• Published 23rd Jul 2012
  • 10,122 Views, 118 Comments

My Darling Sugarcube - Seanessy



When love hits, it hits hard.

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13
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 10,122

Epilogue

“Now yer gonna wanna aim fer this part of the tree. This is the weakest part of the trunk so when ya hit it, the force will cause most, if not all the apples ta fall.” Applejack explained.

“Alright…here goes nothing.” the white unicorn said as she lowered her body and prepared for a kick.

“HiiiiiiiiiYA!” Rarity bellowed as she bucked the tree with all her might. The apples cascaded down like a waterfall. She bounced up and down with joy admiring her accomplishment.

“I did it? I did it! I DID IT!” she screamed.

Applejack cheered.

“Whooo doggy! Now that right there is some goooood applebuckin’!”

Rarity hugged Applejack. The orange equine put her hat atop Rarity’s head.

“Rarity the Unicorn, the official apple buckin’ cowgirl princess!”

“Thank you Applejack.”

“Aw shucks ya’ll don’t have to thank me, ya were strong enough all along; it was simply a matter of knowin’ where to hit the tree.”

“Speaking of that…” Rarity said before giving a smug smile.

*******

Applejack glared as she held fine fabric in her hooves.

“How in the hay did what ah said have anythin’ to do with relatin’ to this here again?”

“Shhhh! Focus! Now ease the fabric slowly through the machine in as straight a line as possible.”

Applejack sighed. “Fine…”

Applejack attempted to push the fabric through but she couldn’t quite get a handle on it.

“Ugh! This is too dang hard with my hooves! Ah’m just gonna use mah tail. It’s helped me with lasso-in’. Ah’m sure it can help me with this.” Applejack said as she turned around eyeing the needle as she pushed the fabric with her tail.

“No no no no Applejack wait stop!”

A loud scream was heard across over Ponyville.

Applejack twitched and whimpered as Rarity used magic to take a needle and carefully unstitch the fabric from Applejack’s tail.

“Carefuuuul! Yeowch!” Applejack cried.

“I tell you time and time again, you can’t just use force to get things done.” Rarity scolded as she got the last stitch out and cast her glasses and needle to the side. “There…all better?”

“Kinda….buuuut ah think a kiss will help even more…” the orange mare said cutely.

“I am not kissing your tail Applejack.”

“Awww come on…”

“No…”

“Pleeeeaaaase?”

“No!”

“Pretty please with some apple sugar on top?”

“I said no!”

“C’mon! One little smooch Rarity! Ya’ll know ya wanna!” The earth pony wrapped her tail around Rarity’s neck.

“Applejack stop!” the unicorn pushed her away.

“C’mon now pucker up!”

“Stop it this instant!”

Applejack started waving her tail in Rarity’s face as she tried to trot away. The orange mare ran backwards chasing her while still fluttering her tail. This went on for the next few minutes until eventually…

Two loud screams filled the air.

Rarity glared as she sat next to Applejack, their tails now stitched together.

“Hehehe…whoopsy daisy…”

“See what you cause Applejack? You and your brutish behavior! Ugh!”

Applejack leaned against Rarity and snuggled her.

“Eeeyup, but part of being friends is lovin’ and acceptin’ all their ways! Just like Twilight said.”

“Yes but she also mentioned as long as it doesn’t cause HARM to anypony!”

“Oh c’mon…how harmful is it being stuck to lil’ ‘ol me?” The blonde maned equine nuzzled Rarity’s cheek.

“UGH!”

The unicorn used her magic to get the needle and put on her sewing glasses as she started unstitching their tails. Applejack leaned closer and the white horse glared.

“Could you move? Your head is in the wa-“

Applejack planted a kiss on Rarity’s lips and then smiled.

“Well then…” the unicorn tossed the needle aside. “I suppose we could be stuck together for just…a LITTLE while longer.”

Rarity and Applejack’s lips met once again for a few seconds and Applejack broke the kiss. She took the white mare’s glasses and put them on her face.

“Love ya darling…” Applejack said.

