I’m Bear Grylls. I served with the British Special Forces, and I’ll show you what it takes to get out alive from some of the most dangerous places on Earth. Now, I’m in the Everfree forest, in the very Western province of Equestria, next to the Dragon Mountains, one of the most dragon-infested areas in the entire world. One wrong move, and I’ll end up sleeping in a cave with a family of dragons. One wrong step, and I’ll end up in the middle of a pack of Timberwolves. One wrong hop, and I’ll be swimming in a swamp with hydras. I’m going to confront one of the deadliest forests in the world. Will I have the survival skills to survive?
MAN VS WILD VS PONIES
Honestly, this was an idea that I shook around a bit before I went "Meh, might as well" I tried to add as much comedy as possible, because that's the only think that'll save this from the horrible writing ._. Yes, I admit it, I'm an awful author, I rely solely on the hope that people will laugh and show my story mercy :P Anyways, it doesn't matter, I write fanfics for fun, and I only post them so that anyone who finds them funny will also have fun, it's my only way to contribute to the community XD
I'm taking a gamble on this fanfic, you know
I keep telling myself that somebody out there will like this kind of humor, even though I know it's inevitable that most people won't 
But I have no life
So I might as well, right? It's Summer, and you only live once, and I'll be damned if I throw it all away on the couch (Ironically, I'm laying on the couch writing this), doing nothing but watching youtube videos and wanking.
i.imgur.com/IT1an.gif
So anyways, recap, I'm bored so I've made a fanfic about an idea I had floating around in my head and it's not very good
Enjoy
Pretty good. A bit tough to read, but nice for a first.
....it is a first from you, right...?
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/23800432.jpg
I had to.
Did he bring his camera crew?
i1170.photobucket.com/albums/r522/xSputnickx/130777-all_of_my_watBerry_Pinchcoinone_watpinchyruby_pinchwat.jpg
Wat has reached over maxed capacity, will investigate another time
Amazing, My god. This is hilarious. I can't wait until more.
950859 Nope, my first way much worse
950875 Bear Grylls meme. I love you.
950877 Kind of? I guess? He's referred to as "Camera guy" by Bear, but the ponies don't see him (Except maybe Pinkie Pie...maybe
)
950976 I saw that "All of my wat" joke somewhere else, and I don't understand it
The internet is so confusing.
951066 Er, that's started to sound a little kinky
951117 There will be more, people seem to really like this
I think you forgot to mention that he served in the British Special Forces. That's kind of important.
951126
Ah, I see.
And 'all of my wat' refers to someone's inability to think after experiencing something that strikes them in a particular way.... in most part leading to their verbal response: 'wat.'
Bear Grylls. The new Chuck Norris.
Loved it. The idea was actually somewhere in the Writer's Group a week ago.
That was THE most ridiculous, hilarious, crossover I have ever read
i1170.photobucket.com/albums/r522/xSputnickx/Outstandong.gif
I love it
951136 He served in the British Special Forces? Hm, the more you know.
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRvlO5OAeqIHWc6xMtTH1otK3nRhigGmbvh0RwiWS6k12UnPIH_ew
951146 Hm, makes some sense...
951161 I don't know what the writers group is
But I can assure you I came up with this idea on my own about...a month ago, maybe? I was gonna write it then, but then I had to go away from home for like over two weeks 
Life was conspiring against this fic 
951163 Someone posted a .gif image. BETTER DRINK MY OWN PISS
This is awesome man !
951331 You're awesome, man
951380 i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2009/12/7/129047175937866303.jpg
951553
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTzZbvHTammwaYKexry0AhAvfZdGzY3cXg7TW5UbmJZ1zMxCwE5
I was waiting for someone to write this! Will read this as soon as I get the chance.
Bear Grylls must do three things:
1. Drink his own piss.
2. Eat something gross.
3. Remind people that he was in the British Secret Forces. .
You got 2 out of 3.
Talking weasels.
“Good thing I came across this water,”-He took out his canteen-“it reminded me that it’s time to drink my own piss!”
“I drink nothing BUT piss! I don’t need…water…yuck! Never touch the stuff!”
There's just one correction I have to make:
He shivered at the thought of letting the fowl liquid pass his lips.
It would be foul, but did you do that on purpose?
950875 That's all he does.
Oh no I'm stuck in the desert. PISS TIME.
I'VE gotten lost in the middle of an island surrounded by fresh water. PISS TIME.
I'm trapped in my house with an unlimited water supply. PISS TIME.
951850 Take your time, Bear Grylls is a patient man-bear
951955 Hmmm, I'll have to hit number 2 very soon. He hasn't had a single meal yet, though, so I'll make him eat something gross at dinner time
952075 I had to read your comment a few times to understand what was wrong, but then I saw the grammatical connection
I don't know what fowl means, but that was certainly a grammatical error, and it shall be fixed 
952223 There's a water fountain over there, BETTER DRINK MY OWN PISS.
952540 So true
TRY TO KEEP UP! with all the likes your guna get
“You’re almost as big as mum! Almost. And I killed mum. What does that say about you?”
