Sunset Shimmer glanced at the small timepiece she kept by the bed. It was already half-past nine. She didn’t really need to get up. It was Saturday, after all. And it’s not like she had anything to do today until seeing the Princess tonight.
Nothing save for that one thing she wasn’t especially looking forward to.
Did I have other plans today? she wondered idly. Ugh, does it even matter?
Last night’s conversation replayed through Sunset’s head for the eighty-seventh time. She wasn’t deluded enough to think she might get back to sleep. Then again, the idea of just lying here for a few hours wasn’t too terrible. It prevented her from enduring what was probably going to be one of the most awkward moments of her life.
Which, considering my life to date, is saying something.
Don’t get me wrong, an angry little voice from an equally angry little pony growled in her head. I’m all for cutting that wannabe down. But seriously? You’re going to waste your time getting your best friend hooked up with her? You do have issues.
Aside from voices in my head? Sunset asked.
Yes, aside from voices in your head.
Thanks for the pep-talk.
It’s what I’m here for.
With a groan, she threw herself out of bed. Anything was better than lying in bed while that voice gnawed at her. She could at least do something while being gnawed on.
Before she bothered getting ready for the day, she dragged herself down to the kitchen and threw on the kettle for the requisite cup of Earl Grey. Setting the arcane heating unit beneath the kettle to a slow boil, Sunset proceeded to the bathroom for her usual routine.
Twenty minutes later, her mane finally dry with the aid of a new arcano-tech air dryer—she still couldn’t get a proper drying spell down—she padded into her kitchen just as the kettle began to shriek. Her magic practically worked on its own, preparing her tea exactly how she liked it. Less than sixty seconds later, the world regained its proper colors as the first sip of Earl Grey went down.
At that point, she concluded drinking Earl Grey last night with Moon Dancer probably wasn’t the smartest thing she could have done. It certainly hadn’t helped her get any sleep. Or maybe that had been last night’s conversation.
I really need to take the Princess’s advice and switch to chamomile at night. As long as it doesn’t have any mint in it. Ugh. Don’t know how she can stand mint in tea.
With another surge of magic, she energized a small pre-configured matrix she had designed a few years ago to prepare a simple breakfast for herself. It would only result in oatmeal and some fruit, but it was a fire-and-forget spell and Sunset wasn’t in the mood for anything fancy. So, she sat at her small kitchen table and stared at the book lying there while her spell did all the work.
A Study on Chaos Theory.
“This entire thing is going to be a study on chaos theory,” Sunset mumbled as she scratched her mane. “But it needs to be done. Friendship is all about putting others’ needs before my own. Right?”
The book—unsurprisingly—provided no answers on the subject.
“Why me?” Sunset muttered.
She could feel her resolve crumbling. The more she delayed, the more her determination to do the right thing slipped. She hated this feeling. She was supposed to be the confident and strong one. The one with a plan. The one who knew what to do.
Somehow, she’d ended up being the center of her group of friends. Granted, she was Celestia’s personal student. And the Princess had been training her in everything from economics to diplomacy… but still, whenever she thought of herself as in charge of anything, it made her nervous.
Mostly because it made that angry little pony happy. Anything that made it happy made Sunset nervous.
A bell appeared above Sunset’s head and rang softly before vanishing, letting her know that her breakfast was ready. Without even turning to look, she levitated the bowl of oatmeal and the sliced fruit over to the table. She took a bite of oatmeal. It was decent. Nothing special. Just a bit of cinnamon.
She continued to stare at the book while she chewed.
What am I doing? Sunset wondered. Am I really about to throw away—
A soft knock interrupted her thoughts. Sunset blinked in surprise and glanced up at the clock. Who’d wander by this early? She stood up with a yawn and wandered toward the set of stairs that led to the foyer.
A second knock sounded. This one was not soft. It was excited and eager.
There was only one pony Sunset knew who had a knock like that.
This is not what I need right now, Sunset groaned in her head as she plodded down the stairs and tossed open the door.
“Hi, Minue—”
It wasn’t Minuette.
Well, Minuette wasn’t in front of the door. She grinned a few feet behind Cheerilee. Cheerilee, on the other hoof, blinked in the light of the morning sun. The earth pony with the soft magenta coat and the two-toned rose mane looked in desperate need of caffeine, but she still had enough energy to give Sunset a warm smile.
“Hello, Sunny,” Cheerilee said wryly. “Apparently we’re having breakfast together.”
“Huh?”
Minuette giggled.
“Miss Perky here decided to pull me out of my very comfortable bed and drag me halfway here before she reminded me we were supposed to get together for breakfast this morning.”
“Oh…” Sunset blinked a few times. So she had forgotten something. Well, at least she hadn’t been the only one. “Right.”
