• Member Since 26th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Corejo


A good story isn't measured by how long it is, but by how long it stays with you.

T

Sunset Shimmer lived a perfect life. Nightmare Moon destroyed it.

When Luna seeks reconciliation years later, past demons resurface to threaten all that Sunset holds dear.

Though she is willing, the question remains: is there a limit to forgiveness?


[Non-con] tag for story elements, not on-page events.
Cover art by scisetdiary

June 25th, 2021 update: this story isn't dead! I'm just working ahead so I don't paint myself into a corner! Currently working on the final chapters!

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 63 )

This has a very different feel from the original, but I still like it and want to see where it goes. Also, putting 'Abridged' in the old version is a little tacky - maybe put a link to this and a note in the story's description instead, to keep things neater?

I like the natural-feeling OCs and the depiction of Sunset thus far.

One of the best realizations of pre-exile Sunset Shimmer I've ever read. Can't wait to see where this goes.

I remeber it now! Hmmm i think this one could be better, shows more tragedy and pain, suprised Celestia forgave Luna for what she did.
Personally with all the extra details being revealed...i rather Susnet reject Luna for good, there only so much one can forgive.

Maybe things turned out well in the end, but doesn;t change thanks to Luna so much Damage was caused.

The lecture at the beginning was awesome, felt like one of my classes. Anyways, the chapter was really cool and Nightmare's soliloquy at the end killed it.

I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. I'm wondering if Twilight is going to show up at some point :rainbowderp:

8741651
So much I wanna say. So many chapters I wanna post right now. But we're all just gonna have to wait. I have about 10 chapters ready to go at the drop of a hat, and I plan on weekly updates.

Sit tight!

Read through the whole chapter trying to remember why the name and concept sounded so familiar before it hit me. I have the best memory.

Looks like this is going to be much more heavily expanded than I'd previously expected, and already off to a good start with such a lively CSGU.

Sunset resisted the urge to gag. “Oh, you know how much I love measuring and math and stuff.”

I hate to say it, but I think I relate to this version of Sunset.

8742234
I just appreciate so much that your profile pic is Segata Sanshiro. Was about to read, then saw the comment at the top of the list and I just about started to cry.

Eeeeeenteresting. I have nothing more to say right now, but I will be watching and enjoying this.

With only one chapter, I can't form a solid opinion... but the one thing I do notice is that it feels as if, except for the last scene, the first chapter has next to nothing to do with the summary.

That's generally not a good thing. Any professional editor will tell you is that the first chapter should do two things:

  1. Hook the reader's interest.
  2. Feel like the rest of the story, so that the people who are hooked are the people who will like what follows. (This is what some "how to write" books oversimplify into "start right into the action".)

By about half-way through the first chapter, my impression was "I signed up for the story that was summarized. What does any of this boring high school drama have to do with that?" and I couldn't help but start to skim over it to see if it would get interesting before I ran out of chapter. (ie. You don't need over 5,000 words to introduce your characters and establish the comfort zone that's going to be disrupted to touch off the story.)

I found Sunset Reset more engaging than this... and not only is that actually high school drama, it draws out its story arc to a frustrating degree by passing around the classic "this could have been over with ages ago if even one person talked to someone else" contrived teen drama idiot ball.

8745004
A fair assessment, but there are a few different perspectives that must be introduced, and I decided this would be the best to lead with, despite its initial lack of connection to the synopsis. Whether that decision is objectively wrong or not, it's the one I chose, so that's ultimately what it comes down to.

At the very least, I hope you give it until the next chapter to fully solidify your opinion, since I know very well that it will touch on your concerns.

8745227

I will, but a lot of potential readers probably won't. There's a reason professional editors have that rule.

(Sorry for taking so long to respond. Very busy few days.)

Very lovely prose here. I await more!

I love this story and hope this one far longer then the orginal. I' hoping for a bitter sweet ending , but let's see what happens.

OK, this feels more relevant to the synopsis, but, if anything, the time-skip between chapters 1 and 2 steals away the sense of "This must be relevant, because we're starting on it" that chapter 1 got as a freebie.

Also, the way it's composed makes this feel more like a prologue than a numbered chapter. (Primarily the combination of it being a single scene, seeming to go by more quickly than its word count would indicate, and the note you end it on, which occupies that "relevant, yet distanced from the driving conflict" balance point that prologues tend to end on.)

Yep, those are teenagers.

A little hard to get invested in the relationship when it's inevitably going to get completely wrecked as per the central conceit of the story, but a happy little trainwreck is a good time too.

