Sheogorath. The Prince of Madness. A man who has grown bored with his own world. When he brings his insanity to a land of peace, the Royal Sisters find themselves thrust into his world. A land of perpetual war and chaos. Survival is the least of their problems. If they are to find each other and return home, they must call upon the aid of a hero of prophecy. A hero that is said to rival the power of the sun itself. They must find him and prevent the destruction of two dimensions in the process. Little do they know how mentally unequipped this hero will be for both of them...
(The Dragonborn in this is going to be based on the default Nord look to make the story flow a little better.)
(And just as any author on this site will tell you, be gentle with me, this is my first fic, so there's no guarantee that it will exactly be perfect.)
And then they all died.
The end.
8816095
No, no, just an attempt at a cliffhanger before I start the next chapter. I have to create some sort of danger and conflict for Celestia and Luna after all.
8816114
I was implying celestia would kick their asses with righteous fury
8816121
Oh alright. nevermind.
I like the premise. You did sheo pretty well, Celestia is pretty good as well, though I think Luna is a little behind where she would be at this point, but I can't exactly remember for sure. Pretty good so far.
Missed a space here.
The coverart made me think of Meridia and Nocturne and also reminded me of a fic where the Royal Pony Sisters are cousins to the Daedra, especially to Azura.
8824631
I'm not entirely sure about which fic you are referring to, but I actually plan on involving the Daedra at one point. The good ones specifically like Azura, Nocturne, Meridia, and Peryite.
A couple typos I spotted (and/or things that could be improved)
You should switch this out with a page break. Like this
Makes it so that it's uniform regardless of what anyone is viewing this on. It leaked into the next line for me. Or you could use a smaller one and center allign it.
I think you mean moments instead of minutes. Doesn't make sense for it to take more than a minute to go from her room to somewhere that close, even if she was tired.
You should switch All Right with alright, all right sounds like he's adressing the little colts to the right of him.
Missing a quote before They.
You should add another page break after this line. It's best to keep a consistent format when you're shifting perspectives to someone new in a different place
I enjoyed this chapter. It's pretty good, if a bit off with the characterization and dialogue/word choices. Still pretty enjoyable. I do like that you showed what happened with the mane six while the sisters were doing what they were doing, though I feel like the timing was a little off in continuity between celestia sending the message to twilight showing up and twilight recieving the message, getting everything ready, then teleporting to canterlot. I think the only was to explain that is they were blacked out for a while before Tia heard twilight, or her persceeption of time was skewed by the beating.
Otherwise, nice chapter. I look forward to seeing how the sisters handle the harsh cold of skyrim.
8824662
How do I do the page break thing? And now that you point it out, I'll try to add a bit more to the prologue to better explain the time gap
8824654 Why is Peryite a “good” Daedra? His sphere of influence is disease and I’m pretty sure no one wants to get sick. Also, do you think Malacath is a “good” Daedra?
8824675
Oh yeah, that's right. Nevermind on him then. The other actually evil Daedra including Molag Baal I'm going to try to turn into minor villains in certain parts of the story. And Malacath while evil only technically, is like a Klingon from Star Trek or a Krogan from Mass Effect. He craves battle and he seems to respect those with backbone and strength. So I'm going to involve him into Celestia's story arc.
8824730 Alright and I also like your Dragonborn. It’s not everyday I get to read one that IS somewhat of a manchild.
Looks good so far, I'm enjoyinng the parts in skyrim a lot. Here's some more things I found
Not quite sure what you mean here. "Murmur at her presence, unsure of her" perhaps?
Is twilight here now? I think you mean luna.
Like on the last chapter, I reccomend keeping the transition "icon" thing consistent when changing perspectives to somewhere else. I do think that the first transition in this chapter was fine though, since it was doing something different and sticking with the same character.
I really like where this is going. I'll keep pointing out stuff I spot like this when I find the time. Good job so far!
Oh! I'm so visualising the dragonborn [insert playername here] as chris pratt, because you likened the personalities. I wonder how well that will turn out.
8824752
Don't worry, he's going to debut in the next chapter.
8824671
The page break is the little line in the menu bar in fimfiction.
The text code for it is hr in square brackets.
Do try not to explain the time gap directly though, it makes it look like a bandaid or a bit of spackle that filled a hole on a blue painted wall. Unless you do it right, but that's pretty hard to do by directly explaining it. Maybe having sheogorath mess with them some more?
8824776
Thanks, that does make the story look a bit more organized
Is she going to wake up in bleak barrow falls?
Oh Markarath or or!.. Falkreath? Or a Dwarven ruin? Orc village? SKY HAVEN TEMPLE??
Sooo many places to pick from!
i have no life....
8824999
I have something a little more low key, but also threatening in mind for Celestia to wake up in. Don't worry, I have something interesting planned
Aw, don't say you have no life,
It's completely natural to gush over stuff you enjoy like this. 
8824776
I added a little bit of Sheogorath screwing with Celestia and Luna to stretch out the time. Reread the prologue and tell me what you think.
Mess should be messes, and the space in magic is probably just a typo.
The quote she used should have 'the' instead of 'our' in the case of her quoting something, unless you're going for her trying to adapt it to her Iambic Pentameter (in which case, it would probably be fine. But the full quotes " should be the half quotes ' because if you leave it with the full quotes, it looks like she just stopped speaking in the middle of the line.