Rarity took Applejack’s hat and put it atop her head.

“Love you too sugarcube.” Rarity responded.

The two friends kissed as the light from the sunset shined gently through the window and beamed down upon them.

Comments ( 72 )

Greetings everyone! I just want to express my thanks for those who are going to read. I will try to reply to every comment I get because I deeply do appreciate your opinions. Positive and negative feedback is highly desired if you don't mind! I hope you enjoy!

Oh look, Roamance and Commedy, my two favorite tags, I shall now read this within the next hour to three hours.

RARIJACK,RARIJACK OH RARI-RARIJACK!

*ahem*

Cute, funny and an all round good read.
I approve of this ship ^^ And your writing skillz ^.^ :rainbowkiss:

956033 Thank you so much for reading, commenting and the wonderful compliment Valorousspectre! I'm really thrilled you enjoyed it! :yay:

This was adorable. And Rarijack is the best ship. ^^

956064 ey mon. you got any of da grass to hook a bruddah up? (your avatar looks Jamaican)

liked the story:twilightsmile:

Very nice ending to a very nice story. Well done. :twilightsmile:

Very sweet. Loved every minute of this, and the characterization was great. I'm not even mad at you for making me stay up till 2 a.m. reading because it was so good :raritywink:

956534
That's to put emphasis on each word. Instead of like when your mom says, ' Oh look at the time! ', imagine Rarity's accent saying LOOK. AT. THE. TIIIIIIIIIMEE!!!
...
...
...
...
Probably....
:trollestia:

This chapter confused me. How could they sew their tails? Horse tales are only made of hair, I don't see how you can sew them together.

Other than that, I loved this! Great job! Thumb to you!

Very well done. Ya even worked in a friendship report, a really good one.

956091 Thank you very much Sour Grapes!

Just getting the hang of how replies work on this site...here we go

956132 MLP Brony 27 LOL Thank you very much!


956226 Heckler341 I believe I get the feel of "rushed ending" in Chapter 6. Possibly because I was ready for the "D'Awww" moment where they first stated their love for each other using the opposites nickname. (Gets me every time) At the same time, I can honestly say I was stuck on how to play it out a bit longer, maybe make the dialogue scene just a little bit longer and make it a bit sad before the "I love you's". Hmmm. And thank you!

956425 Justanothermonday- Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

956540 Jrz Fine Thank you! EDIT: Lol I was wondering what part you were referring to! Yes, but I purposely left the actual word out in order to see how playing with the audiences imagination would work out while creating a small twinge of suspense.

956606 Master Zero- Thank you for reading and the in depth grammar related critique. Those are the kind of things I try to look for but will sometimes miss and it's good to have someone who can point them out! I am not at all offended by your corrections, I knew my story wasn't perfect but I felt I had taken it as far as it could go, so I thought releasing it to the public would help me get a better understanding of what needs to be worked on for future fics. Excited for the rest of your corrections!

956687 Frizzy- I battled with this for a bit, it is possible to sew hair together though. Especially if you sew thick strips vs. particular strands. Maybe I should just have their tails sewed to the same piece of fabric?

957060 Kail- Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

956557 Insanity Corps- Thank you so much! Enjoy the ride! Can't wait to hear what you think of the rest!

Whew, hope I got everyone and that you get notified, I am beyond grateful that this story has already been read by this many. The first review I saw on this story was that it was rejected by EQD (for some of the dialogue punctuation issues and some Show vs Tell issues, they wouldn't give me details though) so I was feeling kinda down on myself, but you guys picked me right back up. Thanks so much for taking time out to read! Considering working on another (much shorter) fic soon!

this was a really nice story, and I really like how you put in the friendship report and what not. you used episodes for your research, like when rainbow was in the tree near the place where they had the pet play date, just like in the episode. so yeah this story was really nice, keep up the good work!

That was a really cute story. It was well written, everyone was in character and it had just the right amount of comedy. I didn't really like how story developed though. I find it really hard to believe that Celestia would banish somepony to the moon for being in love. That right there just felt like forced drama to me.

