- Member Since 23rd May, 2013
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Holocron
Gaze within the Holocron and see what stories it has to tell.
Holocron
Joined 23rd May, 2013 ·
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Interesting
Ooh, an interesting premise; Is it going to stay a one-shot, or do you think you're going to continue this story?
To be honest, I want to see Shining and Cup Cake get their just deserts.
Problem is with Magic everything is easily faked in the photos and is the letter really from Carrot.
Chrysalis is vindictive enough to do something like this.
So as enraged as she is Evidence must be gathered for one conclusion or another.
First step, befriend the local idiot...
Stories like this break my heart. You broke it good
Honestly I think Cadance is overeacting to what Celestia and Luna might do. Would they really be that cruel? No. Luna might not really get it, but I don't think they would be like that.
Twilight on the other hoof... Well she probably would be that stupid. Or at least the fanddm would write her like that.
Well done story, just a shame you get all the snowflakes here that downthub because "omg it hurt my feelings" rather than judging the story on composition, plot, and overall affect.
Love the idea. I'm surprised this idea hasn't been done much before since the majority (if not the vast majority) of relationships have at least one instance of cheating in them IMO. Good job!
I'd love a fic from Shining and Cup Cake"s perspective, at least how they get together
Poor Cadence...
.
8752262
If I do good in the writing contest it's for, I'll make a very fun sequel in which Cadance and Carrot get their Revenge.
8752267
That was a concept I wanted to experiment on in the story and I was more than considering having her be the reason behind all this. All it takes is two changelings and a camera. But I can assure you that is not what it is because I wanted to approach and more sad and tragedy approach.
8752456
I don't think Cup Cake was Mrs. Cake's name, though. I think her name was Chiffon Swirl. At least according to The Perfect Pear.
8752312
Realistically speaking, I would agree with you completely. But from the psychological approach I am giving Cadance, in this situation she is not thinking clearly. So the exaggerations are necessary because even though we as the readers know the truth, she as the character does not because she is panicking and emotional.
8752323
No, no, no. I would not call them snowflakes. This story's purpose was to make people sad and tug on their Heartstrings. I am in fact honored that the story impacted them in such a way as was properly intended.
8752461
Yes, I know that but I wasn't sure if I should have applied in this situation.
8752462
Good point. For 2 out of 3. Twilight I feel, might go this route. Maybe at first anyway. Given full proof that it did... Well she might just vaporise Shining herself.
8752486
This is true. Given the facts, she would.
8752465
What I was saying is, I am willing to bet 3/4 of the downthumbs on the story so far, are from people who didn't even READ it. That seems to be the norm around here. You have 3 kinds of downthumbers.
1)People who get "triggered" by the concept, character in it, or their "waifu" with someone else so they downthumb
2)People who just downthumb because it gives them a thrill.
3)People who read it, then downthumb because they now fit into the group in #1
Very very few downthubs are genuine and real.
8752569
I agree with this entirely, but you are missing the fourth:
*Ahem.* The fourth type of downvoter is the kind of person who downvotes a story that was purposefully created to be downvoted.
You're welcome.
8752630
8752569
It is funny because every time I've ever tried to make a story whose sole purpose is to be hated and offensive, people love it.
8752729
Thank you, really do I get someone who actually gives constructive criticism on my stories. Most simply say it's bad and that's it.
Seems kind of silly to me that Celestia had never taken a lover before. I mean, a thousand years alone? A lady has needs after all. She could just hire male whores or just traditional whores. Luna had been away for a long time, she has an excuse, and in reality simply isn't confident that she can take that sort of relationship at the moment.
But ignoring that.
I actually think that Celestia and Luna would understand. And screw peaceful options!
The way I see it Cadance would eventually breakdown to either Luna or Celestia during a drinking binge. More likely Luna because she is the aunt that she never knew, so she has less of a stake in this.
Luna being old fashioned and kill happy, gets an assassin or a warlock to kill Shinning Armor instead of doing it herself, because she considers that Armor is not even worth the sting of her blade, not worthy of facing her and all that.
