CrimsonRose97
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Great work can't wait for the next chapter
Holy shit Rarity's a bitch. I lime where this is going keep it up man.
8851637
Don't get me wrong, Rarity is one of my fav ponies, I'm not doubting her, but hell it was fun doing that.
8851652
Well you did awesomely dude and I can't wait for the next chapter.
This was a interesting first chapter I have to day. I don't agree with Rarity and her speciest views but she DID have a point. Humans are SUPER shitty animals. And honestly how would her kind react when they see how we have treated their kind over the hundreds of years. It isn't shocking they wouldn't like us very much. I mean what could we do to explain how we treated their kind on our world. And lets be honest here if Humans did find a world like their, how quickly would shit go VERY bad. We would end up going to war with the creatures of their world for sure, and with Magic they would put us down quickly or we would try to nuke them or something fucked up. I am just wondering Humans are known for being toxic creatures and I wonder how their interaction with the creatures of Spike's world have gone so far. I mean for a human to come there they have to give up everything and cut ties I would assume from their home world. SO what would bring humans to do such a thing. I can't help but think how many would abuse that and use this as a way to get away from our world, a.k.a the law, or any other reasons. It is just a interesting layout and I want to see where it will go from here.
I do think Rarity might have caused some major damage to the dynamic of the group. The whole core of this groups is it being able to function as a group of friends and Rarity put that and the countries security at risk. But honestly, not counting her speciest views, she is right. Spike didn't have to put up with all of that. He decided to do it under the hope she would like him, she never said do this and I will like you. He put that context onto her himself and now is angry because she doesn't return his feeling. I mean lets be honest here they weren't dating he blindsided her with marriage and through a fit when he didn't get the answer he wanted. Rarity didn't have to say yes and it is better she didn't than risk doing more damage. Did she do it in a bit of a bitch way, yes for sure, but she wasn't in the wrong. Spike losing his shit because he is hurt honestly does show how he does need to grow up a bit and think more about his actions before he does things.
8851934
Yeah, it is true. Humans are very shitty. Though I wrote it, it was a bitchy way Rarity pointed out the flaws. Did spike overreacted? Probably so with Rarity.
Like all other countries, we're always at the brink of war. both sides would lose a lot, but it's not the case here. I understand where you come from.
Could things go a bit differently? I have no idea, probably.
Some of the humans, like Rach, have no choice but to leave their home world. In needs of escaping of their past and start a new. I'll explain more of this topic as the chapters progress.
I like the opinon you have on this. Thank you :)
I want to like this.
I really, really want to like this: we don't get many human/dragon shipfics on this site, especially ones starring Spike, but this fic is just too flawed for me to enjoy. Not only are there multiple grammatical errors, and far too many instances of "showing" instead of "telling", but you turned Rarity into a colossal bitch!
I mean, I know that Rarity's flawed; she can be vain, stuck up, and overdramatic at times. I can see her holding an unjustified grudge against humans for whatever reason, but she wouldn't act like this. And the way she treats Spike is downright despicable. Whether you intended to or not, you made it look as though she were taking advantage of his childish crush on her, and when he proposes to her, she acts like a haughty, stuck-up bitch!
Here's my suggestion: fix Rarity's characterization.If she's going to have a grudge against humans, have her express it in a more passive-aggressive way; maybe she refuses to talk to humans or acts coldly around them. And when Spike proposes, have her explain that she didn't tell him her true feelings because didn't want to break his heart. It'd make her look a lot less callous and much more likable.
Just something to consider.
Love this story.
But also happens to come at a time that I absolutely hate Rarity.
Look forward to the entire series.
8852496
I get what you're coming from. I do, truly. I'll work on that on the next chapter. Just bare with me please.
I'm honestly interested in seeing how this story goes. Just wish Rarity wasn't such a hypocrite about this.
8853292
I am going to fix that later on on the chapters :)
In this universe's context. I find Rarity's actions believable. She's a heartless bitch who assumed Spike would only grow out of his feelings, yet never took any action to reject any advances, until now. I am most intrigued by this story, you have yourself a follower.
8853748
Thank you!
8853839
Can't wait for the next chapter.
I have a feeling that what Rarity did to Spike is gonna come back to haunt her later.
8854386
Oh it is lmao
Interesting so far going to have to track this
Well, the story idea sounds fascinating... I’ll give this a shot.
reads first chapter
gifimage.net/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/you-had-my-curiosity-gif-8.gif
8856193
Best comment I have read so far today XD
If this is going to be a series, maybe it can help with my series
8860507
This is. What series are you working on?
