeling that you were coming here."
"You again?" One of the guards said with a slightly annoyed tone.
"Quite a coincidence, isn't it?" The second one asked.
Ok, they were the same one of the party.
"I was just paying a visit," I lied, but it's better than nothing. "What brought you there?"
Not looking very fond of me, the guard ponies stepped inside and then looked at Twilight, who made a nervous smile to save the appearances.
"We were told we could find Twilight Sparkle here." The first guard responded.
"We regret to inform you, miss, that the royal pet has gone missing." The second guard stated.
"Really? You don't say!" Twilight replied before laughing nervously.
"I think I know where this pet is in this moment." I stated with a bit of glee, causing Twilight and Fluttershy to almost panicking.
"It's that so?" The first guard asked.
"What could you possibly know?" The second one demanded sternly. "You weren't-"
Knowing that Philomena would start coughing, I took my own measures.
"*cough!* *cough!* Diavolo sucks. *cough!* *cough!*" I interrupted the second guard.
Both the guards blinked and look at each other in confusion and then looked at me like I said something weird. Not that I even cared considering that I did that to cover Philomena's cough. Just saying.
"What?" The first Royal Guard said.
"Hmm?" The second Royal Guard said.
"What is a Diavolo?" Twilight asked confused.
"Does that even matter?" I asked sarcastically.
"What the hay is going here?" A familiar female voice coming from behind the guards interrupted me, causing me, Twilight and Fluttershy to flinch nervously.
"No... Not her," I murmured with reluctance as I turned toward the source.
That wasn't expected to come. I don't know if I call that a case of bad luck. Lilly was coming right in my direction, looking oblivious about the situation. Now I am bit nervous, because it's clear the she was looking for me, unaware of the fact that she was right in front of me. Needless to say, even Lilly can't recognize me as I was in the form of a walking JoJo reference.
"Iron Lilly," The first Royal Guard said with surprise. "I wasn't expecting you to be there."
"Is there something I need to know?" Lilly asked when she noticed me, without recognizing me. "And who the heck is that guy."
"In case you were wondering, it's some weirdo that we encountered nearby Sugarcube Corner." The second Royal Guard stated.
"Also, Princess Celestia's royal pet disappeared after her brunch."
"Seriously? You mean Philomena?" Lilly said dumbfounded, a moment before she groaned with irritation. "Now that's a real problem. I hope that is not the work of one of those evil entities or that Violet Tower wasn't involved."
Yeah, blame the one guy you had considered a villain that saved your asses multiple times. I am so sure that you will do a great job. Damn lady, just because you were fed up of the strangeness that my presence alone brought to you, there was no reason for harsh calling.
"Lilly, Violet has nothing to do with it because he wasn't on the brunch." Twilight pointed out.
"Well... I guess I can finally be tranquil about it, I guess," Lilly said reluctantly.
"Miss, if you allow me to explain," I butted in, getting her attention. "Those guards were informing me and those two mares over there about what happened."
"You could at least tell me your name, first." Lilly pointed out.
"Bueno Bucolico, bird erudite." I responded calmly but still a little bit nervous.
Lilly raised a eyebrow, dumbfounded. "Bueno what now?"
"Believe me, you have no idea how weird for me it is to say that." Twilight admitted, perplexed.
"I think the bird should be the actual priority," I reminded to Lilly. "I will tell you what I know, but I have to ask both you and your subordinates to wait for me outside."
"And why would I even do that?" Lilly asked sternly.
"You were looking for Violet Tower as well, right?" I demanded.
"H-how do you know that?" Lilly asked surprised.
"It's something that I want to discuss in private, if you don't mind," I replied. "Also, do you want to deep your knowledge about the birds that the created has to offer? Because that would be useful."
"Not in this moment... Weirdo," Lilly said with a weirded out expression before turning to the two pegasi Royal Guards. "Alright, follow me." She turned toward me. "As for you, Bueno, you better not do anything funny." She then narrowed her eyes. "There's something about you that sounded familiar to me, but I don't know why."
What? Are you telling me that your sixth sense was perceiving my identity behind this altered form? Now you are freaking me out.
That being said, Lilly and the guards went outside, giving me the time to close the door. I turned toward Twilight and Fluttershy, who sighed in relief and looked at me with an unconvinced expression.
"You know Violet Tower?" Fluttershy asked.
