Displacement

by hornethead

Lazy Day

Chapter 40: Lazy day

*WHUMPF THUMP*

"Ah, the hell!?"

James rubbed his head and pulled himself up off the floor.

"C'mon c'mon c'mon, let's go!" Dash exclaimed in excitement while hovering in the air.

James groped for his iPod on his desk where he had left it. When he found it, he checked the time. It read 0400.

"Dash, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but don't you think it's a little early? And who let you in here?" He asked groggily.

"Flash did, and besides, you said you were gonna train me to be like you! You were up earlier than this when you trained the others!" She pointed out as she settled down on the bed she had just knocked James off of.

"Yeah, but I thought I'd take a few days rest first." James sat up, almost every muscle in his body screaming in protest at the sudden motion. After his ordeal, he was still quite sore.

"Aw, but why?" The rose eyed pegasus pouted.

James stood up and started to stretch, causing several snaps and pops to erupt from his joints and limbs.

"Ew," Dash cringed, "why does your body do that?"

James twisted and cracked his back, "It comes with the job. You get beat up and blown up enough over the years and this is what you get. Now, I'd still love to spend some time with you today, but can you at least let me get dressed first?"

Dash's face began to accrue a slight blush as her eyes migrated from his face and wandered down his body only now realizing that he was clad solely in his boxer shorts.

*POMPF*

"What's with your wings?"

Dash looked over her shoulder, "OH! Uh... I'll just wait downstairs then!" She then proceeded to hastily struggle through the doorway and down the stairs, her outstretched wings bumping into and getting caught on various objects all the way down.

James just watched as she left, absolutely puzzled at her strange body language.

"Whatever." He shrugged.

James went to his closet and threw on a pair of long pants, a shirt and finally his socks and boots before heading down to the ground floor. When he reached it, his guest was no where to be seen.

"Dash? Where you at?"

"Just a minute!" Came a reply from behind the closed bathroom door.

"Something wrong?" James concernedly asked.

"No, n-nothing! Just... hold on!"

"Alright, I hear you. Take your time in there, I'm gonna make some breakfast."

James shrugged his shoulders in ignorance again and entered the kitchen. Using just a skillet, some eggs and some veggies he quickly put together a couple of omelettes for the two of them and poured two glasses of orange juice. Just as he finished setting the small kitchen table, his blue pegasus friend trotted in to join him. James was still confused about her sudden change in behavior in relation to the peculiar way her wings had flared up, but he didn't press the issue.

The two quickly ate their meal, eager to get on with a day for which they still had no plans for. Dash was of course the first to finish. While she waited for James, she found herself studying his form again, her eyes eventually coming to rest on his left forearm.

"What happened to your arm?" She asked, pointing to the two thin scars that ran opposite each other.

Without looking up from his food James replied in a flat tone, "Accident."

"Really?" Dash didn't buy it, "What kind of accident?"

"The kind that hurts."

"James, you've tried this on me before, I know you're lying." She said dismissively.

The human put down his fork and swallowed what he had been chewing, "Fine, you really want to know what happened?"

Dash nodded in the affirmative.

"I was stabbed."

"What!?"

"Comes with the job."

"You say that too much."

"That's 'cause it's true. Don't worry though, this crazy chick gave me a good luck charm that's come in handy so far, I'll be fine."

This got a little chortle out of her, "Ok, I think I feel a little better about it now. I just wish you didn't have to leave so often."

James smiled, "well, as luck would have it, I'll be sticking around here for a while."

Dash's face lit up, "Really!?"

"Yeah, doctor's orders, you could say."

"Oh, does this mean you'll still be here for Hearths Warming Eve?"

"Uh... I guess. When is it?"

"Just over a week from now."

"Yeah, I should be here. Probably for a few weeks after that too."

"Really?" The weather mare enthused, "This is gonna be so awesome!"

=====================================================================

Later that day, James was back in his room, reading one of the adventure books that Dash had lent him. They had decided to at least go for a morning run through the snow. They were going to head into town later, but Rainbow was called into work for an emergency, something about one of her co-workers accidentally putting a hail cloud over the town square instead of a light flurry of snow.

He finished another chapter and placed a small piece of paper inside as a book mark. Going over to his pile of laundry, he began going through the pockets in preparation for washing them. He came to the pair of shorts he had stolen and was surprised when he extracted an ornately detailed envelope stamped with the royal seal from one of the pockets. James broke the seal and pulled out its contents. Inside were five tickets and a letter. Curious about what all this was for, James placed the tickets on his desk and flipped open the letter.

