Mare in the Mirror

by adcoon

11. Something Lost Between Us

The rock turned over and came to a stop, as inert as ever. Pinkie sighed and gave the piece of black stone another nudge with her nose, making it roll a few feet through the darkness before once more coming to a stop. The little pink filly looked around at the endless black plains and sighed again, even deeper this time. She trotted with heavy hooves over next to the lonely rock and shoved it again, but all it ever did was roll then stop.

Pinkie plopped down on her haunches with a deep, soulful sigh and stared into the darkness. Her brow furrowed, and her eyes bulged out as she scrunched up her face and stuck out her tongue in a grotesque expression of childish concentration. Slowly her little hoof came into her view as she lifted her front leg up in front of her face. Carefully and with great precision she reached out and poked the darkness.

A tiny chuckle escaped the young filly's lips, and again she poked, poked the darkness. The black stuff around her gave way for her hoof, like the soft mass of fluffy, sugary candy floss. Pinkie giggled softly and poked once more.

A little red sparkle flickered in the darkness as she pulled her hoof back. Pinkie's eyes widened, and with bated breath she reached out. Her hoof poked through the black curtain of soft stickiness, and a tiny little light appeared above the groove of her hoof, dancing and blinking like a firefly in the night. Pinkie stared in wide-eyed awe at the vision, a smile spreading on her face.

With a quick upwards throw, the little blinking light left her hoof and soared towards the sky. Pinkie's eyes followed its trajectory as it rose higher and higher into the sky, then she turned her eyes to the rock next to her. That black, inert, silly little rock!

Pinkie looked at it long and hard, stroking her chin like an imaginary beard as ideas began to form. Slowly she reached out her hoof, just barely touching the stone. There her hoof lingered for a bit, then she gave it a little quick poke.

A spark flew from the contact between her hoof and the stone, a little flickering white light that landed on her nose like a flake of snow. Pinkie tilted her head and crossed her eyes to look at the light sitting on her nose. Tears welled up in her eyes from the strain of looking, but the smile remained all the same.

She closed her eyes and sat perfectly still. As she sat there she could see the stone in her mind, and she picked it up. It floated in front of her as if held up by unseen hooves, the hooves of ponies she knew. Ponies she loved.

The stone turned in her mind as she giggled and began counting. “One … two … three …” Pinkie reached out both her hooves, the stone turning slowly between them. “Four … five … six!” On six she brought her hooves together, and with a gleeful chortle she tickled the stone.

The stone sang in her hooves and sent sparks in every directions. Pinkie continued cheerfully as the stone grew smaller and smaller, until finally with a little poof it vanished in a prismatic spray of stars.

Pinkie opened her eyes and looked up, mouth agape and eyes wide with glee at the wall of light shimmering around her, a glittering, dancing rainbow-veil of tiny fireflies. Not a speck of black, not a single drab color. Pinkie cried and laughed at the same time as she turned and turned, hooves stretched out, passing through the veil of light, sending ripples through it as through water.

Her smile vanished swifter than it had appeared. Her hooves fell down, dangling by her side, and the veil of light fell quiet all around her. Pinkie stared ahead of her and listened intently. Somewhere else, somepony was crying, sobbing in the darkness outside. Pinkie gasped and pushed herself through the veil, into the dark. Somepony needed a hug, and maybe a big cheering-up party!

Pinkie scouted the darkness, eyes narrowed. Her gaze locked on a tiny figure in the distance, a lonely unicorn filly trudging through the dark and dreary night with her head hanging low, almost dragging along the ground.

Pinkie gasped and called out to her, waving her hooves wildly, “Twilight!”

* * *

Pinkie opened her eyes and fluttered at the pair of cyan eyes looking back at her.

Fluttershy was smiling brightly at her, a little yellow sun with the most beautiful blue eyes. “You're just so, so cute when you giggle in your sleep. Did you know that?”

Pinkie opened her mouth, though she wasn't sure what to say. She didn't get to figure it out, as Fluttershy leaned over and kissed her softly. A full-grown dragon could have stormed through the building that moment, and the whole place could have crumbled to ruins around her, yet Pinkie wouldn't have noticed. She just stared as Fluttershy's lips met hers, and was still staring as Fluttershy opened her eyes again and blushed at her. “I love you too, Pinkie.”

