• Member Since 29th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 53 minutes ago

Beholder


Writing stories by bringing worlds together.

T

For 400 years, it's all they ever felt and remember.
The mire under their feet,
The scorching heat of the sand,
The pain from a thousand whips.

The Princesses of Equestria are sent to the era of Exodus to meet a prophet named Moses, whose destiny was set to become the deliverer of his people―the Israelites―and bring them out of slavery from the hands of Rameses, the ruler of Egypt. Throughout the journey, they are told of a Deity of which the likes the princesses have never heard or known before and His power is unlike anything they have ever seen; a power that will shape history and leave an everlasting scar on the greatest empire on Earth.

Challenges will be confronted,
Miracles will be shown, and
Faith will be tested.

Cover art by this person
Text made by me


*Inspired by the movie “Prince of Egypt”

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 30 )

It's very well-written, but including the Bible into Equestrian mythos might bring in dislikes. A fair warning. Not everyone on the site is a Christian. As a Christian, I find it interesting, but you might get downvoters simply because the Christianity in this fic is that explicit.

I also include Christianity into my fics. Spiritual messages, themes, scriptures, scripture stories, and the Goddess Faust appear. But they're subtle and more likely to influence readers than outright crossovers. Yours isn't a bad idea, though.

I'll be tracking this. I am very interested in the direction this'll go.

9725299
I'll keep that in mind, then
Thank you

Haven't read it yet. But don't make this into something like a "CoME OvER tO cHrIStiAnitY bOis" time of fic. Just place your values as a bit more of background details. Like making the religion of Equestria simmilar to Abrahamic Faiths, week at least structred like that.

Edit: Nice Start. Try and make Chrisitianity either seem simmilar to Equestrian Religion or completely different. Don't make it rub it in your face 'Chrisitianity is better than u' fic.

9725325
Yeah.
I'm careful with that especially.
Thank you btw :twilightsmile:

Edit: Certainly lol

Would Twilight really call a cross a mystical symbol? She might interpret it as such after learning about it, but from the first perspective of an outsider, it's just an oddly shaped lowercase 'T'.

Tracking because i like Bible crossover with fim

9725299
All is fair since others of us are getting downvotes from Christians who don't read our stories due to content. Granted, I am above that, and actually enjoy studying theology and thus occasionally read a religious story for curiositiy sake.

However, I generally vote on stories not on content, but 1) quality of writing and 2) does it do what it set out to do? I also put a little thought into the intent of the author. Are they writing it for people to enjoy, to troll people, or to beat people over the head with something. The last two get downvotes from me unless they are works of art in every other fashion.

Some religious stories have Christian values woven in very well, and this spreads those values in a way that it will affect people that don't already have them. Other stories amount to standing up in front of a crowd and saying "Look at what I did everyone! I'm so pious!", which I seem to remember a parable about. These stories will only be read by people who already have those values and will do nothing of what the author intends them to do.

Furthermore, the intent of writing such stories is almost always selfish, wanting to glorify your own holiness rather than write something that people will enjoy. That's the specific impression this story gives off to me after reading its very short introduction. Since it seems poised to be a long story, it would have been wise to release more than 1600 words up-front to give people more to go on when rating it.

But I think the thing that bothers me most is your assumption that everyone that downvotes this downvotes it because it is Christian and for no other reason. You're like one of those SJWs that tell me if I don't like a terrible movie, it must be because it had a woman in the lead.

9725422
I have a feeling "All is fair since others of us are getting downvotes from Christians who don't read our stories due to content." Really isn't a very big issue.

9725422
I guess I didn't include an option in the comment I wrote. I never said everyone that downvotes this will do so because it's Christian.

You are right about that, though. One of the reasons people downvote religious stories is because it's just Christian and they assume it's not going to end up well. The other reasons they downvote stories are the ones you described that work for any other bad story out there. It's not written well, it's preachy, it's just plain stupid, any of them.

I never wanted to sound like an SJW. That wasn't my intent at all!

Was interested in this story, saw how many downvotes, saw it was because people are salty, disregarded said downvotes.

Added to read list :)

9725433
Based on the number of people that comment telling me they did just that, I think it does.

The premise is interesting, though part of me is wary of it becoming dull or preachy. If it just ends up being "Mysterious figure teaches ponies to accept christ by teaching them the bible" it would fall flat and be doing q disservice to the source material. Still, giving this a tentative watch because a mlp fic with a religious theme to it interests me.

Also maybe its just me but you make Ramses seem appropriately sympathetic here, which is a nice touch. We all know he's not going to be the "good guy", but his genuine concern for Moses is a nice touch.

Awesome!!! I'm a fan of the prince of Egypt!!!!

And then Demi-Fiend shows up and gets into a threw down with the big G.

I agree with everypony that the reason most downright disliked the story is because it's religious. I'm a fan of both series and have extensive knowledge with the Bible and here's something: Each plague was a blow to a specific Egyptian god. For example the 9th plague which consisted of a period of three days without sun was a blow to the Sun god Ra. Or the 1st plague is a blow to the god of the Nile and so forth. If ever the Princesses were to interact with Moses and ask him why their God is so harsh, it would be good to add that the Hebrews were captive for 400 or more years and they were treated as slaves. So this is Justice. Also add on that Moses wished that he had no part in this as he and Ramses were brothers basically, both adoptive and by Friendship. He wished that he was not the chosen one, maybe Twilight would help him in that area, again if they were able to interact with one another.

Also I must add that the Plagues shown in the movie are misinterpreted. What I mean that all of those plagues in the movie were mushed together as if they occurred at the same time. That is wrong. Each plague had a cool down period and Everytime before a plague occured Moses and Aaron would warn Ramses. This was done so that the Egyptians can't say that it was just a coincidence that their livestock died or fleas attacked them (Also the bugs like the fleas or locust were WAY bigger than right now since there were higher O2 levels and lower CO2 levels and they were more deadly) because the Plagues were predicted head of time. Still I love the song as it combines All that I wanted with this new Thus Say the Lord. Great job at this prologue. If you need any Biblical help, here am I. Just PM me.

I love Prince of Egypt The way you described how both Rameses and Moses felt in the moment when Moses is about to leave Egypt was brilliant. Also, I really like that in the movie, Rameses doesn't care that Moses is actually adopted, he just wants to help his brother.

9726011
Yeah.
It's funny because if all the plagues did happen on the same day, Egypt would be pretty much destroyed in just a day, considering how each plague was supposed to teach Ramses a lesson lol

Also, thank you hehe :twilightsmile:

(kicks down door) Did someone say Prince of Egypt? I LOVE PRINCE OF EGYPT! (proceeds to read)

9725653
And specifically saying because they're Christian?

9726362
You're welcome. Like I said any Biblical things, you can just PM me.

9726385
I'll keep that in mind.
'Cause somehow, I've got a lot to ask :rainbowlaugh:

What's with all the thumb-downs?

9726838
There are likely people who don't want this story to see the light of day because it has religion in it.

I'll track this for now. I want to see where it goes.

Sounds like an interesting story is surely brewing. Do continue! :twilightsmile: I’d like to see what happens.

9726380
You're pretty determined to misinterpret and I don't have enough crayons to explain it to you differently.

9727310
You directly target Christians in your post.

Well adding this one to my list.

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