"You are kidding me right? It's the most controversial pony that we could barely consider a hero," I replied, hiding my annoyance. "Some ponies praised him, some ponies scorned him, and other said he's just a nuisance who nitpicks in every single flaw that he could find in Equestria. I am not interest into that guy. Although he saved your lives, according to what I heard."
"He save us multiple times indeed," Twilight said hesitantly. "It's just... I don't know why. I want to trust him but I have still the feeling that he's hiding something from us."
I remained silent for a moment and then spoke. "I think we got out of the topic again. Now, can we bring this back to Celestia?"
"Oh, yes," Twilight said tranquilly but then freaked out as she remembered something. "I mean, no!"
"Why not?" I asked while narrowing my eyes, pretending to be suspictious about her.
"Exactly, why?" Fluttershy demanded.
"You have no idea what the princess is gonna do if she finds the one who took her pet, do you?!" Twilight said to Fluttershy, obviously panicking irrationally.
"Do you?" Fluttershy asked.
"Well... no," Twilight admitted meekly before saying dramatically. "But it can't be anything good. She might-"
"Let me guess," I interrupted her. "Celestia will banish Fluttershy from Equestria, throw her in a dungeon or even doing both the things simultaneously? And that applies not just to her but to you as well? Are you that pessimistic to the extreme?"
"Ok, that was exaggerated of me," Twilight said, almost calming herself down. "But seriously, how do you think she will react to that."
"I'm not a jurist," I explained. "But for me, in the best case scenarios, Celestia will understand you situation and forgive you, although there are still options for her. Or release you under a special circumstance. Or put her in a jail for a few months. Or just warranting a restraining order on you to for her pet."
Fluttershy gulped. "You make it look this simple."
"That sounds reasonable," Twilight said unconvinced.
You are kidding me, right? Are still thinking of Celestia as an harsh ruler in her worst day? Despite the fact that you know her for a long time? Or maybe it was just me complaining for starting during the events of Season 1?
"Twilight, if you want to put on the dark side of the things," I warned her. "Anything would happen if her pet literally dies."
Twilight and Fluttershy flinched uncomfortably. Ok, maybe I had gone too far. However, I am still enjoying their reaction, but not because it was funny. But because they were both exaggerating even than the problem was still fixable.
"R-Really?" Twilight demanded meekly.
"Chill out, both you," I retorted them. "I was testing you with this one."
The mare both calmed down but then glared a little bit at me.
"Please... Don't do that anymore." Fluttershy said almost coldly.
"But you were overreacting, aren't you?" I asked calmly.
Before they could say anything, Philomena coughed while coming out of the wooden chest, looking even more sick. Unbeknownst to Twilight and Fluttershy, I didn't buy that in the slightest. I approached the bird with the pretense to see her condition and looked in her eyes, causing her to slightly flinch.
"Soon or later, I will have a talk with you," I whispered with almost serious tone.
"Is there something wrong, Bueno?" Fluttershy asked.
"Nothing in particular," I replied calmly and headed toward the exit. "Twilight, I am going to have a talk with the guards but I won't say anything about your situation. I think you would had to cure the bird before giving her back to Celestia, right. Then try to not be too harsh with her."
"Alright, I will do what I can," Twilight responded almost calmly. "I just hope Celestia-"
"None of you will be banished. Both of you were over exaggerating," I muttered, a moment before facehoofing. "Oh mio DIO."
"Huh?" Twilight demanded confused.
"Forget the last part," I replied without even looking at her as I stepped out.
Once outside, I barely closed the door and approached Lilly and the guards, who were waiting for me. No matter how many days had passed. It was still hard for me to close the door with just my hooves. Granted that one of Fluttershy's cottage has a handle.
As I got close to them, they instantly glued their eyes on me, sternly. I maintained my calm despite the nervousness invading my being. Lilly began to interrogate me with some question, with a few of them being sporadic ones. I only told them the essential, while lying, of course.
As for Philomena, I told them that someone managed to infiltrate the Sugarcube Corner before the start of the brunch and took the bird while disguising as one of the guests. As for myself, I told them that Violet Tower, referring to Violet Tower as a separated person, I said that he just went in Ponyville an hour after the brunch for get something to eat and leaved some minutes later. That raised their suspects about me, being Bueno Bucolico, knowing my own whereabouts.
And so yes.
It was a very confusing story.
In any case, I said that thing about me having the bad habit to act as an improvised detective when it comes to birds. They weren't believing at that at first, but then decided to give it a shot. Lilly, however, wasn't so convinced, which would be a problem.
