- Member Since 30th Jan, 2018
- offline last seen Jun 17th, 2022
Vitobru
I like to write things. What more must I say?
Vitobru
Joined 30th Jan, 2018 ·
Offline
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Hey, congratulations on starting your story and props for clean spelling and grammar! I'll certainly be keeping an eye on this
8721597
Thank you so much. I do truly appreciate it. Also, FYI, I am not British. I am only using the British English grammar and spelling because the character is from Trottingham. Just wanted you to know.
8721829
Gotcha gotcha!
8722158
Hey, if you're available in the future, it would be great to get an outside eye on my work so far! If you're available for proofreading, I would be really appreciative.
I would suggest adding this to more F:OE folders that fit the story theme as to gain more exposure.
8731790
Are you talking about the FoE: World group I submitted it to?
8732877
Ye. There are more applicable folders. Such as 'Ongoing' or whatever.
8733814
Oh. I found out what you're talking about. I wasn't the one who posted the story there, so I didn't even know it was there until today.
It's an interesting start, a bit too fast paced for my liking, but has the making of a fun little story. for someones first jump into FoE writing, I got a feeling that once you get the handle on what your trying to do, your going to have a lot of fun, and get a few fans. If you want any advise from one writer for FoE to another, more you wright, the better you will get at it, so keep it up.
.42 Caliber? Used by a Steel Ranger? .45, sure, it was standard issue at the time, but .42 is a bit odd of a choice, considering that's a way outdated blackpowder round.
Though, 42 is somewhat of a special number for those asking questions, so I'll let it slide. 
Still, all said and done, it's not a bad opener. A bit quick and condensed, but not bad! And while I have yet to read the other chapters out (and I will be reading them shortly) I do have to say that it does feel like you've played this opening a bit safe, and spared a lot of details about the Rae. Again, that's not bad, it's just an observation I had.
I'm going to have to assume there were some bridges there somewhere that weren't described because I find it hard to believe a train could swim off of an island.
Just saying.
Overall, what you've got so far is interesting, and worth keeping an eye on. You've earned yourself a watch!
S. A. T. S. was mentioned and explained in the last chapter. Wasn’t sure if you knew.
Nice job so far. I like where the story is going.
EVERYPONY!
HI! IT'S ME! NOT AUSTIN!!
I believe I have finally finished Chapter One of the story! Please feel free to read and comment!
HI! IT'S ME! NOT AUSTIN!
I finished Chapter II! Woo-hoo!!