Pinkie was crying, yet she had never been happier in all of her life. She reached out a hoof and touched Fluttershy's cheek before leaning back in for a second kiss. Pinkie wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy's neck and let the tears flow freely down her cheeks. Life and joy bubbled up inside her, flooding her and washing away what felt like ages of sadness.

She laughed as she hugged Fluttershy.

Fluttershy seemed overwhelmed. She cried a little and blushed timidly. “I-I'm so happy to hear you laugh again, Pinkie. Nothing m-means more to me.”

Pinkie smiled and nuzzled Fluttershy before wiping the tears from her eyes. She stood there for a while, hugging Fluttershy in silence, before her eyes settled on the bandaged leg. Some of the sadness returned as she looked at the now missing hoof. Only the thigh remained as a strange, useless stump. Everything from the knee and down had been removed.

Pinkie remembered little of the operation. She had been squeezing Fluttershy's hoof while trying to block out everything but the thought of the pegasus' smiling face and all the happy memories she had of her from back in Ponyville.

Fluttershy nuzzled her and turned her head away from the leg. “It's … it's alright, Pinkie. Don't be sad.” Pinkie nodded a bit and buried herself in Fluttershy embrace. They sat like that for a while before Fluttershy broke the silence. “You shouldn't have to sleep here. The doctors say I'm doing well, and if the leg heals without complications I can get out of the hospital … soon.”

“I don't want to leave you,” Pinkie murmured.

“I know, Pinkie. But I don't want to keep you here now that I'm doing better. You need proper sleep too, and you can always visit me whenever you like.”

Pinkie hugged Fluttershy a little tighter. “Just … just a little longer?”

Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “Okay, just … a while.”

* * *

“What did they say?”

Luna closed the door behind her and looked up at the others who had gathered around the main room of the suite. “She is doing well. I talked a little with her, and Angel was very happy to see her too. She should be well enough for you to visit her. And if all goes well she can leave the hospital within a few days, but it will be a while longer before she is well and safe enough to travel anywhere.”

Everypony looked relieved, and the mood of the room seemed to rise significantly. Luna appeared to be the exception, looking uncomfortable as she stepped over to the others where they were sitting. “It brings up a question that I am not eager to consider, but there is no way around it. With Trixie in the condition that she is, with what is at stake, I … am not sure we can wait for Fluttershy.”

Both Pinkie and Trixie jumped up. Pinkie looked horrified. “We can't leave her here. I won't leave her! I promised I wouldn't leave her. Never, ever, ever!”

Trixie frowned. “I won't leave her either. She is our friend, how can you suggest we just leave her here because she's … inconvenient? After all she's been through and paid for in blood, you just want to abandon her?”

Luna looked hurt. “I'm not abandoning her, and I don't want to leave her behind any more than you do, but please be reasonable. We may not have much time, and the longer we wait the worse it will only get. I don't want to lose you for anything, Trixie, and Fluttershy would be safe and well taken care of here. I am certain my sister would also be happy to arrange a royal escort for her back to Ponyville and her old friends. It's not like I want to just dump her off here in the middle of nowhere.”

Trixie huffed. “So all this has been for nothing. She came with us, and lost a leg, for nothing? Just to be sent back home? That is not fair, I won't accept that!”

“Trixie—” Luna began, but was cut off by Pinkie.

“Trixie is right, it's not fair! What kind of grand tale of adventure would that be? Even I couldn't make that worth telling. Fluttershy can still help, just you wait and see!”

Luna sighed. “I know none of us want it, but we don't want things to take a turn for the worse with Trixie either. We need to think of more than ourselves here. Manna must be far ahead of us by now. She could have reached the sea already. What if she grows desperate when she finds that she can't use the mirror? She has my blood, what will she do with it? What will it do to somepony as unstable as her? I dread to learn the answers to such questions.”

Everypony remained silent. Pinkie looked down at her hooves sadly while Trixie turned and stared at the wall. The briefly happy atmosphere turned cold and unhappy instead.

Luna looked down sadly. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as if … I'm sorry. I just try to do what is best.” She turned around and left the room, closing the door behind her.

* * *

Luna turned on the bed and opened her eyes, sadly stroking the empty spot beside her. It was cold, untouched by the warmth of Trixie. Was she wrong? She only wanted to do what was right, to protect those she held dear.

