Chemtest
Joined 10th Mar, 2017 ·
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Chemtest · 2.6k words · 349 views
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Reads and feels kind of strange, though I'm not sure quite how to put it. Still, I'm curious to see where this goes.
It’s strange, but good. I also like the idea of the more good you do the more you get rewarded, though I must caution you as Sometimes to do good you must do bad meaning you can’t preclude bad or black options as not everything good means it was done though good options.
Budha became Jesus, Jesus became Ghandi, Ghandi became bob ross, then bob Ross became Keanu Reeves..
So you could in sense say Keanu Reeves is infact Jesus Christ.
Gotta agree reads a little odd but I'm game to see where it goes have a follow
I don't remember adding this to my list of stories to read... Whatever it's good
I think I'm starting to see where my concerns were founded last chapter. Here hoping this doesn't turn into some odd Gary Stue story, though I suppose it would be hard to argue with divinity.
I assume these “Human Guards” aren't too uncommon, but I suppose I just find it strange that he's identified as one right off the bat. I suppose we'll find out more about this later.
I was going to make a comment on how I didn't understand the purpose of removing his voice, but then I remembered that “actions speak louder than words,” so that's cool.
The choice of an Uchigatana is weird to me (I'd expect something with a bit more bulk to it), but I suppose that's more of a personal gripe.
9843975
Well, if your main concern is him being a Gary Stu, then I would say to just wait. Near the beginning, yeah, he’s gonna be a bit of one (in the physical sense, mainly) but later on, that will change heavily.
The whole human guard thing is actually quite rare. Most ponies will never see more than one for their entire life. Yet, for a random filly, this guy would match the description. He’s dressed in armor, carries weapons, and was able to fight off five timberwolves. So, in her mind, he is obviously the knight in shining armor all Guard Humans are supposed to be.
Lastly, the uchigatana was because of his first, and only, power. His Dark Souls 1 character used the uchigatana, because it is one of the best weapons in the game. He does have bulkier weapons, they just haven’t been seen yet.
How... How do you have 98 views and 103 votes? Teach me your secrets.
Ah, the good doctor is at it again
I am sorry, but I have to ask. Is this a rewrite of another story you did? I know I have read this before, in fact it’s almost word for word and action for action.
The MC is a bit different yes, but that’s about it.
9845222
Yes, it is a rewrite of another story. And, although it may look like the same now, I plan for it to be completely different down the line.
.....Why do I get the feeling that Twilight is gonna start a fight?
9848314
I know right? Personally, I think she will try to steal his weapons and armor for their unknown properties.
9848691
So, how much ch you want to bet she gets the shit beaten out of her and he gets good karma for doing so?
9848694
30 bits and a beer my friend
9849212
Nah! 40 bits and tweets beers.
9849239
Deal
Can someone explain this to me?
is it just me or did he just suddenly flip morales and personality? Not to mention the fact that no one is surprised about his sudden ability to talk with no explanation (by that I mean that he all told them all that he couldn’t talk in previous chapters and but now he can and none of them question it).
April Fools?...
9851707
I agree. This all feels a bit off.
Though I suppose without having failed in a fight yet, he could have some inflated ego and is underestimating the power of Celestia. We'll just have to see how that carries out.
9851724
But it’s not April
Anyone else feel like this is somehow reflecting the Horus Heresy? I mean neither Horus nor Kendrick has anything bad done to them by the Emperor or Celestia and both are suddenly dead set on killing them and taking over the Imperium/kingdom.
9851707
Well, he didn’t exactly flip morals, he was simply hiding them away. His brother in the first chapter was being truthful when he said Kendrick always had to go for gold, and that he always acts like he is above everyone else. In this case, all he did was temporarily adopt an alter ego of sorts in order to garner information and power. He is a very egotistical person as well, which is why he sprung his plans at this time.
It was always his idea to gain some sort of power. I mean, he has the favor of a god, he’s unstoppable as far as he’s concerned. He always goes for gold, though, so he reached for Kingship immediately. To him, gaining power is a good action, and good actions increase power. So he expects that when he takes the throne, he shall be granted even more power by Karma.
Basically, he’s had two different personalities. Grey, and Kendrick. Now, yes, Grey might just be a name, but it represents the protective side of him that wants to help everyone. Kendrick is the darker side, the one who throws everything and everyone aside to gain power. Kendrick used Grey like a middle man to gain everything he has already. Then he discarded Grey.
Now, as far as talking is concerned, Twilight knew that he couldn’t talk before he had those rings. Then, after he got them, he could talk. She’s a scientist, Turner is one as well, so they would naturally draw the conclusion that the ring grants speech.
