Daring Do's Adventures in Whackademia

by Posh

The Egghead Gala

Rainbow Dash hadn't worn this gown since her first Grand Galloping Gala. Wearing it now, it felt surprisingly loose. She knew she'd lost weight since joining the Wonderbolts, but she didn't realize how much.

Her date for the night cut a different figure in her own formalwear, if only in part because Rainbow was struck by how different she looked. She'd seen Daring Do incognito before, so the glasses and the prim, proper bun didn't take her by surprise. But the dress – a simple, yet elegant, black dress, purchased off the rack from Carousel Boutique – took some getting used to. Rarity had despaired at the late notice with which Daring Do visited her, moreso at having to cut holes in the sides to fit a pair of wings, but acquiesced to the customer's wishes. Nevertheless, she swore to prepare something unique and bold – "daring," she'd tittered – for Daring Do's next social engagement.

Whenever that would be.

They made quite a pair as they toured the University of Fillydelphia's campus, following the narrow, winding path to the reception hall. Fillydelphia proper didn't sprawl quite as far as Manehattan, but it was still a jungle of glass and steel and concrete, an environment where Rainbow Dash didn't quite feel at home. But the university, with its brick buildings and ivy-covered facades, its fountains and its well-manicured lawns, had an almost Ponyville-esque atmosphere, in which she felt far more at home, and at ease.

Wish we could do something about the stars, though, Dash thought, with a skyward glance. Which is to say, the fact that there were none.

"Can't ever get used to that," she muttered.

"Get used to what?" Daring Do said.

"The sky. The night sky. There's, like, no stars." Rainbow gave said sky another wary look. "It's not as bad over here as it is out in the city, but still. I'm used to seeing stars at night, and there's only one or two up there."

Daring Do nodded. "It's the light pollution."

"Well, I know that. Twilight explained it to me in Manehattan once. It's the same deal over there. Can't ever get used to it."

"Hmm." There was a wistful smile on Daring Do's face as she gazed around the campus. "Hold that thought for a while, would you?"

Rainbow looked quizzically at Daring Do. "You okay? I've never seen that look on your face. Kinda hard to tell what you're feelin'."

"Sorry. Old memories, I guess." She took a deep breath. "It's been years since I've been back – the place hasn't changed one bit."

"You went to college here?" Rainbow Dash shook her head disbelievingly. "No, scratch that – you went to college?"

"It's in every single one of my About the Author blurbs, Rainbow," Daring Do said chidingly. "Ugh, but nopony else ever reads those, so I guess I shouldn't be upset that you don't either."

Rainbow cringed. "I mean... I can start, if it really bugs you that much."

"You say that, but we both know you won't." Daring Do sighed. "U of F's my alma mater. I got my BA here. Almost got my MA, too, but uh..."

She coughed, and looked away awkwardly.

"That didn't quite pan out."

Rainbow Dash's lips twisted in confusion. "I don't suppose there's a class here that'd help me understand, like, any of what you just said. "

"For crying out loud, Dash. Not getting the language, I can forgive, but the acronyms – were you raised in a barn?" Daring Do rolled her eyes, but Rainbow caught a glimpse of a smile. "Yes, I went to college here. Spent five and a half years studying archaeology. A lot of my old advisors still work here, too; we'll probably bump into a couple of them tonight. You don't have to say anything to them, but be prepared to smile and nod a lot."

The path opened up to a well-kept courtyard, dotted by trees with strings of lights wound around their boughs and branches. A wooden bridge arched over a stream, and across that bridge was a vast hall with a glass rotunda. A few ponies in formalwear milled about outside the building – Rainbow guessed that was where the reception was being held.

Daring Do led her across the bridge, toward the rotunda, exchanging muttered pleasantries, smiles, and nods with some of the attendees outside. Rainbow mirrored her, and watched their faces for some flicker of recognition, of excitement – for "A.K. Yearling," but primarily for herself. Such things were wont to happen when a Wonderbolt went to social events.

But while the ponies were perfectly polite enough to smile and nod at her, not a one seemed to recognize her.