Had she been too hard on Trixie? Or not hard enough? Maybe she just needed to put her hoof down and take charge here. For Trixie's own sake, and for the sake of everypony. It hurt to think that way, but did she not have a responsibility to the others as well? To all of Equestria, if things took a turn for the worse? But how would Trixie react? Would she turn against Luna and … no, that could only make things worse.

Luna turned again, staring up into the ceiling. She wanted to hold Trixie tight, wanted to feel her and comfort her. She wanted to feel happy again and know that everything would be alright, somehow.

Something was missing or broken between them. Luna felt it deep within her heart. It was not the same since their argument earlier. The way Trixie looked at her, not as a lover or a friend, but … something else. Luna felt her chest tighten and closed her eyes to staunch the tears. Where had she gone wrong? How could she make everything good again?

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. She had to make it right again somehow. She needed to talk to Trixie. She needed to make amends. Slowly, feeling heavy, she rolled over and got out of the bed. She trotted across the room and opened the door.

Spike and Rarity were playing cards in the main room, passing the time as they kept watch while the rest of them slept. Luna gave them a weak smile as she walked over to the next door and gently pushed it up, peeking inside. “Trixie? Won't you come stay with me?”

Trixie was sitting on the bed with her back to Luna, looking down at her front hooves. “I would like to be alone, please. I don't want to talk to you.”

Luna stepped inside and closed the door behind her. “I'm sorry if I've somehow hurt you. I'm honestly trying my best, and you know that I love and care about you.”

“I know.” Trixie sighed and looked up a little, but didn't turn to face Luna. “I just wish to be alone right now, if you don't mind.”

Luna looked down sadly. “I—” She walked over to sit by Trixie. “If I have done something … if there's anything I can do to—” She stopped as she was about to sit down and her eyes caught what Trixie had been looking at. A small hoof-held mirror. “What are you … where did you get that mirror?”

Trixie frowned. “I bought it before we left Hoofswell, if you must know.”

“And you didn't tell me?” Luna asked, looking hurt.

Trixie looked away. “I knew what you would think. You would try to convince me not to bring it. But … you're wrong.” She looked back down at the mirror, eyes searching. “I need to find her. I need to see her again. It's all I can think about. It feels so important, as if … it's more important than anything.”

Luna looked helplessly at Trixie. “Trixie, you're obsessed. It's not right. Please listen to me. I know how you feel, but you must shake off this … fixation with Twilight.”

“You know how I feel, do you?” Trixie sounded angry, but composed herself again. “I'm sorry, Luna, but I know I am right. You don't understand.”

“I try,” Luna said quietly and moved a little closer to Trixie. “I really try, Trixie. Because … because I love you.” Luna looked at Trixie hopefully, waiting for her to say the same.

Trixie remained silent, looking down at the mirror in her hooves.

Luna watched her, a great sinking feeling swallowing her up. She wanted to break down crying. “I love you, Trixie,” she repeated in vain. It seemed as if she might as well have been speaking to herself.

Luna couldn't make out Trixie's face or determine her emotions, but it was as if she was changed. “I am sorry, Luna. I can not abandon Twilight.”

“Not even for me?” Luna tried desperately and reached out for Trixie. “Trixie?”

Trixie pulled herself away and turned around. She looked angry. Different. Luna recognized the look in her eyes, it was the same look she had seen long ago, back in Dappleshore when Trixie was just a poor, lonely performer down on her luck. Trixie stood up, facing Luna. “For you? You want her for yourself, don't you? Trixie sees it. You're jealous! Jealous because Twilight chose the Great and Powerful Trixie, and not you. You never truly loved Trixie!”

“I—” Luna was in shock and crying. “I do. I truly do!” Her eyes fell on the mirror. She frowned, and her horn glowed, determination in her eyes. “Trixie, I love you. I really, truly love you. I do this only because I love you.”

Trixie's eyes widened as she saw what Luna was after. Before Luna could grab the mirror, however, Trixie launched herself at her. The air crackled with energy as Trixie threw herself and Luna violently against the wall. Luna cried in pain as she crashed into the wall.

“You won't have her! Leave Trixie alone!” Trixie cried and stormed out the door, past a shocked Rarity and Spike who only just managed to jump out of the way. Luna tried to stand and pursue, but collapsed with a cry as her wing gave a crack.