9851766
Ah i see...
I still say that this is in someway like the Horus Heresy.
9851805
I will make no claim that it is not like the Heresy. Perhaps, in some accidental way, it was made to be so.
I am starting to think this isn’t taking place at all, a Dream (or nightmare depending) or maybe it’s Karma showing him one of the Darker paths should he seek power for powers sake?
Either way this went a full 180 too quick to be real, even by evil-take-ever-everything standards.
9851828
well I highly doubt that it'll be like the Horus Heresy, Karma had hoped to bring a genuine champion of good into this world and has a leash on him of her own, his good karma is gonna be dwarfed by the wave of bad karma he's about to bring on himself.
Kendrick needs to keep having favour with his god in order to remain powerful, and unlike Horus, his bad juju's gonna make him weaker and weaker on this dark path, he's gonna realize pretty quick his megalomaniacal idea's gonna blow up in his face when he finally reaches the throne room with all of said bad juju, and with so much evil in his system the blade's going to cut his hands clean off the moment he unsheaths it.
the only way that journey was gonna work was if he genuinely believed Celestia to be doing this big conspiracy and his intent was merely to dethrone or punish her, proceeding to make her take the curse from the humans... but right now? well there's a reason why Hitler's plan ended with him shooting himself in the head, he'd been shooting himself in the foot the rest of the time.
I am sad now. Thanks. Good read tho
9852800
What has made you sad?
9852810
He tried to cut off twi's head. And dinky probably will not be happy with his plans. Still, keep em coming bro. I wanna see what happens ~
Oh shid, just read the new chapter and I'm not sad anymore!
What is this a crossover of?
9852987
Dark souls, lord of the rings, Warhammer 40k, Doctor Who.
CALLED IT! It wasn't real, least not of his own Volition.
wat
9853231
It’s Karma showing him what will happen should he gain power for powers sake.
N other words, it a dream/hallucination/vision.
9853254
thank you I was jest so cufuse
9853279
Actually, uh, it isn’t. Sorry to inform you.
9853296
oh...……………………………………………….ok then 0___0
9853254
So, yeah, your hypothesis was incorrect.
9853330
Really? Then this entire thing is utterly random. I don’t see the point in him going complete psychopath, even for power. He could have gained more power by helping them rather than this.
9853338
Well, that was the whole point of ‘The Final Plan’. It was to show that this was a plan, and that Kendrick wasn’t in complete control. So, basically, he didn’t suddenly go psychopathic, and he didn’t do it for power. He did it because his mind was being manipulated his entire life. And then his entire brain’s chemistry changed to put ambition above all else. He didn’t do anything, but someone did something to him that made him activate.
FIRST
SECOND
Holy shite that's intense
And his rebirth and redemption starts, he is no longer Kendrick or Grey he is now Silver and though his path will earn the title of Redeemed Knight!
You have many sins to recount for, though not many of them lye on your shoulder but yet you still curry thine burden. Good luck friend, for you path is a long one indeed.
I like how you actually made the shooter situation semi-realistic. All those gunshot wounds? Yeah, the placement sucks, but a person can still survive those. Got that anime monologuing, but that's fine.
Also, did you know that a person can live up to 6 minutes without a functioning heart? As for the dickshot, that's a bit iffy, as it's been shown that enough damage to the inguinal region can cause immediate loss of consciousness or even death due to the overload of pain.
I know for a fact any story I would write with my current skill would be worse but this story completely breaks all my immersion with how quick everything is happening and how chill every character is about 'Silver' somehow doing two complete 180s?
No I won't keep reading... But on a positive note I will say that you are good at writing and defiantly would be a really great writer if you had a tad more skill/practice. (Note that I don't know if you have other stories and if they are better.) I definitely would read more of your stuff If you patched up and made a couple scenes a tad slower.
9858328
Well, I’m not going to beg for you to come back, but I will offer some explanation. Yes, things are a bit rushed, you are right and I won’t argue that.
Now, there is an in universe explanation for them being quickly accepting of Silver’s story. In spoilers for obvious reasons. So, Silver and Turner/Doctor have access to time travel. So, sometime in the future, they go back to Turner in the past and tell him about the situation so that present Silver won’t have to. They did the same with Derpy, Silver explaining the situation to her (though she doesn’t believe him as much). Dinky is, well, Dinky. She doesn’t really need to be told, she’s a filly of action. She sees her best friend back on his feet and protecting her, and she’ll go right along with it.
9859488
Alright thanks for clearing things up!
I guess I was a bit harsh but things did seem a bit odd... I might come back and read more of this (Despite what I previously said) as you seem like a pretty cool author that has tons of room to improve