When Dusk's mother signs him up to the wrong college, his life takes a rather crazy turn when he has to live with four cute girls for the next four years.
A few grammar errors here or there, but this was an entertaining first chapter! Love what you've done with the parents so far. I feels like the start to a harem anime, which is a good thing! I means you have a good grasp on character.
At the end you replaced Sunstone with Moondancer. One sentence that looked like you had more to say but stopped. Another with no '.' This at the end and this " at the beginning of a character talking. May have been another sentence that didn't have a period too. Those be what I see. Well... If you tag this as human. Calling genders by stallions and mares is not needed. If anthro yes. Man and women will do. And mane can be hair. And I'm guessing magic is here for everyone to use ok. It's ok. But seeing human tag and then pony terms used and horns and magic threw me off into thinking it is a anthro story.
So many of the problems they had above (besides the relationship between both those parents) is easily avoidable via one simple response "a harem is an alternative".
The reason why this would be acceptable, and legal is because they still have the same problem there pony counterparts have... a gender imbalance.
Equestria gender ratio: 75 to 90% female and 25 to 10% male. And this is the entire population, plus the other species may be in similar situations. So polygamy is widely accepted, and very legal.
“If you can't figure her out, you’re hopeless.” Sunstone added sarcastically. Dusk confused and a little irritated soon decided to change the subject away from his problems.
if he doesn't know and you're not telling him he's not hopeless you're just bad friends
I like how Velvet can be so scary at times.
9653233
The way she acted just now is similar to my mom
What about Shining Armor and Cadence? Are they in the story?
Stellar and Firelight love competing so much, that they're now in competition for the title of World's Worst Parents.
You know i think the best harem stories are like this, ones that feel like they could actually be there own anime series.
A few grammar errors here or there, but this was an entertaining first chapter! Love what you've done with the parents so far. I feels like the start to a harem anime, which is a good thing! I means you have a good grasp on character.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
At the end you replaced Sunstone with Moondancer. One sentence that looked like you had more to say but stopped. Another with no '.' This at the end and this " at the beginning of a character talking. May have been another sentence that didn't have a period too. Those be what I see. Well... If you tag this as human. Calling genders by stallions and mares is not needed. If anthro yes. Man and women will do. And mane can be hair. And I'm guessing magic is here for everyone to use ok. It's ok. But seeing human tag and then pony terms used and horns and magic threw me off into thinking it is a anthro story.
I love this all so far.
So many of the problems they had above (besides the relationship between both those parents) is easily avoidable via one simple response "a harem is an alternative".
The reason why this would be acceptable, and legal is because they still have the same problem there pony counterparts have... a gender imbalance.
Equestria gender ratio: 75 to 90% female and 25 to 10% male. And this is the entire population, plus the other species may be in similar situations. So polygamy is widely accepted, and very legal.
Perfect.
if he doesn't know and you're not telling him he's not hopeless you're just bad friends