Wanting to do something special for her grandmare's birthday, Fluttershy decides to take her to see a hoofball game. What could go wrong?
***
My submission for Aragon's The Comedy (Is Serious Business) Contest!.
Also written to celebrate Super Bowl LII!
Not much to it...
8711192
Wait for Chapter 2.
Dreadnought
If it wasn't for the fact the show says it's grandmare I would have asked if you meant granddam.
8711290
If a chapter 2 is planned why is it marked complete?
8711313
8711192
Ah, I see the confusion. I had originally marked it as "Complete" because I was going to publish it all as one story. But when I realized it should be broken into two chapters, I forgot to move it to "Incomplete." My bad. So, I've fixed that and will publish the final chapter tomorrow. Sorry for the confusion.
Dreadnought
8711318
Then I shall return.
....is...is there more? Like....."Flutters learns from her Nana" more?
Half of the first chapter is scene-setting, much of the rest is fluff, and while the punchline was delivered well, it still felt padded, and ended just as the story was really getting started. Sorry, but overall, the pacing just feels really off. Still a fun idea, but one in need of refinement.
8732512
Yeah, I can understand. I often write twist endings, so this may have just misfired.
Dreadnought
Fantastic story, brilliant sitcom style humour.
The way that you describe Canterlot definitely makes it a destination to go to.
SIDE QUESTION:
How do you come up with humor in your work?
8742709
Thanks for the feedback - I aim to please.
As for comedy, well, there's really no simple answer. Some comes from imagining scenarios that interest me or thinking of an alternate universe that is slightly off. Some (like this story) come from personal experience. Some come from pop culture (see Robot Pony). And some, I honestly don't know where they come from.
Dreadnought
8742709
You know, I must really thank you for liking my comedy. At the office, most of my jokes fall flat. Although to be fair, I deliver every punchline deadpan, so often times my coworkers can't tell when I'm joking. Dr. Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory relies on a "Sarcasm" sign. Maybe I need a "Comedy" sign?
Dreadnought
8743149
Well your comedy / humour is what shines through well.
Oh my! Also, the language is a little salty for an E rated story.
9214482
Perhaps, but I counted two profane words out of nineteen hundred. But I hoped you enjoyed the story. I have trouble reading a reaction based solely on comments.
Dreadnought
I am honestly somewhat offended at the idea that Equestrians also equate sports with nationalism. <.< Otherwise, agreed with 8732512.