“Both of you forgot?” The blue unicorn with the navy and white mane tsked and shook her head. “Girls, we’ve had this planned for like a week and a half! Cheerilee coming in for her conference? It was the only time she had free!”
“I had… a late night.” Sunset gave Cheerilee a brittle smile. “You look like you need some tea.”
“That sounds simply wonderful,” Cheerilee sighed.
“And you?” Sunset shot Minuette a look. “You get decaf.”
“Aw,” Minuette pouted.
Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to remind you what happened last time you had a significant level of caffeine?”
“Princess Celestia told me that she’d make it an offense against the Crown for anypony to sell me anything caffeinated ever again.” Minuette hopped through the door, the words sounding rehearsed. Mainly because they were. “I still say she was joking.”
“I’ve learned never to be too careful when it comes to the Princess and her sense of humor,” Sunset closed the door and led her friends into the kitchen. “You never know what you’ll get.”
“To keep everypony safe, she could just banish you,” Cheerilee said with a little smile.
“Or throw you in a dungeon,” Sunset suggested. She fired up the teakettle again, this time set to a fast boil for her two friends.
“Or banish you and then throw you in a dungeon in the place that she banishes you to,” Cheerilee’s smile became a smirk as she sat down at the second chair at the kitchen table. A yawn promptly replaced the smirk.
Sunset sat down as well, going back to her breakfast.
“For drinking caffeinated tea?” Minuette cocked an eyebrow at both of them, then she levitated a chair from the other room into the kitchen. “Yowza, I think that’s a bit much, girls.”
“It’s a worst-case scenario.” Sunset shrugged and popped a sliced peach into her muzzle. After swallowing, she glanced at the teacher. “You look like you had a rough night yourself.”
Cheerilee put her head on the table and sighed. “Well, after a train ride, the opening ceremonies and the first round of lectures at the symposium at the Department of Education last night, I didn’t really appreciate her pounding on my hotel door at eight in the morning.”
“You ponies need to embrace the morning more! Especially Sunny! After all, sunrise is when the Princess’s day starts!”
Sunset shot Minuette a glare. Minuette shrugged it off and settled herself down on her new chair with a grin.
“Why you so eager anyway?” Sunset asked and pointed her spoon at her perky friend. “As far as you know, nothing special is happening today.”
Cheerilee frowned. “I thought we were going shopping on Rodeo Drive this afternoon.”
“Oh, dang it.” Sunset facehoofed. “I’m sorry… I’ve had a lot on my mind lately…”
“See?” Minuette crowed. “And if I hadn’t remembered for both of you, you two would have totally missed out on that awesome time!”
“Don’t tell me this is another one of your ‘right time, right place’ things?” Sunset groaned.
“No, silly.” Minuette laughed. “This is one of my actually remembering things things! ‘Right time, right place’ is something totally different.”
“Cheerilee, I don’t suppose you’ve ever come across anything—”
“Sunny.” Cheerilee stifled a yawn. “We’ve been over this. I teach elementary school in Ponyville. My knowledge of cutie mark magic isn’t any better than yours.”
“I swear, Minuette,” Sunset said as the teakettle began to whistle once more. “One day, I’m going to figure out your special talent. If not for my sake, then for poor Twilight’s sake! Do you have any idea how worked up she was after the first time you pulled your little ‘right time, right place’ stunt on her? It was everything I could do not to let her snatch you in her magic and strap you onto a gurney to start running tests!”
She had been pretty funny freaking out like that. She’d even spent three days trying to prove her wrong… only to end up proving her right. Oh, that just drove her insane. Her pout was simply ador—
Her brain screeched to a halt as the kettle continued to squeal.
“Uh, Sunny?” Cheerilee asked. “You going to get that or did you want me to?”
“Huh?” Sunset blinked a few times and then registered the sound of the kettle. “Oh, sorry. Got distracted for a second.”
“I’ll say,” Minuette said with an odd tiny smile. It didn’t seem like a very happy smile.
Sunset did her best to ignore it as she prepared two cups of tea: a griffin blend of green tea for Cheerilee and a decaf herbal raspberry tea for Minuette. With a sigh, she floated them over to her friends. Cheerilee gulped half of it down like it was a shot of hard cider, while Minuette just sipped hers.
“How late did they keep you out last night?” Sunset asked as she stared at Cheerilee’s half-empty teacup.
“Past midnight, I think?” Cheerilee muttered and took another swing. “Endless Lecture… was his usual oblivious self. Didn’t care about the time. Only the topic.”
“You know,” Minuette commented as she swirled the tea in her cup. “You two always complain about my special talent and forget it’s not that strange in Equestria.”
