Daimon and Ornstein in Equestria.

by Sindenovah

Suspiscions (edited)

No POV

Daimon and Ornstein were now following Fluttershy back to her cottage. Each of them were satisfied for a different reason. Daimon and Ornstein were satisfied because they were finally getting out of the forest and that they made a new friend. Fluttershy was happy because she found out what made those noises and that she made two new friends.

After a few seconds of walking and trotting, the three of them made it to Fluttershy’s cottage. As Daimon and Ornstein approached the cottage they were suddenly surrounded by multiple animals. Fluttershy noticed this and before she could stop them, all the animals dogpiled the knight and demon. Only Daimon was actually dogpiled because he was tackled by Mr. Bear. as well. Ornstein was just being swarmed by birds, squirrels, and rabbits.

Daimon and Ornstein were about to attack the animals before Fluttershy came to their rescue. “HEY, all of you get off of them right now”. All the animals immediately stopped their “Assault” and climbed off of Daimon and Ornstein. Said Demon and Knight quickly picked themselves up and glared at the animals and Ornstein pulled out her spear. Fluttershy saw this and stepped in to diffuse the situation

“Guy’s wait. These are just my animal friends. They probably thought I was in danger. Is that Right?” she asked looking back at her animal friends. They all nodded yes. That put Daimon and Ornstein at ease and Ornstein put her spear back away. Fluttershy then turned to her animals and explained the situation. After a few minutes everybody was at peace. Even Mr. Bear and Daimon. Except one little Angel Bunny. But Daimon and Ornstein could care less since he couldn’t hurt them at all. For multiple reasons.

“So, do you want to come in?” asked Fluttershy while hiding behind her mane. Daimon and Ornstein smiled until they looked at her cottage. It was too small for them to even fit through the door. Or the cottage itself.

“I don’t think we can fit through the door” said Daimon while pointing to said door.

“Oh, I see” Fluttershy said while looking at the ground. Daimon and Ornstein felt bad and looked at each other for advice. They had nothing. That is until Fluttershy got an idea.

“Hey, maybe you can live in the castle of the two sisters, if that’s alright with you” she said quietly. Daimon and Ornstein looked at each other then back to Fluttershy.

“Is it abandoned?” asked Ornstein. Fluttershy simply nodded yes. Daimon and Ornstein looked at each other again before nodding and turning back to Fluttershy.

“Well take it” they said at the same time. Fluttershy’s smile grew big until she got curious.

“Why do you need it abandoned?” She asked, to which Ornstein answered.

“Because we think that with the way you reacted, other ponies won’t fair much better.” The golden knight answered. Fluttershy was going to argue, until she remembered how everyone reacted to Zecora before she became their friend.

“Alright I understand, but later in the future I will at least try to introduce you to my other friends” She said, to which Daimon and Ornstein smiled, or at least Ornstein would if it could be seen. All three thought this was going to work out perfectly. That is until all of them heard trotting coming closer.

Twilight’s POV

~earlier~

Me and the girls have been eating for a few minutes. Right now Rainbow Dash was showing us her stunts. I was still worrying about fluttershy though. She still hasn’t shown up yet. Now, enough was enough. “Alright girls, i’m going to see what’s keeping Fluttershy” I said as I stood up.

Surprisingly, Rarity joined me as well. “I agree darling, Fluttershy has been gone far to long at this point. Gasp. What if something awful happened to her?” she said with a dramatic hoof over the head.

“I don’t think it’s that bad, but we should still check it out” Said Applejack, to my silent gratitude.

At that point everyone had gathered. Even Rainbow Dash was now hovering right above us waiting to “get a move on”, in her words. So without further ado we set off to Fluttershy’s cottage.

No POV

~With Fluttershy, Daimon, and Ornstein~

Fluttershy was visibly panicking and Daimon and Ornstein didn’t know why.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Daimon. Fluttershy quickly turned back to them with worry in her eyes.

“That must be my friends. I forgot we had a picnic today. If they see you two they’ll misunderstand and do something they’ll regret”. She panically said. Daimon and Ornstein were now worried. They now they could fight but they didn’t want to fight really anyone yet, especially their new friend’s friends.

“We better hide then, do you know where this Castle of the two sisters is?” Daimon asked trying to keep calm. Fluttershy thought for a minute but then had an idea.

“No, but if you can stay hidden long enough until I come back. I could teach you how to fly if you don’t know how. Or you could try it yourself” This suggestion got a smile out of Daimon.

“Alright, we’ll stay hidden until you friends leave and if we can’t figure it out by then we'll wait until you come back. Otherwise well wait here and you can teach Daimon to fly later. Sound like a plan?” Ornstein asked looking back at Daimon for approval. Daimon happily nodded but they all remembered that Fluttershy’s friends were getting closer so without further delay they both jumped and hid in the nearby tree’s.