She was almost offended by that.

The pair came to a stop at the rotunda entrance. Daring Do examined a bronze plaque, green from years of exposure to the elements, attached to the reception hall's wall.

"'Come Loudey Memorial Rotunda,'" she read. There was something else, too, in smaller script, at the bottom of the plaque. She squinted to read it. "Bonna... bannata—"

"Bonitatem et Disciplinam et Scientiam Doce me." Daring Do's tongue rolled effortlessly over the unfamiliar syllables. "'Teach me goodness and discipline and knowledge.' It's the school's motto. Cum Laude was the school president, way back in the day – this place was built just before I started classes here."

There was a slight, almost imperceptible, tremble in Daring Do's voice. It was so unlike her to be nervous. Rainbow Dash leaned close to her ear.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, just – like I said, it's been a while since I've been back. Nerves, that's all." Daring Do smiled disarmingly at Rainbow, then glanced at the front of her gown. "Apropos of nothing, but how much room do you have up front? In your dress, I mean."

"Uh..." Rainbow glanced down, frowning, and tugged at her bust line. "Enough to spare. Pretty sure I've lost weight. Why? I don't look like a tank, do I?"

"I'll let you know if it comes up." Daring Do straightened, and plastered on a smile. "Let's mingle."

The rotunda was larger inside than it looked from without, and a smidge more exciting, too. Wooden railings ringed the perimeter, carved intricately and polished to a sheen, and wrought-iron sconces fitted with gaslamps – or electric lamps made to look like gaslamps – lit the chamber in a vivid yellow glow. A stage was raised at the far end of the hall, with a podium and microphone, and rows of cushions were laid out in front of it – dozens of cushions, in total, enough to accommodate the bottoms of every one of the ponies conversing throughout the interior. The number of ponies, and the quality of their formalwear, reminded Rainbow of an eggheadier Grand Galloping Gala. Rarity would be happy there. Twilight, moreso.

There was a buffet table, too, boasting platters of fruits and vegetables, bread and hors d'oeuvres. And beside the buffet table was a bar, where a blue unicorn stallion stood in front of a respectable selection of wine and liquor. But the real eyecatcher was the glass ceiling. Rainbow craned her head back to get a glimpse of it – and nearly fell onto her haunches, shocked by what she saw.

The sky outside may have been a blank black canvas, but through the glass, they were all visible. Every star, every constellation, even the rich band of the Milky Way, all the products of Luna's hard work, stretched from one end of the heavens to the other.

That was something she wished she could share with Twilight.

Daring Do noticed her gawking. "The glass has been treated with some kind of magical process that lets it – more or less – completely ignore the physics of light pollution." She chuckled. "Unicorns, am I right?"

"Celestia," Rainbow breathed. "I— I think there's more up there than you'd see in Ponyville!"

"That's possible, actually. Light pollution in Ponyville isn't as bad as it is here, but it's not nonexistent, either. The sky you're looking at right now? That's one hundred percent natural." Daring Do nudged her flank against Rainbow's. "You feel better about the stars now?"

Rainbow thought of Twilight's face lighting up, and felt herself smile.

"...Yeah. I do."

"Thought you might." Daring Do stared at the night sky a moment longer, before pulling Rainbow Dash toward a table set up beside the door, where a curvy black unicorn mare with a mouse-brown mane sat.

"We'd better check in," said Daring Do. "Don't want them to think we're crashing this party, now, do we?"

The mare at the table had a thick sheaf of papers in front of her, and a pen floating beside her head. She looked barely more than a filly, but was bright-eyed and eager, and greeted the pegasi with a smile.

"Your name, please?"

"Check under 'Yearling,'" said Daring Do.

The mare had no reaction to the best-selling author standing in front of her, except to shuffle through her papers. "I have an... Annabelle Yearling. That's you?"

"It is."

"It is?!" Rainbow said, with a shocked look at her date.

Daring Do elbowed her. "Are we all set?" she said to the unicorn.