“Oh, what are you going on about now?” Cheerilee asked. She resettled in her chair and wrapped her tail around her.
Sunset finished her oatmeal and leaned back in her chair. She munched on her last apple and studied the blue unicorn with a raised eyebrow.
“Uh, hello, silly? You just gave a great example.”
“You’re not making any sense, Minuette,” Sunset replied, rolling her eyes. “As usual.”
Minuette rolled her eyes right back at Sunset. “The name of the lecturer at the symposium last night, of course! His name! Endless Lecture? Haven’t you ever wondered about how ponies tend to be named after either their special talent or their future cutie marks?”
“Oh, there are plenty of examples where that’s not true at all,” Cheerilee said with a wave of a hoof. “That’s just superstition. Old mare’s tales like the Naming Dream.”
“I don’t know,” Minuette said. “I think somepony should do a study.”
“Studies have been done,” Sunset interjected. “They’re usually done by some academic group or another every fifteen years or so. They always come back inconclusive.”
“Anyway,” Cheerilee continued. “I could see that working for you or for me… but what about Sunny here? What does the name ‘Sunset Shimmer’ have to do with her special talent?”
Minuette’s eyes locked onto Sunset. “Well, I’ve been thinking…”
“That’s scary,” Sunset said before taking another drink of Earl Grey.
Cheerilee giggled, but Minuette seemed… hesitant?
“I’ve been thinking…” Minuette repeated and shifted a little more in her seat. “What if the names that don’t follow that convention have some other special importance?” She licked her lips. “Say… like, who they were meant to be with?”
Earl Grey sprayed out of Sunset’s mouth as she nearly choked on her tea. Her chest heaved as her body tried to remember how to process air correctly. Cheerilee leapt up and gently patted Sunset on the back. It took almost a full minute before Sunset could finally look up and fix Minuette with a glare.
“Right time, right place, huh?” Sunset growled.
Minuette went red, though Sunset couldn’t tell if it was because Sunset had accused her or because Sunset was right.
“You okay, Sunny?” Cheerilee asked as she rubbed Sunset’s back. Sunset nodded and took a deep, trembling breath.
“I’ll be fine.” Sunset’s voice was harsh and clipped.
“Look, maybe this isn’t the best time for this,” Cheerilee said quickly. “Sunset, you’ve obviously got a lot—”
“Sorry, Cheerilee,” Minuette interrupted, soundingfar more subdued. “But you need to stay. I need to go.”
Sunset blinked. “Really? You’re going to really do this to me? Drop that little number and then leave?”
Cheerilee glanced back and forth between the two of them, though Sunset could see the comprehension in Cheerilee’s expression. That just made it worse.
“I… look, I’m sorry. I… Sunny, this has been going on for—”
Sunset cut her off with a single swipe of her hoof. “So, you brought her over to confront me about something? Is that it?”
“No,” Minuette said, her tail twitching nervously behind her. “No. It really was for breakfast. But… after we got here, I could see it in your eyes, Sunny. And… I’m not wrong, am I?”
Sunset glowered at her. “I think that special talent of yours is a jerk sometimes.”
“Sometimes… yeah, it seems that way,” Minuette whispered. Her ears were down, but her eyes never left Sunset.
Ugh. Okay, fine. Cheerilee probably is the best pony for me to talk to right now. But did Minuette really need to bring it up like that? That was just mean!
Her angry little pony decided now was a good time to let her opinion be known.
Then tell her off! In fact, kick them both out and tell them you don’t need any help! You’re Sunset Shimmer. You can handle this without the meddling of your so-called ‘friends.’
Buck you, Sunset growled in her head. Anyway, I take it as a good rule that anything you want me to do is probably the last thing I should do.
Then you’re even more hopeless than I thought.
“I won’t stay if you don’t want me here, Sunset,” Cheerilee said quietly. “You’ve obviously got a lot going on and if you need time to yourself, I’m more than happy to—”
“No.” Sunset hung her head. “Minuette’s… not wrong. I do need somepony to talk to.”
Cheerilee looked at Sunset and then up to Minuette, who was still watching Sunset with flattened ears and a pained expression.
“You don’t have to go, Minuette,” Sunset offered, her voice still quiet.
“Yeah, I do. I can tell you need a friend, Sunny. I can also tell it shouldn’t be me.”
With that, Minuette stood and plodded toward the door.
Sunset exchanged a look with Cheerilee. Her friend nodded and Sunset jumped up to follow Minuette.
“Cheery?” Sunset called over her shoulder. “Why don’t you relax? I’ll be back in a moment.”
“If you say so, Sunny.”
Without looking back, Sunset walked Minuette down the stairs and to the front door. With a flash of teal magic, she pulled it open for her friend.