So this Warlock is paired with Shinning and a battalion of Royal guards in a fake mission in another country or just north of the empire. Let's say the Russ Griffon Empire, or beyond the mountains north of The Crystal Empire.
Then this Warlock lures Shinning Armor to a deep frozen forest in the pretense of completing their mission. He stabs Shining Armor in the left lung and breaks-off his horn before he has a chance to use it. As Shinning Armor bleeds, he then breaks his legs with telekinesis. In this Shining is just slowly bleeding to death with little breath and with no way to move or defend himself, alone.
This Warlock proceeds to tell Shinning how he deserves this, and how he had everything, and blew it because he didn't get just how well-off he was. That he was married to one of the most beautiful mares in the world, and he blew it because he couldn't keep his cock in line. With that the Warlock draws a circle out of Shinning Armor's own blood and then he sits there waiting, and smoking a cigarette.
Eventually it is revealed that this Warlock had long since before the mission began sold Shinning Armor's body and soul to cannibalistic Fay's (Fairies.) All five come to the area as large back wolves with red eyes.
One of them asks, if he really cheated on his Alicorn of a wife. The Warlock says yes. The fairies all laugh, and then begin to savor their meal. Shinning is screaming, begging for his life to be spared that he regrets what he did.
But it is to late, and so he is eaten alive by these Wolf Fairies, his flesh being ripped as he continues to scream in agony, pride and honor long ago leaving his mind as he begged to be spared.
Eventually nothing but bloodied and broken bones are left, the Warlock haven seen it all while smoking, and even taking a few pictures a evidence o his dark deed to his royal employer. He takes Shining Armors partially broken skull and promptly pisses on it. The Warlock then opens a bottle of whiskey and he walks away drinking all the way home.
The end.
8753022
I give you full permission to use my story as a reference to write that for yourself. That does sound interesting just not my style.
8752729
Well written poly is anything but easy, and hardly precludes infidelity.
Just saying.
I do wonder one thing though, with the contest.
What's Shining's reason?
8813652
First and foremost, I thank you for your honest review. I understand that there were many aspects of this piece that held potential but ended up giving nothing for it. I am thankful that you noticed the Reactions of the characters. I wanted to experiment and try a story that was mostly reactions and little else.
And after this contest and numerous reviews from various people, I can see what I lacked and what I can do to make a better story. I by no means feel anything but pride and joy over what people thought about this story. So, once again, I thank you for your honesty and will use this to help make any future stories of similar concepts even better.
8813865
I've been doing this for a long time my friend. And I have learned that the worst thing anyone can say is that they didn't like the story. Giving unbiased criticism only helps improve the writer.
This story seems a little one note in my opinion. Like you had the very start of a good idea but never expanded it to the point that it was anything but the start of something. Its the opening paragraph of something interesting, but isnt in itself interesting. This woulda really benifited from a short arc, or at least a part two.
10029278
Thank you. My 1K Stories are typically either a hit or miss. But if you are interested, another writer has written a sequel. I believe you will greatly enjoy the resolution and it should answer your questions and peek your interest.
10029329
Yeah that's what I find as well. It's hard to truly do much of anything in such a short amount of time and there are only a select few genres that such short fiction can even function well in. Drama I feel is just one of those things that need more space to grow in, unless it's based around a short plot twist or subversion of expectations.
10029384
This is true, and I do hope you give that sequel a read, the writer has been doing an amazing job on it. And yes, more often than not, my 1Ks don't do too well. But a number of them have been Featured. So they are a decent hit or miss. They either do super amazing, or really stale.
Does there really need to be a sex tag if there's only going to be a short discussion of it?
10034603
Holocron this story was amazing and you earned a follow and this story will go into my favorites
10661479
If you liked it, you may also enjoy the spiritual sequel another writer wrote with my permission.
10661925
I've already read it after yours and I've already added chat to my favorites and followed them do you to there will be a sequel to it
10662272
I am not sure if there will be any other sequel going forward. But anyone who wants to try is free to so long as I am linked as the original creator.