959019

It was never flat out stated that Celestia would actually banish somepony to the moon for being in love. Every time that it came up it was the characters thinking that Celestia would banish them. Like how in the show Twilight freaks out about possibly being banished whenever she does something wrong.

This was a very cute story. It wasn't heavy on drama, but I'm not sure if it was funny enough to warrant a Comedy tag. Although; the idea of what is funny and what is not is different for every person, so all the jokes might have just flown over my head. :twilightsheepish:

The only nitpick I have, and It's a VERY small nitpick that probably doesn't even need to be changed; is that Applejack knows the word "persnickety" and uses it quite often. I'm not calling her dumb, but I don't think she would know and use a word like that.

959355 Equestrian Deadpool
Applejack: Uhm, sugarcube take a looky here at this link below and skip on down to 20:02 :ajbemused:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5rYkDCH0xM

Lol thank you for the comment Equestrian Deadpool. That was one of my concerns until I remembered this particular scene in this episode! ^_^

957955 "Cookie Cutter" usually means like, a common concept. It doesn't really matter though, as all stories have their own little bit of individuality that makes them good, like this one! :twilightsmile:

Revision: Well, a better definition of "cookie-cutter" used as an adjective might be "Something that follows the definitions of a common concept", rather than simply being a common concept. I don't know. It makes sense in my head, but who knows what's going on up there? :applejackconfused:

959400

Ehehehehehe... :twilightblush:

I guess I need to go rewatch season 1 again; I haven't seen that episode in months.

My shipping senses demand more. Please, do acknowledge a future sequel to this, or at least a story this or a higher level of eye catching.

I.
Want.
More.

RARIJACK.:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

I don't know why rarijack fics are so rare, so are pinkieshy fics. Oh well, this was a very good, cute story and thank you writing this

960291 Rarijack fics aren't that rare; it's the second most common pairing for Applejack (next to Appledash, because Rainbow Dash must be shipped with everypony. :rainbowhuh:), and I think it's the most common pairing for Rarity. Perhaps Rarijack has cooled a bit in popularity lately, but it's still one of the biggest ships in the fandom that don't involve any rainbow-maned pegasi.

Pinkieshy is a rare one, though, I'll grant you that. My guess for the reason is that Pinkie and Fluttershy don't have a lot of scenes of the two of them interacting together in the show. Both characters are voiced by the same person, so from a practical standpoint, it could become a bit complicated if they did a whole lot of back-and-forth.

Ahem, but I stray off-topic. :trixieshiftleft:

This is a pretty good story. There are grammatical mistakes here or there, and one or two words that spellcheck mistook for other words, but it was far from unreadable. You had some good ideas in building your scenes, and your references to events in the show didn't seem forced, which is a good sign.

One thing that did bug me while reading this was Applejack's accent. You really don't need to lay it on so thick; we all know what Applejack sounds like. She doesn't say "y'all" every time she means "you," just some of the time. And replacing every "I" with "Ah" is one of my personal pet peeves.

I find it interesting to see the variation in different authors' headcannons in regard to how homosexuality is treated in Equestria. I've seen some stories where it seems to be treated as the norm, and hetero pairs are regarded with unease (One questions where little foals are supposed to come from in such versions). This story seems to land on the other end of that spectrum. That in itself is fine, but it seems like if Rarity and Applejack really believed that what they were doing was so unnatural and unheard of, they would have spent a bit more time fighting a bit harder against it.

Those are my thoughts. Keep writing, and good luck to you!

And the final chapter. Nothing really important, but I like seeing stuff after the main plot. I like seeing just what their dating life is like.

Decent story. I liked it. Some errors here and there, but nothing that made is horrid or unreadable. I'm just a grammar nazi, is all. Shame on me. :pinkiesick:

I enjoyed the story

I'm happy to give a more thorough proofread later, but first, I would advise you to try and find your own mistakes. Its one thing for me to help you write better, its much better if you helps yourself. Just take a look at the stuff I've said in my comments.