James,

I'm glad you have returned safe and sound from your ordeal. Inside this envelope are five tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in Canterlot this coming spring. There is one for you and each member of your team. Each of these tickets will allow entry for the recipient and one accompanying guest. In addition, I request that you get fitted for the dress uniform that is traditionally worn by members of the Royal Guard at formal events such as this. I hope to see you there.

--Princess Celestia

"Well, looks like a trip to Rarity's." James said aloud to himself.

Stashing the tickets in one of his desk drawers, James grabbed his parka and left the house for town. He spent about ten minutes trudging through the deep powdery snow when a silhouette appeared at the top of the next hill. As it grew and acquired detail, James could see that it was Sparks on his way back from a grocery run, his back laden with bags. The human broke into a lazy jog to intercept the engineer.

"Hey, Sparks!" James waved.

The rusty colored stallion halted as James ran up to him.

"What's up? You need something?"

"Yeah, just a question."

"Shoot."

"In the Corps., do you guys wear dress uniforms?" James inquired.

"Dress uniforms? Well uh, yeah, sometimes. What's the occasion?" Sparks asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll let you know later. I'm heading into town to get mine right now, later I'm gonna need you to show me how to wear it properly, sound good?"

"Yeah, sure. Just come find me when you get it."

"Alright, thanks bud."

The two parted ways and continued on their separate tasks. James got to Rarity's in due time. He talked to her and it turned out that she still had his measurements from when she had first constructed clothes for him. However, she told him that the dress uniforms for the Royal Guard were traditionally done by a shop up in Canterlot. She assured him that she could simply send them his measurements and she'd have the finished product delivered to his house.

Confident that the matter would be taken care of, James took his leave and started off for the town square. He thought he might surprise Dash and they could get a bite to eat. It had been a few hours since she'd left so he figured she would be finished by now. James entered the square and began looking around for her. It looked like an easy enough task to him given the fact that the area was strangely devoid of the usual market traffic. In fact, it was down right barren.

Then he remembered why she had had to come down here in the first place, "Wait...."

Suddenly, he was tackled to the ground as a large round white object smashed into the spot he had just been standing. James opened his eyes to see a bright pink mare standing over him.

"Wowee, that was close! You know, you really shouldn't be walking under hail clouds like that, you might get - *GASP*" her tail began to go berserk, "TWITCHY TWITCH!"

Pinkie gripped the collar of James' parka in her teeth and began violently dragging him across several yards before stopping under the awning of a near by house. Almost as soon as they were under the shelter, fist sized chunks of hail began to fail from the sky in a lethal shower.

"Thanks Pinkie, you damn well saved my life there." James said gratefully as he stood up and began to brush the snow from his clothing.

"It was no biggie!" She beamed.

"How'd you know that was going to happen, Dash fill you in?"

"Nope, it was just my Pinkie Sense!"

"Right... anyway, have you seen her around?"

"Probably up in the sky." She said as she bounced off to Sugarcube Corner.

"Uh, ok..."

She left the human under the awning and scratching his head as she bounced around, still somehow dodging several falling chunks of ice. Chalking it up to Pinkie being Pinkie, James just sat down against the wall of the house and waited for the hail to stop. It was almost ten more minutes before it finally did. As the rain of damaging objects came to a halt, James peeked out from under the awning and took a tentative step out into the open. When nothing else came screaming down from overhead, he strolled out into the open and decided to make his way towards the market. He barely walked twenty feet when something came screaming down from overhead.

"LOOK OUT!"

James was slammed hard in the back and was sent tumbling through the snow with the object that had struck him. When his body finally came to rest, several bruises he had forgotten about painfully re announced their presence. What's more, his limbs were now entangled with those of what ever or who ever had struck him. He once again opened his eyes, only this time all he got was a face full of blue feathers.

"Uh Dash, what's going on?" He asked the pegasus on top of him.

The wing in his face folded down and the weather mare turned her head to look over her shoulder at him.

"Oh, sorry about that. This clouds been kind of a hassle. Just gimme a sec, I'm almost done."

She pulled her legs from his limbs and pushed off his chest with a loud whoosh. James watched as she shot into the low hanging clouds and vanished. After a few moments of waiting, she finally returned. She appeared a little haggard, her already messy mane sticking out at odder angles, but from her confidence, he could tell she had been successful at her task.

"Rough day?" He asked her with a smile.

"Yeah, but nothing somepony like me couldn't handle." She boasted.

"I'll bet. So, you wanna go get some chow? It's on me."

"Free food? How could I pass it up?"

They both then happily set off together in search of sustenance. Not having anything else to do that day and to get out of the cold, they ended up ducking into a bar, the Hoof and Mouth. Dash grabbed a couple of seats at a table while James went to the bar to order some food. He didn't really like eating at bars, but this was more a snack than a meal, he could use a beer or two anyway. So he ordered what amounted to Equestria's version of bar food, beer battered fruits and vegetables, and brought a couple of brews back to the table with him while they waited for their food. He sat down, passed a bottle over to Dash and took a few sips from his.

