• Member Since 24th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen January 5th

Bronyxy


Pony fan inspired by great writers such as Pen Stroke and Conner Cogwork

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A mysterious mare arrives at Ponyville Station and is befriended by Applejack. What role will she play during her stay, why was there a massive troop movement from the garrison at Canterlot and what evil plan has Queen Chrysalis been hatching?

This story is set between “A Canterlot Wedding” and “Magical Mystery Cure”.

With special thanks to TopHatBanana the third for the artwork, reproduced here with permission.

For Phoebe.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 4 )

I have mixed feelings about this story. According to the title and the image this is a story about Hot Choclate, but to be honest, she isn't doing very much in this story. She is just happens to be there seeing Ponyville for the first time. And in the central part of the story she isn't even mentioned anymore, not until the ending. We don't really get her to know better. The story wouldn't be much different if she hasn't be there at all.

Furthermore, I don't see the "drama" in the story, at least not in the definition it is used according to the Fimfiction guidelines. But what I see is basically a small war and a really gruesome death of the young changeling queen. So the story should have the "dark" and the "gore" tag (the second one mainly because of chapter 6). Actually it should have the "death" tag too. Furthermore the royal sisters and several other ponies are so much out-of-character in this story that it may deserve the "alternative universe" tag.

Would love to know more about the title character, does she just attract trouble or does she bring it in her wake.Ah well maybe we will get to know more about her another time.

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I’m glad you like her. She's a lovable character who is easy going and always tries to be helpful, but can be a little klutzy!

Once we’re introduced and get to know a bit about her, her role in the story is principally to uncover the build-up of changeling forces outside Ponyville which she does completely accidentally by leaning on a fence and breaking it, and although she tries to play down her contribution she keeps getting hailed as a hero!

Once the hive was discovered, the story starts to get a bit dark as the focus shifts to the military assault and the interplay between the Royal sisters. In fairness to Chocolate, whilst she no doubt would have wanted to help out, she's a bit too accident prone to be terribly good in combat, so I moved her into the background and re-introduced her once the fighting was over.

Maybe we will see her again in a future story - she's still lodging at Sweet Apple Acres as far as I'm aware.

My thanks to TopHatBanana the third for his brilliant artwork.

Comment posted by Starlight Nova deleted Feb 6th, 2018
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