Time to make some good horse words. (Patreon)
I enjoyed my time in Ponyville with my friends, the very first friends I ever made. I enjoyed the good times, and learned from the bad times. We did so much, helped so many. I became a princess in time, not realizing exactly what that meant for me.
It's been 150 years since I first came to Ponyville. My friends have all passed from this world, leaving me behind.
Do I even have a reason to keep going?
Cover by kajitanii.
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I haven't cried in a while.
Good shit
Hmm, why did you mark this with a suicide tag when there is almost nothing on the subject
? I doubt one barely noticeable sentence justifies the tag...
8716851
She has considered it, and there is an insinuation of it. I didnt want to make it so dark as to have Twilight outright state that she wanted to die.
8717245
As a… hmm, shall we say a fan of such stories, I expected at least a description of her contemplating it strongly, or description of planning, or self-harm, or the act itself.
IMHO, one sentence (plus some yelling about being miserable) is not enough – then again, it’s your story so…
8717305
Fair enough, its definitely something to keep in mind.
Personally, id have tagged this story as mature if i added graphic descriptions of suicide.
Any constructive criticism helps though, so thank you.
I thought right about this story being exceptionally well-written. The description met the criteria of detailed and the story itself was uplifting as well as the Author's Message afterwards. There could be some alterations that could benefit you but even without them, this would still be a nice, short story to read.
Now, I said description was fantastic but I didn't say anything about its sufficiency. Allow me to elaborate, your language was descriptive throughout the story but I only wish that more could have been used like: when you were describing the characters' tombstones. I would say that Rainbow Dash's detail is the best out of the five. They all need to have a sense of importance too.
-Mr.User
9239150
I can agree with the points you have made. To be honest, this was something I wrote in a single evening. I had intended to practice writing, but was suffering from a somewhat severe depressive episode, so I decided that writing something sad would be more productive. In the end, this was simply intended as a writing exercise, but I'm glad to hear that it went as well as it did!
Thank you for your criticism, both positive and corrective. Advice like this always helps me improve.
I enjoyed this story, as much as it made my heart ache to consider the concept of outliving all of those close to you all over again. The only complaint I have is the pseudo-present tense making the story a little hard to read for me, but other than that, I'm not crying, you are.
9250245
Yeah, I know I didn't do as good as job as I could have on this particular fic. I ended up writing it in an evening when I was suffering from a strong bout of depression, so perfection was not a priority at the time. Now I wish I had waited and proofread it more before publishing it.
Thanks for faving this story too!
Wha-What kind of monster leaves this landmine on the way out of my therapy visit! Take your thumbs up and call off the ninjas!
11095723
The ninjas have been called off. I repeat; the ninjas are called off.