Speech Attempt number 38

by Sense of Humor

Log: #38 details

Insert Name: Jack

Date: 3/14/17

Day: Wednesday

Details: of Attempt #38 to speak to Sunset Shimmer, Written in 1st person/ Redacted or unnecessary information marked with a slash

Hi again, it's been a while since the last time I built up enough courage. Granted, last time ended in the guacamole incident, and due to that...unmentionable experience, I had to lay low for a little while. It's been a few weeks since then, so I was hoping she didn't even remember that.

Anywho, this is my recount of today's events. Truth be told, I wasn't expecting to encounter her today since I had been avoiding her for most of it--keeping to myself and trying not stare at random. You'd think I'd stop doing something afterthirty-sevenn times of doing it. Geez.

Anywho, I was at work at the time: 5:57 PM sharp. I would have been on break fifty seven minutes earlier, but that was when an elderly lady walked up to the front counter and I had to take her order.

Sorry--order is the wrong word; complaint is better. After already buying her food, two hours ago mind you, she was back to complain about the high prices of the food she bought. She asked why the grilled fajita burger was seven dollars and I calmly explained that it was the choice of the managers of the company. The elderly woman said that was a dumb decision, and I agreed for the sake of ending the conversation quickly. Then she said it wasn't always seven dollars, and I nodded. Then she went on to give me a TED talk about having worked at this restaurant many years ago, how different the prices were now as compared to back then and how weird it was to fry chicken with Cheetos dust. At 5:59 PM, she asked me to change the price of the food she bought to something lower.

I stared at her for the longest time and wondered why I had to be cursed with attending to the strangest customers, before telling her that she already paid for the meal. She said it was a dumb decision to make the prices so high, and I briskly agreed. Then she began to talk about working in this restaurant many years ago, and I facepalmed. It was a miracle that I only received customers like her every couple of weeks or so.

That was when the door opened, and the subject walked in.

If my night was going to be ruined by this old woman...well, she definitely fixed it by walking in. I choked on my own air when she stopped behind the rambling old lady and stared up at the menu above me. Now, I'm not a lovestruck creep...Well, maybe I am--but I'm just a teen, cut me some slack. Normally it would be easy to keep from staring at an angel...or any body parts of said angel. After all, I'd been doing well to ignore her most of the day in order to work on my next attempt to speak to her. Any other day it would be easy.

But today she walked inside with a bikini top. A bikini top.

I assume she'd gone swimming at the local beach earlier and figured that wearing denim shorts would make it normal to walk into a restaurant with a bikini top on and nothing else. I shit you not--it was the black kind with those crossed straps that went around the neck and showed off everything. Her belly, her arms, her legs--all visible. It was the kind of stuff that I that people dream about happening.

At first, I wasn't sure if I could even cough at her, let alone talk to her--not dressed so sexy like this. My brain was screaming at me to finish with the old lady and hide in the bathroom, while everything else was roaring: How can she still be single?!

"H-Hey, uh, Are you gonna order anything?" I nervously asked the old lady, one eye on her and the other on an unsuspecting Sunset Shimmer. I gulped as a bead of seawater rolled down the curve of her hip. "Cuz, um, that I can help you with!"

"Oh, well I just need the price changed on my recei--"

"Oh, darn! I can't help with that! Sorry," I grinned harder and drummed the counter. Just a few more seconds and I could talk to the school's world's hottest girl...and get paid for it. "I only take food orders."

"This is a matter that has to do with food." She glanced back at Sunset and crossed her arms. "Now are you gonna fix this or are you gonna keep staring at this girl that's clearly of of your league?"

Oh that's really clever, Granma! Is what I should have said. But instead I grimaced at Sunset's flinch--she overhead our conversation. "I can't magically change printed numbers, Ma'am!"

I wish she'd just moved on to another restaurant. But instead, the old lady scoffed and glared at me. "Alright, sonny. Where's your manager?"

"Manager?! He's..." This was so not good. Sunset was looking down from the menu and at me with a confused expression. I took it too far--she was gonna see me being mean to an old lady! Girls don't like that! "He's outside!" I blurted out with a nervous laugh. Boy, it was hot in the restaurant. "Doing dumpster diving! Maybe you could go outside and then--"

"Jack! Go on break!"

Pabbie, my manager(see Attempt #24), always came when you least expected it. I laughed at a high pitch and called behind me. "Uh, sure! Lemme just handle this next customer--"

"Is that your manager?!" The old lady leaned to look into the kitchen. "I wanna see him! You're too busy making googly eyes!"

I felt really hot. "Pfft! What?! Of course not! I was just--"

Pabbie comes out and gestures to the kitchen he just walked out of. "Clock out and take your one hour break. We're at 54% labor. I'll handle this."

"But, I had it! I...okay! Okay! I'm going."

