• Member Since 27th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen January 13th

Jay David

Just a guy who loves MLP.


The Storm King is defeated, Canterlot is restored, and life has returned to normal for the citizens of the city. And yet, Twilight, despite her victory, does not feel as happy as some might think she should. For there is one who has not ended up with an ending as pleasant as the one the Princess of Friendship would have wanted for her.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 75 )

Interesting. 🙂

That was Effing Brilliant! The feels man, oh the feels:fluttercry::fluttershysad::raritycry::raritydespair:

I, can't say I'm that surprised. Her crimes were big and public, this is the price. I don't think it'll be lifetime, but she's gonna be in there for a while until she's allowed to be free. Though provided she doesn't do anything to make her situation worse, perhaps Celestia or Luna will be lenient or Twilight can pull a few strings to shorten the sentence.

I have to say I really liked this as THIS is the most logical way things should have played out. Discord got away with what he done because he was purified and once that happen they couldn't seal him. He really is just so strong what could any of them do to stop him. Tempest isn't so lucky. And honestly if they let her go after what happen people would be pissed, so much damage and who knows what those apes did while they had control for those days. It is only fair she serve some kind of punishment for her actions.

BenRG #5 · Mar 3rd, 2018 · · 2 ·

Discord was a monster because being a monster was his nature and no-one had ever shown him a different way until he came upon Fluttershy. Tempest chose to be a monster for entirely selfish reasons. Like Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer, despite Twilight's easily-given forgiveness, she is going to have to earn her redemption in her own mind before she can pretend to be free of her past.

Yes, although Twilight's near-saintly forgiveness is a wonderful attribute for her to have, it is also unrealistic and naive. It doesn't even really help the person she's trying to help to confront their own pasts.

This was great. I really loved it. It was so sad, but sweet at the same time. Bittersweet you could say.

This was good. This was really good. I can actually picture this exact scene playing out as written. Ponies may be a forgiving species, but they're not that forgiving. It is sad, but it's also kind of nice to see Tempest owning up to her mistakes like this. I'm glad Twilight was able to accept and respect Tempest's decision. I just hope her sentence isn't too long.

Good story. Better opening. (Hint Hint Wink Wink Nudge Nudge )

Comment posted by Grey Bard deleted Mar 3rd, 2018

I fell this is a good example of forgive, but don’t forget.

I also feel that if Starlight or Sunset had been there, they could’ve given a speech like this.

Teal'c: Nothing I have done since turning against the Goa'uld will make up for the atrocities I once committed in their name. Somewhere deep inside you, you knew it was wrong. A voice you did not recognise screamed for you to stop. You saw no way out. It was the way things were; they could not be changed. You tried to convince yourself the people you were hurting deserved it. You became numb to their pain and suffering. You learned to shut out the voice speaking against it.
Tomin: There's always a choice.
Teal'c: Indeed there is.
Tomin: I chose to ignore it.
Teal'c: Yet you sit here now.
Tomin: I sit here... and I cannot imagine the day when I will forgive myself.
Teal'c: Because it will never come. One day others may try to convince you they have forgiven you. That is more about them than you. For them, imparting forgiveness is a blessing.
Tomin: How do you go on?
Teal'c: It is simple. You will never forgive yourself. Accept it. You hurt others, many others. That cannot be undone. You will never find personal retribution. But your life does not have to end; that which is right, just, and true can still prevail. If you do not fight for what you believe in, all may be lost for everyone else. But do not fight for yourself. Fight for others, others that may be saved through your effort. That is the least you can do.

Fizzlepop. And they're not apes.

Under the Storm King or otherwise evil-aligned, she is Commander Tempest Shadow.
At the end of the film when she casts off that life and attempts to regain her equinity and make up for her deeds, she returns to her birth name of Fizzlepop Berrytwist.

Forgiveness is a GIFT, not earned.

That's why it's called forGIVEness.

Shrugging off past crimes is not as easy as shrugging off an alias. She'll be Tempest Shadow to everypony she meets for a very long time, no matter what she chooses to call herself.

Literally the first thing Twilight had Starlight do as her student was confront her past. Took a bit longer for Sunset, but the logistical obstacles were greater.