Please don't take any of my comments as insulting or patronizing. I am simply trying to help. Again, good story. Rarijack is always good in my book, and you did a well job of writing it.

962266

I'm sorry? What does "Correction Soviet" mean? Is it just a nice way of saying Grammar Nazi?

Well, that was overly cute.
The only odd part (well, the most jarring one) is perhaps Twilight's quick change of mind in chapter 7. Perhaps you could add a bit more of description in there, make it so that Spike takes a few seconds to arrive and she looks around her friends, possibly with each couple standing closer to each other for support (because apparently, this is the most homophobic Equestria I've seen in any shipping XD), blah blah.

But my point stands, cute. And very much so.:heart:

This is easily one of my favourite shipping stories :D :raritystarry:
I loved every part of it, except maybe how negative Twilight was about it, but I think you played it out fairly well. In my opinion though, you probably could've added a few lines to show Twilight's change of mind a bit better, like: " '...Wait, Spike!' Twilight said as she magically threw the scroll into the fireplace. 'I think I may have made a lapse in judgement; you see, even though this is strange to me, I think I may have been wrong to act so quickly.' " - then to continue on to what she said after she changed her mind.

Though this is just me rambling, but let me know if this seems fair, or if I'm just crazy :pinkiecrazy:

Great lil story, there were a few grammar things in it though, In one of the earlier chapters you said affect when you meant effect or something, I can't remember where it was. (I tried looking for it and couldn't find it so I might have imagined it.) Also I kinda wished that Twilight did send that letter just to have Celestia send one back saying that love is love or something. I seriously doubt Celestia would have any kind of a problem with it, at least you didn't use fillyfoolers like allot of stories do, that always bugged me since I can't see a stigma against it in that universe. But it might be the sort of thing that they don't realize can happen, such as what happened in your story.

950128
You like negative feedback?:rainbowhuh:
Color me confused... Awesome story by the way!

A well-written Rarijack ALWAYS makes the featured box. Such is life on FiMfic.

I've read this a month ago and why did it just get featured?! What the fahhhhh?!

950128 All my thumbs up are belong to this.

1179688 Unfortunately I made that comment five weeks ago, now I have no idea what it was called.

I laughed so hard during chapter 7. The scene of Twi busting Rarijack and the first words/sounds they produced had my in hysteria :rainbowlaugh:

I loved it. I only feel bad that it doesn't have much views. If only it was a bit more polished. Speaking of, you mentioned a sequel? I look forward to another episode from you xD /faved and a watch! :twilightsmile:

I forgot what I wanted to say about ch 6 but lol CMC Wrestlers lol Poor AJ XD
I became a fan. Please write more stories! :heart::fluttercry::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::pinkiehappy::ajsmug::twilightsmile::scootangel::unsuresweetie::applecry::moustache::trollestia:

“Applejack, I’ve never felt such strong feelings for anypony before…not Spike when he gave me that Fire Ruby, not any colt I’ve met in Equestria, even my hopeless crush on Blueblood didn’t feel like this..."

Okay, really? He gave up something precious to him that he'd been anticipating for months just to make her happy (literally and metaphorically giving his heart to her) and she treats it like next to nothing by categorizing him with Blueblood and every random colt who's come and gone? Then when the other ponies agree her romance with AJ is okay, he gets left out of everything and laughed at (probably right before he gets sent back down to the basement so his friends can bask in the warmth of their friendship). He also probably should've been at that pet playdate since he, y'know, has a pet. I'll admit, sometimes I read stories like this mostly to see how the Spike angle is handled, and in this one it's pretty careless. His love and devotion to Rarity is taken as a minor crush, he never gets a resolution, and the narrative uses him as nothing more than a prop that can talk. Kinda like a Bayformer.

But there's good stuff, of course, and plenty of it: I certainly like the applebucking story arc, and, “Well how do you like THESE APPLES?!” was a great one-liner from Rarity. The bathtub scene was very enjoyable to read as well. And, oh yes, Cutie Mark Crusaders Wrestlers. They run off to get their cutie marks, and right off the bat they can be heard doing everything wrong. That sure had me laughing.