So I head to the back of the restaurant to clockout from the labor percentage, not even bothering to look at my hourglass shaped crush. Janice, my torturer my friend from work, was already waiting for me when I was done. The smug grin on her face said it all and I tried to shut it down ahead of time. "Don't say anything."

"She's got a nice ass." She snorted aloud and elbowed me in the ribs. "I see why you want to tap that."

"I don't want to tap-- to do that!" I said, maybe a little too fast. I gotta work on my speed. "And how do you know that girl's the one I was talking about?"

Janice pretended to swoon, in a way that was not funny whatsoever. "Her red and gold hair smells so sweet, Janice~,"

"I never said that! And I was NOT staring at her in line. I was just...surprised."

"Surprised?! Ew." She stuck out her tongue, showing off the green piercing right in the middle. "Too much info."

"I hate you." I walked back up to the entryway, right behind the front counter.

"I know you mean love!"

Big surprise: Sunset wasn't out there by the time I re-emerged from the back. Just perfect, right? The one chance I had of making even a little progress to first base, and I creeped her out to the point of leaving. I order a burger with the hope of eating my sorrows away, and picked a lonely booth to slump into. So I unsheathed my travel-sized logbook and started to plan for attempt #39, which would be set back a few more months because of the current attempt. I estimated a date near Christmas and began planning the event. Just when I had the notion of passing out free candy canes to her and her friends, the most wonderful scent wafted over me.

When I looked up, the bacon-haired goddess was coming out of the restroom and making beeline towards me. I'm serious--she was walking right towards my table. I tore my eyes away from her swinging hips and pretended not to have seen her. Sunset Shimmer sat right across from me and immediately said: "You don't mind if I park it here, do you?"

It happened again, just like the last thirty eight times. I had an opportunity to make decent small talk and some mental tick made me make animal noises. All i had to do was say Yes, and I would have seemed just slightly normal.

Just say yes.

You can do it, Jack. Y-E-S. Just say yes. Or nod. Just nod.

"Aaaaaieee nae is Jack."

Yeah, real smooth.

"...Um, yeah. I heard that earlier." Sunset chuckled at me, and raised her arms to comb her moist hair back. She grinned perhaps a little nervously as her black top was put on display again. The little sun was nice design, by the way. It really brought out the size of her boobs the color of her hair more. "Don't feel too bad about it, Jack."

"A-Abooooout...?" I forced my grin to be wider and fiddled my thumbs under the table. Holy shit, was that her knee brushing mine? I wished I could wear shorts to work...that's not weird, is it?

"Staring." She relaxed as she finished her cute ponytail, a soft smile spreading her luscious lips. "I knew I should have worn a towel over this or something, but you guys are really good at getting orders out fast and I thought I'd be in and out. Plus, the place looked pretty empty, so I wouldn't be...er, half nude in a restaurant, you know?"

Man, her voice is just the perfect topping on the cake that was her. It wasn't high or alert like most girls, but was slightly deep and laid back. Like a thrill seeking surfer girl, only she was really sweet and nice to everyone around her. Her voice was so soothing--a perfect song to listen to--

A finger rested under my chin and pushed my head up--shit! I must have dazed of and looked you-know-where. An exasperated look is on her face now, which still looks pretty cute when it's her. "First one's a freebie. Now you're just pushing it."

So, I started to explain that I wasn't staring there. In my language though, that translates to: "Duuugh--Preeetty voice!"

Yeah, I'm the smoothest guy on earth.

By some miracle, she doesn't find what I said hilariously dumb or offsetting. "Really? Thanks. I don't wanna brag or nothin', but I kinda sing all the time. It's like a voice exercise for me."

Oh, I know about her singing. I'm probably the only one who knows about that time she was on the roof of the school, making pop stars weep with her angel voice.

"But, um, yeah. You're that guy, right?" She raised a perfect eyebrow at me. "The one that got all that guacamole on himself? From the viral videos."

(See Attempt #13 for unedited video footage...Why is there a songified version)

After groaning and nodding, she rolled her eyes. "Pfft, don't be embarrassed. I'm sure it'll go away in the next 400 years." After I laugh a little too loudly, she said: "You jumped in front of me to protect my clothes from the spray of it, so I'm definitely not gonna make fun of that. You did me a solid, so I owe you for it."

She bites her lip so frickin' cute. "Aaaand, I kinda need your help. With school stuff."

"Every single homework answer is yours!" I blurted out.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I've already got a friend for that." Sunset leaned back and began to explain the events of the day. "Before I went swimming, we were at school. You remember Chemistry with Mr.Downing? And he gave us that big project due next month?"

I nodded--I'd been watching her from behind but half listening. She partnered with some boy with blue hair and I may have broken my pencil at the sight. Maybe.

