• Member Since 7th Apr, 2017
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Viper Pit


im not the best writer but I'm proud of every story I make some more then others tho Also I would love to do crossover's they are so much fun

T

Trixie is a centaur. Her mother is a human and her father a unicorn. She loves her mother and her father. She was inspired by her mother's tales about her own adventures to become a show pony. Let's hope her first stop in Ponyville will be a good sign. This is her story going on her way to Travel as a Showmare. Along the way, she will make friend and foe alike. Come watch as the great and powerful Trixie shows the world what she's got assuming she gets a chance to do so.

I don't own the image. it belongs to Misochikin please support them

Edit: featured on october first well it was featured before but it went away after like 5 minutes

Chapters (28)
Comments ( 352 )

Definitely an interesting story concept and good execution thus far. I must say though, unless there is something more going on than a second heart, say... birth defect of a lot of body sensors, blood pressure shouldn’t be a problem.

The body regulates blood pressure via baroreceptors in key blood vessels, and a good number of other mechanisms, but I won’t go into a ton of biological mechanisms here. So the short version is that the heart, or hearts in this case, can be automatically told when to slow down, and lower blood pressure in the process. There is no lowest limit to heart rate, except zero.

Not to mention being a traveling showtaur would make refilling meds a serious problem since I doubt she ever travels by train with that wagon or hers. So getting to a pharmacy if she runs out on the road (drops them in water by accident)... will probably be a plot arc later on now won’t it?

Now, if you want to keep blood pressure being an issue, the root cause would have to be a chemical birth defect/imbalance rather than simply having two hearts by themselves. You could have it where the pony heart and human heart react differently to BP increasing hormones with one overreacting and/or is less responsive to BP decreasing hormones and signals. Hell, you can make it a problem with the human heart having an adverse reaction to having a magical body at all. Maybe it’s something that Twilight could have insight on. Such as needing meditation an hour or so to keep her own level of power in check. Lastly, you could say there was some other underlying problem the doctors pointed out, but it all flew over Trixie’s head and she just thinks it’s only because of having two hearts. Now granted, most people with such conditions would be acutely aware of the nature of thier problem and be well informed, especially with such a life threatening memory, but that is by no means a rule.

Anyway, I hope you continue the story. Good luck!

8747529
thank you but I don't have alot of medical knowledge so it just made sense in my head two heart blood pumps twice as fast causing a whole bunch of issues but yea I like the pony human heart idea and I hope you continue to enjoy the story

Good job and good idea, a couple grammar problems, and a few commas could help.

8748152
even editors can miss stuff sadly

is cousin of twilight?

the 2 hearts reminds me of doctor who, so i thought it was odd that it was causing problems without telling why.
other than that its a great first chapter

8750324
I will be getting into that in later chapters don't worry

8747553
But also have to think about that more body to pump the blood around so maybe 1 heart wouldn’t be enough for a centaur. Just how I think about it, anyway good chapter, looking forward to the next :3

The heart thing is really sad, but overall, an interesting story!

I've been learning about centaurs in Greek Mythology lately. It's interesting how they represented the 'wilderness' to Ancient Greeks - and were often seen as chaotic and destructive. It would be interesting, since MLP, borrows so heavily on themes from Ancient Greece, to see if those prejudices were still around in pony society.

Overall, a very interesting concept! I look forward to seeing more. :)

8757620
thank you and thank you for the favorite

Good story nice to see another more balanced side of Trixie. It always made me cringe when they interrupted the show for that exact reason she is a showman of course she is boasting. That said still don't like her cannon counter this one is much better.

SPIKE! YOU STUPID DICKBAG!!! EVERYONE WILL NOW THINK YOU DID IT!!! sorry to be rude. love this Story since there is a lack of centaurs that isn’t Tirek.

8761364
no problem and don't worry I have plans for spike

Why is purple the color of annoying things in mlp?

Once I'm done chopping up the vegetables I set them in the pot too start boailing while I go wash my hands and clean my hooves cause I do need to look my best for my grand debut.

to start boiling

"Umm, Can I help you?" I asked, a little wearing of the two colts.

weary

"Ummm... hat's a centaur?"

Was this on purpose?

Hook line and Sinka.

Sinker

Watch in awe as I, The Great and Powerful Trixie, perform feats of magic to have ever seen by pony eyes.

Either 'never before seen' or 'to have ever been seen'

I detect a pony say in the crowd but I ignore it as I use a bit of sleight of my deceptive hand to poof in a burqa of flowers.

sleight of hand (you don't need the 'of my deceptive' part)
bouquet

"Well, well, well it seems we have some naysayers in the audience."

This is technically correct but did you mean 'neigh-sayers'?
Some things could have been worded better and there were too many missing commas.

8762301
thank you wow I missed more then I thought that's a little embarrassing

Now, on to what I thought of the story. I see the beginning is just going to be a retelling of 'Boast Busters'. I will track this for now, to see how else this will differ from the show.