“I’m sorry,” Minuette said. “I… I know that wasn’t fair of me to just throw it out like tha—”
“You all really do know, don’t you?” Sunset said. It wasn’t really a question. She already knew the answer. “About all of us?”
“Yeah,” Minuette admitted and bit her lip. “We’ve known for a while. Sunset… I need to ask… have you considered trying to make it work between the three of you? I’ve heard of other ponies doing stuff like that…”
The angry little pony in the back of her head balked, but more at the idea that Sunset should share anything with anypony.
However, the result was the same.
“I’m just not that kind of pony, Minuette.” Sunset sighed. “Right now… I almost wish I was, but that’s… just not for me. If other ponies can do that, that’s fantastic for them. But not me. I just want one.”
“Sunny, I can see it in your eyes. I can tell what happened. What you already did.” Minuette sounded close to tears. “You don’t have to do it this way. I don’t think things will turn out nearly as badly as you think they might...”
If anything, Minuette’s protests helped solidify Sunset’s perspective on the matter. It reminded her why she was doing what she was doing. Even if nopony else understood or even agreed… she knew.
She could be wrong. Sunset was smart enough—smart enough now—to know that. But… right now… it felt like the right thing to do.
“I’m sure, Minuette.” Sunset’s voice was calm but firm. “I need to do this. I think it’ll be good for them.”
Minuette sighed, but she nodded anyway.
“If you need somepony else to talk to… maybe help you laugh and smile a little afterwards, let me know, okay? Maybe I can put together a special campaign for us. I think Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine are available later this week.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Actually, that doesn’t sound half-bad, even if Lemon Hearts always makes me bring the snacks..
But I need to get through today first.
Minuette gave her tight hug, one that Sunset returned with a long sigh. Some of the tension in her body faded in the embrace of her friend. It wasn’t much, but it helped.
“Your technique wasn’t exactly subtle, Minuette,” Sunset whispered. “But… thank you. I never could have asked on my own.”
“That’s what friends are for,” Minuette said as she pulled back. Her smile wavered. “To help you… even when you think you don’t need the help. Especially then, actually.”
Sunset smiled a little as Minuette trotted out the door. With a final wave, she disappeared around the corner, leaving Sunset in the foyer.
It took a few more minutes before Sunset managed to trot up the stairs. Cheerilee was waiting, watching her warily. She didn’t speak up until Sunset had sat down back down at the kitchen table.
“Sunset, you don’t have to talk about whatever’s bothering you if you don’t want to. I don’t mind.”
Sunset ignored the comment. Cheerilee was trying to be kind and give her a way out. It was a nice gesture, but Sunset knew there were times when she needed a push.
Convenient how Minuette had just provided one.
“So, how’s Ponyville these days?”
Cheerilee blinked in surprise, but seemed to be willing to go along with the sudden change in topic.
“I can see why your friend Lyra moved out there,” she said. “It’s quiet and peaceful. You know, I had intended to simply stay out there a year or two. But the town grows on you.”
“You think you made the right call? I know Dean Clear would have loved to keep you at Gifted Unicorns.”
“Professor Clear,” Cheerilee said with a smile, “changed my life when she took me on as a professor at Gifted Unicorns. But you know the tradition.”
“Professor Polish loved to talk about it.” Sunset nodded. “She would go on and on about the two years she taught in… Tall Tale, I think? Always talked about the way it helped keep her grounded to get out of Canterlot. Not everypony follows that tradition, though.”
“I know.” Cheerilee’s smile became wistful. “I remember when I thought ending up as a teacher in a little town was… I don’t know… just confirming I wasn’t worth anything. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my years teaching at Gifted Unicorns for anything. But… there’s something special about the town. I’m happy there. I’m pretty sure I’m going to stay.”
Sunset smiled. “Then I’m happy for you, Cheery. I’m glad you found your place.”
“Minuette didn’t just leave so you could check on how I was doing in Ponyville.”
“No,” Sunset admitted. “No, she didn’t.”
“Twilight?” Cheerilee said. It wasn’t really a question, even if she phrased it as one.
I can’t believe I am that obvious.
Sunset stared at A Study in Chaos Theory, still sitting in the middle of the table. The enchanted RCA dust jacket had protected it from the spilled Earl Grey. Sunset levitated a couple napkins over and mopped up the remains of her tea.
“Do you have anypony out there, Cheerilee? Anypony… special?”
Cheerilee went a little pink and she took a gulp of her tea before answering.
“There’s… um… there’s a stallion I’ve occasionally spent some time with. He’s a quiet type. Honestly, I doubt I ever would have had the courage to say anything if it wasn’t for you.”