"Well, my partner has band and just got told that he's going to be in Florida with his group. So that leaves me partnerless..." Sunset gave me a mischevious smirk. "Unless someone was willing to replace him."

Willing? Willing? I was past willing. This was a life or death matter! I had to agree to this. After all, her our grades depended on it. So of course I nodded.

"Great!" Sunset started to say something else, but her order arrived. By the way, Sweet & Spicy chicken sandwich is now my favorite food of all time. "Huh! Double great! Man, you guys are fast!"

"It's our job," I somehow managed to say without stuttering. See? Practicing in the mirror does work.

So, between bites she talked more about her day at school or something she remembered hearing from that pink haired girl. I made unintelligible grunts after her stories, she'd giggle and then she'd talk some more. Sunset was a slightly messy eater, but she made it look flawlessly attractive. Plus, swimming might have worked up an appetite.

Alas, the time had come. She finished her food and the last of her drink. Then she stood up from the table with a trayful of trash in her hands. "Well, glad we're partnered up now. Hope you won't randomly join the band."

"I'll take your trash!" I yelped politely and practically yanked the tray out of her hands.

The angel gave a cheeky grin. "Huuuuh. Chivalrous, aren't we?" After I nervously laughed, I walked her to the door and threw the trash away. Just as I turned back, she paused in mid hip swing step and scoffed at herself. "D'oh! I almost forgot!"

A kiss?!

"I have to give you my phone number!"

Eh, close enough.

Without really thinking in my lovestruck stupor, I pulled out my travel-sized logbook and flipped to the back page, while handing her my pen as well. She scribbled gently for at least half a minute, then handed me back my things. On her way out of the door, she smiled at me. She winked at me, too.

I walked back to my seat to view the written contents in private. I've cut out part she wrote on and taped it here for documentation (phone number removed). See below:

---

Heeeyyy! Here's my number! Text me soon, partner! I have feeling we're gonna be good friends!

--Sunset Shimmer❤

---

Now, I know what you're thinking: I'm still in the friend zone, what am I so happy for? Well, if you've read the other attempts, you'd know that I've never even graduated to the friend zone. As far as I'm concerned, this is First Base! Second Base is a first date! And Third...well, I don't know. Never think a base ahead.

Anyway, that's all I got for this entry--I finally made speech, ladies and gents. I will report if anything else interesting happens.

Over and out, or whatever.

Author's Note:

In the middle of writing a chapter for Road Trip, I got this idea. I don't know why, though.

Comments

[Geeknerd]

Hes probably not the only guy to do that with Sunset

[JDPrime22]

Cute. I like this!

[Sense of Humor]

9015313

Meybe.

[Sense of Humor]

9015317

Ah, the reaction I was going for.

[CapNTilfy]

I am now intrigued. I'd love to know about the other 37. =P

[Sense of Humor]

9015353
That would take the mind of a true comedian!

I'm only half of that xD

[CapNTilfy]

9015403
*insert joke about having half a mind to do something or something*

=D

[Enduring Man-Child]

I like to think that after being converted from her life of scheming and bullying that Sunset would be kind and indulgent to poor guys who got zapped by her Magical Female Powers(tm).

Of course that's what I like to think about all my cartoon waifus.

[crossed]

Reminds me of all the kissless virgins on /r9k/. To prove it I will make a green text version of this

>be me, betamale kissless virgin
>working at Mexican grill
>old bitch who ordered food two hours ago comes up to me and begins complaining
>spend time listening to her bullshit
>suddenly, 10/10 qt3.14 walks in wearing bikini top and jeans
>autismactivated.boobs
>manager makes me clock out to talk to qt3.14
>order hamburger and start planning for next conversation
>qt3.14 approaches and takes seat
>spergmode.exe
>attempt conversation
>she needs help with project
>offer to help of course
>mfw get her digits
>mfw will be working alone with her on project for at least a few days
See you later, virgins.

[Sense of Humor]

9015760
Eh, I gotcha

[Sense of Humor]

9015474
Rollo the dream.

[Blank Paper]

Hilarious and original.

[Sense of Humor]

9015436

[Sense of Humor]

9015915
Many Thx!

[Boltstrike58]

Okay, how many Sunset Shimmer fans have fantasized about this? (Not saying I've done that...what? What's so funny?)

[Sense of Humor]

9016147

Too many to count...

Oh, im not laughing...It's just...uh, gas.

[PixelatedPerson]

9016147
Yes.

[RaritySimper44]

9015760
Are you god dog?

[Andy Ray]

That's pleasing! Oh, Sunny!..

Still: there can't be school, if he's got a job. Incompatible! Makes reading bizarre ...

He should also be squealing: friend zone! You don't hit it easily! Well, he is squealing, but I'd be glad to befriend a crush. Means spending more time together. Then I could be subtle about my feelings!.. [evil grin intensifies]