1 - A Salty Tale
Captain Celaeno walked alongside Twilight and Spike. Her eyes wandered over the rustic homes of Ponyville as she went. "You have a very... charming place here." She towered over the ponies, standing bipedally as she was. "So, this is where you came from?"
Spike shook his head. "Nah, we're from up there." He hiked a claw up towards Canterlot atop the mountain. "But we live here now. It's been a while though."
Twilight smiled broad and perhaps a little forced. "This is Ponyville, where we live. It's a very nice place filled with very nice people. In fact, you've already met some of them."
"Is that a fact? Besides you two?" Her eye swept over the purple princess and her equally purple dragon friend.
Spike looked around. "I'm actually surprised one of them hasn--"
"Hi!" Pinkie emerged from beneath Celaeno's hat, looking at her upside-down. "Nice to seeya again! Why didn't you tell me you were coming? I'm not even prepared for a proper celebration or anything!"
Celaeno reached up and plucked the pink pony off of her head. "How did you... nevermind. Hello, Pinkie." She set the pink one down on the ground. "You all live here then?"
Pinkie bobbed her head. "I sure do, and Twilight, Applejack, Mister and Misses Cake, May--"
Twilight slid between Pinkie and her guest. "There are many ponies in Ponyville, and even some others."
"Cranky, Matilda, Zecora, though I guess she just lives near Ponyville." Pinkie looked thoughtful on the matter.
Celaeno smirked softly. "I get the idea. You've even got a parrot walking the streets like she owns the place."
Spike extended a finger. "A pirate parrot."
"That's swashbuckler to you, little dragon." She glanced about. "But all I want to swash right now is some lunch. What's on offer?"
Twilight gestured with her head towards a cafe she had visited many times before. "Here's a nice place. I'll talk to you later, Pinkie."
"I better get back to work, but have fun in Ponyville!" Pinkie waved energetically until she got a nod in reply, and pronked away to her duties.
Spike jogged up towards a free table. "This is your first time in Ponyville, right?"
Celaeno grabbed a chair and patted the dust free of it. "Don't get two-leggers often, I see." She slapped down the chair beside the table and sank down onto it. Her knees were a bit above the table. "I see."
Twilight tried to give an assuring smile that looked more nervous than anything else. "We're happy to have you, so... tell us how things are going? You know, now that the Storm King's gone."
"Gotta be better than before," spoke Spike with a lazy confidence as he waved down a waitpony.
Celaeno held up her glass as it was filled with water. "Thanks. Things are really lookin' up, mostly. We're avasting and planning our 'ventures, but..."
Twilight hiked a brow. "But?"
"Well, you see, before the Storm King came along and threw everything out of order like the big clod he was, we swashbucklers--"
"--Pirates," added Spike helpfully.
"Pirates," sighed out Celaeno. "We had a place all to ourselves. It's where a captain would gather a crew, or sell off their booty, resupply, do all the things we needed doing. Kinda important, you know?"
Twilight sat up with building interest. "Did he destroy it?"
"Nothing so direct." Celaeno waved it away with her left talon as her right flipped through the menu. "He took so many pirates, like us, that we just kinda... lost track of it. But now we're free!" She balled her free talon to bang on the table. "Back in business! Which means we headed back to the island."
Spike put down his menu. "So, that's good, right?"
Twilight hesitantly nodded. "Perhaps less so for some others, but..."
Celaeno smirked. "I suppose it isn't all flowers when a crew of scurvy pirates pulls up alongside yer starboard and demands all your valuable shining things. Still, we had rules." She wriggled her talons before plunging one down onto her menu. "I'll take this."
The waiter, who had great timing, nodded. "An excellent choice, madame. " He turned to Twilight and Spike. "The usual?"
Twilight put her menu down with a smile. "You know me so well."
Spike nodded. "I'll try a little of what she's having too, so, uh, good for you?"
Celaeno released the menu to the hoof of the waiter before nodding. "Yeah, it's a good place. Like a nation all to itself. We set the laws, not just for there, but for pirates everywhere. We don't need some nincompoop ruining the whole deal for us, so we had some guidelines, you know, keep people straight." She half-lidded her eyes, looking at Twilight. "You like rules, don't you?"