The unicorn nodded at the two of them, and gestured toward the crowd of eggheads. "Enjoy the evening, Ms. Yearling."

"'Annabelle?'" Rainbow repeated, as they left the table behind. This time, though, she had the presence of mind to speak more softly.

"What did you think 'A.K.' stood for?" Daring Do replied.

"I dunno! I never thought about it – I always assumed that 'Daring Do' was your real name, and 'A.K. Yearling' was, like, your secret identity, or whatever."

"Well, you were wrong, weren't you? So ixnay on the Aring-day-Oo-day," Daring Do hissed through clenched teeth.

Rainbow's ear flicked quizzically. "You gotta stop doing that. If you can't talk regular, then I'm not gonna be able to understand you, and I don't see how we're supposed to hold a conversation if—"

"Look," Daring Do interrupted, pressing her hoof to her forehead. "Outside of this room, if you wanna call me... that other name... then go nuts. In here, for tonight, I'm Annabelle. Or 'A.K.,' if you'd like.

"Alright, alright. Your night, your rules." A thought occurred to Rainbow Dash. "Hey, if the 'A' stands for 'Annabelle,' then what's the 'K' stand for?"

Daring Do didn't answer – she was staring into the crowd. Then, slowly, she waded inside, nudging her way past other attendees and muttering apologies as she went.

"Hell-oooooo?" Rainbow said, her wings keeping her close behind Daring Do. "What does the 'K' stand—"

Daring Do stopped so abruptly that Rainbow Dash collided with her backside. A withering glare forced Rainbow to the ground; she flattened her ears and bowed her head, grinning sheepishly.

Muttering something to herself, Daring Do turned away from Rainbow, and put her gaze squarely on a pair of stallions conversing in front of her. One was an earth pony, and young, at that – of age with the mare who had the guest list, from what Rainbow could tell. He was olive green, with a plain white mane, and the only piece of clothing he wore was a plaid kerchief around his neck, identical to the image stamped on his flank.

Rainbow stifled a chuckle at the congruity.

The other was far older – or so Rainbow assumed; it was hard to tell when he had his back to her. The ringlets of steel-gray mane crowning the top of his head were her only clue, along with the light dusting of dandruff on his tuxedo's shoulders – something Rainbow always associated with the elderly. The tails of his tuxedo obscured his cutie mark partially. but as far as Rainbow could tell, they were two cookies, one pink and the other white, stacked on top of each other.

"Do me a favor," Daring Do said to Rainbow. "Be on your best behavior, just for a minute."

Then she cleared her throat, and took a step closer to the stallions.

"Dr. Pfeffernusse?"

The older stallion's ears flicked, and his body seemed to stiffen, at the sound of Daring Do's voice. Slowly, he turned around, and Rainbow saw that her assumption about his age was dead-on. His face was lined and wrinkled – jowly, that was the word to describe him – and his eyebrows big and bushy, big enough to encroach upon the base of his slender horn. His eyes widened briefly, upon glimpsing Daring Do, before narrowing.

"Ms. Yearling," Dr. Pfeffernusse said softly. "It's been some time. You look well."

"So do you, Doctor." Daring Do smiled.

Pfeffernusse's lips twisted wryly. "I'll thank you not to lie to my face, young filly."

The other stallion, who was craning his neck to see over Pfeffernusse, suddenly broke into a giddy grin. "You're A.K. Yearling? The author, A.K. Yearling?"

"No, the patissier, A.K. Yearling." Daring Do shrugged. "Common mistake. Happens all the time."

"The author of Daring Do is being sarcastic at me!" The stallion made a squealing sound in the back of his throat, and pranced on tiphoof.

Rainbow Dash felt her face heat up, and leaned close to Daring Do. "Is... that how I sound when I do it?"

"No, no." Daring Do patted Rainbow's wing reassuringly. "You're far girlier about it."

Pfeffernusse watched the stallion prance, bemused, before giving his attention back to Daring Do. "You'll have to forgive Ascot here. As a graduate student, he's quite brilliant, but he doesn't always cope well with surprises. Regardless of whether they're positive or negative."

