• Member Since 11th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2019

Twilicorn


I'm a lazy writer who loves what I do, but is too lazy to write half the time. If you have an idea for a story, shoot it at me though. I just might take it♥

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Colgate has just earned her cutie mark, and has decided to set off for a small town to set up her Dentistry Practice. Coming to Ponyville, she opens the first dentist's office they've seen in a very, very long time. Watch out cavities, here she comes!

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 20 )

There's something that bugs me: If Colgate is a dentist then why is her CM an Hourglass? Is she related to Ponyville's resident Time Lord?

Very good first chapter! Let's see how the second one is :pinkiesmile:

961298
It refers to the long waiting times in a dentist's office.
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TA: Why is Colgate a dentist? Shouldn't she be an oral hygienist? (Stereotypical, I know, but come on).

961323
Fair enough, at least you have material for any Doctor Whooves jokes/references in future chapters (I know that offically his name is Time Turner. But seriously that's a Harry Potter reference waiting to happen way too often.) :facehoof:

961342
At least they stopped there. If it continued, fans would catch on.
"Introducing my OC Expecto Patronum"

Now, I'm not a critic, but if I was one you'd get points off the bat for using Colgate. People rarely use Colgate, and she could be such a better character! But anyways, I liked this story, and I hope it'll flesh out a bit in the plot :rainbowwild: And also, it would be nice if there was a liiittle bit of light comedy so that it didn't seem so bland. The last thing that I noticed is that there were a few grammatical errors sprinkled about. Now, obviously, nobody's perfect, but some of these thing seemed like they could've been avoidable with a simple proof-read :twilightblush: Maybe I'm just a grammar-nazi, but I think that grammar's the kind of thing that separates an okay story from a top notch story. Other than that, I liked this :pinkiehappy: I briefly looked at a few of your other stories and I noticed that you only wrote like 2 chapters for a bunch of them :raritydespair: I hope you don't continue that trend with everypony's favorite dentist, because there are like NO good Colgate fanfics.

I don't usually like to criticize, but I thought that if it was constructive you wouldn't mind as much :twilightblush: I'll give this a like and favorite it :yay:

961298
Dentists recommend brushing your teeth for three minutes every day!

961381
10 out of 10 Time Lords reccomend throwing cheese at Daleks.

961298 (JLargent)
She;s secretly his wife :pinkiegasp:

961311 (Patient X)
I'm hoping as this progresses, it'll improve :) Thanks!

961323 (LazyLazyDan)
... I have no excuses.

961354 (Wariyoshi)
I'm really trying to stop doing that. I just get all these fantastic stories, then feel the need to publish them. Quickly. I have twenty stories, and like 90% of them are incomplete xD I'm going to sit down (hopefully this week) and force myself to finish a lot of them. As for grammar-I'm taking math two grades ahead. Not English :raritywink: But seriously, feel free to post anything you see off, because I need it.

961381
Colgate says you'll only need to for one minute if you use Colgate!

961390
Yes, but 11 out of ten suggest jello.

I hope to see more of this. Slice of life stories are the bread of the fanfictions, it let us see the pony world as if we had many more episodes than broadcasted.

Kudos for using a scarcely used pony as Colgate. I can't wait to see the party, and her dismay of overabundance of candies in ponyvile's diet.

The pacing seems ok, but it lacks some detail. Try to make slightly longer chapters. Please keep it up, it's interesting to read your story :pinkiesmile:

ATTN:: I need funniness help. I've got some stuff, but keep up the ideas!

961688 Funniness help, you say? Well, you can never go wrong with Derpy :derpytongue2: Stick her in there and make her be all "Oooh, what's this thingy!?"

"That's a mirror, Derpy"

"I have a sister! Hello sister!"

Or Pinkie Pie, make her unable to sit still :pinkiehappy:

one more packet of toothbrush do you mean toothpaste? :unsuresweetie: also i suggest twist:twistnerd:

965088
Probably xD
Twist is the next chapter, if I can figure out what I'm doing.

965225 woo hoo im right also maybe braces?

So when is DT going to get those cavities filled? That will be an interesting thing to see. I would love to see her kicking and struggling, causing Colgate to have to hogtie her into the chair, ok my Colgate is a lot more brutal as a dentist but regardless of what you have happen, it will be funny. This is getting upvoted, faved and tracked.

I secretly hope for this fic to get finished, 9 years later

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