“Look after Luna. I'll talk to Trixie!” Rarity said to Spike before bolting out the room in pursuit of Trixie.

Spike looked lost as Rarity disappeared. “Be careful!” he called after her, unsure if she even heard it, before turning to Luna who lay by the wall, crying.

* * *

Trixie burst out on the street outside the hotel and stopped briefly. Everywhere ponies turned to look at her, some stopping to stare or even bow. Trixie quickly put on an untroubled, aloof face and hurried down the street as if she was simply busy to get somewhere. But on the inside, her mind was anything but untroubled. She needed time to think and to calm down, to gather herself. She slowed down a little as she put some distance between herself and the hotel.

She glanced down at the mirror, still floating along beside her, and caught a glimpse of Rarity behind her. Trixie frowned as the unicorn trotted up beside her. “Do not try to take Trixie's mirror!” she warned, moving the mirror out of the way of the approaching unicorn.

“I won't, and I doubt I could even if I wanted to,” Rarity said as she caught up with Trixie. “I simply wish to talk with you, if that's not too much trouble.”

“Trixie does not wish to talk,” Trixie said, trying to sound firm.

“I think you really hurt Luna.” Rarity continued, undeterred. “And not just physically.”

“I—” Trixie's voice faltered slightly, but she quickly caught herself. ”Trixie is sorry for that, but she tried to take the mirror from Trixie. Tell her that Trixie is sorry.”

Rarity watched Trixie as they walked. “I really think Trixie should be the one to tell her that herself.”

Trixie didn't respond but kept on walking while keeping an eye on the mirror as if expecting Rarity might try to grab it.

Rarity simply followed. “What happened? What is it about that mirror?”

Trixie didn't say anything. For a while they simply walked in silence along the streets of the city. Trixie sighed as she thought of Twilight, the young filly she had spoken with in the mirror, and how much she missed her. Why did she miss her so? Why couldn't Luna understand? She felt so confused and …

Trixie finally slowed down and looked at Rarity. “Trixie … I mean, I just feel so …” She sighed. “So alone.”

“You have us, your friends. We all care about you, Trixie,” Rarity said as they stopped. “And we'll always be here for you, dear. You don't have to feel lonely.”

Trixie looked down. “I know. It's just like something is missing. Somepony. I feel empty, lost … like I did before I met Twilight and fell in love. Before, when I was … nothing.”

“But you have Luna. I know she loves you more than anything,” Rarity said with a smile, trying to bring one to Trixie's own face. It didn't seem to work.

Trixie began walking with heavy steps again. “I-I don't know …”

“She does love you, Trixie. She's mad about you. It's hard to miss,” Rarity insisted.

“That's … not what I meant. I'm not sure …” Trixie hesitated to voice the thought that had been growing in her mind lately.

“Are you saying …” Rarity looked a little shocked, “that you no longer love Luna?”

Trixie nodded slowly and looked down. “When I look at her … it's not the same anymore. Something that was there before is … gone.”

“Oh, Trixie …” Rarity stopped her and tried again to give her a friendly smile. “If this is about your arguments lately, that's all normal. All couples fight sometimes, and you're both going through a very trying time. Don't throw away something wonderful just because you have a few fights.”

“Have you ever loved somepony?” Trixie asked curiously, and mildly hopeful that it might divert the topic a little off of herself and Luna.

Rarity chuckled a little. “Well, since you ask, Trixie … let's just say I have yet to find the perfect stallion. I am a lady, and just call me old-fashioned but I expect to be swept off my hooves. Few stallions truly understand that.”

Trixie nodded. “I would really like to be alone, just for a while,” she repeated her wish from earlier.

“Are you sure? If you're feeling lonely, is being alone really what you need?”

“I … need to gather my thoughts. Maybe I'll go see Fluttershy at the hospital.”

Rarity watched her a little before nodding. “Alright, Trixie. Just know that we're all here for you, whenever you need it.”

“Thank you, Rarity. And please tell Luna that I am sorry for hurting her.”

“I will, but I think she would prefer to hear it from you sooner than later,” Rarity said and gave Trixie a smile before turning around and walking back towards the hotel.

Trixie watched her for a while, then turned and walked in the opposite direction.

* * *

Spike helped Luna back up, careful to keep her wing in place so it didn't move suddenly. “Are you alright? How bad is it?”