8761543
Twilight's purple (well lavender, but that's a shade of purple). Are you calling her annoying as well?
pre00.deviantart.net/bd8e/th/pre/i/2012/161/5/a/sad_twilight_sparkle_by_afkrobot-d50047w.png

Not nearly as many errors in this chapter. Here is probably where things will go in a much different direction than the show.

8762308
I see this story as much of a rework of trixie’s personality as much as her body. Between being a rare species/hybrid and her heart condition, this Trixie is demonstrably more down to earth in that she’s able to separate herself from her stage persona. A rather amusing fact given her now physically higher view point on things.

8762492
i'm glad you like the story

I bet Tirek will be very confused by Trixie when he comes around. Or, I guess you could say, Trixie will be a tricky puzzle for Tirek to solve. I apologize for the bad pun.

8762814
you are forgiven for the pun

looking forward to more:pinkiehappy::yay:

8763304
thanks and a double thanks for the favorite

As I run I try a few different tricks to slow the best down from using some rope to try and tie its paws together.

It should be beast

Btw like the story so far can't wait to see where it will go from here :pinkiehappy:

8763912
I hope you enjoy what I have planned

Trixie, they’re offering you jobs not charity. Take up Pinkie’s offer. Party magic would be an excellent way to get tips and rebuild a reputation.

"Oh good your awake."

you're

I look at the voice and see that its a nurse with a white coat and light pink mane and tail.

it's

She’s wearing a nurses cap with her mane done up into a neat little bun.

nurse's

I think as I lay back trying not to cause my self to much pain.

too

What in all of Equestria caused an Ursa to suddenly attack as I give my first performance?

Actually, it was that night. She gave her performance that day.

I reply as I take a bit out of some pizza the nurse was kind enough to bring us.

bite

did they do zecora before or after trixie in the show?

Boast Buster; episode #6
Bridle Gossip; episode#9

As for what I thought about the story. I can understand Fluttershy fainting but Rainbow surprised me. Trixie is going to have to swallow some of that pride because she's not going to be able to do much with those injuries, especially that cast on her leg.

8777216
as always thank you for pointing out the mistakes

Love this, it's a very fun take on things and I would love to see more! Hmmm, makes things interesting if they bond well and she's around for Tirek and Sunset.

8787931
why thank you I do hope you continue to enjoy the story

Tu historia es muy interesante espero que siga así e animo en todo.

8791248
gracias, me alegro de que disfrutes de la historia. Gracias a Dios por google translate.

Si gracias a dios que existe el google traductor pero lo siento mi ingles no es mi fuerte soy chile y casi nunca e usado ese otro idioma

Glad to see I gave some inspiration. However, and I only say this for future reference (or a retcon if you feel the need). The doctor would definitely have checked the human heart as well. Making an assumption that the pony heart is the solo source of the condition while not even considering the human heart, compounded by not having any in-depth knowledge of human anatomy is... to put it nicely, very bad practice. In real life, if a treating doctor knows some other doctor has knowledge of a particularly rare disease or some such, in this case he knows that because Trixie has a prescription, then the treating doctor will take full readings and also contact the other doctor for all the information he has. If he doesn’t outright request that doctor to come and see the patient for re-evaluation.

Unusual diseases or conditions can sometimes have causes in areas of the body that seem unrelated to the disease. One such example is called referred pain. An example you might be familar with is brain freeze from eating ice cream too fast. Even though you get a headache from it, the real cause of brain freeze is the rapid cooling and warming of a nerve in your throat. That sends pain signals which your brain which, oddly enough, interprets as a headache.

So the tl;dr version is this: the doctor should at least be checking everything related to blood pressure, not just 1 of 2 hearts.

Now, you can hand wave most of the tests in a sentence or two, just say that happened, but the doctor would most definitely record every in the physical, and also send that info to Trixie’s orginal doctor for referencing. After all, what may be normal for Trixie may not be normal for ponies. Now, if you plan on the pony heart being the root cause, then have that particular test be the focus rather than the only one. After all this is a doctor who not only has never worked on a centaur before, but also has no personal experience with Trixie either.

Outside of all that, kudos for writing about stuff outside of you’re personal knowledge. Not many people try that, so don’t get discouraged.

Edit: this doctor would know exactly who the original doctor is because that doctor’s name would be on the prescription bottle.

8791260
no hay problema, solo he usado inglés la mayor parte de mi vida

8791266
i thought i put a disclamer saying i have very little medical knowledge while I do appreciate the information you have given me I do have a plan with the test someone ordered him to do more then just heart and blood pressure test and i'm glad your enjoying the story

Hmm, very interesting, and I agree on points with previous review by one here on medical tests. I can definitely see Spike being super guilty now and Twilight offering aid as well. Rainbow and her loyalty will be big sister protective when learning full medical, AJ too. Rarity is doing like Fluttershy, and Pinkie is Pinkie.

Love it!

I mean I know that some health hazards would happen If I didn't put on the extra weight, the only examples being from the much more common Minotaur born centaur.

Wait, so Tirek is NOT unique in this AU?

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