Twilight wobbled a hoof in the air. "Nothing wrong with a few well-written protocols to cover situations, but you and your crew didn't seem happy with following rules, before, with the Storm King."
She crossed her arms, her talons holding the opposing arm. "They were terrible rules, and we never agreed to who was giving them. Two reasons to hate them. Seriously, one lunch break for the entire day? I hope the guy enjoys being in a thousand pieces."
Spike flinched at Celeano's sour expression. "Well, he's gone now, and everyone's happy again, right?"
"Mostly." She snapped the fingers on her right talon. "Now that the island's full of pirates, there's a bit of an issue. You can't have a nation without someone in charge, and don't even start with democracies. You ever watch a bunch of pirates try to democracize something? It ain't pretty, let me assure."
Twilight hiked a thoughtful brow. "Who was in charge before, and why not bring them back?"
Celeano's shoulders lifted in unison. "He was old when the trouble started, and took the opportunity to retire. Can't blame him, not like he could do much during the whole thing, but now it's gone, and we just have an empty throne. How're we getting a new Lord of Pirates? That's the question." She banged a talon on the table. "And how long does it take to get a refill around here?"
The waiter scurried up and tilted a pitcher held in his mouth, pouring out a generous refill for Celeano.
Twilight tapped her hooves together lightly. "Well, what is everyone doing now then? Is it chaos?"
"Nah." She took a long pull of her drink. "Most people are just doing what they want, following the old rules, mostly." She raised a brow. "Most..."
Twilight hopped up to her hooves. "You clearly need someone to lend a helping hoof, and formal introductions between Equestria and this island are long overdue."
Spike's face fell to doubt, tapping his foot on the ground. "Or, you just want to see a new place you haven't heard of before today."
"I mean, there is a little of that too, but, as Princess of Friendship, it is my duty to offer a hoof of friendship to a nation we have no formal ties with." She nodded, eyes closed with confidence in her logic. "Besides, we may be able to help."
Celeano brought a talon close to Twilight's face, wriggling the claws just enough to brush Twilight's nose. When she had eyes on her, she waved the large green jewel she wore on a ring in front of Twilight. "You do realize half of them would just as soon grab you and see how much ransom they could get from Equestria for a royal princess?"
Twilight shrank back a little. "I'm not defenseless. Besides, I'd go with you." Her smile returned. "You wouldn't let some random pirates snatch me, would you?"
"Put my honor on the line, I see how this sails." Celeano put the same talon on her chest. "As it turns, I wouldn't. You're a friend, you daft unicorn. I wouldn't let some other dogs get a hold of you. Besides, I figure if anyone's getting a ransom for you, it should be me."
Spike put a hand behind his head, rubbing idly. "Well, doesn't sound like something I'd be too helpful for, oh, the food's here."
Plates were set out before each pony, or bird as Twilight eyed her assistant. "Not so fast. I'll need someone to document the journey." She reached out and put a hoof on his head beside his fins. "Besides, don't you want to see where all the pirates live?"
Celeano brought her talons together, rubbing them as she eyed her meal, which seemed to be a steaming concoction of seeds and sweet tar. "You still haven't said what I get out of this. Stopping the Storm King, that had something in it for me. Taking you to the island? Sounds like a bit of a pain for me." She grabbed a spoon and got to shoveling her face full of sweet treats.
Spike poked at his jiggly smaller portion of the same. "Isn't this like the slop the Storm King made you eat?"
"Made us?" She gulped down a beakful of the stuff. "We like it just fine, thanks. I was more surprised to see it on a pony menu. Good taste, and not badly prepared." She brought up a fresh spoon. "But that's not here or there. Are you even ready, Princess, to deal with a whole country of pirates?"
Twilight's hackles rose defensively as she spread her wings. "I can handle a few pirates. I mean, we got along with you well enough without anyone getting hurt."
