What if the what if thing became Twilight's what if moment?

Hmm.... so far this is looking splendid. I will follow this for now, though i must say that the fact this fic has the non-con tag worries me greatly...

Color me interested. First time I think I've read a story with this kind of premise. Just one question at the moment. Will Celestia's previous students make an appearance?

Cause I want to see what's up with them.

I haven't read it, but I already hate it.

I hate it because I already had this idea and you beat me too it! XP So, props for that.

Other than a few errors, (not surprising, since you did mention that English wasn't your first language, which makes me believe you speak another language like Russian, Spanish or Japanese), this looks very well done! I hope to see more of this!

8719432
why not write yours too but read this one a go in different takes than what this one does for instance in this one she was 400 years ago but sunset will be the protagonist in yours you write the same 400 years but she uses a spell to hide her wings until after nightmare moon or some other situation and keep her as the protagonist

8719299
Hi! Thank you so much for following! It won't be as bad as it looks (well, I hope XD), right now I'm just thinking about mentioning that rather than write it in the story :P

8719380
Hi! Of course, they will, though I don't like to write OCs in a fanfic, I suppose it will be inevitable. I hope not to disappoint ^^

8719432
YOU HAD THIS IDEA? WRITE IT, I BEG YOU, I LOVE YOUR WORKS!

8719584
Thank you! I was prepared to have some errors and I'm looking for someone who could help me. My first language is Hungarian by the way :P

8720051
Not sure if I understand it correctly, but I agree

8719271
uuuum, what? XD Sorry, I don't believe I understand XD

8720371

What if Twilight Sparkle was born four hundred years earlier. What if she became an alicorn? The Alicorn of Magic. What if she went on a long travel to study every kind of magic? And what if she was called back home?

Just having some fun with your short description.

8720386
I see! Fair enough, I had a terrible time writing that XD It became a disaster XD

8720396
We all had our moments. You're not the first one.

“surrender yourself in piece, or face me on the battlefield!”

piece should be peace. and

"It’s okey. Go back to the library.”

okey should be Okay or just use Ok

8721454
Done. Thank you for your help ^^

spread her winds

wings

While chatting a little over the pie they ate, Twilight’s heart was filled with a warm feeling. Just like back than, when she was young and the farm was smaller but just as energetic. She told them about the family members she knew back than and they promised to introduce her to everypony, as soon as the celebrations were over.

Both 'than's in this paragraph should be 'then' instead.
Than is for measurement: Greater than, less than, or comparisons such as 'I would rather do this than this.'
Then is for time: Back then, and then this happened. Then he/she said.

8722349
Thank you! I knew this, but somehow I overlooked that when I was correcting the chapter :P

he magic

her magic

Forward charge! <o/

8722669
Yay! Give them Hell! :D

Although it wasn’t as quiet as she remembered. But that may be the fault of the oncoming celebration. Whatever was the case, as soon as she stepped out of the shadows, which covered the road, leading to the farm house, the three ponies turned at her direction. Two mares and a stallion, one of the mares looked really old.

OK there is an ease way to improve this instead of at use in or instead of direction use disturbance or just (to her)

The pony lowered her hood, uncovering a gentle face with intelligent purple eyes. She wore a silver helmet, but her purple mane with the two stripes were clearly visible. Applejack took in her facial features, considering her height also. She could see, that the mare hid a warriors built under that cloak. Her horn was also three times as long as Rarity’s per say.

build #2 I would use for example

“Is that you Princess?” Granny asked at least. Applejack, alarmed by the sudden revelation, took a few steps back.

last

She could tell, that inside the hall two ponies were battling. One was obviously the alicorn. The other was surprisingly strong for a unicorn, maybe at the level of a mediocre Battle Mage, but nowhere near her opponent. She was lucky that she felt the shot incoming at unicorn’s way before it was cast. Bursting in on the window, she landed right in front of the exhausted looking unicorn, spread her wings and created the strongest shield which she could manifest in that short amount of time.

1(incoming shot before it was cast) 2(shot aimed at the unicorn before it was cast) 3(incoming shot aimed at the unicorn)

8722951
You're being a huge help! I corrected them as you suggested ><

The apple orchard, the bar, the house,

Barn?

Interesting so far.

The ark alicorns lips stretched to a smile

dark.
Quite a few typos spread throughout this, but an interesting work nonetheless.

8723081
I'm editing it, thank you! :)

Three paragraphs in and I am already sick of commas. There are just too many commas in use here. Yes they are a good literature tool, but like all tools, if used too much they are worn out and become less effective. I have also noticed the lack of comma usage in dialog but I mentioned that on the last chapter so will ignore it in this one.

where one of her dearest friend, Apple Pie and her husband

"friends"

Her horn was also three times as long as Rarity’s for example.

This "for example" doesn't really make any sense here. Twilight's physical features are being described with nothing being puzzled out. If AJ was trying to put together why Twilight didn't seem like a normal unicorn, then the horn could be used as an example of an oddity.

The mare smile became more gentle

"mare's"

I am a former student of Princess Celestia and one of your family’s old friend.

"friends"

she was sorry for keeping them from their work this close at the celebration.

"to"

she couldn’t help but feel bad at herself for not warning the family about the return of Mare in the Moon.

"mad"

Didn't want to make too long of a comment.

8734216
Sorry for overusing them! >< I'll watch out for them from now on >< And thank you for your hard work with the editing!

This is the kind of villains that make up good stories, they have a motive that they wish to meet you understand some dangers and have some respect and reason to them, not the dumb ones like *ahem* "I KILL YOU AND DONT CARE WHO DIES"