"Bueno, you surely know a lot of things," Lilly remarked. "Which is kind of strange considering that you also know that Fluttershy was on the list of guest in the party."
"Damn it. I had forgot about it." I thought.
"If Fluttershy was one the five mares Twilight befriended and resolved Appleloosa's incident," I reminded them. "Should the two guards being already informed about that?"
"I wouldn't blame both of them. They were on duty from about twenty days," Lilly explained. "So of course they know anything about her."
Could be the case that they were just rookies? Its just my theory but the Royal Guards had plenty of mysteries behind their apparent or substantial incompetence to chew. But maybe that could be argued that I am just bored.
"Can I go now?" I asked. "Because I have a gathering to attend."
"Yeah, whatever. But you better stay away from Twilight for at least today," Lilly informed me and turned to the pegasi Royal Guards. "Follow me, we have a bird to find."
Lilly took his subordinates and walked away from the cottage. And I was pissed off that none of them, none of the three ponies... None of these creatures even mentioned that Philomena was a phoenix! Didn't Celestia told them yet. And now that I am thinking about it... How old she is?
I putted aside that question when I heard Philomena screaming from inside Fluttershy's cottage. That means that she was about to escape. Taking that as a signal, I just turned myself invisible and ran the hell out of here in ninja speed.
In a few minutes, I had arrived nearby a bench and hidden myself behind a tree. Since there was nopony around, I turned off my invisibility and waited for Philomena to come.
"I won't even comment what was going to happen." I murmured before rolling my eyes.
Surprisingly, the bird didn't took too long to arrive and sitting on the bench, armed with nothing but a newspaper and fake mustaches. And, to kick disbelieve in the balls, Twilight and Fluttershy had just arrived right in front of Philomena, who managed to fool them and made them leave her alone. As the two mare went out of their range, she was about to leave.
But before Philomena could do that, I went out of the three and made my move.
"Too slow," I declared as I used the DNA Twister on Philomena, who had acknowledged too late my presence.
The red vortex engulfed her body, causing her to collapse on the ground. Although I could barely see her form, I can tell Philomena was going through a transformation, with her croaking being slowly replace with female moans. The mist slowly dissipated, revealing a female earth pony. I would had made her younger but since I am against sexualization with no respect of the age, I turned her into an red maned white elder mare instead.
Philomena was apparently unconscious, until she slowly opened her eyes and slowly lifted her head.
"Wha... What the..." Philomena said with a dazed, elder tone, a moment before she noticed with shock her new body. "What happened to me?" She slowly rose up on her four legs and turned toward me, looking upset. "What have you done to me?"
"I told you before," I replied bluntly, almost talking in my usual way. "Soon or later, we would had that talk. Specifically, your excessive prank."
"Oh?" Philomena looked confused.
"I mean, don't you think that exploiting your transition from death and resurrection just like that was way too sadistic?" I pointed out. "Did Celestia already know your gimmicks."
Philomena widened her eyes with stupor. "You knew that I was actually a phoenix?"
"Yep," I replied.
"But..." Philomena paused for a moment and then groaned softly in disappointment. "You ruined the surprise."
"Well, thanks, Red Bull," I said, scratching my head. "I am so sure that your owner saw this trick multiple times as well but Fluttershy doesn't. I'm sorry, but your prank was very inappropriate considering that she was actually thinking you were sick and put herself in hot water with Celestia for that."
"You don't need to be this stern, youngster. I was joking." Philomena said almost meekly.
"And I won't blame you for that," I reassured her. "But consider this. There are some ponies that are just sensible or that will outright declare that as a sacrilege, even for that. I think you know already what I am going for, but I will say it anyway. Know your audience," I paused before grinning. "As well as your victims if I can consider to turn you into a mineral statue and send you into space."
"Eeek!" Philomena flinched, freaked out.
"See?" I said as I returned serious. "Not so funny anymore, huh?"
"That part wasn't necessary at all." Philomena retorted with irritation.
"Well, you just got owned with your own medicine," I declared.
Philomena was about to scream but then started to consider the way I told her the message. She froze in meditation. She took her time to reflect about the whole talk. I, however, I looked around to see if there was some pony coming but hopefully, the place was desert. But for how much long.?
"Very well," Philomena sighed, looking defeated. "I guess I shouldn't had played with the feelings of that poor mare. You know, although I honestly dislike you, you are right. I think I should apologize with her."