Luna grit her teeth as she tried to move the wing slightly, the pain bringing tears to her eyes. “Ow! I think … I just hit it badly. It's nothing. Where is Trixie?”

“Rarity went after her. Come, you should lie down or something. It didn't sound like nothing,” the dragon said as he led her over to the bed.

Luna protested, “We need to find her! What if she hurts Rarity?”

“I'm sure Rarity knows what she's doing, and Trixie's not going to do anything in the middle of the street, is she?”

Luna reluctantly lay down and wiped her eyes in the sheet while Spike sat down next to her. She looked up at the dragon. “Am I wrong, Spike?” She didn't wait for an answer. “I just don't know anymore. Trixie seems obsessed with Twilight and that mirror. I worry for her. I fear that Nightmare Moon is taking over, that I'm losing the mare that I love to the same monster I once fell to myself. But …” Luna shook her head. “What if I'm wrong? And maybe I was unfair about Fluttershy too.” She looked at Spike, desperate for answers. “Was I unfair? Was I wrong?”

Spike sighed. “I think you're asking the wrong dragon,” he said and got up. Luna watched him as he disappeared into the other room, returning moments later with a piece of paper, ink and a quill. He looked up at her as he placed the quill against the paper, waiting.

Luna smiled a little sadly and nodded. “You are a genius, Spike. Thank you.”

“Dear Princess Celestia, Spike is a genius!” the dragon repeated proudly as he wrote down the words. Luna shook her head and looked up as she let her thoughts flow freely, letting Spike write down all her concerns and questions.

* * *

Trixie knocked gently on the door to Fluttershy's room at the hospital before opening it and peeking inside. “Fluttershy?” she asked quietly. A tiny snore was her only response from within.

Trixie walked inside quietly and closed the door behind her. She stood for a while by the door, watching the sleeping pegasus before walking over by the side of the bed. Fluttershy looked peaceful for the first time in a long time, comfortably asleep under a warm blanket which covered the now missing leg.

“May I sit here with you for a while?” Trixie asked in a whisper. She didn't want to wake up the pegasus, but somehow talking to her made Trixie feel a little better, a little less alone. “Thank you,” she whispered as she sat down beside the bed.

She sat for a while, watching Fluttershy's chest move slowly up and down with each long breath. “I'm sorry. Sorry for what you had to go through because of me. I'm a terrible friend. I take and don't know what to give back. Maybe … one day I can repay your kindness and sacrifice. If I … if we survive this, I will! I promise.”

“I know you are my friends … all of you. My best friends.” Trixie looked down, crying. “So why do I feel so alone?” She fumbled a little with the mirror that she had brought with her. She looked into its blank surface and saw nothing but the wall behind her. “What have I done? Why can't I find you?” She closed her eyes tightly to keep the tears away. “Where are you, Twilight?”

Fluttershy's slow, soothing breath calmed her. She sighed and leaned against the bed, resting her head on the soft mattress next to Fluttershy.

* * *

Trixie stared into the mirrors all around her, reflections of reflections, infinite repetitions, yet no Trixie looked back at her and no Twilight met her searching gaze either. All alone she looked around her, feeling empty inside. Sadly she reached out a hoof, touching it against the polished surface of the mirror in front of her. She wanted to pass through, to step through the cold, hard mirror, to find her there, wherever she was now.

A voice tickled her ear, brought to her upon a cold breeze. Trixie turned. Was it her name? Was somepony calling to her? “Twilight?” she called back, a tiny spark of hope igniting within her, but the mirrors remained blank, reflecting nothing but their own empty faces. “Twilight, I'm here!”

She had to find a way, had to find Twilight. She needed a way to get to her, to find her again. The voice called once more. Trixie listened with bated breath. Luna knew the way. Luna could open the way. That was the plan. She needed Luna … she needed her friends, to find Twilight. Trixie turned around … she had to find her friends first!

* * *

The green flame faded as a small scroll materialized in a puff of smoke. Luna looked up from where she lay and picked up the scroll, unfolding it. Spike looked over her shoulder as she read Celestia's reply.

“My dearest sister,

“Caution can turn to distrust, and distrust can tear apart even the best of friends. Stay by and trust in those closest to you. If you leave friends behind you may be sorry later, and if you look for snakes everywhere that's all you're going to see.

“Celestia

“P.S. Yes, Spike is a wise dragon and a good friend.”