This feels like it could end poorly.

Chapter 3 would have driven me away if I didn't switch to skim-reading, simply because of how much text it was expecting me to read before relevance to the synopsis was established.

Chapter 4 finally made me care. (Thank God!)

That said, there's no way I can recommend a story which spends just shy of a typical first act (~20,000 words for the editor-recommended 80,000-word minimum length for a novel) before introducing the first sign of the events described in its synopsis.

(While I'll need to see more of it, before I can be sure, my current impression is that a professional editor might suggest letting chapter 4 be the first chapter, and then flashing back to bits of the removed material once relevance has been established as a way to "show, don't tell" what the readers have been primed to desire.)

Will we see more of what Luna did to her?

I'm sure Sunset has some words for Twilight and what Princess Luna did to her, destroyed her life and ruined maybe several other lives.

Oh boy! I can't wait to see how they diverge!

I know you are following Luna's POV on this, but I would love to read Principal Celestia and Sunsets conversation after Luna left... I mean, She probably understands the whole parallel reality, but viscerally, she just saw her parallel sister allude to having had a relationship with an underaged student!

“Hello, Sunset Shimmer. It is wonderful to finally meet you.”

Don't accept candy from strangers.

I'll say it. Twilight thinks things can be forgiven so easily, but she doesn't know the whole story of what Luna has done to Sunset.
I really hope you have Sunset give Twilight every detail of the damage and misery she caused her and others as well!

A very spooky chapter. The appearance of Nightmare Moon was very creepy in the best way possible!

Though, is the information about Starswirl in here something about the season seven ending (which I have not seen)? Or will this story be using another version of him? That part was really confusing.

8784426
Wish it could get wrecked faster. I was not interested in anybody but Luna and Sunset and except for maybe Copper that hasn't changed.

I think that Nightmare's plan, whatever it is here, is really a strange one. Why would Sunset not ask Celestia about that pony? As she does not knows her past name, and there is a big chance Celestia knows her given her friendship with Starswirl. Friends try to help each other after all, right?

Wasnt really hooked until this chapter, but here we are

Simple or not, this was a nice chapter.

Really wish Sunset explained how Luna ruined her life.

8881531
We're getting there, man. Need that climactic build up!

8881674
I confess kinda scared to find out what happened, and how much of Sunset lost, she had connections a coltfriend and was a big sister to his sister.
Was loved by the family had a best friend, and Celestia as a mother figure.

Oh man... I'm really liking this.

I'm really not looking forward to whatever happens with Copper though...

Also Lily is adorable and must be protected.

So, Sunset appears to be (at least so far) a closeted lesbian who has yet to go on that road of discovery, or perhaps asexual?

Well. Um.

There's always the elements?

Oh I just realized where I think your going with this!!

While Sunset sleeps that night the Tantabus is gonna do the job is was originally given to Torment luna's dreams. But Since the Tantabus in now in Sunset She's gonna be the victim of the tantabus and see whatever it is that Luna tortured herself with.

I still want to know what happened after NightMare came into sunset's life and ruined it?

8918171
We're getting there, man. Patience.

8918201
But must have the Precious backstory The Precious the precious..PRECIOUSSSSSSSS flash back.:pinkiecrazy:

I have to ask, but that's the second cutie mark in this chapter supposed to mean? It's Sunset's, but it's also not hers because there's visible alterations to it.

8919242
i.gyazo.com/4bbbbbadc34823b93aa298ecd49cd645.png
It's from the 3-part special that aired awhile ago, where Sunset got a new book to replace the one she used to communicate with Twilight, and that's the insignia you can see there compared to the old one. I'm using it to distinguish between past Sunset and present Sunset perspectives in the scene headers.

8920469

Aah, I haven’t seen it so it was a bit confusing.

Holy crap this story is excellent! I’ve never seen something like this on the site. I love your characterer development, pacing, and just the whole damn premise!

Seriously what a cool idea! Take your time but please give me more!

Aaa delicious short chapter

Love Luna is suffering for what she's done. Before in the original version was good, but the extra details on how she screwed Sunset over, and add others suffered as a consequence as well.
Make it more justified, she suffers.

i actually Hope seeks those ex friends and stallion mate Sunset had before she was turned cruel and evil by her. See the full extent of the damage she caused.
Surprised Celestia forgave her sister for making her lose her student/daughter figure.

Revenge is no Justice Sunset and finding enjoyment in hurting others leads down a path you don't want to walk again.

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