"Before you do that, you have to finish your prank first," I suggested.
Philomena blinked, confused. "What?"
"I only wanted to talk with you. Not prevent your thing," I stated. "Because both your death and rebirth, ironically, that is also your only way to confess."
"Not if I am an earth pony," Philomena replied.
"Alright, I am going to return to normal," I said calmly.
"You have to," Philomena remarked impatiently. "Twilight and Fluttershy were looking for me, after all."
"Not before having answered one last question," I replied.
"What is it?" Philomena asked, less enthusiast.
"For how many centuries you used your circle of death and rebirth as a prank?" I asked, rising my eyebrow.
"Pfft. A lot," Philomena stated, looking amused. "So many times that I remember only a few of them. One of them involved a noble, aristocratic, bird loving unicorn fanatic. He kidnapped me, yes, but unlike that poor pegasus, he wanted to keep me for himself. Too bad that I had already expired my life before that would happen. He thought I was dead due to his ignorance regarding my type and instantly surrendered to the authorities. I remembered his baffled face when I was reborn." She chuckled. "He didn't expected to happen and ended up screaming so hard that he didn't bothered to resist or protest anymore."
You know, it's nice that you had at least some sense of measure and had good memories about that, especially with you having trolled someone who really deserve it. Unfortunately, my point is still standing.
"It's good to know that you had at least the sense of measure and consideration of the others," I thought while narrowing my eyes. "Because if you don't and if you weren't Celestia's royal pet, I would had Muda Muda punched you so hard that you will feel the pain even during your next rebirths."
".......... You troll," I commented.
"Why this weird use of the word troll?" Philomena asked, oblivious of the term.
"Nevermind, just returned to you real form and go," I replied as I used my DNA Twister again and returned her back to her featherless phoenix form.
Without a second thought, Philomena resumed quietly her escape, this time running toward Ponyville. A let her be for about four minutes before following her tracks. Once I had arrived in town, Philomena was already at the top of a tower. I was hiding behind a wall, watching her emulating an 'heart attack' before intentionally falling down.
Fluttershy rushed to catch her and almost managed to do so... Only for the bird to suddenly turn into a pile of ashes on the hooves of the poor yellow pegasus. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash gasped in shock while Fluttershy just looked shocked, a moment before she started to cry.
As I had predicted, Celestia arrived in place, with both the Royal Guards and Lilly bowing before her. Twilight took the duty to explain her that a terrible incident happened, just to not use the word die. Fluttershy then decided to confess and take the blame, despite Twilight trying to defend her... And Pinkie trying to take her place before realizing to had got a clue about what was going on. The Princess approached the pile of ashes and feigned mourning her and then giving her punchline.
"Oh, stop fooling around, Philomena," Celestia said tranquilly. "You're scaring everypony."
And then, the ashes started to glow and Philomena reappeared in a majestic light, returned as fully feathered phoenix, causing the present ponies to gasp and awe, except Celestia.
I know already that would happen but seeing in life was so beautiful. I momentarily wished that Yomi would had given me the summon Phoenix... But then I remembered my experience with the Corpse Remodeling and tossed that idea out of the window.
"I don't understand!" Fluttershy exclaimed confused "What is that thing? What happened to Philomena?"
"This is Philomena," Celestia replied tranquilly. "She's quite a sight, as I said. But nothing unusual for a phoenix. Isn't that right, Philomena?"
Philomena squeked in approval.
"A... A pheonix?" Fluttershy asked.
"See? This is what happen when you don't know what type of bird she is." I stated as I came out of the wall, getting their attention and causing Philomena to almost flinch uncomfortably.
"Wait, you knew that Philomena was a phoenix for this whole time?" Fluttershy demanded, almost surprised.
"Wait, for how much time you were observing us?" Rarity asked suspicious.
"Fluttershy, do ya know who's this weirdo?" Applejack demanded.
Twilight sighed. "He's Bueno Bucolico, an auto proclaimed bird erudite who knows everything about birds." She stopped, realizing what she heard earlier. "Wait, you knew Philomena was a phoenix and yet you didn't had told us anything?"
"Because I wanted you find that out by yourself," I retorted calmly. "By getting some encyclopedia and inform yourself about that."
"So... That was the lesson about bird types you talked about?" Twilight asked.
"You know, I won't bother to explain anything else," I said with a bored look and then turned to Celestia. "You can continue were you left off. I won't disturb you any further."