"So when do we start?"

"Huh?" James looked up from his drink.

"The training, when do we start?" Rainbow ask anxiously.

"Oh. Well, we can start the PT routines now, but how about we wait until after Hearths Warming Eve to hit it hard?"

"Oh, all right." She replied grumpily. "What's PT?"

"Physical Training. It'l just be a lot of running around and conditioning, you know, push ups and sit ups. When it warms up, we'll start swimming. Doesn't have a lot of practicality in self defense, but it's a great way to tone up." James explained to her.

"Running and push ups? Ha, easy. Why swimming though?"

"Meh, it's fun and a great way to stay in shape."

"Uh, can't we just do sky diving instead?"

"For fun, sure. But you're not gonna get a good workout in by just falling through the sky. Well, except for your wings, maybe, but we're not trying to work on your wings, those are strong already."

"Uh... ok... then." She seemed a little nervous.

James picked up on this, "What, you don't like swimming or something?"

"I-It's not that, it's just..."

"Wait. Can you swim?"

"Sure I can! Just... maybe not all that well...."

"That's it?"

"What do ya mean 'that's it'?" She angrily blurted out.

"Nothing, just that if you need help, I can teach you." James offered.

"Maybe just a little help..." Dash grumbled. James just smiled and chuckled inwardly.

The bartender brought out their food which they quickly ate. Dash was hungry from getting the rogue hail cloud out of town, James from dodging the rogue hail, or rather getting dragged across the cold bumpy ground by Pinkie who was dodging the rogue hail. After finishing their meals, James walked Dash back to her house, promising her that the next day they would begin PTing together. After dropping her off, James walked back to his own residence thinking that, all in all, compared to what his days were usually like, today was a good day.

Comments

[NotAvaliable]

Poor, poor James. He should check out a book from Twlight on pony body language.

[ChainReaction]

Love these chill chapters!! Can't wait for the next.

[Mr.Anon_The_Brony]

Awesome Chapter as always keep up the awesome work!

[Danger Noodle]

This is twice I've ended up being the first person to view one of your chapters.

Still a good story, keep it up.

[RF and AG]

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/139/109/7123%20-%20meme%20pomf%20rainbow_dash%20wingboner%20wing_boner.png?1308834005

Wingboner activated!

[TacoTown]

and then nothing happened.

[M3Xkillers]

"Really?" The weather mare enthused, "This is gonna be so awesome!"

[SpeedyAstro]

I suddenly have a giant craving for the next chapter.

[Sonson-Sensei]

God bless the fiction writer that came up with wing boner. Good chapter as always, I really love the mellow chapters, it's nice to give James a break from near death experiences.

[OneAmongOthers]

1271825 It would be nice if somepony would clue him in on why her wings did that it would be a surprise to James that's for sure!

[Night Sky]

i wonder. if a unicorn gets aroused, does said unicorns horn get bigger?

[Paladin Redflare]

Swimming is fun? HAHAHA! Oh James, you so silly, saying that physical activity is fun...*pfft*

[Emerald Zweihander]

Nice work.

[Mactinto]

PT as a date with a mare?

she's a keeper

[bucknorris]

Dash's face began to accrue a slight blush as her eyes migrated from his face and wandered down his body only now realizing that he was clad solely in his boxer shorts.
*POMPF*
"What's with your wings?"

[D48]

The daw is strong with this one....

Also, wingboner.

[Skywind]

Rainbow dash with wing boner then Clopping in his bathroom??

[khatre]

1272370
if i remember right its called a Horngasm.

[Dig]

1273360
My mistake

[Not_available_now]

Wingboner FTW

[OneAmongOthers]

1273808
img.desmotivaciones.es/201206/rainbow_dash_finding_her_book_by_hsldoperatord4oni6w.jpg

[Golden_pizza1]

That wing boner

[Skywind]

1275725

[Scarves]

I heard there was one book called Mood Wings that he could borrow out.

[viconis]

Wing boner funniest thing in this chapter

[gezzerwerp]

What... what happened in the bathroom

[Bread Shot]

WING BONER!

[DamnToasty]

WING BONER LOL

[Alex35012]

Two words: WING BONER

[Ignis Mortis et Doloris]

1271378
FOILED AGAIN!

Oh well...
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7571-unwanted_wingboner.PNG

[damnaion]

dam lol

[MurderSassin]

Dat WingBoner Dou!

[GogetaBlack]

it's fun and a great way to stay in shape

[Sunny Starscout]

Duh duh duuuuh. That wing boner tho