Sunset waved the compliment away. “Don’t try to pin anything on me. You more than anypony know how I feel about that. You are your own pony.”
“Not sure if I agree, Sunny. But… well, it’s not like it’s anything official. We see each other every so often. There might be a future there.”
Sunset nodded absently and swirled the tea in her cup.
“You know, that’s what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately… the future,” Sunset said. “I’ll never understand why the Princess asked me to teach Twilight about friendship. Me of all ponies. Even though she knew we had this… forced connection.”
“You don’t know it was forced,” Cheerilee pointed out.
“Yes, I do,” Sunset muttered. “I really do.”
Cheerilee didn’t push the point. She was pretty amazing like that.
“Have you ever had anypony before Ponyville, Cheerilee?”
“Anypony before as in relationship or anypony before as in interest?”
“Number two.”
“Well, it’s funny that you ask…” Cheerilee blushed again. “But I always had a tiny crush on Ponyville’s current mayor. I went to school with her. Nothing ever came of it. It was all one-sided. All me. We’re still good friends. In fact, she was really happy to see me when I arrived to take over the schoolhouse.”
“Why didn’t you do anything?” Sunset cocked an eyebrow at her. “Why do you say it was ‘one-sided?’”
Cheerilee paused for a moment, staring up at the ceiling as if she could find what she wanted to say up there.
“I think… back then I didn’t want to make things more complicated. We were good friends and I didn’t want to lose that.” She hesitated. “And… well, I was scared. Scared of being rejected. Scared she didn’t feel the same way. So, it was easier to be quiet. It was safer. Simpler.”
Sunset nodded. Thoughts bounced around in her head, becoming nothing more than a jumbled and chaotic mess. Finally, she couldn’t take it. She stood up and started pacing. Cheerilee’s eyes followed her every step.
“Yeah, I definitely understand that,” Sunset said after what felt like hours inside her own skull. “That’s… that’s my problem. Things are already complicated enough.”
“Sunny, tell me the truth. What’s going on?”
Sunset stopped and stared at the teacher. “I thought you already knew.”
Cheerilee shifted her mane over her shoulder and looked up at Sunset. “I know from what the other girls have guessed and what I’ve seen. I don’t know from you. I’d rather hear it from you.”
“You’re really going to make me say it?” Sunset groaned.
“Yes, I am.”
Sunset recognized Cheerilee’s expression. It was one of the classic ’dealing-with-a-stubborn-student’ numbers. And Sunset knew she didn’t have a chance against that.
“Ever since that afternoon in the Stack Vaults, I’ve had feelings toward Twilight.” To Sunset’s surprise, it was easier to say than expected. “But the next—”
“No,” Cheerilee interrupted. “Stop. What kind of feelings?”
Sunset gaped at her. “Really?”
“Yes, really. You need to say it for your own good.”
“You know, I remember Minuette doing something really similar two months ago,” Sunset pointed out.
“Then you should be used to this tactic. Sunny, you keep too much bottled up in that head of yours. You need to let this out.”
“Fine!” Sunset shouted. “I’m romantically interested in Twilight Sparkle! There! You happy?”
“Do you love her?” Cheerilee asked with all the subtlety of a brick to the muzzle.
“What?!” Sunset backpedaled until she bumped against a wall. “I’ve only known her for two months!”
“It doesn’t change the question.”
Sunset stared at her friend for a few seconds before her gaze fell to her hooves. “I… I think calling it love would be a bit much. I like her. A lot.”
Cheerilee seemed satisfied with this. Sunset whispered a faint prayer of thanks for that.
“So, the real question… why aren’t you doing something about it?” Cheerilee asked. “Sunset, you’re one of the most stubborn and determined ponies I’ve ever met. When you set a goal, there’s almost nothing that can stop you. Why is a little lavender unicorn making you freeze up like this?”
“Because of the Princess.”
It took almost ten minutes for Sunset to tell the entire story of what Princess Celestia had told Sunset and Twilight in the Royal Observatory. About the fine print of their feelings. About what sort of impact it could have on their friendship.
After Sunset was done, Cheerilee was silent for a long time. She played with her cup a bit, stared at Sunset a bit and stared at her hooves a bit. Finally, she got up and headed toward the massive hourglass in the center of Sunset’s apartment and watched as it turned over when the chimes of the city sounded.
“Sunset…” Cheerilee began after what felt like a few lifetimes. “This isn’t like you. You aren’t hesitant. I know you’re scared. But—”
“Moon Dancer has feelings for her, too,” Sunset interjected as she moved to the window and stared out at the gleaming white city.
“I know.”
Sunset spotted a few pegasi moving clouds into position for the scheduled rainstorm. Sunset chuckled morosely at the timing.