"You know, I didn't minded your behavior," Celestia conceded before narrowing her eyes. "It's just... You reminded me of somepony else. You are friend with Violet, aren't you?"
I flinched. "I have nothing to do with that slacker. If you permit me the user of the term."
"It's just my impression of course." Celestia assured, raising her eyebrow perplexed.
"Whatever you said." I replied calmly before letting out a muted, silenced, heavy sigh.
And so, Celestia explained the whole thing about phoenixes, their circle of death of rebirth and their renovation, and then asked Philomena to apologize. Of course, Fluttershy asked her if she was going to be banished, put in the dungeon or both. I, being in the mood of being a bastard, I suggested Celestia if she could at least give a restraining order on the yellow pegasus for Philomena.
Celestia assured Fluttershy that she would never do that, but then she called me out about that kind of things while stating that, since the Element of Kindness loves to tender pets, that would be destructively excessive... Which was what was expecting. Ok, I would be sometimes insane or a bastard, but I never thought to actually screw over someone so meek at Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy really did do everything she could to try to take care of Philomena for you." Twilight said to justify Fluttershy's action.
"And I do appreciate that your heart was in the right place, child," Celestia replied. "But all you had to do was ask me and I could have told you Philomena was a phoenix and saved you all this trouble."
Knowing that reminding them of that would be inappropriate, I remained silent but then Fluttershy spoke to me.
"Weren't you about to say 'I told you so'?" Fluttershy pointed out.
"I'm not the type to be repetitive." I replied bluntly.
"At least Fluttershy took this experience at heart." Celestia said.
"I know," Fluttershy replied. "I shouldn't have jumped conclusion. Next time I'll ask before taking the matters into my own hooves."
"And most importantly for the doctors, know your patient." I said bluntly.
"You are so pedant, you know," Rainbow Dash retorted. "Well, at least you didn't come up with buy bird encyclopedia."
"I don't know, but Bueno Bucolico is a really funny name." Pinkie said before jumping in air and landing in front of me, startling. "And you are a real prophet who doesn't take cues from Violet, otherwise you couldn't possibly know what was going to happen, like in this moment! You can be a perfect pair with my Pinkie Sense!"
"I don't know what you are talking about," I said while trying to regain my composure. "I was just following that bird and that's all."
"Should I write you a letter about that lesson, Princess?" Twilight asked to Celestia.
"No, that's quite all right," Celestia reassured. "I think I can remember." And then turned toward me. "Bueno Bucolico, I don't think you were honest about Violet," She then paused while slightly leaning toward me. "But I rather talking with you about that another time."
"F-fair enough," I partially stammered. "Ahem. I think I will return on my path," I indicated Philomena, almost startling her. "I would had admired her for another minute but I had something to do," I then turned around. "I have in fact a bone to pick with this Violet."
"What?" Twilight looked dumbfounded.
"Oh, come on. What do you even want from some plotter like him?" Rarity asked with a distrustful trope.
"Maybe because I wanted to confront him about the dress and some of the things in which he was accidentally involved?" I asked while trying to maintain my calm, being actually annoyed by her remark.
Rarity suddenly beamed with hope. "You know, you are both beautiful and very perceptive about the matter. You have all of my respect."
Wow, calm down, lady. Not even drugged cafe would had induce so much glee in you.
"I was thinking about that," Celestia pointed out, cringing a little bit and looking momentarily annoyed. "I had learned about both the dress and a strange migration of Diamond Dogs in this morning."
I froze up with horror. "Are you telling me that C. Mine and his cult are fucking coming here!?"
"Migration?" Rarity asked, almost surprised.
"I doesn't make any sense." Twilight pointed out. "Weren't they supposed to just dig for diamonds, only in Rambling Rock Ridge."
"Technically, they were migrating underground while maintaining her position," Celestia explained before rolling her eyes. "Is a complicated matter that only I should take care of."
Yeah, good for Celestia, but I just hope that she doesn't find out that those diamond dogs were actually forming a crazy cult, guided by one boss dog that I had corrupted into a very improvised high priest, if not their Jesus, and that were going in their quest for the so called Holy Catacomb, if that exist. I don't want have to mention that they were worshiping me as their god!
"Time for me to go," I said, being about to leave.
"Wait!" Twilight halted. "Could you at least tell us if you know Violet?"
"Just to had put my faith to the wrong pony," Rarity said. "Tell me at least what is your impression about him."