It is technically a series about a lost Prince for a lost species of pony known as a dracoris ( half Alicorn half dragon) he travels across Equestria looking for the six eggs of truth that relate to his kind you'll be able to learn more when you read the book but in the end Prince Breakup Tear is looking for his lost love and in the process he's also trying to take back the Kingdom at the Storm King took and he has to live with his sister turquoise while hiding a secret
what Breakup Tear is supposed to look like is actually my profile photo
8860603
i forgot to mention that he is in love with sombra
8860608
Never read the book sadly. but the concept sounds good
TBH, Rarity did kinda deserve being told off by Spike.
She's become blind with rage at her grudge against humans, all over an event that has yet to be elaborated on. That coupled with the fact that she waited so long to actually tell Spike that she doesn't love him. Seriously, Rara? At this point, any anger or hate that Spike holds towards her is completely justified by sheer karma.
Anyways, while the setup for the story isn't perfect, it's still got me hooked! I look forward to future updates!
Here's to hoping Rarity gets jealous and Spike rejects her in return!
8861919
Curse you for getting hooked, you get a cookie Tosses cookie at chu
Midnight, darling.... HAS YOU BEEN PEEKING IN MY BRAIN!?!?! My creative brain in a sacred place! Yous gives out spoils!!!
I honestly have to say I can't stand this Spike. He comes off so much as a brat and a asshole so far. He keep talking about feeling used and all this. But I can't help but keep screaming no one mad him do anything. He keep saying he devoted years of his life to making her like him. You can't make someone like you it happens or it doesn't. And Rarity I honestly feel when she went to say sorry was right to say he was acting like a big dumb dragon. Because he was, he was lashing out, acting like a hot headed brat, and a anger filled brute. Instead of talking to her like the friend she is suppose to be he lashed out because he was feeling bad. I don't agree with how Rarity talked to him at first but at least she tried, she tried to still be a friend above all else. He keep saying she should have out right told him. But she never once encouraged him or lead him on, he did that on his own. It would be one thing if she flirted with him and stuff but she ever did. Hell sound like she treated him like a little brother more than a love interest at all. I hope Spike's prissy behavior doesn't blow back and ruin the girls friendship as well. I just can't get over he proposed to her when they weren't even dating or anything that is so random and just creepy to be honest.
And honestly Twi was so right to be angry at him. He went way over. He felt he had a right to be in that fight, he wasn't mature enough to walk away and let some assholes be. And even then he took it way to far and almost killed someone. I get the feeling Twi used some of her political power to keep him out of real jail for his actions. But the trip could very well be fucked not just for him but the girls as well. I mean word WILL get out that the dragon on board got in a fight but took it too far and almost killed someone. The girls will be looked at funny for bringing somedragon on board who is so unstable he is willing to kill some jerks just for being assholes. And they will look at him like he is a monster. His immature actions will not only effect him but everyone else. But he fill justified in doing it, I mean does he realize shit talkers just come with you are in the public's eye is he going to fight and try to kill everyone who talk bad about Twi if she he wont ever stop fighting and will ruin her rep even more so.
8877096
Yeah, now he does. I meant for him to have a shitty attitude, it shows how still immature he is. This will get better.
Twilight you fucking idiot! Had you listened to him, you would've understood that he was trying to defend your honor!
8877155
She does understand. But seriously, though, what would you do if you see a dragon fighting ponies because they are just talking crap?
1. Twilight and Rarity lost my respect
2. I hope the 3 jackasses get what coming to them.
3. Nice picture
Excellent! chapter can't wait for more
I like how this chapter and can't wait for more man!
8877203
I would at least have the decency to hear what he had to say.
8877301
It'll get better in the later chapters. I promise
8877302
Okay. Maybe Rarity will realize where she messed up, and Twilight will find a way to apologize to him as well.
8877203
They weren't "just talking crap"; they outright ambushed him when he tried to walk away.
And this Twilight is a victim-blaming bitch and moron; given her timing, she had to have seen that Spike was only defending himself from their magic and weapons.
OMG. Twilight, can you EVER show some f
ing decency for your assistant!? He was standing up for you... the scumbag Bouncer nearly MURDERED him... and you don't even listen to his side of the story in full!? And Rarity, "subtle signs" are not enough to get somepony infatuated with you off your back! You need to straight-up tell them! So... yeah. Sorry, but I just DESPISE Twilight and Rarity in this story right now (and AJ a bit too; she was giving Spike the completely WRONG advice).
As for my overall impression of the chapter... it was well worth the wait! It was so satisfying to see Bouncer and those other assholes get trounced by Spike and Rachel! I hope you make them suffer within the next five days/chapters!
Yeah, I just heavily believe in justice, karmatic or otherwise.
It really seems like Rachel is the only one with any remote decency and empathy. After all, she clearly knows the right way to make someone feel better when they're devastated. Normally, I'm not too keen on OCs, but I really am starting to like Rachel! Keep it going!