Comment posted by Xzrea deleted Mar 3rd, 2018

"That may be...but one good deed does not wipe away a lifetime of bitterness and mistakes."

This was very well done. I can totally picture something like this happening. And, to be honest, I kind of feel that something like this needed to happen. Fizzlepop/Tempest did work with an invading warlord, and put her own people in chains - that's a certain kind of evil you don't just get a slap on the wrist for. I'm glad to see she's accepting, and even willing to face her sentence.

And Twilight's own reaction is fitting, too. As unhappy as she is with how things have turned out, she is able to choose to respect it. And promise to visit her too. I can see that :twilightsmile:

A neat take on an ending! Nobody ever does it this way.

Comment posted by Vigriff deleted Mar 3rd, 2018

Pretty good read!

One of those one-shots that I wouldn't mind seeing continued.

Considering what she did could be considered high treason, Tempest is lucky to even have her head still atached at the moment.

She told Twilight that, at least for now, she chooses to go by Tempest. I, like Twilight, am respecting her decision.

Comment posted by Dreadknight garen deleted Mar 3rd, 2018


Forgiveness is earned because forgiveness given without earned trust is hollow.

Couldn't they give her a second chance?

If trust is already earned, why should forgiveness be earned separately? That's just prolonging suffering and delaying what's REALLY important: healing. Trust implies that forgiveness can and SHOULD already be given.

If someone is willing to forgive you, insisting you should "earn it" is nothing more than punishing yourself.

It was never implied as to how long Temepst/Fizzlepop is gonna be in prison, so does anyone have a ballpark figure? The way she was talking and reacting to this, it's like she's resigning to the fact that she may be imprisoned for the rest of her life (and probably because Equestria probably does not use the death penalty). And that would be justified, given the crimes that Tempest did. She is right--one good deed, even one like saving Twilight from the Storm King, does not negate a lifetime of bad choices and outright treachery...More power to her that she's willing to make up for it.

Ugh, my comments on this would come across as political. I really enjoyed it though.

It's only high treason if she was a citizen of Equestria at the time. Otherwise, it's just an Act of War...and since the Storm King had just declared war on Equestria, then her acting to help take down the Storm King and protecting the forces that could restore Equestria - in a manner where she had no reason to expect to survive it, mind - would definitely mitigate things in her favor.

So the question is...was she a citizen of Equestria when she did all this (and thus a traitor guilty of High Treason), or a citizen of the Storm King's Empire?

Gifts are usually given to people who demonstrate a deservedness of it. We give our children gifts for good behavior or good grades as a reward. We give gifts of food, money, clothing, or homes to the poor and homeless because their condition in life is deserving of improving. We gift a free cancer removal surgery to a poor boy from a poor family because, as a young child, he has an entire life ahead of him, and the potential benefits of having him live, to possibly become a great scientists, architect, or politician, will bring society more benefit than the cost of the surgery. Any gift given is done with reason.

If Twilight Sparkle chooses to forgive Tempest, a terrorist, for her crimes. That's her right. She's fully entitled to do so. But to feel as if everyone else should think like her and forgive her as well, regardless of Tempests remorse and regret, is asinine. Tempest knows this, she knows she needs to earn Equestrias' trust again, and she needs to redeem herself.

Personally. We need more fics like this. Its something few authors on this site tackle. Discord should have some fics where he has to work his way into anyone liking him for his shit. Same with Starlight Glimmer. The only ones I ever see on fimfiction having to earn their redemption are canon wise unreformed characters (nightmare moon, chrysalis, sombra) or OCs. But as soon as its an actual ''''reformed'''' villain from the show, nobody writes a realistic portrayal.

Probably for life.

When the comment section turns into a philosophical debate on trust and forgiveness. :rainbowderp:

I've had to roll my eyes at too many stories where some random pony complained about Tempest getting a free pass only for them to instantly be hounded on by every other character and told they were a monster for not instantly forgiving her >.>
Nice to see something more realistic :)

J-90 #33 · Mar 4th, 2018 · · 2 ·

I agree to that. Forgiveness is usually earned, trough something.


Like this?

Jondor #35 · Mar 4th, 2018 · · 35 ·

Oh goody. Another edgy retard writing a fixfic about things he doesn't understand.