“And I think Twilight might return those feelings.”
“Probably,” Cheerilee replied in an annoyingly even tone. “It wouldn’t surprise me. But you have to know that you and Twilight have a stronger connection.”
“Cheerilee… I can’t!” Sunset finally shouted as she slammed a hoof against the window. “I can’t ruin this mare’s life again! I won’t do it! You said yourself the reason you didn’t do anything with Ponyville’s mayor back in the day is because you were scared it would complicate things! Look at how complicated things are already!”
“You’ve already said all of this, haven’t you?”
Sunset slumped and pressed her forehead to the cool window pane. “To Moon Dancer. Last night.”
“You’ve made a decision already?”
Not for the first time, Sunset couldn’t help but marvel at the teacher. Cheerilee had an incredible knack for seeing into the hearts of ponies. Even if they were raging about one thing, she could always see where the hurt really came from. It was deeper than anything Coloratura could do.
Rara would confront Sunset with the truth.
Cheerilee would guide Sunset to find the truth on her own.
“I’m going to tell Twilight that I think things would be best if we remained friends.”
“Is that the truth?”
And there it was. The real question of it all. Again, Sunset had a flashback to her conversation with Minuette the morning after that disastrous dinner. Minuette had asked her if she considered Twilight a friend. The answer had been yes.
She was still sure about that answer.
Now the question was if Sunset thought of Twilight as more than a friend.
She’s my fellow student. She’s a pony I hurt for a long time. And she’s a better pony than I will ever be.
Sunset sighed and stared into her tired reflection.
This isn’t about me. This is about her. What’s best for her. And what’s best for Twilight is to be with a pony who doesn’t have an angry little pony in her head. Somepony without the baggage and past that I’ll never make up for.
Her angry little pony was oddly silent. Sunset wasn’t sure what to think of that.
And if I ever… if I ever give in to that voice… Sunset steeled herself. I won’t let her get hurt again. If I let her get too close, she’ll get burned.
She deserves better.
And I don’t deserve much of anything, no matter how many times my friends tell me otherwise.
“Yes. I think it would be best for both of us if we remained friends.”
Cheerilee eyed her. Sunset could see the earth pony in the reflection of the window. Slowly, Cheerilee approached her, almost as if Sunset were a spooked wild animal. Sunset almost felt like one. There was a part of her that wanted to run. A part of her that wanted to retreat into those horrible panic attacks. But nothing good ever came from those moments. She fought back the panic attack, because she knew her angry little pony was waiting for her in there. And when she was locked in her own head…
She feared those moments above all others. She feared them because she was afraid they might break her someday.
Cheerilee’s hoof was gentle as it pressed into Sunset’s shoulder. Something cracked inside Sunset and to her surprise, she found tears falling down her face. Seconds later, Cheerilee had her wrapped in a tight hug as the tears continued to fall. Her friend made faint soothing noises, like one would make to a filly who’d had a nightmare at two in the morning.
“I know this is hurting you, Sunset,” Cheerilee whispered. “We’re all here for you. But we can’t make the decision for you. We’ll support you, no matter what you decide to do… but there’s something very important you need to remember.”
Sunset blinked away a few tears and stared into the eyes of her friend.
“You aren’t the only one involved. It’s her decision, too.”
Sunset broke eye contact.
“I want to set her up with Moon Dancer,” Sunset confessed, staring at her tear-stained hooves. “I… I want them to get together. To make up for lost time. I need them to be together. If they’re together… I just know it won’t hurt.” Sunset swallowed hard. “Ever since that dinner, Moon Dancer and I have been growing apart. I don’t want that. I can’t stand it. I want my friend back. And I think… I think they can make each other happy.”
“Are you sure?”
Sunset closed her eyes. “Please don’t ask me that.”
Cheerilee let out a long sigh. “Okay. Then what do you need?”
“Help me.”
“You want us to help you set up Moon Dancer and Twilight on a date?”
Sunset nodded quietly. “I thought… I felt so sure last night that I could handle this. I can’t. I’m too screwed up inside to do this. I still have to go tell Twilight. I’m going to do that no matter what… but after…”
“Sunset, what are you saying?”
Sunset wasn’t the best of ponies. She knew that all too well. She’d destroyed ponies’ relationships, their lives, even taken their dignity and self-respect. But she needed to prove she wasn’t that pony anymore. She needed to prove it to herself.
And that meant she needed to sacrifice what she wanted for somepony else.
It couldn’t be just a momentary sacrifice. It needed to last.
Sunset opened her eyes, swallowed and looked Cheerilee in the face. Even as her stomach twisted, she said the words. The words that might actually give her peace.
“I want you to help make it work.”