A couple seconds later. Twilight and the rest of the Mane six showed up just as Fluttershy looked over at them trying to act casual.

“Fluttershy. What are you doing? The picnic already started.” Twilight asked once they got into earshot.

“Oh I was just, um, finishing feeding my animals. I ran out of fish for Mr. Bear and had to go get some more.” Fluttershy said. She hated lying as much as Applejack. But for the safety of her new friends, she would have to at least for today. Twilight was a bit suspicious but before she could ask anything else Rainbow Dash zoomed in and landed right next to Fluttershy causing her to let out a loud “EEEP!” as she jumped 6 feet in the air.

After she landed she was already being dragged away by Rainbow. “C’mon Flutters. I gotta show you my new aerial stunts”. Said Rainbow as she dragged Fluttershy. Followed by everyone else. Twilight was still suspicious but decided to talk to her about it later.

Before Fluttershy was out of sight she saw that Daimon and Ornstein were peeking behind her house. They both gave her a wave and she gave them a smile and wave before hiding back behind the house so a certain bookworm alicorn could see them. “Who were you waving at?” asked Twilight as she caught a glimpse of Fluttershy waving at something.

“Oh, just waving by to all the animals in my house”. She replied and to Twilight’s surprise and Fluttershy’s relief their were a lot of animals in her window at the moment. That put Twilight at some ease but she was still unsure of why Fluttershy was acting so unusual. She was definitely going to have some questions for her pegasus friend later but it would have to wait as Fluttershy’s cottage was already out of sight.

As for Daimon and Ornstein. They headed back into the forest and were getting ready for Daimon to try some flying.

“So. You ready?” Ornstein asked as she saw Daimn getting ready to take off.

“I was born ready. All for an about 1 hour”. Daimon replied. Ornstein just chuckled before Daimon opened his wings and launched himself into the air, and crashed into a tree. Ornstein facepalmed before commenting.

“This will take some practice”. She said while watching Daimon pick himself up.

“You think!” Shouted Daimon while rubbing his forehead. They both just chuckled before Daimon prepared to try again. Unbeknownst to them, there was a hooded figure watching them in the shadow’s of the surrounding Everfree tree’s.

Author's Note:

Thanks everyone for the good comments. I will try to get new stories up as fast as i can. I do have one question though. Am I getting how the Mane Six talk right and how does Applejack talk. Please comment and give feedback and suggestion's. I've got to stop saying "And" so much. 😧

P.S. If anyone knows a specific location for the Castle of the Two sisters compared to Fluttershy's cottage is please tell me. I'm and amateur. For now i'm gonna guess.

Comments

[Timeless Lord Slayer]

Hmmm... Promising as this is, the characters could use some tweaking. A few small flaws to make them seem, ya know, like teenagers. And something that is sort of a must-have for any story is that stuff will go wrong for these characters. Not just in terms of bad guys, but in terms of misunderstandings.

Here's what I recommend. For the previous chapter, draw out Fluttershy's shock and fear a little. Not by much, but enough to make it, well, sorry if this is rude, but enough to make it believable. Also, make the two teens more shocked at seeing a, ya know, talking, miniature horse. That is NOT a normal thing. So, since it isn't, the teens should be, at the LEAST shocked by this. Making them just accept it like you did paints them as two things that I will tell you now you should ALWAYS try to avoid painting characters as: Mary Sues and Gary Stues. These are characters that are, for lack of a better word, simply perfect. TOO perfect. Mary Sues and Gary Stues are the labels used for characters who not only roll with the punches and just accept things, but also ALWAYS win and NEVER have ANY character building problems. To summarize them , Gary Stues and Mary Sues are flat characters. One-dimensional. Unrelatable. Boring.

Now, I am NOT saying Alex and Selenia are boring or flat. I am saying that they are on the road to becoming those, and you have painted them that way.

You need to fix that.

The changes needed for this are actually quite easy. Draw things out, think things through more, question your ideas, look at the works of others and try to work out where they did better and where they did worse, and apply that to your stories.

Doing all that will take time, yes, but take it from someone whose been on this site for four years and been writing for 8, both on actual books and on other things: Taking time is okay. I take a lot of time to even update my stories, and guess what?

No one comes after me to update them. Because the people on this site respect that people have lives, that they have things they need to do. Remember that.

Now, this will all take time to do and work on, so, I'll make you an offer. If you want, I'll be your editor. Simply call me up whenever you feel like taking the offer.

I wish you the best of luck, and a future full of greatness.

-Timeless Celestial