Indeed I have. I employ it only when necessary.

In the case of Mr. Smash Hands on Keyboard here, tact would fly straight over his head.

So you don't have any tact whatsoever, and excuse that by claiming people wouldn't get it because their writing doesn't meet your precious little standards; got it.

Sorry. I couldn't hear you through the pair of ass cheeks you have your face shoved between.

Good man, Jay.

Interesting one-off, but it feels more like it should be a set up for something.

If you're mad at something, this isn't the place to vent your frustration. Just express your opinion in a polite, orderly and if possible concise manner. You look like an angry 12 year old with that attitude.

I felt this was well written overall, and I like this concept; she could be forgiven, but means nothing to her if she doesn't feel that forgiveness is earned; that's a firm step into true redemption. Nice short story.

Jondor #43 · Mar 4th, 2018 · · 21 ·

I'm not angry, I'm pointing out that the concept is shit because that's not how Equestria works. All the edgy mcfuckface and white knighting in the world doesn't change that basic fact.

"Gifts must be earned" - That essentially contradicts the Generosity element: Giving gifts gratifies giver just as much as receiving side. An ancient wisdom: "A bit of fragrance always clings to the hand that gives roses". Vengeance (and isolating someone from normal life just for them to pay for their past IS vengeance) does nothing but sours the soul of one who exacts vengeance. While sometimes that required to remove dangerous elements from society.
Also I think this short could be a seed for larger story but as a standalone is not much other than attempt at writing. Equestria doesn't work like Earth and social vengeance is not their modus vivendi. Ponies from Our Town forgave Starlight after all. And Discord is free.Precedent is given.

Tempest's imprisonment might be just a temporal stage before something else... just to let the most offended individuals to relax.

At least he's getting some ass.

That's good quote. One who less likely should forgive is is one who made mistake. Granted they regret that mistake. but in long run one who keeps tab with universe burns out. Either one ends up dead, or kills those who cared about - who followed them, because their mistaken their bitterness for heroics. Example would be Blackjack from Somber's book and where she had ended. The key to being kind is being kind to yourself too.

I can understand both sides:

Yes, maybe Equestria’s system works different when it comes to villains. Discord was forgiven after he was “reformed” (we all know how that worked out), Starlight was forgiven without any punishment and Chrysalis got her flank kicked twice so far.

However, Equestria does have a prison and they do send very bad villains there. Remember Tirek? I’m sure King Sombra and the Storm King would have also been imprisoned into Tartarus, if they wouldn’t have been killed.

Tempest did a lot bad things and maybe she could have been sent into Tartarus or a different prison. If the Storm King would have restored her horn, then she would have followed him until the end. She only changed her mind because he betrayed her.

Since mlp is child friendly, it’s most likely that Tempest won’t get a punishment (like Starlight). However, that’s why we have authors who write different ways how things might go. I read many “Tempest becomes Twilight own guard” stories and some where the princesses try to figure out what kind of punishment she deserves. In one fanfic Shining Armor and Luna want to execute her (Shining because of almost losing his wife and Luna because of everything else) but in the end it’s still the happy “Twilight will reform Tempest” plot.

This one is a new one. Although I also prefer the happy ending stories, this one also is good.

Well i am not a big fan of the whole "punishment" thing for tempest.
She may helped to invade equestria but at that point she was enlisted with the Storm King (so treason or any of that bs is out of the game) if she wouldn't have helped to defeat him, equestria would not have fought back the invaders, so punishing her sends a completely inverted message.
I mean it is not likely that things will repeat like that but if they would, the person who would represent tempest would have the choice to do the right thing and get punished or do the bad thing and walk away, if that is what they would call justice then they send the message that once you are on the wrong path you can only follow it, because if you try to turn around, society will not welcome you again.

Agree, and about that story you mentioned, the one of Shining and Luna wanting to execute Tempest, what is its name? Sound interesting.


stories like this, where the message of the show is undermined in the name of some version of realism always leave me wondering, how long can a hero or heroine, who you rely on so much, go on being told their morals aren't good enough, aren't realistic, aren't right. It feels like you're creating a revolutionary to me

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!