"Unfortunately, not everypony can be as cucumber cool as you, Doctor." Daring Do's smile shrank a bit. "Are you surprised to see me too?"

Pfeffernusse's regarded her silently for a moment. "Should I have expected you?"

"...I guess not." Daring Do cleared her throat, and gestured at Rainbow Dash. "I should probably introduce—"

"Ah, I don't need an introduction," said Rainbow Dash, stepping forward. "I'm sure my reputation proceeds me."

"Precedes," Daring Do muttered.

Rainbow Dash wave a hoof dismissively. "I've heard it both ways."

"No. You haven't." Daring Do's forehead creased. "This isn't what 'best behavior' looks like."

"Aw, c'mon D— Annabelle. Ponies know what to expect when they meet Rainbow Dash for the first time." She flashed a cocky, daredevil grin. "And it isn't 'best behavior.'"

Ascot's prancing slowed to a stop. He exchanged a look of confusion with Pfeffernusse.

"Uh... Rainbow Dash? From the Wonderbolts?" Rainbow's grin waned. "I mean, maybe the old guy hasn't heard of the Wonderbolts, but you have, right kid?"

Ascot shook his head.

What, seriously? Rainbow thought, huffing. "Okay, uh. Best Young Fliers? Sonic Rainboom? That's gotta ring a bell, right?

"Sonic... rainboom." Ascot looked at Pfeffernusse. "Is that a band?"

"Elements of Harmony?" Rainbow Dash's desperation was palpable, and sounded awful to her own ear. She couldn't imagine how bad it sounded to the others. "I helped beat Lord Tirek? King Sombra? Queen Chrysalis, Discord, Nightmare Moon?!"

"I'm told she prefers Princess Luna these days, miss," said Pfeffernusse sternly.

It dawned on Rainbow, then, just how dire her circumstances were. As a Wonderbolt, she'd earned acclaim, but this was an egghead gala. And, to a crowd of eggheads, her athletic achievements meant nothing.

You'd think saving the world five or six times'd get me some notoriety, at least, she silently grumped.

Daring Do patted Rainbow Dash's withers comfortingly, and glanced around the room. "Got a pretty good crowd in here. Dr. Garnish, Dr. Feldspar, Dr. Candelabra – so much distinction, you can practically smell it. Are they all presenting tonight?"

Pfeffernusse nodded. "As is Dr. Bailiwick."

Daring Do shot him an incredulous look. "You can't be serious."

"Did you forget to pick up a program? He's presenting first tonight. I'm supposed to introduce him and his research." He added, pointedly, "It's best if you steer clear of him."

"Thanks for the heads up." Daring Do muttered something under her breath that Rainbow couldn't catch. "What about you? Are you presenting too?"

"To say 'yes' would stretch the definition of 'presenting.' I'm fielding questions on my recent publication in the Journal of Equestrian Antiquity." Pfeffernusse drew himself up. "It's about pre-classical thestral settlements—"

"—In the mountains of Northern Equestria, and their relationship with the Crystal Empire," Daring Do finished for him.

Pfeffernusse, again taken aback, widened his eyes slightly.

"I'm a lifetime subscriber, remember?" Daring Do adjusted her glasses. "Kind of surprising to see your name in there, to be honest – you don't show up in those pages nearly as often as you used to."

"Yes, well." Pfeffernusse cleared his throat. "I've grown to value quality over quantity in my advancing age. Unlike many of my peers."

Daring Do chuckled. "Publish or die. Am I right?

"Mm." Pfeffernusse gave Daring Do a long, evaluatory look. "Publish and die, for some."

His voice was frosty, chilling away Daring Do's jovial attitude. She nodded, and said nothing else.

Some tiny spasm of regret flashed across Pfeffernusse's face for an instant, before he sighed and glanced toward the stage. "Begging your pardon, everypony, but we're a few minutes away from starting, and I really must be going. A pleasure to meet you, Rainbow Dash. Ascot – please refrain from raiding the buffet table during Dr. Garnish's lecture."