Celeano set her spoon down and slid up to her foot and peg leg. "I wasn't at my best at the time, little princess. We're talking about a whole island of ocean-hardened, salty, scurvy--" She punctuated each adjective with a thrusting motion of a talon at Twilight."--greedy, mean, violent sons of..." She trailed off and glanced around. "That's perhaps a bit too harsh to use in polite company." She sank back into her chair.
Twilight coughed into a hoof. "Be that as it may, this would hardly be the first adventure I've been on, and I wouldn't be alone. I'd have you--" She pointed at Celeano with a hoof. "--and Spike."
Spike grunted softly. "Why don't we ask the girls? I'm sure they'd like to help."
Twilight tapped the table as the counted the reasons. "Pinkie and Rarity are both busy with work, customers for a week at least. Rainbow isn't far off, practicing for a Wonderbolt demonstration. Then we have Applejack, apple harvesting season. Fluttershy is... Do you really want to ask Fluttershy along to deal with pirates?"
Spike shrugged softly. "Guess not..."
"You haven't answered my question." Celeano rubbed two talons together, thumb and pointer. "What's in it for me, Princess? We may be friends, but you're asking an awful lot from me and I'm not feeling that generous."
Twilight flashed a bright smile. "You're only asking that because we've only just begun the tour." She pointed up at her castle, dominating its portion of the horizon. "That's my castle."
Celeano's pupils contracted a moment as she beheld it. Her beak worked silently as if trying to estimate the value of the structure. "I... see... so you'll be paying for my services properly then?" She leaned forward over her food, her talons meeting together and her beak resting atop them. "Perhaps we could work something out."
"Or we could just enjoy the visit?" Spike smiled with nervous hope.
"Quiet, Spike," spoke both females.
Twilight nodded at Celeano. "Very well. I'll expect a proper contract with the specifics, to be read and approved properly. Assuming I see nothing out of place, I'll have it signed and stamped." She held out a hoof.
Celeano met it with a balled talon. "Sounds like a plan to me, Miss Sparkle. I'll get right on that." She rose smoothly and turned away from the table. "Got me a gig!" she said as if the two couldn't hear her and she strolled off with a smile and a happy whistling.
Spike looked between the departing parrot and Twilight. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
"Oh, stop worrying, Spike. What's the worst that could happen?" Twilight dusted herself off. "She makes some unreasonable terms and I decline, end story. I doubt it'll come to that."
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Pirate Parrots, where the Sparrow beats the mighty Eagle.
By cheating better.
I mean, Celestia ran the place last time, just what would they be able to do if Luna decided to be Pirate queen? she knows where they all live.
Also, Spike in that picture is so going ,pounded millet tonight.
For fuck's sake, Twilight.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/30/61951.png
They prefer "swashbuckling treasure-hunters".
I know we were harsh on this in the chat but after reading it in full context I really hope you choose to continue it.
Murphy smiled rubbing his hands together eagerly "Ohh this is going to be so much FUN!"
Jack Sparrow, Monkey D. Luffy, Edward Kenway, Blackbeard, who could it be?
"They were terrible rules, and we never agreed to who was giving them. Two reasons to hate them. Seriously, one lunch break for the entire day? I hope the guy enjoys being in a thousand pieces."
They're more like guidelines really.
You never, ever, say this. Not even if your life depends on it. This is like asking the universe to bi***slap you. Repeatedly.
Is this story comics-compliant? Because if so, there was that time Twilight and her friends were pirates for a week or two. That could give her some credibility with the other pirates.
Defeating sirens could also probably give her some credibility.
Huh. I always called them harpies. With a name like Celaeno, what else could she be?
In any case, this looks like it'll be a lot of fun. For the readers, anyway. Twilight will probably end up with a headache at best.
Also, this restaurant serves typos:
Really awkward phrasing; makes it sound like "and even some ponies who aren't in Ponyville." I recommend "and even some others."
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There's one story out there that calls them "parroquai" or something like that.
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I fixed it and forgot to note it. Thank you for spotting the typos.
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Black Spot Pete and Cantankerous Tim playing Vinegar Talk
Oh, so Twilight wants excitement in her life, huh? Well, things can get pretty exciting out there...