"If I have to be honest," I said calmly. "It's some idiot who use other ponies for his own selfish gain only in appearance, when in reality he's actually doing that to fool his enemies or just to pass the time. In other words, it's kind of a joker. Now if you excuse me, I have to go after him."
"No, wait, darling," Rarity called me. "What do you mean with that?"
"Arrivederci," I saluted her as I walked away, putting her into the confusion.
Leaving the town, I was practically headed at home. The sun was already setting down as the sky was slowly turning orange. With no pony around, I used the DNA Twister to return to my original form and pressed forward. What worried me was that Lilly was looking for me and didn't managed to find me, which will obviously stress her out, but that wasn't my only preoccupation.
"I saw Philomena in live without any enemy coming after my throat this time," I murmured. "I am paranoid, of course. But I am still not in the mood to relax yet."
After a handful of minutes, I had arrived nearby my mound, where I found a very interesting surprise. There was Aster Brightside trying to sneak inside my house,
"Ehi! What were you doing here!" I shouted, startling her and getting her attention.
"Violet." Aster hissed, almost growling as she approached me. "Your artifacts. Where are they?"
"Why you need them," I asked, knowing she was referring to my items. "And besides, since then Royal Guards can sneak in the property of the others without an authorization or even an explanation for that?"
"Shut up!" Aster screamed before flapping her wings and flying toward me ferociously. "You have done making fun of me!"
I was about to receive the blow... Until Lilly tackled Aster at her left side and knocked her on the soil. The pear colored pegasus fainted and Lilly slowly turned toward me.
"I don't know if I can tolerate your shenanigans any longer," Lilly said with a irritated tone. "You have no idea of how much I tried to find you. Especially since she drank too much and decided to get revenge on you."
"Wait," I halted her, not believe what I heard from her. "You mean she was drunk?"
"Well... Sorta," Lilly explained. "Aster putted some herb in her apple cinders to avoid get herself drunk, only to end up being drunk in another way. She looked very lucid in that condition, isn't she?"
"I didn't had even realized that she was in that condition," I said, weirded out by that strange drunkenness.
"By the way, they told me that you would had involved with the kidnapping of Philomena, Celestia's pet," Lilly said annoyed. "But of course you couldn't had do that and, in my opinion, I think you don't what I am talked about, aren't you. You were always slacking off... When there's no danger of course."
"Actually... I had visited Ponyville and saw that phoenix being reborn from the ashes." I informed her.
Lilly froze with disbelieve. "You did?"
"Oh boy... I think I would have a very long chronicle to tell," I said with very unenthusiastic anticipation.
Just when I thought I wouldn't had explained anything to her today. Well, at least I could pass the time before the dinner... And maybe some dose of Halo. Or maybe I would read a book.
And speaking of phoenix, I wonder if their rebirths can be considered a middle finger for Death herself.
Chapters before Level Up: -1
Next Level Up:
1)Giga Drill: The main weapon of the so called Gurren Laggan, almost reduced to the size of portable weapon while retaining its power, but was made almost impossible for others to wield it due to its tremendous weight.
2)Item Animator: A mysterious quartz who gives the own the ability to turn inanimate objects into living things with the condition that they weren't bio organic to begin with.
3)Face Palmer: A dark-azure gauntlet which functions consist into shooting face palms like wave of energy, striking its target with unexpected power, great impact in the most undignified way possible.
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3
Seems like not too late yet. So I vote for a Face Palmer. It's simply the best.
More please
9420866
Sorry for the late answer, but I had noticed that gravity part was something that I had forgot to edit. I didn't had noticed that until you said that. I published the chapter without checking that.
However, there's one one thing that was intentional.
You are right to say that the corrupter was out of the rotation but you see, if you think about the chapter in which Allen was showing Yomi his past as him being Iron Ghost, he already had that as part of his own powers except it wasn't working like it was in Equestria. In that case, I had incorporated the corrupter of this main adventure as part of his powers that he had regained back, meaning that it's also out of the rotation main rule. He can keep it. The same thing goes for the corpse remodeling wretched skill, if you recall.
Due to some problems, I can't no longer write my stories with my same rhythm. Well, it was a hell of a ride.
face palmer I want to see him forget that he has it on at some point and face palm himself to the next town over
9431857
Well, gravity is still in there. So, it still have to go... unless you hinting that he can use all his powers all the time if he use them on auto without thinking about it due to slowly assimilating them as his own through experience of using them, like with ninja moves.