Cheerilee’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything.
“Please.”
Hours seemed to pass before Cheerilee responded.
“Okay. Let’s see what we can do.”
“Really?”
Cheerilee brushed Sunset’s mane back from her face. “Really.”
Sunset could see the doubt in Cheerilee’s eyes, but she didn’t care. Maybe, just maybe… she’d get some peace on this.
And Twilight will end up with a better pony than me.
It's really tragic how much Sunset insists on hurting herself.
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To be fair though, you can see where Sunset is coming from.
Doesn't seem like a healthy mindset. Old Sunset wanted everything, new Sunset refuses everything. If she want's to be good to everyone, she needs to accept that she is included in everyone.
Tearing out her heart to offer it to some ideal "good pony" archetype. At least when the Aztecs did it, they thought they were ensuring the sun would rise.
Still, Cheerilee has an excellent point that Sunset's ignoring. No one's actually asked Twilight what she thinks. Moony might, but she's not exactly a neutral fourth party.
Definitely looking forward to seeing where this one goes. I do hope somepony takes Celestia to task for what she's done to Sunset. Not harshly, just making sure she appreciates the consequences of her actions.
Oh, Sunset...
Again, very good job on the latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up were all, as usual, quite well done. Once more Sunset's inner arguments were entertaining and I did like the little Mythology Gags to the canon series (i.e. the "worst case scenario" exchange and the extremes Twi went to in "Feeling Pinkie Keen") . And, yeah, I really like how Sunset's other friends are trying so hard to help her.
Anyway, I'll most definitely be looking forward to more of this story.
Damnit sunset, being a good friend doesn't mean sacrificing everything for them. Being a good person doesn't mean never having anything good come your way. Celestia really is screwing Sunset up with this one. Is the outcome of Sunnys future really that bad if she gets with Twilight?
I'm sort of surprised her friends are going along with this so easily. Seeing a friend do what is essentially self flagellating and not trying to stop it? I really hope Twilight stops sunsets self abuse and self denial before it turns her into more of a wreck. She's our only hope now.
I am going to stop following this story since it goes either towards Twilight/Moondancer shipping or Twilight/Sunset shipping and I am no fan of those ships.
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In that case Sunset's screwed.
And not in the fun way. (Well, maybe not.)
Hmm. Well, despite Sunset's offhanded 'Because of the princess' comment... yeah no, this is in her head. What I like about this, though I hate to say it, is that it comes from a good place, in a way. Hear me out...
Sunset was horrible, and has ruined lives at least in the short term, possibly longer. Personal guilt aside, she has never really paid for any of that. She walked away from those dark years with friends, more faith than ever from the Princess of the Sun (title rather than name to drive home just how big that is in Equestria terms), and just in general no real comeuppance despite a scare or two. Now, keep in mind, I'm not saying 'I want her punished'. I don't. What would it accomplish? Justice makes the world better... punishment would just be revenge at this point, making those she wronged feel better. And they could get there without inflicting pain. But that doesn't change the fact that she feels guilt, and she's a doer. Her guilt needs an outlet. She needs to make that sacrifice, accept a punishment of her own making since the world won't do it. As noted, her friends can support her and help her get through it. If it works out well enough, she'll even be stronger for it... maybe. Assuming she doesn't keep on this trend until, as I previously mentioned, she's completely broken by the notion of giving up everything to 'better ponies than me'.
Here's the trick though... is this the punishment she needs? Or is there another lesson she could/should learn here? If she's not going to be alone in that future mirror... sharing her agency is going to be important (it's especially so when talking about loyalty). Not using it to run roughshod over others, and not using it to punish herself for running roughshod over others. ...Sharing it. For someone like her, that's going to be A LOT harder than this noble sacrifice shtick. If it goes well it probably won't even feel like a punishment (quite the contrary, however it ends up), but it'll sure cheese off her angry little pony (that punk doesn't deserve to be capitalized, "Buck you" indeed). That alone makes it worth the attempt... if they manage to get her out of her own head long enough to try it. Cheerilee got close, but didn't really reach the heart of the matter. All the more telling that Sunset mentioned the Princess first... it was closest to the surface, and as such the least important reason for doing this.
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Huh, funny you should mention it that way. *checks watch for thousand year Luna alarm...*
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I could say so much more about your comment (but I can't give stuff away!), but I do have a question.
What do you mean by agency?
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...Yeesh I started to answer that and stopped, like 'wait, how do I define that rather than just use it?' Too many college courses discussing this kind of thing... Let's just say Oliver Twist has none and that's why he's a garbage protagonist (in my opinion, anyway).