Missing a period/exclamation mark here and in a few lines around there.
The line just ends there?
There should be an and after over.
Have ever seen in their long lives is redundant here. The first one fits better than the second one, try finding some different way to explain it.
mismatched can be one word.
"In a manner to another chaos spirit" makes it sound like we don't know who it is. Try "similar manner to their own spirit of chaos." It makes it feel more personal to the character.
"Before a field... Before loosing consciousness" The two befores here being so close together make it sound repetitive. What about "Just as Luna was loosing consciousness..."
I think I liked the last paragraph better with us actually seeing/hearing twilight call out to celestia like the previous version. It gives a better "show don't tell" kind of thing.
Overall, I think this newer version does a better job of padding out time without too much in the way of them just waiting around and you filling up words to make it take longer to read, so pretty good on that front.
As for the things sheo did, well, I guess it works? I don't know what kind of chaos sheo would really bring (I haven't played the shimmering aisles expansion or whatever they called it) so I can't say that it isn't something he would do, but it feels more like Discord in a bad mood and his cereal just decided to burn itself. Not really a prince of madness thing. Either A it's what you were going for, or B, Sheo is just breaking it in really gently. I don't really know how it could be improved, so I can't help much in that regard.
What do you use to write this? I don't reccomend writing it directly in fimfiction, as it could end up not saving or something else.
I reccomend you save different itterations of the same chapter to different files so, in case you need to, you can look back at what you did before so you can easily change something back or see what not to do. (I'm not a professional writer, so I don't know if they actually do this, but it's usually a good thing to iterate.)
I hope I've been able to help with this! I'd like to suggest you find a pre-reader that can help out with spelling/grammar/other stuff like that, but don't worry too hard if you don't have one, it's just a good help to have different eyes on the same thing.
(Trying to give good writing advice when I'm not a writer, jeeze, who do I think I am?)
I hope to see what the next chapter will bring.
8824675
actually, i see Peryite as one of the truly neutral Daedra. his sphere of influence is disease and disease doesn't care if you are smart, dumb, good, or evil, it simply does what it does.
So humanized? If so why that cover art and the anthro tag? All just misleading.
8827235
I did make them anthro. I mentioned that they kept their coats of fur and their head structures but their bodies changed.
8828066
All of that says otherwise.
8828094
Don't worry I'll work out some of the details.
What's the sex tag for?
Whoever the Dragonborn is, he must have either hit himself in the head or underwent a traumatic experience... like being mindraped by Hermaeus Mora.
8856391
I get the distinct impression the Dragonborn is being written as if controlled by a player that doesn’t get into their role, and goofs off. They certainly seem scatterbrained enough.
8856384
That will come in a bit here and there. Nothing too overblown though. Just a bit of implied sexual stuff and the occasional nudity
8856429 Most of the Dragonborns I’ve read in Skyrim crossovers are mature to varying degrees or another, so this is a welcome change.
1st time Skyrim players in a nutshell.
Did she keep her tail?
...We all think to this... really, just one thing is possible... The dragonborn have to take a bucket and put it on the head of the yarl ! It's tradition !
8888692
Yeah, that's what I'm going for anyway. I wanted to make them anthropomorphic to fit with the unique races of Tamriel
YES!!! Nice to see a new chapter up! Also, AWESOME!!!
8970402
Thank you very much!
A neat balance between the ridiculousness of the Dragonborn (and the player) while also being a badass
8970412
You're very welcome. The only problem I can see thus far is that Luna seems really underpowered. She could have just grabbed the moon in her magic and smashed the dragon into a red stain on the ground.
Oh. My. Gosh I was just reading about one of my favorite games on wiki when I go to check here ya know what I find this! That's won hell of a coincidence.
uuh... wat?
9008649
Sorry, I'm doing a few edits. My mind was also on another story I was working on
9011379
WHAT edits? You STILL made it so Luna flung dinky old daggers at a freaking dragon. Instead, you should have had Luna use her immense telekinetic power to GRAB AHOLD OF ONE OF THE MOONS, and then slam it into the dragon like a wrecking ball. THAT'S what a person or pony wielding that kind of power would do.
9015763
I want to make it interesting. I don't want to start off with her as all powerful right from the get go. I'll edit it better to explain why she can't use all of her magic right now
9015773
Oh, okay, then. Works for me! ^_^
Zu'u Fen Saraan Fah Faal Ruz.
We always read about the badass aspect of the Dragonborn, but THIS Dragonborn is Crazy Awesome! Since his parents are Khajiit caravans, maybe his father is Ri’saad?
Hope Ulfric doesn't try to sell his craphone to Celestia. She should be able to see right through it and know how flawed his thinking is. Unless you go with the idea that he was basically brainwashed by the Thalmor to cause the civil war, than let her play along until she can break that.
9065992 I'll definitely play with Celestia and Luna going the neutral route and eventually try to have the sisters work with both the Stormcloaks and the Empire to come to a mutual agreement, cause both are filled with good people with good ideas, but they both are wrong in some way. The Thalmor are definitely the real villains in all of this
Lukas got the idiot, celestia has someone smarter, both on opposite sides without intention. Let's see where they go.