It was an enjoyable read, but I still don't get how so many readers can easily enjoy a Rarity shipfic when Spike's involvement is completely unaddressed, even cheapened. For me there's too much tension getting in the way of the tender romantic bonding, even in a lighthearted story such as this.

1182345
Thank you so much for your kind words! I really liked what you said about Spike. I actually did give Spike more credit than you think, just not in this installment. In the second installment "Relationship Problems" you'll see much of the same, towards the end but that's because in the Trilogy of this series that I'm still considering, Spike is going to play a HUGE role. So the whole "Spike's crush" thing won't be so carelessly discarded if the story pans out the way I want it.

Thanks so much again for your feedback!

1180287
I'm flabbergasted that I missed when this was featured. I posted it a while ago and was happy with the quaint amount of views I receieved. I would love nothing more than to polish this story up. My writing is vastly changed between this and the sequel (In my opinion) and part of me just enjoys reading the difference between the two stories. One day, if I have enough patience and time, I'll compeltely revamp this first installment.

Thank you so much for the watch and fav and for all the kind words on the individual chapters! Feedback means a lot to me. I hope that you'll really like the 2nd installment as much as you enjoyed this one! :raritystarry:

1179520
Thank you so much Madman!

1166856
Hahaha, I guess what I mean is constructive criticism! Thanks!

1179410
My hopes were high when I posted it, when it didnt make it though, it just made me want to improve. I can't beleive it got featured and I missed it though! I logged in to find myself with a bunch of notifications. :derpyderp2: But I'm so glad more people are getting to see it and I hope you and others will enjoy the sequel! :yay:

1110604
Thank you! I thought about that, but it seemed too sudden of a 180 if Twilight changed her mind on the spot after her walk. Also, I kind of wanted to string the readers along so instead, I played with the idea of her being a bit trollish. (A bit like her idol)
I'm really glad you liked it and I hope you'll enjoy the sequel just as much!

1112149
Thank you so much! Yes, I promise that the grammar has vastly improved in the sequel! (I hope you'll read it :pinkiehappy:) I'm still playing with brining Princess Celestia into this along with Spike finally figuring things out. If all goes well, things will come together in a very nice romanatic action packed, thrilling and interesting trilogy! Thanks again!

1194859
Yea, that makes more sense.:rainbowlaugh: Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more stories from you! Consider me a new fan of your work.

1194985
Thank you! You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that! The sequel to "My Darling Sugarcube" is up and awaiting approval for submission! Feel free to read it when you have the time! Also, "A Desert Tale" I thought was pretty decent but have gotten a lt of mixed feedback on it. It's pretty short (6000 words) but I'd love to hear your input on that too! :raritywink:

1195024
:rainbowderp:

My Darling Sugarcube SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot wait! Will also definitely read your other story and tell you my thoughts on it. :twilightsmile: And once again, ( Now I know I'm just messaging you for the heck of it ) can't wait to read more of your future works!

1194833 That's really good to now, Seanessy! Most authors like to pretend Spike doesn't exist and his feelings are inconsequential so they can focus on ponies. Really upsets me sometimes. But even though you're going to take his involvement into account in future writing, that still doesn't alleviate the problem in this fanfic as it stands. The fact remains that neither Rarity, Applejack, or any of the others gave a lick of thought to Spike's potential heartbreak, they still laughed at him in the end, and it was still cruel of Rarity to compare Spike to her crushes (especially the way she ended that statement with, "even my hopeless crush on Blueblood," making it seem like the stuck-up prick tops the generous, hardworking sweetheart in her mind). Either way, I'll keep my eye out for the next installment. Here's a mustache to get you started: :moustache:

Chapter 7 seemed a little... I dunno, off. o_O The rest of the story was great though. :3

Lovely story! Simple, but cute and very enjoyable. It doesn't hurt that Rarijack is one of my top favorite pairings. :heart: Everything that could possibly have been improved upon has already been pointed out, but besides that this was well written. Great job!

One of the best Rarity x AppleJack fanfics i have ever read <3

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