8877096
...Is this guy for real right now?
Wow rarity is a bitch a stupid unicorn bitch
Love it
I am loving this build up!
I know Twilight will get better (at last I hope she does), but she's being a horrible person right now. If a person wants to mope to cope with something, that's perfectly fine. You do not forcefully pull someone out into public because you think it will help them. She also never heard Spike's side of the story and simply left him there.
Rarity's not much better. You can't simply expect subtle hints to work on somebody who's head over heels for you. Especially when you've never spurned those feelings once, and you actually used those very feelings to your own benefit! Rarity is coming off a little like a Sociopath. At least in the not caring about others feelings aspect.
In fact the only three who appear to be on Spike's side are Rainbow, Fluttershy, and Pinkie. Unexpectedly AJ said the exact opposite of what I thought and her words mirroring Rarity's almost perfectly makes me think that AJ and Rarity might have been in a secret relationship. Though I may just be reading into it a bit.
I find Rachel an interesting and fun character. She has a backstory with those tattoos, along with what she was running away from. I think her and Spike are good together.
tl;dr: I love what you're doing. Keep it up.
Wow this....this was some heavy stuff in this chapter
. Can not wait to see more
! I know logically, update will come when it can, but as a desperate fan I have to ask; Any guess on when we'll see the next chapter
?
Also, this may sound rage-y, but bear with me please. Just an excited fan pointing out things and hopes for what comes next.
Everything that happened to Spike was criminal. LITERALLY criminal. An ambassador to the dragon lands and prince was beaten to unconsciousness and thrown into a cell as the only guilty party without trial or, as far as I remember, without medical attention. The stallions would be guilty of multiple grounds of assault, assault with a deadly weapon, inciting a domestic disturbance, and all of this made worse by his ambassador and royal status. The crew and captain would be guilty of wrongful imprisonment, negligence, discrimination, instigating a diplomatic incident and violating diplomatic immunity. Even Twilight and friends would be considered guilty of the crew charges. Their status as Princess and ambassadors of friendship, as hokey as that sounds, makes them legitimate authority figures and their decision to leave him in detainment while actively denying his right to a say makes them equally guilty of all crew charges as well as abuse of power and potential act of war. Here's what I think should follow (you know, besides all of the romance, new friendships, reconciliation, and/or clop
)-
First, he meets Twilight and company the next morning to talk only for them to do something stupid again like ignoring him and going through the whole 'shame on you for doing wrong' BS. He finally has enough and is forced to question the nature of the entire friendship they supposedly had with him. He goes in private to send a letter to Celestia with his account of what happened and a request for Luna to use her abilities to check his memories. Message endorsed by Celestia, Luna, possibly even Cadence and Shining Armor is sent to ship captain. Scumbag stallions are detained in brig for remainder of the voyage until port where guard takes them to court for criminal charges. Captain makes public announcement of actual events and offers public apology on behalf of crew and cruise line company (otherwise, Spike's trip is going to be spent treated like a criminal/animal by all those aboard). Announcement of immediately active one-year restraining order at Spike's request be placed on Twilight and friends as well as warning that, while they won't be immediately detained. they will be met at port by armed escort to Canterlot to explain actions. Twilight and friends are invited to Captain's cabin to review evidence where they get a recording of memories, fight and imprisonment, via recording device of some sort that accompanied message. Possibly hear resigned comment from Captain about how this debacle might end his and crew's career with dismissal and blacklisting for their carelessness. Certainly, the cruise line would expect heavy fines and disciplinary action.
This might seem harsh, but I think this is just the kick in the pants Twilight and co need to take a hard look at present and past actions and think 'Maybe we didn't take this friendship as seriously as we thought?' Even Cadence and Shining would have to be standing beside Celestia's decision to ask 'What were you thinking!?' After all, Spike is kind of their little brother as well (not to mention the heat from imperial public opinion they'd get from citizens hearing about their hero's treatment
). It would be a year for Twilight and co to think things through for a change and a year for Spike to cool off, learn to live on his own, make his own mark on the word, maybe show some maturity. Perhaps have him show some maturity by intervening on behalf of Captain and crew so they don't get dealt with too harshly (the stallions, those weasels can rot
). Maybe at year's end have Twilight prove they thought things through and Spike forgive them or at least settle for 'Whatever we might have had is gone...but I'm willing to start over.'
I guess what I'm trying to say, in my own rabid fan way, is this- I love this more soon please
!
8885598
lol, oh don't worry, those three bozos - the stallions - will get an assbeating of a life time in one of the chapters :3
8885607
! What about the incident itself though
? I imagine any fun Spike has is goning to get dampered by bad press. Especially with Twilight and co acting high and mighty without bothering to fact check
. I'll understand, of course, if that's going too much into plot
.
Sweet