Quite possibly one of the strangest lines ever to come out of fan-fiction.
952908 I heard "Try and keep up!" in the cyanide and happiness parody of Man vs wild
I thought it sounded pretty cool, so he'll be saying that a lot, probably 
953058 Sounded pretty badass to me, considering his mom was a bear
i think he already says it tho....BUT i saw it to TED BEAR lol so funny
953633 Chocolate chip muffins! *Eats one, spits it out* Raaaiiisins
LOL anyways new chapter today possibly or no?
OHMAGOSHOHMAGOSHOHMAGOSH!!! Most epic crossfic EVAH!!! Even some Halo and steampunk are not good enough for it. All i can imagine is fanfic(
) talking to other fanfics (All other faces):
:LAME, we are way better!
:ZOOOOOM *Likes and favs way bigger than the others'*Try and keep up!
I LOL'd at my pun. YAY!
953724 *Blinks* I think that was a compliment. So thanks
Glad you enjoyed iiittt 
953921wariyoshi is best pony!
953940 What about Fluttershy?
954060 Daaaawwww... Okay... Now, wariyoshi you are one of few the best ponies! Yaa-haa-hayy!!!
954086 But I'm no pony
Yey, update
I answered pretty much every comment in the last one because I'm bored 
You guys ate the last chapter up so I was like "Sure, why not make another?" So I went writing it and eventually, I was getting bored of writing, so I was gonna be done for the day, but then I saw all of the support I was getting and my energy was renewed!
New chapter tomorrow?
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5qvpbfWNL1rrkc30o1_500.gif
We'll see
I hope you all get the honey badger reference, or else I'll look really stupid
Also, I got I think it was like 50 favorites on the last chapter 
That's insane. You guys are insane. I love you. Have a mustache, on the house 
Also, side note, I'm sick
my body feels like it's slowly retaliating by turning my throat and nose to mush, and the worst part is that I don't have the energy to wank now 
Mother nature hates me.
Anyways, I'll see you all later, bai
my eye is twtiching
This is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.
958342 My twitch is eyeing
958380 Oh, I wouldn't go so far as to say that sort of thing
There's plenty of funny fanfics sprinkled around the community with much more clever humor than this. But thanks anyways 
So ridiculous... can't stop smiling.
Man, do you realize that people might miss that he served in British Special Forces? You have to respect the source material man!
I like that he's always like "I'm bear grylls and i served in the british special forces." That always cracks me up
958758
958954
He was in the British Special Forces?
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSdIpoimg_njb8WVjz55ERoYBkf7ahsSk7uPM9YUVmNLPwNBioCnA
Since when?
“Just a timid, little honey badger!? Nice!?” he exclaimed, “Honey badger don’t give a shit, honey badger badass!”
BWAHAHA [My god, my drills]. All those references... LOL! Subject, thou art my hero. We shall ask, if thou makst new chapter. MORE!!! Please, I haven't laugh like that in few weeks. MOAR
NOW
Or no 
Or actually
Nevermind
959118 Er, were you asking for more or telling me not to make more?
Confuzzled 
959196 Ah dun knoe
Take your time :P But make the next chapter better than this. Make the fun doubled 
But don't rush on it :P Have a good life 
959375 Alroity then
Bear Grills was in the "very special" forces (photo from Onion 2002 "U.S. Deploys Very Special Forces to Iraq").
webpages.charter.net/ajordan314/very_special_forces.jpg
Why would Bear not like Neosporen? Where is Lyra? What is the Discovery Studio manager doing with Bear's wife? Will Bear Grills drink his own piss again? Is Bear Grills really in the British Special Forces?
There are just too many unanswered questions. We need more.
959902
She'll probably appear with the rest of the ponies soon, don't worry 
Q: Why doesn't Bear like Neosporen?
A: Well, most people (or bears, for that matter) don't eat the magical candy neosporen.
Q: Where is Lyra?
A: Subtle reference that nobody would get in a thousand years; a small part of the fanbase thinks of Lyra as a snoody hipster (I don't, but I think hipster jokes are pretty funny), and so there's this one part in the story where he's like "Bear saw many kinds of weasels, one with weird eyes, one black one with holes in it's leg, a hipster one" or something to that effect. The hipster one was a very very very vague reference to Lyra that was more of a personal joke that I would understand
Q: What is the Discovery Studio manager doing with Bear's wife?
A: ~~~ZOMG MAJOR SPOILER ALERT THAT WILL BREAK THE ENTIRE HARDCORE PLOT OF THE STORY ZOMG~~~
Swag
Q: Will Bear drink his own piss again?
A: If Bear ever stopped drinking his own piss, he would deflate like a balloon, it's a fact proven by science
Q: Is Bear Grylls really in the British Special Forces?
A: Of course not, everybody knows he isn't. I don't know where people keep getting THAT idea.
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrSOBC8AcjWmF_yE83HKzYBQkI_A-bJm7HSWjXj3RrODyu6vldgw
Just when I thought it couldnt get any better.
i1170.photobucket.com/albums/r522/xSputnickx/mind-blown.gif