Agency is your control over your life, how much power and freedom you have to make your own choices and influence your own life. It's how much you do versus how much just happens to you. See also this wiki article.
Edit: because I hit post rather than preview... in Sunset's case I expand this to her power as Celestia's apprentice... her agency as a royal agent, as it were. To accept that she has such a place part of what she has to do is accept the responsibility and not lead with guilt. Those two are only tangentially related. I think her friends can help, but she really has to let them in first.
I really feel for Sunset here. I get how much she's coming from a good place, but I think she desperately needs to love herself. No, these feelings of guilt may never truly go away. But she needs to start somewhere. And I hope that the support of her friends can help her do that.
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Is there a punishment that is big enough for her to accept while not destroying her at the same time? With her current mindset, that punishment would need to be at least as bad as all her sins combined. Maybe not even that would work, because it wouldn't undo anything she has done.
Either she does something so unbelievably good that she thinks she has good karma again, or she has to get over herself somehow. Friends might help with the latter. (And with the former, when Luna comes back)
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It's funny that she seems to have that human mindset about crime and punishment, given that she avoided that particular mirror in this timeline. Ponies are almost crazy forgiving, and she doesn't seem to extend that to herself at all. I think you're right, unless something changes she'll keep punishing herself, and continue keeping herself down so she doesn't risk playing to the wishes of her angry little pony. Something's gotta give, whether it's her friends giving her a proper intervention on the matter, or her stumbling into something so blindingly good that it shuts that voice up for good.
I think it will, one way or another she has a better destiny ahead of her than that 'solo alicorn' future she saw in the mirror long ago. The question becomes: how much of herself will she have given up out of guilt by the time she reaches that point? At this point, I don't know that leaving that answer up to her is in her best interests. But we'll see.
Forgiveness from others is pretty, but ultimately meaningless.
What matters is forgiving yourself.
Sunset is getting scared to even turn the pages of her life anymore, because she's afraid of what she'll find. So she's trying to re-write the narrative and take control of the story -- a commendable initiative, except that she's not the only one in that story anymore. Her old instincts are telling her to get ahead of this, because she is still pretty impulsive. She's trying to find a way to make sure everything keeps spinning -- because she views herself as the sun at the center of a solar system, and if ponies get too close to her, they'll burn up in flames. Because her bad, bad self is locked in the core of that sun, watching and waiting, and no one would see it in time if it suddenly got through and stretched its claws out through the corona.
The solution is simple. Confront the fear with who she's afraid of hurting the most. Because they're gonna be speaking more to that angry little part of her than they are Sunset herself. Fear is the thief of all joy. By taking away its power, they take away its hold on Sunset. That is how she will truly be able to earn her own forgiveness.
I predict Twilight ends up with both of them.
I do hope that actually works out...
Does anyone else want to see Pinkie, Minuette, and Twi all in the same room? Bonus points if there's caffeine and lab equipment nearby.
It would be hilarious!
...Is Pinkie still the same? She needed the rainboom in the canon timeline. Does she still have the ESP skill?
You can't spell Friendship without 'I' Sunset Shimmer. That is to say, you matter, you are not alone, and you deserve to be loved despite what those malicious voices in your head tell you.
This whole debate kinda reminds me of a story where Fluttershy is constantly being taken advantage of by others "oh help my sick puppy...whoopsies I forgot my bit pouch" because a "KIND" pony will never call them out or do anything about it. In response Rarity tells her a story about one of her first fashion shows, a mare approached her about donating to this charity auction or something and when asked about the specifics, the mare didn't want just one or two dresses, she wanted everything, Rarity's designs, her entire stock, her materials, and more. The reason is because a "GENEROUS" pony can't ever say no, they have to give up everything down to their last blood cell should it be requested.
Sunny here is having this problem, she wants to make amends for her past actions, which in of itself is commendable. But here's the rub, her a.l.p. and self-destructive guilt won't accept anything short of her giving up her life's blood to an imaginary idealized "better pony" at this stage I doubt anything short of all of her friends and Celestia screaming in concert "Get the buck over yourself!" would be able to shake her free from these demons. The fact that she hangs out with her friends is a glimmer of hope, but she has a long road ahead of her.
This is so heart breaking coming from someone that experienced this sort of thing. It hurts so much when you set your crush and best friend up, watching them as the third wheel.
Fast forward because I don't want it to be long, they didn't work out and my efforts were in vain, it was one-sided.
Sometimes I dream of what we could've been if I was the one that pursued her. Call me delusional but I really do think we could've worked out, but it all happened. I can't take back my actions and it has happened.
I don't regret it as much as I thought though, It was a bitter-sweet feeling playing the matchmaker to your crush and best friend but, I don't regret it.
Heh... So much for the people you love, am I right?