• Member Since 28th May, 2014
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

foxmaster


big time mlp and ace attorney fan

E
Source

Here is the tale of how everyone's favorite mint-colored pony found her soulmate. A tale of romance, hardship, and most importantly, a tale that will surely tug at your Heartstrings.

Warning: Minor violence.
Cover art by GAlekz.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 11 )

...Go on...(Also, you already have typos in the description. I suggest you fix that soon. It's a way to drive away readers. But not me, of course.)

Also, the paragraphing could be better.

8722027
any suggestions about how I should do the paragraphing and descriptions?

8722098
Well...

It was an ordinary Monday morning, The late winter snow lightly covered the ground below, The temperature stayed at a constant forty six degrees and the sound of my favorite boy band and their newest hit song filled my room with almost enough decibel to wake everyone in my house. I suddenly woke up with a burst of adrenaline and rushed to the bathroom to perform the everyday ritual of getting ready for the day. I ran back to my room and placed my homework in my bag when Mom shouted from down stairs.

I rolled my eyes at my mom’s words as I grabbed my backpack and rushed down the stairs. I ran past Dad in the Living Room and he told me to slow down before i tripped. Despite being in such a rush I followed his advice and slowed down. I then noticed a smell I recognized when I was younger and followed the aroma to the Kitchen. I entered the Kitchen and saw Bonbon sitting at the table finishing up the last equation on her math homework.

Notice how I only use one space to separate the paragraphs rather than like...Three?

8722164
thanks for telling me. i double spaced because from my internet explorer single spacing makes everything looked all bunched together.

Here is the tale of how everyone's favorite mint-colored girl found her soulmate. This is a tale of romance, hardship, and most importantly, a tale that will surely tug at your Heartstrings.

Warning: Minor violence.
Cover art by GAlekz.

here's a corrected version of your description.

8722210
I like to use google chrome.

8722210
Oh good God, no one should be using Internet Explorer EXCEPT for downloading a new browser like Firefox or Chrome. There is a reason why it is the most hated browser among tech support and general techies.

I only just came across this story and it seems way too rushed. The story was fine, but it just seemed to move so fast. If you ever decide to remake this story, I recommend letting certain scenes pad out for a bit, especially the one where Lyra meets Silver and asks him out.

9121945
ok besides their first meeting what others scenes are you referring to?

9122990
The backstory between Silver and Blaze. That seems like it should be its own chapter.

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