He looked for a moment at Daring Do, but appended nothing for her, and headed off toward the stage without another word.

Daring Do had a pensive look as she watched Pfeffernusse retreat. Ascot just looked very confused – about as confused as Rainbow felt in that moment.

"Did I miss something just now?" she asked, looking between Daring Do and Ascot. "I mean, besides the eggheadspeak, which was all over my head."

"Your guess is as good as mine," said Ascot. He bit his lip, and looked at Rainbow Dash. "Dr. Pfeffernusse is usually so... warm. And accommodating. I've never heard him talk like that before."

"Hope you never do again, kid," Daring Do said softly.

The other ponies in the reception hall began filing over to the cushions in front of the stage. Ascot excused himself politely, and went to take a seat beside the mare from the check-in table.

"We'll want to sit in the back row," Daring Do said to Rainbow Dash. "Should probably grab seats quickly; the back fills up the fastest."

"Why?" Rainbow said, as they made a beeline toward a pair of cushions. "Wouldn't most of the ponies here want to sit up front? Y'know, to soak up the eggheadiness better?"

"Sure, but they're far less eager to soak up saliva. And, seeing as Dr. Candelabra is presenting tonight, a water hazard advisory is in effect."

"Gyuh." Rainbow Dash made a face and glanced at the stage, where Pfeffernusse was conversing quietly with an older mare in an evening gown. "Did something happen between you and that old guy?"

"You could say that." Daring Do found a cushion, two seats into the row, and settled down, sighing. "Pfeffernusse was my academic advisor, back when I was a grad student here. My mentor, basically. We, uh... had a falling out over the direction I wanted to take my studies. Haven't even spoken to him in fifteen years. I assumed the invite came from him, but I guess I was wrong about that."

There was an uncertainty, a hesitance, in Daring Do's voice as she spoke of Pfeffernusse. She masked it well – mostly – but it was still plain to Rainbow Dash just how much it bothered her. For her part, Rainbow couldn't immediately relate. She'd never had a pony who she considered a mentor – never had somepony who was, to her, as she was to Scootaloo. The Wonderbolts served as role models and instructors, but none of them ever really troubled to take her under their wing the way she'd expect a mentor to.

Still, she had her idols – one of whom was sitting right beside her. She knew what their approval could mean to somepony. And she could guess how damaging their disapproval could be.

It would suck. It would suck a lot. She gave a lingering look at Pfeffernusse. I'll bet it'd suck to be on the other end of it, too.

Then a thought occurred to her, and she leaned over to Daring Do.

"Fifteen years, you said, right? How old are you again?"

Daring Do responded with a glare.

Comments

[OmniFox]

Technically Spike saved the Crystal Empire.

[Cold Bolt]

I feel like scholars and scientists would be interested in the Rainboom at least though? Given it's a phenomenon of... well, what basically passes for physics in this world, I guess.

[Lasairfion]

"Why? I don't look like a tank, do I?"
Nice 'Art of the Dress' lyrics reference.

[FanOfMostEverything]

8725802
Yeah, but these are archeologists. Their primary interests in physics are soil compaction and using infrared cameras to reveal ruins consumed by jungle, and I doubt that second one's an option with Equestria's current tech level... I think. You can never be sure.

I'm more surprised those big names from Equestria's past aren't raising any interest. The Mane Six have uncovered, fought, or saved quite a bit of Equestria's forgotten history, most notably the entire city-state from a thousand years ago.

[Posh]

8729694 It's a good bet that Ascot's familiar with Sombra, Nightmare Moon, etc., as well as recent events surrounding them, but is completely unaware of Rainbow Dash's role in stopping them. As well as who Rainbow Dash is. Because he's a dork.

Pfeffernuse and the rest are just fucking with her, though.

[Curzonia_Pony]

"Ah, I don't need an introduction," said Rainbow Dash, stepping forward. "I'm sure my reputation proceeds me."

"Precedes," Daring Do muttered.

Rainbow Dash wave a hoof dismissively. "I've heard it both ways."

Is that a Psych reference I see?